LAST WEEK’S RECORD WAS PATHETIC: 8-8

UPSETS DESTROYED WHAT WE THOUGHT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD WEEK

OUR YEAR RECORD AS WE SKIPPED WEEK ONE IS EVEN AT 16-16

WEEK FOUR BYES: REDSKINS AND PANTHERS

Week four byes means no jokes about the Fig Newton being soft in the brains. No talks about changing the Redskins name. Even though we do not care about what they call their team in the Capital.

Week four is our week. We have predicted winners and a whole bunch of Tom Foolery to go along with soccer hooliganisms .

THE SUNDAY SLATE

THE MATCH UP                                                          OUR WINNER

JETS AT JAGUARS                                                           JAGUARS

This looks like an easy pick. However how do we explain the Jaguars beating the Evil Empire then losing to the Tuxedos of Tennessee in kick off. Sam Darnold showed us his talents in week one against the kitty cats in Detroit. However he came back down to earth as did the Jets. If the Jags actually had a quarterback, they could be Superbowl bound with that defense. I believe Leonard Fournette will be back. That will help the Great Blake Bortles. Jags win this one in a laugher.

DOLPHINS AT PATRIOTS                                                   PATRIOTS

You would think the Evil Empire Patriots would be the team 3-0 and the Dolphins would be 1-2. Miami fans got to love their team again after last season trying to stomach watching Jay Cutler.

The Dolphins have beaten the Titans, Jets and Raiders. Only the Titans might be a good team out of that group. Are the Dolphins actually a good team? Then it’s funny seeing the Patriots on a losing streak as we hope it continues.  However we have been down this road before. Sometimes the Patriots lose at the start of the season and then yield off ten straight wins. Patriots get on track here and win big, giving Miami their first loss of the year.

EAGLES AT TITANS                                                               EAGLES

Titans are a team that I’m not sure of. However they seem to feast off teams in their own division. Then teams outside their division, their record to me is not impressive. Meanwhile the Eagles welcomed back Carson Wentz last week. The Eagles ended up just getting by the Colts last week. So he got his feet wet in that game and he knocked off the rust at the same time. I think you see a sharper game from Wentz in his second game back and with a better performance, Eagles prevail and look more like their Superbowl selves.

TEXANS AT COLTS                                                                    COLTS

I’m sick of getting burned by the Texans. For some odd reason I think Watson will have a big day. Then my mind sees a few of their receivers will also will come out with huge days as well. The defense will break the quarterback’s legs. Then I wake up. I think the Colts defense have been playing well and that will be the key as they stop Watson’s air attack. Then Andrew Luck makes enough plays to get his team by and the Colts even up their record at 2-2.

BILLS AT PACKERS                                                                      BILLS

I’m jumping on the band wagon of the Buffalo Bills. Yes, call me crazy. The stat that intrigues me is that since Vontae Davis retired the Bills have out scored their opponents 41-9. VONTAE DAVIS YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOOD BYE!!!!! The Bills looked very bad in the first two weeks of the season. Then they pulled off the biggest upset in decades last week against the Vikings. It leaves you scratching your head and thinking like Hank Hill, saying “What the Hell Bobby?” The Bills did make it it to the playoffs last season. They even went out and improved their defense. Not the Vontae Davis signing, obviously he is garbage. The defense was pretty good last season. It took them ’til game three to finally show up. I think the Bills will shock the world again and go into Green Bay and chase down the hobbled Rodgers enough times to prevail. I loved the way Josh Allen played last week as he looked like a seasoned veteran out their hurdling defenders. Not impressed with the Packers so far. The Bears blew a big fourth quarter lead. The Vikings could have won that tie they had with the cheese heads, but blown field goals helped Packers settle for a tie. Then the Redskins gave them an arse kicking. I like the Bills in this one just edging Rodgers and company in a fight to the end.

LIONS AT COWBOYS                                                                 LIONS

This is one of those games you can flip a coin to get the pick right. The Cowboys offense is struggling. Which probably make Dez Bryant a happy camper. Stroking his ego as he points the finger to Cowboys’ coaching staff on the twitter. Both teams are 1-2. I like the Lions especially, they can build on that big Sunday night game against the Evil Empire, the Patriots. The key to this game is the Lions offense. I think they can put points on the board against the Cowboy defense. I see the Cowboys offense continuing to struggle on the short bus of life in the 2018 season. I think the Cowboys need to call the Corona hot line and seek the answers from Tony Romo.

BUCCANEERS AT BEARS                                                    BUCCANEERS

This will be the first real test for that Bears defense. The Buccaneers’ high powered offense against that Mack led defense that has been dominating  and at times stingy. I think the Bears will get some turnovers off Fitzmagic. However Ryan Fitzpatrick will get off a few big plays in this game. The Buccaneers will score enough points where the struggling Mitch Trubisky on the Bears offense will not be able to match. Buccaneers win this one by one score. Then the talk on sports radio in Chicago will be red hot about how their first round quarterback looks like he plays for the Bad News Bears.

BENGALS AT FALCONS                                                                FALCONS

The Falcons have had some injuries piling up. The Bengals coming off their first loss of the year. I think the game will be close and the Falcons pulling away late. I think the Bengals have improved. I find it hard for many teams to stop the Falcons’ offense. Falcons are used to being in shoot outs. Last week the Saints got the ball last and won. I don’t see Andy Dalton and AJ Green able to sustain a high temple scoring affair. I think the Falcons’ defense makes a few plays to prevent the Bengals from winning.

