THE CHRISTMAS VERSION OF THE  HOLIDAY RANKINGS IN THE NFL.

RANKING TEAM  RECORD UP/SAME /DOWN COMMENTS

#1.NEW ENGLAND 11-3 Up one spot    Does Belichek use mind control over coaches in the last minutes of crucial games? To me other coaches get stupid. First Seattle in Superbowl chose to pass with plenty of time to run it up the middle with Lynch. Then Last Sunday, no timeout called. Big Ben throws it over the middle. Both these plays picked off. Plus what the hell is a catch in this league? My God Man, Jesse James caught the ball and was over the end zone line for hours before the ball came out.  Patriots get away with these stupid rules every time. The Raiders made Brady fumble in that blizzard playoff game years ago. They called that crap a forward pass. One day I would like to see the Patriots lose on some stupid rule in a big game.

#2. PITTSBURGH 11-3 Down 1 Spot      Mike Tomlin is a moron coach. First you could not figure what to do against the Bears in the National Anthem. This threw off the team on that Sunday a long long time ago. Last Sunday a crucial play gets reversed, you do not call a time out and come up with a plan. No you allow your quarterback to throw it in traffic to get picked off by a team you had beat a few times in this game. Call the time out and do a safe play. If you can not score tie the game and send it to OT. Patriots and Steelers I believe will see each other again in the AFC championship.

#3.PHILADELPHIA 12-2 Same    The Eagles have the best record. However this team is not the best in the NFC right now or the AFC. The defense is giving up too many points all of a sudden. Two weeks in a row where the Giants had to win it with a shoot out. Last Sunday was against the pathetic Giants. What happen to May the Schwartz be with you?

Maye the Hutt got a hold of Schwartz

Just swallowed him whole.

Philadelphia fans are starting to feel the pain of their season come crashing down

#4.MINNESOTA 11-3 Same   The Vikings rebounded nicely from the loss to the Panthers. They handled the bumbles with ease.

The Vikings made the Bumbles bounce. That game against the Bengals probably will bounce head bumble Lewis out of town. Vikings also clinched the NFC North.

#5.LA RAMS 10-4 Same  Rams went in to Seattle and gave the Seahawks an old fashioned butt whipping. A place the Rams have not had much success at. This was a game the Rams needed. They were up one game on the Seahawks coming into Sunday’s game. Plus they lost to them earlier this season. If Rams lost Sunday they would have also lost the tiebreaker with the Seattle. With Rams winning they are two games ahead of their arch rival and perhaps have knocked the wind out of their sails. Seattle might not even get to the playoffs this year.

#6.ATLANTA 9-5 Same   Atlanta pulled off it’s second straight victory. Now they invade New Orleans which they beat not too long ago. The Saints are one game ahead of the dirty birds. With a Falcon win they control the tie breaker with the Saints and just have to worry about the Panthers. A BLAST FROM THE PAST: COACH JERRY GLANVILLE

I used to love the game Pigskin for Sega Genesis. It was Jerry Glanville’s Pigskin they called it.

He was a fun coach. However he was the head coach when they traded away Brett Favre which is a kick in the teeth. That was like the Trail Blazers passing on Michael Jordan, not good.

#7. NEW ORLEANS 10-4  Same  The Saints rebounded nicely and came up with a win against the Jets. Now it’s the showdown of the year this Sunday. Saints versus Falcons in a rematch from a few weeks ago on a Thursday. Winning this tough division gets you at least one home game in the playoffs in which Saints thrive at home. Alvin Kammara will be the X factor if the Saints are going to beat the Falcons this go around. Kamara was hurt very early in the first game they played. I still think the Saints should have won that first meeting.  I think it will be a very Merry Christmas in voodoo town this weekend.

Santa’s sexy helpers will be delivering their presence..

#8. CAROLINA 10-4 Same    Who’s your Superman now? The Fig Newton or Rodgers from Green Bay? The Packers needed to win against the Panthers to keep their playoff hopes alive as Rodgers was welcomed back. While the Panthers are trying to keep up with the Saints. Carolina’s defense welcome Rodgers back with open arms, as they picked him off multiple times to seal the deal and send the Cheeseheads home for the Holidays.  The Panthers are in the thick of things. They do have a shot at division title. This week the Buccaneers and next week against the Falcons. Will the Superman Newton be the villain at the end of all of this? Will he turn soft?

#9.JACKSONVILLE 10-4  Up 1 Spot     Do you Remember the days of Mark Brunell throwing to Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell? Those were the glory days of Jaguar football. They finally are back in the playoffs. A very crappy division helps without Watson, Luck, and a Mariota taking steps backwards. However they beat the snot out of Houston to clinch a playoff spot. I don’t know if that is something to write home to mom about. But they did beat up what at the time we thought was a pretty good Seattle team. Even the fans were involved. The Jags have a great defense. Love the weapons on offense. Bortles is doing better. This can be a start of things for the Jaguars. You may win that first round game and get beat the second round. Then do some tinkering in the off season and who knows. Bringing back Tom Coughlin was a great move as President of Operations.

