Week 13 Could be an unlucky week for many teams. But we will let you know what we are feeling this week. Lots of love. Lots of name calling. We’re flinging it. That’s our new motto. When the shit hits the fan, will your team prevail and make it to the playoffs?

RANKING   TEAM  RECORD   UP/STAYED PUT/DOWN   COMMENTS

#1.PHILADELPHIA  10-1 Same   Last Sunday it was like the Varsity team which were the Eagles against the Freshmen team, the Bears. The Eagles razzled the Bears with their play on the field. Then dazzled us with the Electric Slide. They even did their own version of bowling in the end zone as the players were the pins and they all fell down. Former Bear Alshon Jeffrey  led the celebrations as he caught a TD against his former team. It looked too easy. The Bears should have walked on the field during the coin flip and handed the Eagles their lunch money, left the stadium and called it a day. Maybe stop to see the Rocky Statue before hitting the airport.

#2.NEW ENGLAND 9-2 Same  I know you play the games on your schedule. The Patriots now can feast on teams like the Dolphins and the Bills. Teams in their own division which they ravage through every year. Their remaining schedule they play the Bills twice, the Dolphins one more time, and the Jets from the division. Only game they have that will be a contest is the Steelers. They will be 13-3 or even 14-2 at the end of this. PUNCH THEIR TICKET NOW TO HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE THROUGHOUT THE PLAYOFFS ….

#3.PITTSBURGH 9-2 Up 1 spot  Pittsburgh played a tight game with the Cheeseheads on Sunday night. They still won. You have to wonder how they let a back up quarterback play you that tough. They beat teams they need to beat but just barely. Plus I still can’t get over how you let the Bears beat you. They have all the pieces in place. Is this bad Coaching? Is it time to let someone different in there than Tomlin? In a few weeks they play New England for all the marbles, home field advantage. That will be the game we will use as our measuring stick with these two power houses unless the Steelers stumble to some inferior team along the way.

#4.MINNESOTA 9-2 Up one spot   Minnesota has quietly moved into the power rankings top 4. They had some hiccups last week against the Lions on Thanksgiving. However they still managed to win the game with Detroit making it interesting at the end. They keep winning. However I still scratch my head… Are they really this good? Are they missing something?  If they are, what is it? Can Keenum continue to play this well coming out of nowhere? Maybe he made a deal with the devil? That might have been RG2’s problem after having that one big year. When it’s time to pay up oh boy…

#5.LA RAMS 8-3 Up one spot  Maybe it was Hunter bobblehead day at the old LA Memorial Coliseum to see the Rams beat the Saints in the game of the week. I thought Dee Dee McCall on Hunter was a sexy fox. Her and the Angels. Nobody is getting kicked off that island.

That was a huge game for the Rams. After losing to the Vikings a week before, they had another tough contest that could be a playoff preview against the Saints who have been red hot. They won the game and they stayed ahead of the hated Seahawks.

#6. NEW ORLEANS 8-3 Down 3 spots  What do you have to do in the Saints division? Do you have to win all the games? They had a 8 game winning streak and now they are tied with the Panthers and look who’s only one game behind both of them. The Falcons. It’s like the Falcons are how Jerry Seinfeld would say NEWMAN!! This Sunday the Saints have to make a statement and knock off the Panthers. This would be a bad time to take the Chutes and Ladders long slide down to the Tampa Bay level. Maybe it’s a bad day to stop sniffing glue.

#7.CAROLINA  8-3 Up 1 spot     The Fig Newton has his team tied for the division with a match up against the Saints. The Jets were very close last week to upsetting the Panthers. Panthers to me are one of those teams where you do not know what you may get. Love that defense as they were able to get a score late in the game to prevent the upset. Panthers are finding ways to win as they have now won 4 in a row. Will Newton be strutting his Superman pose or will be in the fetal position in the locker room after next week’s game? “Those reporters were so mean they asked me game questions.” As he sucks on his thumbs wearing Hello Kitty PJ’S.

#8.ATLANTA 7-4 Up one spot   Falcons were 6-4 before last week’s win. It was the same record they had the previous year at the same time. Last year they went to the big dance. This year the division is much better. This week they have a tough game against the Vikings. This game could be a playoff preview as well. To keep up with the Jones’ they will have to unleash their Jones as they continue to hunt down the Panthers and the Saints. Before that they need to derail a hot Viking team. Will the Falcons have a Viking funeral this week in Atlanta? Some huge games in the NFC this week.

