This is our second week doing the NFL power rankings. We might need another season or two to get this down to a science since the league is watered down these days. However we will still throw down the field on our comments, not holding back. We don’t believe in the prevent defense. We never punt.

RANKING         RECORD  UP/STAYED PUT/DOWN     COMMENTS

PHILADELPHIA   8-1  SAME    MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU!!!! Jim Schwartz was a boob when he was the head coach of Detroit. He was the guy that tried to pick a fight with Jim Harbaugh after a game. Now he is the defensive coordinator for the Eagles and they are playing well. In 2014, he was defensive coordinator for the Bills and had that side of the ball playing one of the best in the league for the Bills . Then Rex Ryan came in and ruined it all. No Elliot for the Cowboys this week. It’s all Spaceballs on Sunday night.

#2. LA RAMS  7-2   SAME   I scratch my head when the youngest guy hired as head coach in the league, Sean McVay, has the Rams offense executing well design plays. While a team I root for in the Bears are still coming up with their plays on the ground as Trubisky is the bottle cap and his wide outs are the sticks and you go that way and he goes that way. Rams have a tough contest with the Vikings could be a playoff preview.

#3.NEW ENGLAND 7-2 SAME  Here they coming walking down the street, hey hey we’re the Patriots we are not going away!! The Pats are the monkeys on everyone’s back. I kept the Rams at number two, but my stomach felt funny about it. Maybe it’s more the Pats that give me bathroom problems. Plus the Patriots were a part of the big miracle last week. Poor Marty Bennett had an injury that he could not get on the field for the Packers. He was even thinking retirement. Patriots claim him, Belichek gives him a deep dark oil rub down, while Brady makes him swallow a few vitamins. TA DA, Marty is back on the field Sunday Night catching balls. It’s a Thanksgiving miracle. Maybe Tom Brady will have my bathroom problems when he drinks the water in Mexico City when the Pats meet the Raiders there this weekend.

#4.NEW ORLEANS 7-2   UP from 7th spot  They went on the road to Buffalo and demolished the Bills. Saints always have been a team to win big at home and struggle a bit or just plain suck on the road. They have won seven straight. It’s like Sean Payton and Drew Brees are playing their last year together as coach and quarterback as a mission to win it all or bust. I like their two headed monster at running back. Some great young talent on the defense as well. Last time Saints were in the Superbowl, it was a very exciting game. Sean Payton is one of the brightest minds in the game.

#5.PITTSBURGH 8-2 Same spot  I had Pittsburgh in the same position because of what they did to the Titans yesterday at home. Even though last week, they had to take it to the limit against the Colts on the road.  Like I said last power rankings, they need to get home field advantage in playoffs. I like their chances of beating the Pats in their own stadium instead of going there and getting embarrassed like in the past.

#6.KANSAS CITY 6-3 SAME SPOT  This is where the Chiefs soar or continue to fall flat on their faces. Andy Reid pretty much owns any team when his team comes off the bye week. I think Alex Smith has lot to prove as this could be his last year in a Chief’s uniform since they drafted a quarter back in round one and he’s waiting patiently.  This week they will feed off the Giant misery in New Jersey.

#7.MINNESOTA 7-2 Moved up one spot. This is the week we find out if the Vikings and the Rams are real or pretenders. This is a game that should be the clash of the titans in week 11. Detroit is rolling and Green Bay is showing some life so this would be a big win to keep them at the top of their division by multiple games. Bridgewater is now moving up the charts as he is the number two waiting just in case something goes wrong with Case Keenum who has been playing very well.

#8.JACKSONVILLE 6-3 Moved up one spot. If the Jaguars had a top five quarterback they would be unstoppable. Maybe Mark Brunell will come out of retirement. The defense has been stopping people in their tracks. Leonard Fournette has been a beast in his rookie year.

#9. SEATTLE 6-3  Moved up one spot. I don’t like wishing anybody hurt. What comes around goes around Richard you are a douche bag Sherman. Out for the year and hopefully signs of this team sliding down the big slide of Chutes and Ladders. Sherman known as a cheap shot artist in his career with many other questionable hits as well. Him and Pac Man Jones could be like Beavis and Butthead and host their own show in the playoffs on some dark web and talk about all their feelings about how bad they think they are. How many white bitches they have scored on.

#10. CAROLINA 7-3  Moved up two spots. Love River Boat Ron’s defense. They destroyed a bad Dolphin team last week but the whole team gave a well balanced attack in this one. Even Superman had a great night. Probably went out to the bar to pick up chicks after the game. Then tell them he’s Superman and the greatest quarterback. Gets them interested then insults them telling them stay in the kitchen where you belong. Or How dare you think you know about a man’s game. Cam Newton needs a Wonder Woman to knock his figs out with her lasso.