SEAHAWKS AT CARDINALS                                                        CARDINALS

This used to be a big game when these two teams met. Times have changed as both teams are heading in a downward spiral. Who will want to watch this toilet bowl? The Cardinals will win this one as long as Bradford is not their quarterback. Sam Bradford is a fraud at quarterback. Now you know the reasons why Minnesota cleared house of all their quarterbacks from a year ago. Put the rookie in and David Johnson will run wild off the defense that lost their boom. The Seahawks offensive line is a turnstyle which the Cardinals defense will exploit. Oh to see Pete Carol’s face after another loss will be priceless. Especially with the Cardinals seeking their first win.

BROWNS AT RAIDERS                                                                BROWNS

After this week I think the Oakland fans will help Jon Gruden pack his bags for Vegas. Raiders fans can now turn their full attention to A’s baseball. The Browns have a new savior in town and thank God it’s not Lebron James. Baker Mayfield is the new sheriff in town and without a Raider pass rush, this will be a big game for the young quarterback. I hope the reporters ask Gruden if he misses Khalil Mack. People will be talking playoffs if the Browns pull this game out. Browns in the playoffs? That’s hard to say. Does not trickle off your tongue easy.

SAINTS AT GIANTS                                                                       SAINTS

Can this one be another epic shoot out? Will the dogs like Beckham come out and pee on the goalposts? I think the Saints are just starting to warm up. You can say they scored 43 points last week and they already were heating up. I’m waiting for that big play defense to rev up. Do they need to bring back bounty-gate? Eight Giant heads in duffel bag.

 

 

Of course starring Joe Pesci. Beckham would be the first head Joe would collect. Put on the Saints mantel. I think Saints prevail in this contest. I think the defense for the Saints come out and have a better day then they’re used to.

49ERS AT CHARGERS                                                                  CHARGERS

Oh how a quarterback can change a team. With Jimmy done for the season you will see the rest of the 49ers season be flushed down the toilet. Now The Rams will win that division by 8 games and have things clinched before Halloween, if that is possible. The Chargers need a cakewalk, especially coming off a loss in the LA bowl last week. I think Rivers and company have a monster game in this contest.

RAVENS AT STEELERS                                                                  STEELERS

The Steelers needed that game last week against the Buccaneers.  With that win it probably saved the locals lynching Mike Tomlin as well. With the Ravens coming to town this should be a well fought game. Even though the Ravens have two wins they still have not shown me much. They beat up on the Bills who came out of the gate lifeless. They beat the Broncos last week who I think are nothing special. The loss to the Bengals who are a middle of the road type of team.The Steelers will obviously be the biggest challenge for the Ravens. It’s another prime time game and Steelers will thrive in the spot light and get back in the race as one of the elite teams in the AFC.

CHIEFS AT BRONCOS                                                                       CHIEFS

The Broncos would need 11 Von Millers on their defense to stop the Chiefs. Case Keenum who I think is a one year wonder at quarterback. He will not be able to keep up with the Chiefs in a shoot out. Patrick Mahomes has another big day as the Chiefs rout the Broncos to stay on top of the AFC West and stay undefeated.

Our segment of Dead from the Neck Up continues as we have some brand new meatheads to discuss. The NFL is well stocked with the meats… just ask any butcher.

THIS WEEK’S FIRST MEAT FOR BRAINS OF THE WEEK IS…

JAMEIS WINSTON

We know Jameis Winston’s quarterback rating is zero at this time since being suspended. We know his uber rating is higher than his quarterback rating. I did not know you could feel your Uber driver’s private parts when you get picked up. Jameis thought this was ok. Not sure you could do that in Vegas, getting a ride to one those ranches where you can pay to get any kind of boob you want. Can I have an order of Spaghetti O’s with the blonde please? It is that kind of world in some parts. However being the quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers I guess allows you to do anything you want. Plus this is not his first time where his fingers did the talking. Good ole Winston ran into problems in his college days. Now he is ready to come back and play for the Buccaneers. Only problem is the Buccaneers are winning with Ryan Fitzpatrick. AKA…FITZMAGIC. I hope the Buccaneers ride out Fitzpatrick for the rest of the year and now I hope they make the playoffs with the former Harvard quarterback. Keep Jameis on the bench because he is “Dead From the Neck Up” however his fingers work well if you have an itch on your crotch.

SECOND MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK:  LEVEON BELL

The Steelers finally won their first game last week. Without their top running back? No worries they have the Terminator filling in… James Conner.  Leveon Bell is MIA in Pittsburgh. He is, I assume, the last hold out still holding out. Bell is unhappy not getting a big contract with an extension for a thousand years to get paid more than God in his mind or whatever he still has upstairs. Could be the pot clouding his mind, not the hits to the head. He loses like $852.000 EVERY SUNDAY. Of course that is chump change when it comes to professional sports. However if someone is going to pay you that type of money when running backs these days fall off the trees, someone should let the meat for brains know that. Plus no team is going to throw the type of guaranteed money he wants when the first play could end his career in the backfield. Sorry Mr. Bell running backs are risky business and you are not Tom Cruise. Yes indeed, Mr. Bell is a Meathead.