#9.SEATTLE 7-4 Up one spot   Seattle needed some 49er scooby snacks after coming off a loss to the Falcons. Will the Seahawks secondary hold up ? Will Sherman continue to be annoying on twitter? Does he even know how to post things on Twitter or is it the equipment coach? Seahawks find themselves one game behind the Rams however they have a date with the best in the NFC, the Eagles. What bird will be flying higher after this contest? A loss could set them back especially the way the Saints, Panthers and Falcons are playing. Poor Petey…

#10. LA CHARGERS 5-6 Up one spot The Chargers are the only team in my top ten with a losing record. Is this team for real? Or are they playing teams at a good time? This week they have a chance to be tied with the Chiefs after the weekend. Chargers can easily take down the Browns. Chiefs could struggle against the Jets. I think this Charger defense will wreck havoc on teams. Rivers is having a good year. Their offense is staying healthy. When Rivers has people around him and they make the playoffs, I love him. He was always that dark horse that upset some of the greats like Brady and Peyton Manning. He never got to the Superbowl but he played you tough. That division is so rotten they should have no problem winning it. Do the Chargers have a fan base yet in LA? I would hate to be in San Diego seeing this. Maybe with the great weather, they do not care. I hate the owner. But many of them are not great people.

#11.JACKSONVILLE 7-4 Drop 4 spots   I had these guys in the top ten. They have the best defense in the game. How does Blaine Gabbert and the Cards beat you? They have everything on this team except a quarterback. This will haunt them. They are lucky they play in a crappy division. They may make the playoffs. But it will haunt them when they get exposed at that position when they are one and done. For christ sake you beat a bad Browns team 19-7. That should have been the red flag right there.

#12.DETROIT 6-5 Up 1 spot  Lions move up one spot because I think they are better than the Titans. They did play the Vikings tough last week. They find themselves in search for a wild card with 5 games left. They have a chance to run the table and it starts with the Ravens. Then they have the Bucs, Bears, Bengals and the Pack (we do not know with or without Rodgers.) The lions will win the next 4. Then Rodgers will be back and throw a Hail Mary pass at the end of the game to beat the Lions and knock them out of playoff contention. Like that is something new in that division.

#13.TENNESSEE Up 1 Spot    The Titans were finally winners in Indianapolis last Sunday. A house of horrors for them almost over a decade. Plus Jacksonville finally came back down to earth with a loss. Could the Tuxedos be eyeing the division title? Both them and the Jags are tied in the division right now as both would play each other at the end of the year. They still get to feast off Texans and 49ers. They play a tough Rams team. The Cardinals, you do not know what team will show up there. They look to be in a good position, a playoff position. Music City will be rocking the New Year if this works out.

#14.DALLAS 6-6  UP 2 SPOTS. The Cowboys have been horrible without their running back Elliot who is suspended. Finally yesterday they won their first game without Elliot in the mix. They destroyed their rival Washington. Which evens their record up at 6-6. They probably need to win out their remaining games to have a chance for the playoffs. With the Saints, Falcons, Panthers, and Seahawks well ahead of them, they need a lot of help as well. At least you have those hot cheer leaders to look at. You might need to make a donation to the local church while you’re at it. Jones’ assassination plot has not gone down yet on the Commissioner.

#15.BUFFALO 6-5 Up 2 spots  Finally the Bills break their losing streak last Sunday against the Chiefs. They went back to Taylor. No interceptions like last week with rookie Peterman behind center. They played a ball control game as Taylor made no mistakes. Either the defense rose up or the Chiefs are just playing horrible. You finally win hoping to get things back on track and now you have to play the Patriots. The Cubs had a goat for many decades. The Bills’ goat is Tom Brady. Buffalo has the Patriots two times in the last five games. For a team trying to break out out of their own playoff drought, you need to slay the dragon. Call up Mario!!

#16. KANSAS CITY  6-5 Down 4 spots  It’s hard to believe the Chiefs  are still in first place. They have lost 5 out of their last 6 games. Then last week lost to another struggling team, the Buffalo Bills. Alex Smith and their rookie running back have gone cold. The defense has been up and down. The Chargers are whispering in their ears. It’s like if Rivers was in the movie, Warriors.

Rivers would be saying Chiefs come out and play. Now they play the Jets which will not be easy. At the end of the weekend they might not have first place by themselves.