#11. ATLANTA 5-4 Moved up three spots. Finally the Atlanta Falcons played very well with all their talent they have. They gave the Cowboys a butt whipping to send a message the dirty birds are not quite done. The Cowboys without Elliot were like shell shocked. Atlanta exposed some of Dallas’ weaknesses they have without their star running back. This game was a must win for the birds to keep them off life support if they lost.

#12. DALLAS 5-4 Moved down 8 spots. Dallas was the team that moved the most spots from last week. They were a different team without Elliot. They played very poorly. If Elliot is out for five more games they might find themselves on a slow ride down the slide to 49er land. Now they play the Eagles next week which is not going to go down well. Meanwhile Jerry Jones is getting backlash from other owners about the whole commissioner thing. When it rains it pours as Dallas might do a total 360 in the second half of the year.

#13. DETROIT 5-4 MOVED UP 3 SPOTS.  LIONS TIGERS AND NOW THE BEARS OH MY!! The Lions are feasting on the field with teams that have been taken out to the shed and shot. If they beat the Bears they will  have a three game winning streak established. You don’t make your own schedule, all’s you can do is beat the teams you play on any given Sunday and that’s what they are doing.

#14. TENNESSEE 6-4 Dropped one spot. They won last week against the Bengals. Then yesterday got killed on the road in Pittsburgh. I think Tennessee is still a good team and could still get in the playoffs. They had a bad game. Lots of teams do bad in Pittsburgh especially in a short week as well.

#15. BUFFALO 5-4 Dropped down 4 spots Two weeks in a row the Bills have not been able to stop anybody. The defense has played great all year and the Saints throw a 40 burger on them at home in Buffalo. Only thing going well on offense last week was a streaker from the crowd. He was wide open, cheeks and all.  However like in Star Wars NEW HOPE, Taylor finally was benched and I hope it is permanently because he was Rex Ryan guy and he knows nothing about quarterbacks. My evidence, the butt fumbler, yes Dirty Sanchez. The new young Jedi, Nathan Peterman, can throw the ball down field..  Yes his father is J. Peterman from Seinfeld.

#16. WASHINGTON 4-5 Dropped one spot. The Redskins are a team that cannot string a few victories together. The Vikings turned the Redskins into Deadskins last week after Washington beat the Seahawks the week before. Redskins are stuck in the middle with clowns to the left and  jokers to the right. The clowns would be the owner. The jokers would be the people that got rid of all of Cousins’ receivers. They still have not signed Cousins to a multiple year deal. He will be franchised again and get a payday as one of the elite quarterbacks which he’s middle tier.

#17. OAKLAND 4-5  Same spot. With the bye week I kept them in the same spot. However before they move to Vegas. I’m sure they will drop several spots next week in the power rankings after they play the Patriots. The Pats will win big and crush the silver and black hopes of making it to the playoffs two seasons in a row.

#18. LA. CHARGERS 3-6 Same spot. If the Chargers managed to play a full game instead of giving it up late or getting down early, which results in the comeback falling short. They might be in the thick of things especially the way the whole division has been playing . In the beginning of the year they missed a few winning kicks right at the end of regulation. You play in a soccer stadium and you can’t find someone to kick the ball for you. I still love that they had San Diego all to themselves. Then they moved to LA and now are the second fiddle to the Rams.

#19. GREEN BAY 5-4 Moved up 8 spots. All Green Bay needs is Chicago on their schedule. That is when Green Bay turns their season around. The Bears made Brett Hundley look all pro with 110.8 passing rating. This week Green Bay has another winnable game against the Ravens and are at home. They could be 6-4 after ten games. You knock out the big cheese and then the little cheese with bits of salami in it, haunts you.

#20. ARIZONA 4-5 Moved up 4 spots. Arizona has plenty of talent. But they are a weird team, one week they play tough like they played against the Seattle Seahawks. Then they get blown out. In the Terminator movies they had one called the Rise of the Machines. I want to see the rise of the X Jacksonville quarter backs. We start in Arizona with Blaine Gabbert who looked pretty good in Preseason. Gives the team that quarterback that escaped the belt whippings of Adrian Peterson. It will be an epidemic across the league X Jaguar quarterbacks will rise up and defeat the fox robots.