#10.DALLAS 8-6 Up 2 Spots   Don’t look now but the Cowboys are on the rise. They have won three in a row. Is it too late?  Zeke is back. He was in Mexico for weeks training during his suspension. Like Rocky going to Russia to train before he fought the Russian Drago.

In Rocky he has a picture of Drago he keeps to focus on what needs to be done. Did Elliot have a picture of Pete Carol of the Seahawks as the head monster in Seattle? Now this Sunday Pete Carol will experience the wrath of Elliot and the boys on what they are going to do to his team. A team in disarray.

#11. LA CHARGERS 7-7 Down 2 spots    Everybody was excited in San Diego to see the Chargers fall to the Chiefs. They are deserters. Old San Diego fans even knew the Chargers were a fraud. They suck you in and then disappoint you. They looked like a great team. But then they played a team for all the marbles. A chance to have a home game in the playoffs was on the line. Wally the Walrus sunk the Chargers battle ship.

#12.SEATTLE 8-6 Down 1 spot  Just like the USC days Pete. Play the quarterback that obviously has a concussion. Some day Pete Carol will awaken on Dexter’s table.

#13.BALTIMORE 8-6 Up 2 spots Clearly the easiest schedule left in the league. Baltimore is eating it up like a Flacco in a Pac Man game. This is a team that will get in the week AFC wild card race due to it. Then voted off the island during the Wild Card weekend.

#14.DETROIT 8-6 Down one spot.     The Lions had an easy win over the Bad News Bears. They are still in the thick of things but still find themselves on the bubble. Too many better teams in front of them. I find them ready to throw in the towel soon like a good Decepticon and retreat to fight another day next season.

#15.BUFFALO 8-6 Up 1 spot  They handled the Dolphins at home. Now have to face their Kryptonite, the New England Patriots.  They have a chance to get to the playoffs but the Patriots are the team that obviously gets in their way. The Gronk cheapshotted them last time these two have met. They could have prevented the Gronk doing that by drafting one of their own homegrown talents. In that draft they had two shots in taking him. Both players picked were nothing to write home about. Now Gronk makes it a point with the Evil Brady to destroy the Bills twice a year. Way to go brain trust of Buffalo!!!!

#16.KANSAS CITY 8-6 Up 2 spots  This is the another new beginning for the Chiefs. It’s another rise of Wally the Walrus. He won last week and now faces the Chargers to have the division to themselves in this week’s contest. This will lead his team to the playoffs. Everyone will then forget the roller coaster season. Then when the Chiefs are eliminated they will say Alex Smith is not the right quarterback to lead us through the playoffs.

#17.TENNESSEE 8-6 Down 3 spots   The Titans are sliding down the power rankings very slowly.

It’s not SEXY either.

#18. SAN FRANCISCO 4-10 Up 5 spots   Jimmy has turned this team around. The man looks like he has been behind center for years than less then ten games as a starter in the league. Now he will play a quality defense. I think San Fran will be like the Redskins and franchise this guy this off season. Because they do not have him locked up yet and he looks like the real McCoy.

#19.GREEN BAY 7-7  Down 2 spots   It was Welcome Back Kotter for the packers. They were in hopes of Vinny or even Gabe. However only Arnold showed up.

 

Rodgers threw three interceptions in the game. Now the white flag has officially went up high in cheese land as the stink is all over Wisconsin.

#20.NEW YORK JETS 5-9   Same   Jets are still playing teams tough even without McCown. You have to give the coaching staff some kudos. It was looking like a tear down.

However if they can draft the right people soon. They might turn in what they have into the devestator!!!

#21.OAKLAND 6-8 Down 2 spots Its time for the owner of Raiders to get a new hair do.

I think Vegas is the only city to provide a dome for that head that is worked around the ole fashioned bowl.

#22.ARIZONA 6-8  Down 1 spot    Larry Fitzgerald has not made up his mind if he is coming back for another season. This team baffles me. The defense has been brilliant over the years. The offense has been breathtaking – they dazzled us and then you scratch your head like what the hell happened. They have some talent on this roster. I love the coaching staff. Palmer is ready for social security. Stanton has not been impressive like how he once was a pretty good option to hold the fort down when your number guy got hurt. Love to see Larry come back. But I think they need to rebuild the entire offense. They need backs and linemen. Mostly they need new blood behind the center. If they do not make the right moves in the off season, if I’m Larry I would be riding off into the sunset. Unless another team wants you and are very close to winning it all. Why go through another let down season in Arizona?

#23.WASHINGTON 6-8 Up 1 spot    The Redskins showing they are not a team that will be below .500.. They will show you they are a team that will be at the .500 mark at the end of the season. Maybe the fans will believe they have come together and have a team to recon with next year. A team on the rise. Don’t be fooled. Cobra Commander in GIJOE has lots of great ideas. He even gets his Cobra Army and plans to take over the whole NFL, so close you can hear the hiss in his voice. However then the plan backfires and it’s the same old song and dance. That’s why Serpentor took over Cobra for all Cobra Commander idiot calls to end failed missions.