THE MEATHEAD OF THE WEEK

DEZ BRYANT

Where is Dez Bryant? Maybe he is hanging out with Waldo blending into society. NOT!!! Dez is unhappy with the old job. HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS!?!  They are not doing well so far. However they’d be doing the same with Dez still on the team. That’s the terrible part of professional sports, sometimes you’re not wanted and you get cut. That is what happened to Dez Bryant. More likely a salary cap issue than his overall play. However he thinks he should be paid higher than Uncle Scrooge. His talents on the field got him an offer from the Baltimore Ravens before the season started. However he turned down Baltimore. The Ravens moved on. Now with the season started and three weeks have gone by, Dez finds himself at home waiting for an offer. Waiting for someone to knock at his door and park a brinks truck outside his house in his drive way. It’s not happening. I feel like Dez is thinking with a Lamont Sanford brain.

These days it does not stop Dez going on twitter to make fun of his old team. To blame the management for cutting him. Yes these are signs he might plot an attack on the old work place. This is why we have nominated him for an award this week. So he feels like someone is paying attention to him. Like these kids now a days get trophies just for participating. Yes Dez, we feel you buddy. You have been nominated for the Meathead of the week, my friend..

Dez hit the double bonus. To be insulted by Archie Bunker and Fred Sanford. What next, the Golden Gals? Take me to TV land to listen to who else has things to say about Dez Bryant….

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME SEPTEMBER 27, 2018

LAST THURSDAY PREDICTION: WIN

We have to thank Baker Mayfield for getting our prediction correct last week. We had Browns winning even with Tyrod Taylor behind center. Taylor looked like hot garbage. Tyrod Taylor  got hurt. Then Mayfield led the comeback. Cleveland gets their first win in like 600 days. It sucks to be a Jets fan.

Our  overall Thursday night record now is 1-1 for the year.

The first week we were doing a pig roast and it got out of hand. Authorities been looking for us. We did not see the flames spreading that far. We missed getting our picks done. That’s all I have to say about that chapter.

THE THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

VIKINGS AT RAMS

My thoughts before last Sunday this Thursday night game  might be a intriguing match up. However the Vikings were man handled by the Buffalo Bills last Sunday. Biggest upset in decades. I feel Kirk Cousins been sucking his thumb in the fetal position all week crying. Then the Vikings are dealing with Everson Griffen. Who has been dealing with mental problems. He left home in the middle of night last weekend, to be found at hotel room fighting the demons in his head. One Two Freddie is looking for you perhaps. Then the team has to fly across the country and face the Rams. Plus doing this on very short week does not help. Vikings had to game plan on the flight.

The Rams have been firing on all cylinders. They have won all three games they have played so far. The Rams look like only a few teams in the league that have played well on both sides of the ball. The Rams were at home last Sunday and did not have to travel.

I just do not see the Vikings getting over the ass kicking that quick from last Sunday. You would think a bad taste in their mouth from the loss the Vikings would come out swinging. The Rams on short week is not the opponent you want to face. I think Vikings start strong. Then the Rams take over and stay undefeated.

OUR PICK: RAMS

LAST WEEK RECORD WAS 8-8

We sent our whole staff to the firing squad with that kind of record

We are not savages and actually killed our former staff because they could not pick the right games.

SUNDAY’S SLATE

MATCH UP                                      OUR PREDICTED WINNER

PACKERS VERSUS REDSKINS                 PACKERS

Last week I was praising the Redskins because the spanking machine found his youth. Then the play of veteran quarterback Alex Smith. I was completely sucker punched as the Colts won. My thinking was the Redskins could handle the middle of the pack and crappy teams. Now they play a good team in Green Bay. The Skins will get scalped in this contest. A one legged Rodgers on a pogo stick could beat Washington at their own place. Packers could be easily 2-0 as they settled for the tie with their division rivals, the Vikings, last week due to missed kicks. The Cheese heads will get the bad tasting tie out of their mouths and have a cake walk in week three.

BILLS VERSUS VIKINGS                             VIKINGS

The Vikings could have won week two against their arch rival the Cheese whiz from Wisconsin. Missed kicks from Charlie Brown and the Lucy combo did not work for the Vikings. Now they’ve signed It’s a Wonderful Life’s Dan Bailey. George’s little brother who kicked for Dallas and fought in both World Wars. They have a cake walk against the Bills who have stunk up the joint each week so far. Last week they even had a guy quit at halftime on them. They benched Peterman, the character from Seinfeld, last week and put in the young gun slinger from Wyoming. Josh Allen got his feet wet in week one. The Vikings defense won’t keep his feet wet in week two. The Bills made the playoffs last season and the schedule makers don’t want to see them make it back this season. The Bills have a rough start with very tough opponents that will continue.  I think the offense will get better. I’m worried more about what the hell happened to the Bills defense. Is Rex Ryan back running things? Bills are trying to find themselves like they are on a European trip after a few years of college smoking weed and lolly gagging on the beaches. Vikings know who they are and I expect them to roll the Bills at home.