#21.CINCINNATI 3-6 Moved up one spot. Even though they lost they have moved up one spot because they still played Tennessee tough. They still have talent on this team to stay in games. However they are not going anywhere. Should they play their second string quarterback AJ McCarron to see what you have? Cleveland wanted him and could of had him but forgot to fill out the proper paper work which is priceless. What if AJ does not do well then his stock will drop and you might get nothing for him. What if he is better then Andy Dalton? Bengals need a new direction.

#22. NEW YORK JETS Dropped three spots. I was raving about the journeyman McCown as he is the big reason why the Jets have wins. It was going to be the year where the team was going to tank it all. As they gutted their team. Last week they lose to Tampa Bay.  It’s like they told McCown you lose or you don’t get to keep your jersey at the end of the year. As you know McCown collects jerseys from around the league as he has almost played for each team.  It’s like not completing the page of stamps or missing a few key cards from the series.

#23. CHICAGO 3-5 Dropped 3 spots. You had Green Bay in your own building without Rodgers. Your team was playing well. What the hell happened? Maybe the Bears have a cheese phobia where they see the color and immediately go into their fetal positions. You can probably put Osweiler and Savage in a Green Bay uniform and the Bears would still lose.  Take the training wheels off Mitch Trubisky. Let the youngster throw down the field more. Mitch threw a nice tight perfect spiral that floated right to Rock Hands Bellamy and he caught it. I still can’t believe he is still out there. The new guy from the Chargers, Inman looked good. Fox should get the ax too.

#24. BALTIMORE Moved up 2 spots.  The bye week helped Baltimore in these power rankings. I’m sure that lack luster offense they have will send them back to the scrap yard where they will be the rest of the season waiting to melted down.

#25.INDIANAPOLIS 3-7 Moved up 4 spots. The NFL has too many bad teams. The Colts took the Steelers last week to the brink. They lost in over time and now they get to move up 4 spots. With the bad roster. They still are better than many of these other crappy teams. This will probably cost them a higher draft though. I see them getting rid of Chuck Pagano as he was a great story. However it seems to me Bruce Arians did way better than Chuck filling in for him when he was sick.

#26.DENVER 3-6 Dropped  5 spots. When you lose 5 in a row, you lose 5 spots in the power rankings. What happened to the Broncos defense? The year Brock Osweiler came in for injured Peyton Manning and had that one really great game against the Bengals on Monday Night. Who do you think made more money for one good game they had in their career which resulted in big juicy steak of a contract, Brock or Matt Flynn?

#27 TAMPA BAY 3-6 Moved up one spot. I was surprised when they beat the Jets who I think would win 2-3 if these teams had the best out of three series. I should have realized Fitzpatrick had a revenge game on his mind, as he played with the Jets two years and had that magical year almost leading them to the playoffs. Then Jets did not want to pay him the following season and low balled him. So Fitzpatrick tanked that season and then gave the Jets some more medicine to complete his revenge plans he had planned out for a few years and it unfolded in his favor. Don’t mess with a Harvard man that can probably fix his own concussion on the side line with a needle and thread.

#28. HOUSTON 3-6 Dropped 3 spots. What a quarterback can do for your team is either make you or break you. Tom Savage is horrible. Think about that he was the one that beat out the 70 million dollar man in Osweiler. Someone call Tom’s brother, Fred Savage, to see if he can play quarter back. At least we can see how Winnie Cooper is looking.

#29. MIAMI DOLPHINS 4-5 Down six spots. The Dolphins slid down the stripper pole in a very ugly way. Next season Cutler will be all dressed up and nobody to blow at this time of the year. All the talent, the arm strength, however dumb as a rock at the same time. It’s like he owed Luke Kuechly money as he threw right to him. Merry Christmas happy Festivus to your family as well.

#30 SAN FRANCISCO 1-9  Up one spot. CONGRATS YOU JUST WON THE TOILET BOWL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I’m going to Denny’s whoot whoot. Heard some whispers Jimmy is going to be behind center soon. I was watching some reruns of Sons of Anarchy and they have a rival Mexican biker gang called the Mayans. For some odd reason I thought they were calling them the 49ers.

#31. NEW YORK GIANTS 1-8 Dropped one spot.  Giants lost last week to the 49ers. If college called a bowl the Toilet Bowl. this would of been it.  Giants are that ugly girl in high school desperate for a makeover. I think it’s time to trade Eli Manning and see if you can get some old worn out shoulder pads for him. That might be asking too much.

.#32. CLEVELAND   0-9  SAME Last year Cleveland could have landed Watson. Will it be the same old song and dance in next year’s draft as well? Find the lemon of the whole group of quarterbacks and pick the one that will be the next Johnny Football. In a town where the Cavaliers and the Indians have been playing very well the last two years, you feel like saying, “You are the weakest link good bye.”