Week 15, we did not hold back anything. Promise you we have all great things to say about Jay Cutler. Will the Evil Empire strike back? Pete Carol’s team goes Hanson brothers on the Jaggy fans. All good stuff. Pull up a chair, set your bottle of WHISKEY down and pour yourself a few shots while we go through the NFL, the WILD SHAMROCK WAY!!! You might want to have two bottles just in case. It’s that good….
RANKING TEAM RECORD UP/STAYED PUT/DOWN COMMENTS
#1.PITTSBURGH 11-2 Up 2 Spots. I’m going to say the Big Ben is the number one clock in the world. Way to go Great Britain!!! Right now the Steelers have home field in their hands. They continue to win close games. The last two weeks the Bengals and the Ravens and you can say three weeks, the Packers, all have been dog fights. All records now are thrown out the window. This week they play the Patriots.
The Steelers do not have a very good track record. This is the team that is constantly in your way. Tom Brady has not thrown an interception against the Steelers in like a billion pass attempts. Brady has carved up this team like a Thanksgiving turkey every time these two teams face off. Sounds like it will be a great match up. but the Steelers will lay an egg this Sunday. Especially after the Patriots got beat by the butt scratcher in Jay Cutler on Monday night. That Steel Curtain defense was doing well this year. Now it’s like a shower curtain in and out nobody wants to see any of the naked people behind the curtain.
#2.NEW ENGLAND 10-3 Down 1 spot Jay Cutler was like Luke Skywalker making that lucky shot firing at the small target to blow up the Death Star. Knowing Smoking Jay, he probably did not know does not care. Now Bill Belichek probably built another death star in less than a week and now will aim it right at Pittsburgh.
Yes, the Evil Empire will strike back hard this weekend. With Gronk back this week, all the storm troopers will be attending. Pittsburgh will hand over the home field advantage while Big Ben falls in a light saber fight at the end.
#3. PHILADELPHIA 11-2 Down 1 spot The Eagles are not Taking It Easy as they lost Wentz for the year which is a big blow to their team. The defense has also been allowing lots of points as well, not a good thing. Nick Foles is the back up and he did help lead the Eagles over the Rams last Sunday and that afternoon shoot out. Foles who was a starter in the league for a few years can be a good go to guy. He has had some success as a starter. However things got very bad and he almost retired because of his poor play. I can see Foles leading the team the rest of the way in regular season. But how far will he get them in the playoffs? Especially with the NFC stacked with many great teams. You never know though. Phil Simms went down late in the season like Wentz and the New York Giants had to rely on Jeff Hostetler. Well he got them to the Superbowl and then paid Scott Norwood to miss the kick and the Bills kicker did that.
#4.MINNESOTA 10-3 Same I say this team is for real last week and they lose to the Panthers last Sunday. I will let that game slide as every team in the NFL hits a bump in the road. But come on a fig Newton beat you. He’s been only beating teams with losing records. If they slipped in my power rankings they would find a way to get back in the top four. Besides Lou Grant is giving the pep talk this week before they play the Bumbles to get back on track.
#5. LA RAMS 9-4 SAME The Rams have been on a very tough stretch where they have played the Vikings, Saints and then the Eagles last week. They have gone 1-2 against those tougher opponents. This week is huge for the Rams. It’s Rams and Seahawks. They lost the very first meeting against their hated rival. They are one game ahead of the Seahawks right now. If they lose they will probably lose the division as well. They might still be able to get a wild card if they take the loss. However if the Rams win, they can derail the Seahawks playoff hopes and have a home playoff game with the division title. This NFC race is going to be very interesting. We know Russell Wilson comes up big in these type of games. I’m interested to see how Goff does. This could be the beginning of a legend in Goff with a win this weekend against a team with the history the Seahawks have had over the last several seasons.
#6.ATLANTA 8-5 Up 1 Spot Atlanta rebounded nicely after their loss to the vikings with a big win over their division rival Saints. The Falcons still have a great shot of making the playoffs and defending their NFC title. On a short week they were able to beat the Saints even though Ryan was not on target. He will have to clean that up and playing the Buccaneers is a good place to start. This is a game they can not overlook with a meeting with the Saints the week after in a rematch and it could be for the division title and a home playoff game. It’s all division games the rest of the way for the Falcons. If you can beat the teams in your division then you always have a chance to make it to the playoffs.
