Week 14, we have babes and lots of hard hitting stuff. We are not holding anything back, as teams should be aware, we have the opinions.
RANKING TEAM RECORD UP/STAYED PUT/DOWN COMMENTS
#1.NEW ENGLAND 10-2 Up 1 spot The darkest day of the year has arrived. New England is number one in the Wild Shamrock NFL power rankings. It’s like the old Pace Picante salsa commercials when the cowboys look at the other brand of salsa, read the jar and say, “this stuff is made in New York City.” Then the rest join in, “NEW YORK CITY?” Then one guy says, “get a rope.” That is what we are thinking. When we read New England Patriots please someone get a rope. I feel like I’ve been hit in the back while I was down taking a nap. Back of my neck FELT LIKE AN ELBOW. Who would do such a thing? Blame it on the refs. Not Gronk’s fault. The dirtiest hit of the year and that coward is only suspended one game. Of course it is against the Dolphins, the game he will miss. Half the team could miss that game and Cutler will find a way for the Patriots to win. Why didn’t someone from the Bills knock him into tomorrow after what that beast did to one of their guys? Rome eventually fell. The Nazi empire came down as well. The rebels will take down the Dark Side when the last Jedi suits up at quarterback. The day will come for Brady and his group of psychos that call themselves tight ends. Hernandez, Bennett, and now this coward they call Gronk. GET A FEW ROPES WE ARE HUNTING PATRIOTS TONIGHT!!!!
#2.PHILADELPHIA 10-2 Down 1 spot Last Sunday the Eagles felt a bump in the road as the Seahawks beat them on Sunday Night. Now they have another tough match up against the Rams, another playoff team that is seeking their division which is not quite done yet. Plus the Rams could jump in front of the Eagles for home field throughout the playoffs. Eagles find themselves backed in the corner from the loss to the Seahawks. The Eagles have their own division in check but now others are gunning for their promising position. Not a good time to hit a slippery slope. This could help them play big games now before the playoffs. A win this week is huge. I think they can overcome their loss. I think the loss against the Seahawks could wake this team up and get the hunger back. I do like the contract extension for Alshon Jeffery who is fitting in nicely. The Wentz Jeffrey combo should will be a successful for years to come. I like the tall receiver in the red zone. Carson can just toss it up in the air and see Jeffrey win the jump ball for it.
#3.PITTSBURGH 10-2 Same Nothing looks easy for Pittsburgh. They played a tough one against the Cheese heads. Then they had to fight tooth and nails just to come back against the Bengals. Then the emotional loss of one of their own in Ryan Shazier who was carted off the field and rushed to the hospital on Monday. Who has a severe spinal injury which will be weighing on all the Steelers’ minds. Now you have to play the Ravens. The rivalries the Steelers have in their own division with Ravens and the Bengals are games you feel it when you watch and hear the collisions that occur. This injury could motivate the Steelers to win it for their fallen comrade. Or it will hurt them as the image will haunt them inside their own heads.
#4.MINNESOTA 10-2 Same This team is for real. The way they came into Atlanta and shut down the Falcon offense like that. The Falcons were a hot team coming into this match up. The Falcons offense is not as it was last year but it still is one of the tops in the game. Then to go into their place and put a stop to Matt Ryan’s 30 game streak of throwing for at least one touch down pass is very impressive. This might be the newest version of the Purple people eaters. Remember great defenses always shut down great offenses.
#5.LA RAMS 9-3 Same Do you remember Montana versus Marino? Sounds like the clash of the titans. This week it’s Goff versus Wentz. Both quarterbacks were drafted in the same year. Both drafted in the first round 1&2. Both are playing very well. Both now will finally play against each other this weekend. Both teams are doing well. This could be another playoff preview. This could be like a Manning against Brady for years to come. Plus home field throughout the playoffs is on the line in this contest.
#6 NEW ORLEANS 9-4 Same The Saints stayed the same as they won last Sunday against the Panthers. However they lost a game last night against the Falcons which they could have won or at least have gotten the game to over time. Plus they lost Alvin Kamara early in the contest to a concussion. Kamara who can break all kind of tackles and can get the team a bunch of yards after the catches as he comes out of the back field and makes short gains into big gains. The Saints have a lot of weapons. Playing on a short week against a tough division rival is also tough. Plus they played a tough division rival in the Panthers last Sunday. They play the Falcons again and I think they will defeat them at home and eventually win the division. Last night’s loss may hurt their pursuit for Home field advantage throughout the playoffs. However they could still get a home playoff game maybe even a first round bye.