RAIDERS AT DOLPHINS                                  DOLPHINS

I don’t know how the Dolphins are 2-0. Maybe because I think they still have Jay Cutler behind center still in which that’s not the case. Ryan Tannehill is back from the season ending injury he suffered which then brought in the great Jay Cutler from the streets. Miami fans have to be happy not to be drowning themselves in their pool watching a crook like Cutler steal money from their organization and have no benefits.  Raiders offense came to life last week. Derrick Carr looked like his old self.  Chucky does not believe in defense and Miami has one that is better then the Raiders. Dolphins will control the tempo of this game and come with a strong running game that the Raiders can not stop. Raider fans are still mourning the loss of Khalil Mack. Have you ever seen a Darth Vader cry in the black hole? The fans in the black hole  look like Hell’s Angels or something constructed out of a costume store that will scare you to death.This year tears are flowing behind the masks. Plus when the Raiders do leave for Vegas, these costume shops in Oakland will be hurting. At least on Tuesday nights Raider fans can rally and watch the Mayans to get over the team’s misery.

SAINTS AT FALCONS                                          SAINTS

This will be one of best games on Sunday’s slate. Both these teams fight tooth and nails against each other when they meet. It’s whoever has the ball last that will win the game.  Atlanta has home field in this contest. However I think the Saints put up a complete game both offense and defense that gives the Saints a big win early in the season. This game features two great quarterbacks matching each other score to score. Falcons have problems scoring touchdowns in the red zone and settling for field goals. This is where the Saints will just edge the dirty birds as they will convert late on a score to put them on the top.

COLTS AT EAGLES                                             EAGLES

Carson Wentz is back.  All Eagle fans are singing Welcome Back Kotter and whistling dixie, their young quarter back will behind center. Nick Foles did amazing stuff including last year’s playoffs and Superbowl. Sometimes your luck runs out and the team is much better with Carson then Nick. Colts won in week two against the Skins. Good to see Frank Reich, the head coach, get his first victory. Plus Andrew Luck, with  his first victory behind center in a long time, due to last year’s injury. I think the game will be close until Carson Wentz eventually shakes off the rust and you will see how good he actually is. The Eagles at home is tough for many opponents. For Nick Foles, losing to Tampa is not the end of civilization for him in Philadelphia. He may be charged for a Philly cheese steak now.

BRONCOS AT RAVENS                                       RAVENS

This is a tough match up to pick. You think your woman has 17 different personalities, especially that one day. You Know. Both these teams have multiple personalities and that makes it hard to figure out who is going to win. Quarterbacks, which one do you get? Do you get Superbowl Joe Flacco, or last year’s version? For the Broncos do you get the Minnesota version of Keenum or the old Rams version? Seems like the Broncos have sweated buckets in each of their wins to get the job done against crappy opponents. It’s hard to see them go to the east coast and pull one out in Baltimore.  I hate the Ravens, but I picked them again so they can disappoint me.

BENGALS AT PANTHERS                                   BENGALS

Another match up which is puzzling to me. This match up  is a Jekyll and Hyde situation as well. Can the Bengals go into Carolina and win? Will the Fig Newton be stale this weekend and still soft in the middle?  I do like Carolina’s defense. However since the Bengals turned it up last year to save Marvin Lewis’ job, I think the Bengals are on a mission. Get back to the playoffs. Andy Dalton, the Red Rifle, has looked great. The Bengal defense has done well. Plus the running game. I think the Panthers are not playing on cylinders. The panthers will be last year’s version of the Buccaneers, the only team in the division not to make it to the playoffs.

GIANTS AT TEXANS                                                TEXANS

This is another match up that can pull your hair out. Both teams 0-2. Both teams I have picked to win but have gotten burned. I think home cooking will be the answer for the Texans. I pencil in Watson and his receivers to have a big day. I said pencil so I can erase that prediction later just in case.  Houston has the better defense out of the two. That will be the key to the game forcing a few Manning turn overs. Now the Giants will win.

TITANS AT JAGUARS                                                JAGUARS

Love to see back up quarterback Blaine Gabbert burn his old team the Jags.  However that will not happen. Jaguars coming off a big victory over the Evil Empire and the hated Patriots. Bortles looked impressive in that game. It’s all about the defense in Jaggy land. I do not care how much Moonshine the Titans have, Jaguars will prevail in this contest.

49ERS AT  CHIEFS                                                      CHIEFS

This will be another exciting game.It seems like every game the Chiefs play is always exciting with that well oiled machine they have on the offensive side of the ball. I think Jimmy Garoppolo will keep the 49ers in this contest. Jimmy’s perfection behind center hit a snag in week one when the Vikings gave him his first loss. Jimmy did lead the 49ers over the Lions last week. Which is no big deal. Jets tamed the Lions in week one. Meanwhile Patrick Mahomes and all the weapons he has Cobra Commander wishes he had those when he faces GI JOE. No one has been able to stop the Chiefs offense and the 49ers will not be the first ones to do it. Chiefs prevail late in the third and put this game on ice.

CHARGERS AT RAMS                                                       RAMS

Who will escape LA with a victory in this match up? Depends who has Jake the Snake Plissken behind center. This is the very first of the cross town rivalry. Maybe in ten years both teams will be relocated to Providence, Rhode Island. Both have well balanced teams. I like both quarterbacks. I think the game will be a close one. I think the Rams have the edge with their defense. Joey Bosa most likely still out for the Chargers. Fred Dryer aka Hunter would say that works for me. Rams force a River turnover late in the game to prevail.