#7.NEW ORLEANS 9-4 Down 1 spot Alvin Kamara is expected to play against the Jets this Sunday at home. Saints should be able to quickly rebound against the Jets minus McCown. They better not overlook them with their rematch against the Falcons next week. It would be good to get Kamara some work on Sunday. Hopefully in their minds they can use him part time this Sunday to get his mental state back and then he can focus on redemption against the Falcons who sent him into concussion protocol last week. The way Kamara breaks tackles, it reminds me of the Iron Head Heyward who used to break tackles right up the middle.
Kamara will be the X-factor for the Saints in the playoffs.
#8. CAROLINA 9-4 Up 1 Spot The Panthers rebounded nicely beating a great team in the Vikings last week. Only three games left and they face a Green Bay team with Rodgers back in the fold. Two desperate quarterbacks going at it. Rodgers trying to pull a miracle out and coming back from an injury. Newton will continue to battle the demons in his head. How he is the best on the planet and no one sees it that way. How girls should only be in the kitchen. How dare that reporter ask me about that pass I threw on that route. Where’s Waldo? Why is an orange called an orange and a banana is not called a yellow.?
#9.LA CHARGERS 7-6 Up 1 Spot I wonder what’s going on in San Diego sports-wise. Some Gull hockey. The Padres just got a guy back they used to have from the Yankees. In LA perhaps a soccer game is going on where the Chargers play temporarily. Chargers and Chiefs in KC for first place in the AFC west is going down. Can The Chiefs win two in a roll after losing a ton in a row? Now the Chargers are on a roll. It’s a streaky division but it’s very interesting at the same time. Chargers defense is something special. Keenan Allen is still healthy at this time of the year. Rivers is playing well. Can this team win this division? Can they make noise in the playoffs if they make it? Stay tuned to the same bat channel at the same bat time and we will know if the Chargers are an actually top ten team or a pretender.
#10.JACKSONVILLE 9-4 Up one spot The Jaguars with a big victory over the crazy farm Seahawks. That’s no fluke team they beat. This victory is a big signature win as well. It looks good for the Jaguars as they can see the light at the end of the tunnel which will be their first playoff berth in a very long time. Tennessee has been struggling which should get this thing wrapped up quicker. Looks like Dougie Marone might be a good coach after all . Almost had the Bills to playoffs. However he quit the bills like they were a bad habit. It took him a few years to get another opportunity to be the head guy. He took over as when they got rid of what’s his name. So many coaches in and out of Jacksonville. He has turned things around quickly.
#11. SEATTLE 8-5 Down 3 Spots Jacksonville fans wanted to drown your sorrows after your loss against their team. Quenton Jefferson who was ejected is not a beer guy as he was doused in hopefully it was light beer. You pour out an import or a craft beer on Seahawk that’s alcohol abuse. Dont waste the good stuff on thugs. However Quenton wanted to go up in the stands as he started to scale the wall. It was like Slap Shot when the Hansons went into the crowd.
This all started because the Jaguars were trying to kneel down to close out the game. Seahawks had no chance to snake the ball. Pete Carol’s thugs were all frustrated and are a bunch of sore losers. They were jumping off sides and probably had thrown down a few cheap shots in the process. Marty Bennent’s brother is the head douche bag. It runs in the family. Pete Carol is just the buddy buddy warden being paid off as the inmates run wild. Hope this game is the one that costs Seattle the playoffs.
#12.DALLAS 7-6 Up one spot Remember when the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders played each other, it was going to be a great game. Cowboys are back on track while the Raiders have been swallowed up by a sink hole. One more game the Cowboys play without Elliot. Looks like Elliot trying to make some of the money he lost being suspended. Making a bet with former all pro Eric Dickerson that when he comes back he will gallop for over 200 yards. Pete Rose wants a part of the action. Looks like that will be against the Seahawks. I do like that idea. Cowboys still need to win out and get some help from other teams to get in the playoffs.
#13. DETROIT 7-6 Up 3 spots THIS IS THE OLD PONTIAC SILVER DOME
That picture represents the beginning of the lions season.
THIS IS THE FAILED ATTEMPT TO TAKE DOWN THE STADIUM THE FIRST TIME WITH EXPLOSIONS
That picture represents the Lions teeter tottering with a 500 record. Is this going to work one week, but may not work the following week.
FINALLY THE SILVER DOME IN RUBBLE
THIS PICTURE REPRESENTS THE LIONS’ FAILURE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS
Detroit does lead the league with old stadiums still up or in rubble. Just can’t let go of those Wayne Fontes days.
