LAST WEEK RECORD WAS 8-8

We sent our whole staff to the firing squad with that kind of record

We are not savages and actually killed our former staff because they could not pick the right games.

SUNDAY’S SLATE

MATCH UP                                      OUR PREDICTED WINNER

PACKERS VERSUS REDSKINS                 PACKERS

Last week I was praising the Redskins because the spanking machine found his youth. Then the play of veteran quarterback Alex Smith. I was completely sucker punched as the Colts won. My thinking was the Redskins could handle the middle of the pack and crappy teams. Now they play a good team in Green Bay. The Skins will get scalped in this contest. A one legged Rodgers on a pogo stick could beat Washington at their own place. Packers could be easily 2-0 as they settled for the tie with their division rivals, the Vikings, last week due to missed kicks. The Cheese heads will get the bad tasting tie out of their mouths and have a cake walk in week three.

BILLS VERSUS VIKINGS                             VIKINGS

The Vikings could have won week two against their arch rival the Cheese whiz from Wisconsin. Missed kicks from Charlie Brown and the Lucy combo did not work for the Vikings. Now they’ve signed It’s a Wonderful Life’s Dan Bailey. George’s little brother who kicked for Dallas and fought in both World Wars. They have a cake walk against the Bills who have stunk up the joint each week so far. Last week they even had a guy quit at halftime on them. They benched Peterman, the character from Seinfeld, last week and put in the young gun slinger from Wyoming. Josh Allen got his feet wet in week one. The Vikings defense won’t keep his feet wet in week two. The Bills made the playoffs last season and the schedule makers don’t want to see them make it back this season. The Bills have a rough start with very tough opponents that will continue.  I think the offense will get better. I’m worried more about what the hell happened to the Bills defense. Is Rex Ryan back running things? Bills are trying to find themselves like they are on a European trip after a few years of college smoking weed and lolly gagging on the beaches. Vikings know who they are and I expect them to roll the Bills at home.

RAIDERS AT DOLPHINS                                  DOLPHINS

I don’t know how the Dolphins are 2-0. Maybe because I think they still have Jay Cutler behind center still in which that’s not the case. Ryan Tannehill is back from the season ending injury he suffered which then brought in the great Jay Cutler from the streets. Miami fans have to be happy not to be drowning themselves in their pool watching a crook like Cutler steal money from their organization and have no benefits.  Raiders offense came to life last week. Derrick Carr looked like his old self.  Chucky does not believe in defense and Miami has one that is better then the Raiders. Dolphins will control the tempo of this game and come with a strong running game that the Raiders can not stop. Raider fans are still mourning the loss of Khalil Mack. Have you ever seen a Darth Vader cry in the black hole? The fans in the black hole  look like Hell’s Angels or something constructed out of a costume store that will scare you to death.This year tears are flowing behind the masks. Plus when the Raiders do leave for Vegas, these costume shops in Oakland will be hurting. At least on Tuesday nights Raider fans can rally and watch the Mayans to get over the team’s misery.

SAINTS AT FALCONS                                          SAINTS

This will be one of best games on Sunday’s slate. Both these teams fight tooth and nails against each other when they meet. It’s whoever has the ball last that will win the game.  Atlanta has home field in this contest. However I think the Saints put up a complete game both offense and defense that gives the Saints a big win early in the season. This game features two great quarterbacks matching each other score to score. Falcons have problems scoring touchdowns in the red zone and settling for field goals. This is where the Saints will just edge the dirty birds as they will convert late on a score to put them on the top.

COLTS AT EAGLES                                             EAGLES

Carson Wentz is back.  All Eagle fans are singing Welcome Back Kotter and whistling dixie, their young quarter back will behind center. Nick Foles did amazing stuff including last year’s playoffs and Superbowl. Sometimes your luck runs out and the team is much better with Carson then Nick. Colts won in week two against the Skins. Good to see Frank Reich, the head coach, get his first victory. Plus Andrew Luck, with  his first victory behind center in a long time, due to last year’s injury. I think the game will be close until Carson Wentz eventually shakes off the rust and you will see how good he actually is. The Eagles at home is tough for many opponents. For Nick Foles, losing to Tampa is not the end of civilization for him in Philadelphia. He may be charged for a Philly cheese steak now.

BRONCOS AT RAVENS                                       RAVENS

This is a tough match up to pick. You think your woman has 17 different personalities, especially that one day. You Know. Both these teams have multiple personalities and that makes it hard to figure out who is going to win. Quarterbacks, which one do you get? Do you get Superbowl Joe Flacco, or last year’s version? For the Broncos do you get the Minnesota version of Keenum or the old Rams version? Seems like the Broncos have sweated buckets in each of their wins to get the job done against crappy opponents. It’s hard to see them go to the east coast and pull one out in Baltimore.  I hate the Ravens, but I picked them again so they can disappoint me.