COWBOYS AT SEAHAWKS                                          COWBOYS

The legion of doom is done. Now the Seahawks are relying on the Olson Twins to pick up the slack. Seattle’s offensive line is a turnstyle. Russell Wilson is running for his life just to make a play. Great to see a worm like Pete Carroll squirm.The Cowboys finally got on the board last week. I think Ezekial Elliot has a big day on the ground. He is due for a huge breakout game and the Seahawks will be his cup of tea.

BEARS AT CARDINALS                                                 BEARS

Decades ago this match up used to be a cross town rival. You could say it was like the Cubs/Sox rivalry. One team North and one team South. Cardinals these days could be the worst team in the NFL. I’m not impressed with Sam Bradford. I think the Viking cleared their house of quarterbacks last season because they did not want to be tied down to paying big money for one year wonders. I think the Bears defense will be the story in this match up. This could get ugly for Bradford quickly. Cardinal fans better hope that Bradford will survive this contest, no need to throw their rookie quarterback out to the dogs of the Midway Monsters. It seems like every young quarterback from the last two years have had at least one huge game. Bear fans are still waiting for Mitch Trubisky to have that game. This could be the game he breaks out. Bears dominate this one.

PATRIOTS AT LIONS                                                           PATRIOTS

It would suck to be the opponent after a Patriot loss. You feel like Tom Brady is warming up the Death Star and has that big laser cannon pointed at your town. Just waiting on the count down to game-time as the button is pressed and like a blink of your eye, motor city is wiped out. Patriots in blowout. I think new Patriot Josh Gordon will only have a few beers before the game.

STEELERS AT BUCCANEERS                                          BUCCANEERS

What’s higher, Winston’s quarterback rating or his Uber rating? I’m jumping on the Buccaneer pirate ship. Poor Mike Tomlin has to feel like his days are numbered as head coach. Has to feel like the Steeler fans will be over to his house with torches and pitch forks if they lose this one. I don’t think the Steeler defense can slow down the Buccaneer offense. The Steeler curtain is more like a shower curtain these days. I feel like Fitzpatrick has sold his soul to the devil for one glorious season. I think this one will be a shoot out. Big Ben crumbles at the end as Buccaneers still remain unbeaten. Buccaneers and Chiefs in the Superbowl.

 

 

 

Dead from the next up is a new segment on the blog. Every week we will go around the NFL and tell you the people that are dead from the neck up. Just like Archie Bunker did on his show, All in the Family. We will be finding current and of course X players because after a long time in the league, the porch light is on and we know no one is home. We will call out the ones with too many hits to the head.The bone headed mistakes on the gridiron. Why did you beat up your girl? Plus all the dumb things these players say on a regular basis… we will be in business with this segment for zillion of years. The material we have is endless.

FIRST MEAT HEAD: ERIC REID

Eric Reid was a safety for the San Francisco 49ers. He was pretty good in the secondary. However he is out of a job in the NFL. He is one of Colin Kaepernick’s disciples. He is known as the second kneeler. Colin’s right hand man. Now without a job and no income coming in, what does he do? He has seen the head goat, Colin, recently sign a deal with Nike. Will Colin Kaepernick help one of his sheep and at least give him a room and board? Make him the pool boy like the Juice had. Whatever happened to Kato Kaelin? Eric Reid made the wrong choice and followed the wrong guy. Quit being a sheep in life and come up with your own way of supporting a cause. Quit being second fiddle in someone else’s world. Eric Reid is DEAD FROM THE NECK UP.

SECOND MEAT HEAD: CHUCKY AKA JON GRUDEN

The Raiders have paid you a ton of money. The first time you screwed the Raiders was when you bitched about your own contract and forced them to trade you. He landed in  Tampa Bay. Then you end up demolishing your old team in the Superbowl. Then you come back to the Raiders and they pay you a few brinks trucks and what do you do You trade Khalil Mack to the Bears. Old Chucky could of worked it out to have Mack on the team, paid with an extension. Instead he is complaining about the lack of a pass rush in week two against the Denver Broncos who came back and beat the Raiders. You just let maybe the best player in the league walk out your doors.

If  there’s no crying in baseball . Definitely no crying in football. Put the Chucky doll back in the package, he’s dead to me. Hire a Cabbage Patch kid for the Vegas trip.

JON GRUDEN IS DEAD FROM THE NECK UP

THIRD MEAT HEAD: VONTAE DAVIS

Vontae Davis signed with the Buffalo Bills in the off season. Finally he gets on the field, but he does not look good. The team does not look good. The defense looks like a gigantic car crash… a complete wrecks all over the free way. By the time the half is over, the Police, in this case the coaches trying to figure out what happened, Vontae flees the scene of an accident. He walks out on the team and ends his career. Things not going his way “I’m taking my ball and going home” style of things. Walking out of a dead end job in the middle of the day, maybe tell your boss all the things you been holding back for years is ok. But this is the NFL. This is something every person can not do. I can see him saying to coaches, don’t play me the second half and then stay on the side lines. Maybe be determined to go out there and redeem yourself . Stay suited up and finish the game playing or watching. Then after the game walk away. That is no walking off in the sun set either. VONTAE DAVIS IS DEAD FROM THE NECK UP. By walking out, no one will hire him if he gets the itch to play again down the road. Plus after football, life like media jobs giving your opinion on the play of others, will not call on him.