#7.ATLANTA 8-5 Up 1 spot The Falcons could not muster up a lot against the Vikings last Sunday. However many teams have the same problem. They did come back against the Saints yesterday on a short week. A much needed victory that keeps them in a wild card spot. Plus they are closer to regaining the lead of the division they won last year. I’m worried about Ryan though. Far too many interceptions. In a way they were really lucky they won the game yesterday. At the end of the first half the Saints could have easily ran the intercepted pass back for a TD. However the Falcons are still on a roll winning 4 out of their last 5 with three division games left including one more against the Saints.
#8.SEATTLE 8-4 Up one spot Pete Carol is another person that does not go away like his Seahawk team that won big last Sunday night against the Eagles. They still remain one game behind the Rams. With a defensive secondary that has many injuries they are still playing well on defense. Russell Wilson continues to come up with big plays as he is the biggest reason why this team is still very good and very dangerous and are not going away. This week we will see if the Jags are a real contender. But the week after that it’s a big rematch against the Rams. The Seahawks still have lots of work to do.
#9.CAROLINA 8-4 Down 1 spot Carolina has been beating teams they should beat. Last week the Saints kicked the Panther’s bum around the field. This week the Vikings will probably prevail over the Panthers. Panthers could use a big victory especially against a quality team. Panthers defense has been pretty good. But this all comes down to the Fig Newton. He has to carry the load down the stretch if the Panthers want to make it back to the playoffs. That is the major problem they have. Newton is not a Russell Wilson. His leadership skills are terrible. If they are down a few scores I do not like the panthers’ chances of coming back. Newton is too soft. He needs to be a Chips Ahoy, a cookie with some chippyness in them.
#10. LA CHARGERS 6-6 Same Chargers won against the hapless Browns last week. I have the Chargers at number ten. Chargers beat the Browns only 19-10. Were the Chargers thinking, let’s not run the score on the Browns? The Browns are only junior varsity so let’s go out this week and have some fun. Now they are tied with the Raiders and the Chiefs at top of the AFC West. They have a meeting with the Redskins at their soccer stadium this Sunday. They could make it 4 games in a row with a win over the skins. If they have a let down this Sunday I will say Chargers are pretenders.
#11.JACKSONVILLE 8-4 Same Another team that could be a pretender. They only beat the Browns 19-7. However Rivers is no Bortles. The Jags find themselves in an easy division. They had a nice easy victory over the Colts last week. This week we will see how they stack up against the Seahawks. Can Bortles make enough plays to beat a Seattle team? I would like to see what Russell Wilson can do against the stingy Jaguar defense
#12.TENNESSEE 8-4 Up 1 spot Titans have won two in a row now as they face the Cardinals this weekend. Which Cards team will show up? If they can take care of business while the Jags have a tough one and might lose against the Seahawks. Then Music City will have the division by one game. We know what the Titans wanted for Christmas and got their presents early. They should be thankful that Luck and Watson are hurt. Because they have an easy division. Then the Jags still have Bortles as their starting quarterback. So Mariota is by far the best QB in the NFC South.
#13.DALLAS 6-6 Same Wherever you go it seems like the Cowboys are a team that they play in your market no matter what. If you’re a Cowboy fan you most likely do not need Direct TV as the Cowboys prevail over games that mean something. Seriously I will be wanting to watch Seahawks and Jaguars.Or want to watch Rams and Eagles. Instead the networks will force Cowboys and Giants, two teams not going anywhere. Did the Giants put Eli back in the starting role because they are playing their rival Cowboys?
#14.NEW YORK JETS 5-7 Up 7 spots Do you dare to get in an offensive shoot out with a McCown led Jets team? McCown has this offensive looking like one of the best in the league as they put up 38 points against the Chiefs last week. McCown does not make a lot mistakes. He is a gunslinger not scared to make a mistake. He even scored two touchdowns last week. The man is a bring your lunch pail to work type of guy. This week they play a bad Broncos team that he can light up and improve the teams record to 6-9. Can you name any other players on this team beside X bears Matt Forte? A team that was kicking aside all their high price veterans to the curb in the off season. Very impressed.
#15.BALTIMORE 7-5 Up 4 spots Ravens right now have a wild card spot. The AFC is so terrible this year. They should not even play the playoffs, just send the Patriots there every year until the rest of the league can rebuild and maybe when Tom Brady turns 70. You can not pick your schedule but the Ravens are beating the clunkers that are on their schedule. Finally Flacco put up some good numbers against a sorry Lions team. Now they turn their attention to the division leading Steelers this week. Lets see where they match up with them. Which will be another close one with the Steelers winning by one score.
#16. DETROIT 6-6 Down 4 spots Ravens’ offense came to life against the Lion defense. What did you expect out of an ancient Dwight Freeney you just picked up from Seattle a few weeks ago? One persons trash another persons treasure. Stratford hurt his hands in the Ravens game. This week you have the Buccaneers. However your time is running out. It’s time to pull the plug on Caldwell. Time to find some more Decepticons from Cybertron as you had some luck down that road before. Lions is another team that has too many teams in front of them to grab a wild card. Besides most of their wins came in the early parts of the seasons.