#17.WASHINGTON 5-7  Down 2 spots   They need to let Cousins go. It’s like he’s Washington’s personal gimp they have trapped in the basement. They pay him big money. They will not give him a long term contract. They strip him down of his receivers.  However they keep putting the franchise tag on the man. It’s like they own him and he will not go somewhere else and do better with another team. Dan Snyder is a big gigantic BOOB. Like a blob, boob. No offense to all of the great boobs in the world.

Dan Snyder owner of Washington Redskins

#18.OAKLAND 5-6 Same    When are they going to move to Vegas? If I was an Oakland fan, this would be the perfect time to let go of your team. Last year’s excitement made you sad because you thought this year was going to get better. This train wreck is like a helicopter going down in flames. You do not know where it’s going to land. Guys on defense are pissed off with last week’s firing of Norton, the defensive coordinator. Crabtree is rumbling during the game protecting his necklace. It’s not looking good so get out now. Abandon ship!!!!

#19.BALTIMORE 6-5 Same I moved the Ravens up 5 spots last week. This week they are the same as they took care of business against the Texans. They have a wild card position at this time. The AFC has a bunch of teams jumbled up and there are still plenty of games left to see this go south for the Ravens. The Ravens defense has shined against the bottom of the shoe teams. This week the Lions have a way better offense so we will see how this unfolds. Flacco has thrown only nine touchdowns while being picked off 11 times. That will be the team’s down fall.

#20. CINCINNATI 5-6  Same  In the movie Elf, Will Ferrell sees the sign on the cafe window saying World’s Greatest cup of Coffee. Then he opens the door and yells Congrats to the people inside. The Bengals beating the Browns is like getting a coffee mug – World’s greatest boss. I can see Marvin Lewis himself buying himself one wearing dark glasses. Oh Cleveland will seek their revenge in the battle of Ohio when their Indians meet the Reds this summer.

#21. NEW YORK JETS  4-7 Up one spot     McCown almost had the Jets upsetting the Panthers last Sunday. If he did not fumble to give the Panthers the clean pick up and run for the touchdown, it could have been J-E-T-S jets, jets last week. They are one of those teams that if you are on the bubble, you do not want to play. Plus now they can laugh at the Giants for starting Geno Smith, a former Jet GREAT, at least in Brandon Marshall’s mind which is not saying much.

#22. GREEN BAY 5-5 Down 1 spot   I’m indeed a fan of poor Rodgers commercials. Thor wants to be Matthews making life tough for Rodgers and his dog. I feel since Rodgers is sidelined, he and his dog are looking for answers. It’s like George Costanza went down to the beach to think things over and then asked Susan to marry him. Later the toxic envelopes killed off Susan. The injured Rodgers is in deep thought on what he’s going to do missing the playoffs. Should he come back? Or should he play even if Green Bay has no shot of making it to the playoffs? I would let Rodgers sit. Don’t want the Romo thing to happen. He was back from an injury then a few plays in, boom he was sidelined again. The season is a wash you might as well season the back up quarterback. The more experience he has going forward, the better he will do next year if it happens again. Brett Hundley threw three touchdowns against the Steel Curtain last Sunday. You might have something. Maybe a trading chip.

#23 ARIZONA 5-6 Up 4 spots  Blaine Gabbert led his team over the Jacksonville Jaguars. Gabbert probably said the right things, but you know in his head he’s, “How do you like me now, bitches,” as he beat his former team in a big upset. Gabbert might find himself in a better role next season. Perhaps a starting position as the league of quarterbacks is watered down. Definitely a back up. He can run and make some throws. Arizona still has some talent. They have a list of injuries. But they could still beat you. However they are a team that one week looks great. Next week they lay an egg while the Joker got away.

#24. TAMPA BAY 4-7 Same Looks like Tampa Bay is not going to run the table and make it to the playoffs. They could be the only team in their division not to make the playoffs this season. They might feel like the NBA teams that do not make it to the playoffs. Most of the league makes it. Maybe the NFL needs to set up a losers playoffs. Like the NIT tournament. I can see see Fitzpatrick celebrating with his team in the locker room after winning the NFL NIT. Instead of champagne, they are spraying Old Milwaukee beer all over each other.

#25. HOUSTON 4-7 Up one spot.    Houston is up one spot because many other teams are playing very bad. Houston was in most of the game against the Ravens. Then Savage threw a pick right in the hands of the Raven defender towards the end of the game to seal it for Baltimore. Maybe Savage can change his last name to Saviors. Join Negan and help him get out of the factory surrounded by deadly walkers. Who’s having a better season, the Saviors or Savage? SAVIORS….