#14.TENNESSEE 8-5 Down 2 spots Those Tuxedos are starting to feel their feet underneath them slipping. They fell to the Cardinals last Sunday and now have the reborn 49ers with Jimmy behind center getting the job done. If they do not play in the Titans division most likely it will not be a win. After the niners they have the Rams and then a rematch against the Jags. At that time, they could be on life support. Mariota is regressing. They just don’t look like a playoff team. They have lost their tube snake boogie in the Music city and I do not see them getting it back. Poor Johnny Cash, all’s he wanted for Christmas was a country girl with outrageous knockers and the Titans in the playoffs. They still have the Music City bowl.
#15.BALTIMORE 7-6 Same Baltimore hung with the Steelers last Sunday night. It was not a defensive game, instead it was a shoot out. Flacco and company all of a sudden have been able to put points up on the board. Ravens play three lemons at the end of their schedule. With that in mind they have a great chance to get in the playoffs when all is said and done of 2017 regular season. I’m not impressed with the Ravens. I think one of these clunker teams will upend them. This week in Cleveland could be a let down with Gordon’s first home in years. If the Browns win, Gordon is buying beers for all at the local pub. This is new browns against old which you know the dawg pound keeps track of this stuff. If Ravens win Ray Lewis will show us how to cover up a murder at the local night club. Some towns have Ghost tours. Baltimore has the Ray Lewis cover your tracks tour. It’s all on the up and up.
#16. BUFFALO 7-6 Up 1 Spot They were able to beat the Colts in overtime in a blizzard with their 3rd string quarter back. This week who will be their starting quarterback? It’s like who’s on first? I never thought I would say these words… please let it be Taylor. He’s their best chance to win. Now the hot Dolphins are coming to Buffalo in hopes they will cool down. Will Cutler be able to light his cigarette in the Buffalo snow? Bills have two with the Dolphins in their next three games. They have the Evil empire as well. Very important they sweep the dolphins if they want to have a chance to make the playoffs this season. Dolphins have won two in a row. However weather could derail Cutler’s buzz. Hope Frosty the snowman has his Bills stocking hat on this weekend, it could be another wild one.
#17. GREEN BAY 7-6 Up 5 spots We thought the cheese heads had been grated. They find themselves in a tough situation. However their Super Hero Aaron Rodgers is back this week just in time to play the Carolina Panthers. The Packers could make it to the playoffs even though they have a difficult road to go. However it is not that far fetched. They established tie breakers already with Seattle and Dallas this season if the race comes down to same record. If they beat the Panthers they would have a tiebreaker with river boat Ron’s team as well. They obviously need to win out as well for their best chances. This week on the menu it’s the Cheese Whiz versus the Fig Newton. Put them together and that’s pretty gross. But someone in Wisconsin has been having that Combo for years. They call them the figwhizzes. Remember cheese goes on everything.
#18. KANSAS CITY 7-6 Up one spot Wally the Walrus finally got his team back on track last Sunday with a win in Oakland.
None of the Chief players threw any of their own flags or the ref’s. Faced with a three way tie in the standings last week with the Raiders and the Chargers. They took care of business against the Raiders last week to end a horrible losing streak. Now they have a chance to knock down the Chargers a peg this Saturday night to take full control of the AFC West. It would not surprise me if the Chiefs go on a late surge here at the end of the season. Andy Reid has been down before and always seems to get back up and show the league the respect he always gets. The Mahomes era is still on hold. However stay tuned for more on him after these messages.
#19.OAKLAND 6-7 Down one Spot Oakland was in a three way tie last week for the division. They lost to the Chiefs, now they are in second. With Denver on the rise all of a sudden, the Raiders might plummet down to the bottom of the standings. It’s like the tales of two cities the last two years. Last year made the playoffs breaking a drought but the injury to Carr before the playoffs you were one and done. Then thinking you will come back the following year make it to the playoffs and go further. That’s the way the NFL is these days. One year you’re good, the next year you suck. This year Raider Receivers lead the league in drop passes. The defense has not been like last year. JUST CAN’T WIN BABY!!! At least Vegas has a good hockey team to take their minds off what disaster is heading their way.