The Redskins need a new snake at the head of the table.

#24.MIAMI 6-8 Down 2 spots    Jay Cutler was back throwing his regular interceptions. Maybe that game he had against New England was the ghost of Jay Cutler Christmas past. Maybe first year in Denver since it is Christmas. The guy originated in Santa Clause, Indiana. Where they probably think he is the lost soul of that town. Like what Whoville did to the Grinch and the kindness was so bad he went to the mountains. Cutler went for his smokes. No worries Jay, butt itching season is coming soon on your boat with your model wife counting your money you have stolen from all those poor football towns. Like the Grinch did to Whoville.

#25. DENVER 5-9 Up 4 spots    The Broncos have been on a roll with bottom feeders of the NFL as they are one themselves. The rotating quarterback has been the theme of the year. Denver had the real Santa behind center once upon a time with Manning. Before that Elway had the real Santa suit. They even did well with Hanukkah Harry Tebow behind center.

The mall Santa quarterbacks are not the answer in Denver this year.

#26.TAMPA BAY 4-10 Up one spot   Tampa Bay gave the Falcons a run for their money on Monday Night. It’s looking more like the Buccaneers will be the only team from their division not to make the playoffs. They will be at home watching the Falcons, Panthers, along with the Saints playing games after the new Years. Like in Lethal Weapon, Roger Murtaugh said to the hooker “All dressed up and no one to blow.” Just like the Buccaneers these days.

#27.CHICAGO 4-10 Down 2 spots     Bears play the Cleveland Browns in week 16. Will the Bears be looking at themselves in the mirror as they see the Browns? Will The Bears turn into the Browns?  They are not that far away from it. Both quarterbacks have resulted in many turn overs their first season. Both have shown some flashes of good stuff as well. But can both quarterbacks get better like Goff did in year two. Wentz has shown success right off the first snap behind center. Both teams have some pieces in place. However both teams have failed to draft good players consistently. Bears have drafted Kevin White a few years ago and the man is very fragile like the Christmas story leg lamp that was in the window. Meanwhile Gordon can not stay on the field do to drugs he likes in his Cheerios. Will the people upstairs get things right in the front office? That’s where they need to do some major house cleaning.

#28. NEW YORK GIANTS 2-12 Up 3 spots   Even though they lost last week to the Eagles I moved the Giants up because they played a great game. They played better than the teams behind them in the power rankings. The Giants are in line for a great draft pick for next year. Do they go for it? However one more loss in the next two games and they will make history. No Giant team has ever lost 13 games in a season. They play the Cardinals and the Deadskins. Those are two teams they could beat. Both are not playing for anything. If they win do they get a home version of the game like in the game shows?

#29.INDIANAPOLIS 3-11  Up 1 spot  Since it is Christmas time I will sing the song, All I Want for Christmas is YOU!!! Reuniting Jim Harbaugh with Andrew Luck like the ole Stanford days is what I want in my stocking as a Colt fan. Maybe a new owner, now that is a pipe dream. However Colt fans should be on the nice list according to Santa. However they might be skipped over since they are a city of misfits. Plus Rudolf is on a bender this year and is in rehab. Will Santa be able to find the Misfits and help them with new toys?

Well at least the Indianapolis still has the Superbowl car race. A bunch of hicks making left hand turns.

#30.CINCINNATI 5-9 Down 4 spots     The Bengals got bad when they let Marvin Jones walk. Even Sanu leaving they never replaced those receivers. If you take AJ Green out of the game it’s simple to beat the Bengals. Check all the Bengals players, they have toe tags tied to their toes. They are flat and already counting the days down to their off season vacation plans. The head coach will be the first to go. It is time to get some new blood leading that team. It better not be a blood or a crypt from the county jail. Enough of the bad citizens, trade them all to Seattle the Bumbles of the NFC.

#31. HOUSTON 4-10 Down 3 spots     Does a clown name Jadeveon Clowny have the right to trash talk after his team was killed by the Jaguars 45-7? Seriously he called Bortles  trash after the game. Look in the mirror… to me you have a guy named Savage playing and taking most of the snaps this year. Even Yates is not affected. Plus you and your defense suck. People like Clowny should not trash talk when you’re up to your arm pits in shit. So the Jaguar fans are sending garbage cans to Clowny at his workplace.

PRICELESS!!!!!

#32.CLEVELAND 0-14 Same   Can the Browns get their first win against the Bears this Sunday? Bears looked flat last week. Maybe the should call this contest between the Bears and Browns MISTAKES BY THE LAKE BOWL.. Each player gets a participation ribbon for playing. So they can bring it home to Christmas and put it on the fridge. This game should be a Festivus celebration. Both teams should gather around the pole in the middle of the field and air their grievances. Have John Fox wrestle Hue Jackson at mid field to determine the winner out this crappy football game. All’s the DAWG pound wants for Xmas is a win. In 2016 on Christmas Eve, Santa delivered for the Brownies. The Browns got their only victory that year on Christmas Eve against the San Diego Chargers. No wonder the city of San Diego did not want to buy the Chargers a new stadium.