THE MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK PERHAPS YEAR

RICHIE INCOGNITO

This incident happened weeks ago. I have been itching to write something about Richie Incognito’s behavior that was not very not incognito like.

Richie Incognito has had many issues in his playing career. He finally got a few quiet years down the stretch of his career that were quiet and he actually played well on the Buffalo Bills line. After the Bills he had a run in with the law. Then his father passed away. At the funeral parlor he got in a fight with the morticians. Police were called in on this incident. Incognito wanted to cut his father’s head off the body to find out reasons why Richie is so screwed up. Yes, I do believe that is the proper way of doing the research on the brain these days. Right in the middle of the wake get the hack saw and cut off the head. Put it in a gym bag and run it over to the medical office where they will take it from there.

This is a big example of porch light is on and nothing is going on inside except the hamster is drunk and fell off the wheel.

RICHIE INCOGNITO HAS BEEN DEAD FROM THE NECK UP FOR YEARS

THE MEAT HEAD AWARD

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME SEPTEMBER 20,2018

LAST THURSDAY PREDICTION: LOSS

Ray Lewis can get away with murder. However when we pick the Ravens they can not beat the Bengals. The Ravens have made the Wild Shamrock naughty list. You perverts out there, not in a good way either .

THURSDAY RECORD FOR THE SEASON: 0-1 (Week one we played hooky.)

TONIGHT’S GAME

JETS AT BROWNS

Can the Browns even their record to straight one’s? With a win they will be 1-1-1 as they would have sampled the whole menu. Can they win? It’s been like 600 days since the last time the Browns have won a game. You’d think the Browns would be able to start their season playing some games in Canada. Maybe even the arena football. Try to build up the confidence and get a few wins in the column before facing NFL action.

Meanwhile the Jets beat the snot out of the Lions who had no courage that game. Then they lose to the Dolphins, oh my.  Rookie quarterback is having some up’s and downs so far behind center. Now the pressure is really on him because he has to travel to the Dawg pound and play a team desperate for a victory.  Maybe he will meet Drew Carey. Was the first game luck for the young man from USC?

After smoking some crack watching Weekend at Bernie’s two over the weekend. The only way to watch that movie and the greatest thriller ever in Surf Ninja’s must die. We figure let’s win one for Bernie. The most famous Bernie in Cleveland has to be Bernie Kosar. Well he was awesome. But his daughter the porn star is hot so we are backing Bernie’s old team, the Browns.  Plus we are sniffing glue and we think Tyrod Taylor will be the stealth surf Ninja that is alive on the screen and throws three touch down passes, while running for another score.

OUR PICK: THE BROWNS

The analysis

Since Josh McCown is not playing, the Browns win this game. The Dawgs better not bite Sam Darnold before the game. The Browns do not need to see Josh McCown in this game. Would be interesting hearing that a rookie quarterback got rabies from a human dog. Maybe like the dog from that FX show. That human dressed in dog pajamas. I do like how the Browns have been playing so far.They tied the Steelers in week one. Could of won that contest. Then they could of won last week against the Saints. Tonight they put it all together and prevail. Plus they have a new Kicker. Imagine getting kicked out of the Browns. Where do you go? What do you do now? Do they have a survivor episode for people getting cut from the Browns?

NFL WEEK TWO PREDICTIONS

We are off to a rough start as we had Ravens winning at the Bengals

Thursday Night

MATCH UP                                     WINNER

RAVENS AT BENGALS                x   RAVENS

Sunday Games

PANTHERS AT FALCONS                 FALCONS

Falcons need to learn how to score when they are in the red zone. Home cooking will turn that around against the Panthers. Matt Ryan will have a big game. The Fig Newton will crumble in Atlanta and not be able to match scores with Julio and the flock of dirty birds.

COLTS AT REDSKINS                          REDSKINS

Alex Smith has always been a smart quarterback that hardly makes any mistakes. I think with him getting traded away from the Chiefs, he’s going to make a statement this year. Like when the 49ers dumped him. That move looks stupid now. Dumping Alex Smith for the kneeler. Adrian Peterson has found some fountain of the youth product. Or perhaps he has a new switch for the kids. I think the Redskins will win the games against average and bad teams. Andrew Luck looked pretty good in the first game. I still think he’s knocking off rust still. Redskins will win in a close one.

TEXANS AT TITANS                             TEXANS

The Texans played a semi close game with New England last week. Watson was not at his best but coming off the injury last year also knocking off rust at the same time. I think he bounces back and has a great game in week two. I still don’t think the Titans are that good. Yes they made the playoffs last year and even won a game to get to the next round. Last week they played with the Dolphins, in the rain, in a game I thought they should have won. Overall the Texans defense will have a big game since now they don’t have to face Tom Brady. I think the Texans have too many good receivers for the Titans to stop.

EAGLES AT BUCCANEERS                     EAGLES

Not jumping on the Buccaneer pirate ship just because they beat the Saints in week one. Fitzpatrick is the streakiest quarterback alive. Week one he had four touchdown passes. Week two he will have 4 INT’S. Without Joe Walsh starting, Nick Foles continues to lead this group to wins. Eagles were Super Bowl champs for a reason and I see them sinking the Buccaneer ship and Fitzpatrick will wonder who sank his battle ship.