#17. BUFFALO 6-6 Down 2 spots WHY DID THEY NOT HIT GRONK? You know you are going to lose to the Patriots anyways. Your Conrad lays on the field and you see the big gigantic amazon go wrestle mania on one of your guys and they do nothing. They should have sent a message and gave the Gronk a beat down. The beat down could have been a turning point in the season. Come together as a unit. Bills have a chance to make the playoffs. They played New England tough on defense only giving up 23 points. When are they going to get a quarterback? Taylor is no answer. Peterman is probably scarred for life and sucking his thumb in a dark room. I remember when Kyle Orton almost guided them to the playoffs. They went 9-7.They had a hiccup towards the end of the season. But he was a guy that threw the ball down field and did not make mistakes. He was way better than what you had. And still is. Call him up and get him to play the Colts this week.
#18.OAKLAND 6-6 Same Raiders find themselves in the thick of things. Fire the defensive coordinator. Play the Giants with Geno Smith behind center. Now you have a chance to win your division. First things first, you play the Chiefs and you were one of teams this year to help them in their downwards slide down the long slide in chutes and ladders. You beat them with seconds remaining on the clock. Now you can really rub their nose in it by sending them to second place with a losing record. Can the Raiders make it back to the playoffs? They are lucky they play in the AFC west. Let’s make sure Crabtree tapes his jewelry to his chest so he does lose his purse the next game.
#19. KANSAS CITY 6-6 Down three spots. Kansas City is like that big turd that is going through the spins around the toilet but needs more flushes to get rid of it. They however are tied for the division lead still after starting off 5-0. One more flush will probably do it. That will begin the Mahomes era. Maybe end the Walley the Walrus era at the same time. Last year Kelce threw his towel at a referee as he mocked a ref for throwing a flag at him, he threw his. Then last week the Chief defender threw the ref’s flag into the stands. Then you see the jersey shore taking selfies with it in the stands. So the Ref threw his hat after the player seized his flag. It was Marcus Peter who is the flag thrower for the Chiefs. He gave himself a time out, left the field and went inside the locker room. He came back because he was not ejected from the game. The Chiefs gave him a one game suspension. The league only gave the Gronk one game for his dirty play. Maybe the Chiefs need to police the league.
#20. WASHINGTON 5-7 Down 3 spots I think I found a new quarterback for the Skins.
Mark Rypien’s daughter. Would they still call them the Redskins? You know they would want to play skins and shirts in practice. Maybe sign the whole lingerie league to one year contracts of course. No long term deals will lead to the boobie prizes.
#21.CINCINNATI 5-7 Down one spot They should have won on Monday night against the Steelers. They had the lead but Big Ben came back and the Steelers leave Cincy with another victory. I wonder where all the Bengal scouts are at right now. Most of the leagues are at the college football games looking at players. While the Bengals search local prisons for their roster spots. Like Pac Man Jones he had to come from some sort of penitentiary. They watch those guards against convict games dreaming of a prison break for some guys name Inky, Blinky, and Cylde, the new defensive line in orange stripes. Maybe they need to work on work release program with these prisons.
#22.GREEN BAY 6-6 Same The Packers beat the Buccaneers last Sunday in over time. But that is nothing to brag about. Now you play the Browns this week which will quietly get you 7-6. Could Rogers come back to lead the sleigh team to the playoffs? I still do not think they will make the playoffs even if they win out. Too many teams way ahead of you going into this week. You have the Falcons, Panthers, and Seahawks with more wins then the Packers and those are teams that could win their division as well. Packers have no shot at their division. Green Bay fans have the Badgers they can root on in their bowl game. They have their ice holes they can jump in if they are not liking the Pack being kept out of the playoffs. Please pass the fondue.
#23.ARIZONA 5-6 Same 5-7 Typical Arizona. Who will you be next week, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? Last week’s loss to Rams might mean troubles for the Titans this week. In Batman, the villain Two Face flips the coin heads that Bruce Arians will keep his job next year. While tails and you know Spanky Peterson likes tails, he and Palmer are out.
#24.TAMPA BAY 4-8 Same It was supposed to be a good year for the Buccaneers. They made some great strides last year. They even added some more fire power through free agency and the draft. However a Jameis Winston run offense is only scoring a whopping 18 points a game. The Bucs defense has not been really impressive either. The back up for the Packers was able to beat the Buccaneers in overtime. Is it time to for a new head coach and another system as the Bucs owners are very impatient? I would say bring back the creamsicle uniforms if you’re going to hang out in last place. Might as well be comfortable.