#20. NEW YORK JETS 5-8 Down six spots The McCown run is over. Broken hand and he is done for the year. Now the Jets can go back to trying to get a higher draft pick and get the full rebuild into action. The Jets will now slink down the Chutes and Ladders slide of shame and hope to find a future quarterback. Should they make a trade for Teddy Bridgewater in the off season? Who knows what they will do. While they were winning they probably found out about players they were not quite sure about. Players that have a future with the team. It might not have to be a full rebuild. But the McCown run was very exciting this year. Teams like the Texan,s the Bills, and many more should sign him next year to be the back up. Besides it is McCown’s goal is to play for all the NFL teams. His daughters collect his jerseys.
#21.ARIZONA 6-7 UP 2 SPOTS Well we know the Cardinals can beat the 49ers of course without Jimmy behind center. Now we know they like to beat AFC South teams as they have been beating the Jags and the Titans. They have a win one week, and lose the next week. Spanky Peterson is out the rest of the season. Will this affect the Alfalfa signing the Cardinals are eyeing as their next quarterback? Will this be the end of Peterson’s career? He will have lots of time to go belt shopping.
#22. MIAMI 6-7 UP 5 Spots Someone is looking for another lotto ticket for next year. Cutler and the Dolphins knock of the Patriots on Monday Night. I’m speechless. Cutler now has won two in a row. This is why people will give him money to play quarterback. He has flashes once in a great while where he has big games and he can’t beat anybody. Now next year someone is going to give him another ten million to play quarter back for them. Every Coach thinks they can get the best out of Jay Cutler. It’s like Joe Maddon thinking he get the Cubs to the World Series and win it. He did that. He beat the goat. If you can change Cutler and have him win you a Superbowl, do you have to slay a dragon and sell your soul to the devil. Cutler might be just going out on a high note. Let’s just hope spot the dragon from the Munsters just swallows Jay Cutler whole and brings him under the stairs for good.
It’s fair to say Jay Cutler will go down as the Jeff George of his era. They had the arm. They had all the mechanics. But they just did not give a shit….
#23.SAN FRANCISCO 3-10 Up 3 spots Jimmy is now 2-0 as the starter for the 49ers. I know it’s only been two games and both against clunkers so do not set up the parade route yet. Jimmy has a chance to make three in a row against a Titan team that has not been too impressive of late. If they would of put Jimmy in way earlier they might be in the playoff hunt. Kidding on that. Coach Shanahan’s ultimate revenge would be to get the 49ers to the Superbowl against the Patriots. It would play out Jimmy versus Brady. Jimmy wins!!! Shanahan gets his revenge from the super bowl, he was Atlanta’s Offensive Coordinator and they let those bastard Patriots back in the game and steal the game. Sorry Falcons get nothing out of this pipe dream.
#24. WASHINGTON 5-8 Down 4 spots I feel Kirk Cousins is being held hostage by the Redskins. It’s like he was kidnapped when he was younger and set up with different parents. They will not give him a long term deal. However they franchise tag him year after year. They need to send in a hostage negotiator and talk them down in Redskin Headquarters. The Redskins continue to make stupid personal moves year after year. This team is in shambles. Sign Cousins long term and then trade him. Get a high draft pick and rebuild if you will not let the man have his FREEDOM!!!!!
#25. CHICAGO 4-9 Up 3 spots Mitch Trubisky had his best day last Sunday in his rookie year. He led his team to a season high of 33 points as the Bears demolished the Bengals. I see some flashes of Mitch being a pretty good quarter back. Love to see him throw more in these last few games as they should open up the play book and let it rip. Inman from the Chargers has been a nice addition. Wright has done some good things. But the Bears need to get Mitch some receivers. You can only do so much with your hands tied behind your back. Your leg shackled to a pole. Love to see them get rid of Coach Fox at the end of this season. Find someone who knows how to develop a quarterback. Bears still have not rebounded since they got rid of the Honey Bears in the 1980’s. It might be asking too much to actually see them develop a quarter back.
#26. CINCINNATI 5-8 Down 5 spots The Steelers might of did more to the Bengals then just win the game last minute. They let the air out of the Bumbles sails. Because that was a lack luster performance against the Bears last Sunday, a team that has been lackluster lately as well. The doomsday clock is ticking closer for Marvin Lewis and others. It will be soon when they walk the Green Mile.
#27. TAMPA BAY 4-9 Down 3 spots
The Buccaneers find themselves last in their division. Plus everyone else in their division may make it to the playoffs. That’s like getting kicked off the show survivor first. Love to hear the English lady say to Winston. “You are the weakest link, goodbye.”