CHIEFS AT STEELERS                            STEELERS

You tie with the Cleveland Browns in week one. I’m surprised that Mike Tomlin was not dragged in to the town square being hung from a light pole by Steel workers.  The Steelers even  had the Terminator at running back as Conner did very well and Bell is still holding out. Meanwhile Kansas City offense looked unstoppable as quarterback Mahomes looked like the best pick of last year’s draft behind center. Both teams have multiple weapons on offense. I think the Steelers make one more stop than the Chiefs on defense in this shoot out. The Connor machine runs rapid on the Chief’s defense as Bell will be forgotten after this contest.

DOLPHINS AT JETS                                            JETS

Rookie quarterback Sam Darnold lit up the Lions den last week. While the Dolphins just edged the Titans in a delayed game by lightning. Last season McCown was the starter for the Jets and had a huge year putting up big numbers in that offense. Obviously Sam Darnold can do it as week one will not be a fluke as he will bring the rain down again on the Dolphins.

CHARGERS AT BILLS                                         CHARGERS

Week one, the Bills looked like the worst team in the league. As they went with quarterback Nate Peterman as their starter for some odd reason they think he can play in this league. They trade away McCarron after signing him to a two year deal as they thought Peterman was the answer.  Boy were they wrong. The Bills management were drinking the Raider kool-aid as Chucky didn’t  need Mack on their defense. The rookie quarterback from Wyoming will get the start for the Bills in week two which will help them. I think the Chargers will easily roll over the Bills in this contest due to the rookie starting behind center.

VIKING AT PACKERS                                            VIKINGS

No miracles in week two for Rodgers. I think the Vikings defense will finish off the hobbled Rodgers who got kicked around by the Bears in week one. Kirk Cousins will score enough points to put away the Packers in week two.

BROWNS AT SAINTS                                              SAINTS

The Browns are probably ecstatic still from the big tie with the Steelers in week one. However in week two that will not happen. Taylor and the Browns offense will not muster up the points Drew Brees will put up in week two. Especially the Saints losing to the Buccaneers in week one will leave a bad taste in their mouths. The Browns will look like the old Brownies from last season.

LIONS AT 49ERS                                                   49ERS

Those New England X coaches never do well when they leave Patriot land. Last week Jimmy Garoppolo lost his first game as a pro as a starter behind center. Week two he will snap the one game losing streak and get the 49ers their first win of the season. Rumor has it that many of the Lions players are not thrilled about their new head coach. I see sloppy play continuing as this could be a long season for the Lions.

CARDINALS AT RAMS                                          RAMS

Cardinals looked like one of the worst teams in the league in week one. Rams played with Chucky and the Raiders for a half, then took off in the second half and won the game by a few scores. Sam Bradford, like all of the Vikings quarterbacks from last year, are not the answer. Rams easily win big in week two.

PATRIOTS AND JAGUARS                                          PATRIOTS

I love the Jaguars’ defense. However they still have Bortles at quarterback and that is their weakest link . Tom Brady will lead the Evil Empire down the field just enough to edge the Jaguars again in week two.

RAIDERS AT BRONCOS                                              BRONCOS

Raiders are a mess. I don’t see Chucky Gruden having it cleaned up in week two. Broncos defense will pressure Carr who seems to have trouble these days throwing the ball with people in his face. Case Keenum will have a better outing than his first week even though he came away with a victory. Broncos roll in week two.

GIANTS AT COWBOYS                                             GIANTS

I don’t understand why this match up is always a Sunday Night game. Like this game, every year people across the nation have to see this game. This game will be a snail’s pace style of game. It will be close. However the Giants will prevail late in the game. I see rookie runningback Barkley out rushing the Great Elliot of the Cowboys.

THE MONDAY NIGHT GAME

SEAHAWKS AT BEARS                                                 DA BEARS

The legion of boom have no zoom. All the inmates of the Boom have been dealt to other prisons across the league. Meanwhile the Bears went through heartbreak city after building a big league, then watching Mr. Rodgers in his neighborhood come back and win the game late. The Seahawks offensive line is like a turnstyle which will be good for Mack and the Bears defense as they put the boom on the Seahawks.

We did not predict any of the week one games. We were too busy protesting. Bean bags and beer sounded like a better idea than getting our predictions in. We were even late getting our fantasy football team together. It was quite a day for our roster of kickers.

Last year we relied on the crystal ball that was broken several times. Even taping it back together with scotch tape did not help.

However we were totally correct in CANADIAN  FOOTBALL!!!!!  Johnny Football still sucks.

We promise not to protest any more weeks. As working for Nike would completely suck.

OUR FIRST PREDICTION OF THE YEAR: THURSDAY NIGHT WEEK TWO

September 13, 2018

RAVENS AT BENGALS

Both teams coming away with first week wins. The Ravens clobbered the Buffalo Bills. I’m still scratching my head over why the guy from Seinfeld is still the quarterback for the Bills.

Mr. Peterman needs to go back to his day job and sell those Urban sombreros. Meanwhile the Bengals came back and beat the Indianapolis Colts in Andrew Luck’s first start since the injury that kept him out of the whole season last year.

Bengals defense will keep them in the game against the Ravens. I loved the running game last week that the Bengals unleashed against the Colts. The only thing is, Green is still the one man wrecking crew in the receiving game. Plus he has fumble issues.  I think Ravens defense will make the Bengals one dimensional and be able to limit the Red Rifle to only a few scores.