#26. CHICAGO 3-8 Down 2 spots   The Bears finally saw one of their own blossom as a receiver. Too bad he’s on the Eagles this year. Maybe their contacts were not in. Maybe their glasses were steamed up in the meeting they had at the Hooters in the off season when they discussed what are good receivers and which ones do we cut. Keep the one with all the medical questions. Do not sign the one that can catch the ball and score touchdowns. Mitch Trubisky has hit some turbulence. While the former Eastern Illinois quarterback is coming to town. Plus he is from the Chicagoland area, Jimmy Garoppolo. I know the Bears did want him before the draft. Jimmy will come in to Soldier’s field and have a big day. Make the Bears brass do their meeting next year at the Sizzler. While 49ers brass will still scratch their heads over why he did not start playing weeks ago for them.

#27. INDIANAPOLIS 3-8 Down 2 spots   The Titans finally broke a nine year losing streak in Indianapolis last Sunday. You know when your good streaks end, now its Race for Your Life Charlie Brown to get one of the top draft picks. This is another team that has lots to do in the off season. Will they have the Luck they need? Or is it time to kick the tires on another quarterback and press the reset button?

#28. NEW YORK GIANTS Same 2-9 Now the G-MEN have finally hit ROCK BOTTOM. Manning out. Geno Smith is your starting quarterback this week. Jets fans are laughing themselves to the loony bin as we speak. First of all Manning is not hurt. His streak of games played will be over. Second of all, no one has punched Geno Smith this year. Maybe he’s not welshing on bets. Maybe he uses cash for car title services. BLOW IT UP IN NEW YORK. Trade Manning to the Jaguars, they need somebody better than what they got. Besides, Manning’s former coach Tom Coughlin is the man in charge down there.

#29. DENVER 3-8 Same  The Broncos have been doing the Volley Ball approach when it comes down to quarterback. After the play is done on the court, they rotate. Paxton Lynch did not last long last week. Did not play well and he got hurt. Could the future be Trevor Siemian? He has been the quarterback that has played the most this year behind center for the Broncos. Horse face John Elway probably scratching his head on the quarterbacks he has. Probably remembering when Dolphins met the Broncos, it was him versus Marino. Yep back in the day when the league was filled with great quarter back play.

#30. MIAMI 4-7 Same    I remember Ndamukong Suh back when he was on the Lions. Might be one of the dirtiest players of all time. As he stepped on Rodgers when he was down. He flung around Cutler like a rag doll. Many thought when he just signed with the Dolphins he was going to be a free agent bust like Albert Haynesworth was in Washington. With the Dolphins sliding they are paying this guy a Brinks truck of money each year. Maybe a few. Dolphins need players and if they get rid of the big man, they can help their roster depth next year. Cutler’s back under center this week in the I don’t give a crap bowl against the Broncos. The team that drafted Cutler. He does not care. The Broncos gave him the lotto numbers for the last ten years.

#31. SAN FRANCISCO 1-10 Same   Well, how do you like those apples? The 49ers finally put Jimmy in the game. IT’S ABOUT TIME!!! The front office and the coaching staff’s thought process on this decision was slower than a snail’s pace. However they were forced to put Jimmy in due to an injury. I apologize to all snails. SERIOUSLY I start to think Shanahan is a moron. First you had a big lead at halftime against the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Then you run a very bad selection of plays in the second half and end up losing the game. It takes an injury to finally see Jimmy on the field. Jimmy Garoppolo was a perfect 2-2 with a TD pass in his brief appearance. You’re building for next year. You have to see if this is the guy. He could be Scott Mitchell for all we know. He has only played in a few games. MY GOD MAN!! Glad I’m not a 49er fan.

#32. CLEVELAND 0-11 Same  You think some how they would get lucky and run into a victory. Like a team bus crash. Get the opposing team food poison at their hotel. They need to start thinking outside the box to come up with a victory. Take the other team’s quarterback hostage like that movie Celtic Pride. It had Dan Akroyd and Daniel Stern who are big Celtics fans. They take the other team’s best player hostage who is Damon Wayans.  It’s right before a playoff game. The Browns would still lose the game without the other team’s starting quarterback. Just like how Weekend at Bernie’s Two failed at the box office.