Right before Christmas she can say that to all the misfit toys on the Buccaneer roster handing out pink slips in their stockings. It will be a very Merry Festivus day around the Buccaneer headquarters. Winston and Jackson can air their grievances around the pole.
#28. HOUSTON 4-9 Down 3 spots Bill O’Brien’s lucky horseshoe up his rear has not panned out this year. He has made the Playoffs with Hoyer and the 70 million dollar man Osweiler who they probably thought they fleeced the Broncos to snag him away from Elway and his big teeth. He had the defense playing lights out. This year he gets a franchise quarter back. Well it looks like Watson played the part however the Texans hit a sink hole when he got injured. But before the injury, the Texans defense was not playing like rock stars. The Texans have a great core of wide receivers. Was it smart to go into the season thinking Savage was the starter? O’Brien got to see Savage last year. However they still rolled the dice on him and now this is the position you are in. They can find great wide receivers. They can find great defensive players. However they are rolling the dice on their quarterback positions and keep losing. They have found 1 guy out of how many quarterbacks that have started for the Texans since O’Brien has been there. That is Watson and that is a given. Anybody could give him a play book, hand him the keys, and he’d find a way to get the ball in the end zone. I think O’Brien will flee the Houston area and find another warm and cozy spot to set up his new camp.
#29. DENVER 4-9 Up two spots Broncos have broken it seems like an eternity of a losing streak. That was the team’s worst losing streak since 1970. The defense showed up in this contest shutting down McCown and the Jets high powered offense. McCown left the game with a broken hand. I think Denver did not do this to McCown. With the Jets scoring all these points this year, in a year that should have been very bad. I think the bookies lost lots of money on McCown. The Jersey boys named Rocko and Socko Robot broke his hand before the game as their way to say the house is done paying out because of the Jets. Broncos now this Thursday play in the my little pony bowl with the Colts, yeah how fun!!!
#30. INDIANAPOLIS 3-10 Down 1 spot Last week the Colts shuffled off to Buffalo and played in an epic Snow Bowl game. The Colts lack the mental toughness as is Jack Doyle, the snow angel. He scored the only Colts touchdown.Then attempted a snow angel for his celebration. Did just one single snow angel motion then got up and headed for the side line. That’s bad coaching. They should have left head coach Chuck Pagano in Buffalo.
Colts fans, triple dog dare you to win the division…
#31.NEW YORK 2-11 Down 1 spot Eli back under center. Same results. Davis Webb come on down this might be your lucky week. Should the Giants re-bench Eli and see what Davis Webb can do At this point, what does it matter? Eli might still have hurt feelings. The Giants do not even have a name yet for a GM replacement. Simply hire the Green Goblin as your new GM.
He can quickly blow it all up. In the Spider man movie with Toby Maguire, the Green Goblin calls up Spidey’s aunt house to ask, “Can Spiderman come out to play?” Put Davie Webb in and see if he can play. Could be a useful back up or bridge quarterback next year but you need to find out. You draft a quarterback with the second pick. Then the Green Goblin can blow up the rest of the team and rebuild. Brandon Crazy Marshall would be top of my list. Blow him up so bad he’s out of the league. Way to go Green Goblin. Then Green Goblin can send Eli to Jacksonville. In the meantime Eli will let his daddy know what he is feeling. Maybe if not football he can get a better insurance commercial than his brother Peyton.
#32.CLEVELAND 0-13 SAME This Sunday will be Welcome Back Kotter day at the Dawg Pound. Josh Gordon will play in front of the home crowd for the first time in three seasons. Josh and Johnny Football were too busy doing their own reality show that not quite got picked up. Then every time the league wanted to test Josh, the stuff he did turned him into a older white dude. The words that came out of his mouth were always “I picked a bad day to quit.”
If Josh Gordon could have stayed on the field for all these years, what he might have been. In two games, 7 catches, 154 yards and a touchdown. Plus the Browns almost upset the Packers last week. When the Browns play a close game, they are like an ant carrying the food up the hill. Right before he can get the food to the top of the hill, someone steps on the ant while wiping out an insect’s home at the same time. That’s what the Browns do in overtime or have any type of lead in the last two minutes. It’s like someone shines a magnifying glass that melts off their wings. Then it drives Josh Gordon to go home and toke it up.
The Wild shamrock 