I think Joe Flacco gets the job done tonight against the Red Rifle. His new weapons on offense will prevail over the Bengal defense. I think drafting Lamar Jackson put a pep in Joe Flacco’s step. Like a dog with new life after avoiding being put down by the vet. Not sure how long it will last but the Ravens will be 2-0 after tonight.

OUR PICK: RAVENS

Maybe Ryan Pace has the biggest balls of them all when it comes to GMs in the NFL. Maybe he is the type of person that will put all his assets on one number in Vegas and let it ride. This weekend the Chicago Bears made a bold move as they traded for Khalil Mack, a hold out and one of the best defensive players in the league. Most people think Ryan Pace got fleeced by the 49ers just to move up one spot to get their quarterback, Mitch Trubisky. Extra picks the Bears needed were now being used by the 49ers, however the Bears think they have their franchise quarterback. This weekend it took two number one picks to get Mack away from the Raiders. You’re not out of the woods yet as they still have to back up a few brinks trucks to Mack’s bank and pay the man a huge amount of money. The reason why he is holding out.

The Chicago Bears always had a face on their defense. They were known around the league as Monsters of the Midway. Guys Like Dick Butkus harrassed quarterbacks and may have bitten some line-men’s arms and threw dirt in their eyes. Then the eyes of Mike Singletary. Something out of a Superman comic book with the eyes blazing as he comes straight at the running back to crush him to the turf. Then just recently, HALL OF FAMER Brian Urlacher. He used his speed to tackle you on the opposite side of the field and chase you down for dear life until your body made an imprint in the ground and ended up like one of those Police sketches. In the movie The Program, the defensive player Alvin Mack is asked what his job is.

His answer is simple “KILL THE QUARTERBACK.”

Getting Khalil Mack finally solves that problem the Bears have had maybe going back to the Richard Dent days. Mack has already accumulated 40.5 sacks in the league. Finally  somebody that can kill the quarterback.

Without Mack, the Bears were pretty talented last year under Vic Fangio, the defensive coordinator. The Bears got rid of Fox and company and only held on to Vic as his defense was top ten in the league last year. Last year’s  MVP of the defensive was Akiem Hicks who can collapse the middle of the pocket on the defensive line. Finally Vic turned Kyle Fuller into a shut down cornerback as he was heading to be cut after last year, if his play did not improve. Then you have veteran Danny Trevathan, a former big piece of that stellar Broncos defense a few years back. He is a hard hitting linebacker that can pop anybody that enters his zone. With all these names and the flashes of Leonard Floyd who now with the arrival of Mack has some pressure taken off him. Then the number one draft pick from Georgia, Roquan Smith. His speed and his tools he could develop faster with Mack in the line up and play his game and not have to try to do everything. This defense now has to be in the top 5 without asking any questions. In the toughest division in football being the Central, quarterbacks like Rodgers, Cousins, and Stafford are not able now to circle the Bears on the schedule as two wins automatically.

The Bears are going down a similar path of the Philadelphia Eagles and the LA Rams with the young controllable quarterback. Then spending their money on their top defensive players. Eagles have beaten Brady and the Evil Empire Patriots and are looking to repeat. Meanwhile the Rams went from worst to first and were in the playoffs and look to get further this upcoming season. The Bears surrounded Trubisky with weapons this off season so he can get better after throwing to the worst cast of receivers in the history of the game last season. The new weapons will help Mitch Trubisky develop, but a shut down defense will help a young quarterback more.  Mitch Trubisky now can make mistakes and not feel like he is the only person to rectify the mistake. The defense led by Mack can overcome an interception and Mitch Trubisky will feel like he’s still in the game because of having a shut down defense.

Ryan Pace’s future will depend on these two moves. Last season drafting Mitch Trubisky and this trade for Khalil Mack. They’ve given up a lot to get these two guys. If these gambles do not pay out, heads will roll at Halas Hall.  Can Mack be the savior? With the big contract coming will he be able to live up to that kind of pressure and scrutiny? We have seen flashes of Mitch Trubisky however he has not shown us anything to say he is the Bears quarterback for the next ten years. What about a sophomore jinx?  That is the job of GM, sometimes you have to roll the dice on something that can totally blow up in your face. The Bulls dynasty took a chance on Denis Rodman and that extra baggage led to three more titles. Then the White sox in 2005 signed AJ Pierzynski who had a checkered past but was a big part of snapping an 88 year drought on the south side of town. Mack comes in without any dirty laundry. Just a player that bleeds football. A very rich player that bleeds football today.

Like the AC DC song, WHOSE GOT BIG BALLS, Ryan Pace might have the biggest balls of them all. The Bears have been playing it safe or making stupid moves over the last few decades. The Cutler contract and the extending the contract making him the highest paid quarterback in the land still makes my head hurt. I don’t know if Mitch Trubisky will be better than Houston’s quarterback Watson. Or Mahomes in Kansas City, but Pace knew he needed a quarterback and got one of the top ones in last year’s draft. Chicago has not seen a legit quarterback since Jim McMahon. If Trubisky plays well and with the new coaching staff I like this Mack deal. It could be the one move to get the Bears back in the playoffs. In 2020 perhaps the Bears will be the Superbowl champions, something that we have not forgotten since the ’85 Bears, who are still well known and loved in these parts.