#25. HOUSTON 4-8 Same Houston played tough against the Titans last week. Even had a lead for awhile. This team suffered too many injuries. They will still play crappy teams well the rest of way. They have a battle with the rising 49ers this weekend. Now it’s audition time for the Texans. Who will still play hard during this season which has been written off? Savage is playing for a contract next year. Perhaps another team. However he will not start for anybody. Will the Texans go with Savage as a back up? Or will they look elsewhere just in case this injury bug comes haunting this team again. They should upgrade their offensive line. Plus get a QB like McCown as a back up. A guy that can win you some games if Watson is snake bitten by the injury bug.
#26.SAN FRANCISCO 2-10 Up 5 spots The beans don’t burn on the grill. The 49ers finally got a piece of the pie. As they are finally moving up to the deluxe apartments in the sky. Jimmy Garoppolo is George Jefferson and the 49ers finally played a guy that is well seasoned. Can you imagine a guy that can throw the ball down the field? He did not throw any touch downs last week against the Bears. But they moved the ball down field and the Niners looked like a whole new team. Besides it was all about Robbie Gould last week. Can this continue? I think they might screw themselves in the draft order. However they will still get a very high pick. Plus they still have those extra picks that they fleeced from the Bears last year.
#27 MIAMI 5-7 Up 3 spots Cutler threw two interceptions last week and was able to guide his team over the Broncos. All’s we can say is Denver is very very bad. Miami now has 5 wins. They still have some players on this team that are able to beat the bottom of the bottom teams in the NFL. Which most are hot garbage. Curious to see what boat Cutler is scratching his ass on when he finally hangs up the spikes for good.
#28. CHICAGO 3-9 Down 2 spots Is there such a thing as a revenge game for a kicker? The Bears cut ties with Robbie Gould in early parts of the 2016 season. Then he comes back to haunt his former team with 5 field goals to lift the 49ers over the Bears. Now that is the biggest kick in the head for the whole weekend. Since Gould left Garth from Wayne’s World, it has been horrible. Then they signed Santos who hurt himself as he could not even do kick offs as the punter was taking on those duties. Then what could have been. To see Jimmy Garoppolo, a Chicago area guy, come in to Soldiers field his first start as a 49er with dummy playbook look that calm cool collective and able to throw down the field. A guy they probably could have gotten from the Patriots, instead they traded the farm to move up one spot with again the 49ers to get Mitch Trubisky who they probably could have gotten if they stayed put or gotten Watson. Mitch still not throwing down the field and it’s week 14. Put up the for sale sign we need a new owner.
#29.INDIANAPOLIS 3-9 Down two spots The bad teams are starting to make their way to the basement of the standings where they belong and camp out for the better draft pick. The Colts – it’s time to see what you got with some of the players that have not played other than special teams. Luck has already left Indianapolis for Europe to get some treatment on his shoulder. Can you say Swedish bikini team?
I bet their team could do better than the Colts on all levels. If travel agents still exist I would be waiting outside the Colts facility and get them booked for their summer vacations.
#30.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-10 Down 2 spots If you have an issue grab a tissue is what is going down in G-SPOT land. Archie Manning telling his people his son has hurt feelings from his sudden benching last week. Last week the G-MEN went with Geno Smith as their starter. Which that is a kick to the head if you are Eli. Only way Geno is getting the nod in my book is if the Zombie Apocalypse happens and the rest of the QB’S turn. Then the Giants fired Ben McAdoo and the GM. They played tough against the Raiders which is not something to brag about. They have a ton of issues over there as well. Giant land needs a huge make over. Ben McAdoo was only there for less than two seasons and did get these guys to the playoffs last year. Too many personalities on this team. Too many me me first. You need a license shrink to figure out who gets the ball the most. Even Frazier Crane could not mend these minds on the couch at his office or on the radio.
#31.DENVER 3-9 Down 2 spots This team in my opinion has had the biggest collapse of any other team in the league. They are the only team in their division that is dead as a door nail. The rest of AFC west is alive and tied in the standings. The Broncos defense which was always promising has sunk into the Cleveland Brown abyss. They have lost 8 in a row. They have been playing “Who’s On First” in their rotating quarterback spin the wheel. The 49ers and the Giants are laughing stocks, but they have found ways to improve. It’s time to head to Colorado mountains and do some skiing. Maybe chase some ski bunnies and forget about how Cutler beat you to add fuel to the fire.
#32.CLEVELAND 0-12 Same The Browns continue their perfect season. However they actually played a close one against the Chargers. Yes, the Chargers, who have been scoring big points off teams of late. The Browns hung in but they still have not won a game. Besides Lebron which we do not care about that dumb ass. The big news in Cleveland this week is Weekend at Bernie’s 3 is coming to a red box near you. Maybe in a Target dollar bin. Great stocking stuffers. It is called the Revenge of Bernie. It could be a cult classic like Porky’s Three: The Revenge of Porky. We have some low lights..
The Wild shamrock 