BENGALS AT PANTHERS                                   BENGALS

Another match up which is puzzling to me. This match up  is a Jekyll and Hyde situation as well. Can the Bengals go into Carolina and win? Will the Fig Newton be stale this weekend and still soft in the middle?  I do like Carolina’s defense. However since the Bengals turned it up last year to save Marvin Lewis’ job, I think the Bengals are on a mission. Get back to the playoffs. Andy Dalton, the Red Rifle, has looked great. The Bengal defense has done well. Plus the running game. I think the Panthers are not playing on cylinders. The panthers will be last year’s version of the Buccaneers, the only team in the division not to make it to the playoffs.

GIANTS AT TEXANS                                                TEXANS

This is another match up that can pull your hair out. Both teams 0-2. Both teams I have picked to win but have gotten burned. I think home cooking will be the answer for the Texans. I pencil in Watson and his receivers to have a big day. I said pencil so I can erase that prediction later just in case.  Houston has the better defense out of the two. That will be the key to the game forcing a few Manning turn overs. Now the Giants will win.

TITANS AT JAGUARS                                                JAGUARS

Love to see back up quarterback Blaine Gabbert burn his old team the Jags.  However that will not happen. Jaguars coming off a big victory over the Evil Empire and the hated Patriots. Bortles looked impressive in that game. It’s all about the defense in Jaggy land. I do not care how much Moonshine the Titans have, Jaguars will prevail in this contest.

49ERS AT  CHIEFS                                                      CHIEFS

This will be another exciting game.It seems like every game the Chiefs play is always exciting with that well oiled machine they have on the offensive side of the ball. I think Jimmy Garoppolo will keep the 49ers in this contest. Jimmy’s perfection behind center hit a snag in week one when the Vikings gave him his first loss. Jimmy did lead the 49ers over the Lions last week. Which is no big deal. Jets tamed the Lions in week one. Meanwhile Patrick Mahomes and all the weapons he has Cobra Commander wishes he had those when he faces GI JOE. No one has been able to stop the Chiefs offense and the 49ers will not be the first ones to do it. Chiefs prevail late in the third and put this game on ice.

CHARGERS AT RAMS                                                       RAMS

Who will escape LA with a victory in this match up? Depends who has Jake the Snake Plissken behind center. This is the very first of the cross town rivalry. Maybe in ten years both teams will be relocated to Providence, Rhode Island. Both have well balanced teams. I like both quarterbacks. I think the game will be a close one. I think the Rams have the edge with their defense. Joey Bosa most likely still out for the Chargers. Fred Dryer aka Hunter would say that works for me. Rams force a River turnover late in the game to prevail.

COWBOYS AT SEAHAWKS                                          COWBOYS

The legion of doom is done. Now the Seahawks are relying on the Olson Twins to pick up the slack. Seattle’s offensive line is a turnstyle. Russell Wilson is running for his life just to make a play. Great to see a worm like Pete Carroll squirm.The Cowboys finally got on the board last week. I think Ezekial Elliot has a big day on the ground. He is due for a huge breakout game and the Seahawks will be his cup of tea.

BEARS AT CARDINALS                                                 BEARS

Decades ago this match up used to be a cross town rival. You could say it was like the Cubs/Sox rivalry. One team North and one team South. Cardinals these days could be the worst team in the NFL. I’m not impressed with Sam Bradford. I think the Viking cleared their house of quarterbacks last season because they did not want to be tied down to paying big money for one year wonders. I think the Bears defense will be the story in this match up. This could get ugly for Bradford quickly. Cardinal fans better hope that Bradford will survive this contest, no need to throw their rookie quarterback out to the dogs of the Midway Monsters. It seems like every young quarterback from the last two years have had at least one huge game. Bear fans are still waiting for Mitch Trubisky to have that game. This could be the game he breaks out. Bears dominate this one.

PATRIOTS AT LIONS                                                           PATRIOTS

It would suck to be the opponent after a Patriot loss. You feel like Tom Brady is warming up the Death Star and has that big laser cannon pointed at your town. Just waiting on the count down to game-time as the button is pressed and like a blink of your eye, motor city is wiped out. Patriots in blowout. I think new Patriot Josh Gordon will only have a few beers before the game.

STEELERS AT BUCCANEERS                                          BUCCANEERS

What’s higher, Winston’s quarterback rating or his Uber rating? I’m jumping on the Buccaneer pirate ship. Poor Mike Tomlin has to feel like his days are numbered as head coach. Has to feel like the Steeler fans will be over to his house with torches and pitch forks if they lose this one. I don’t think the Steeler defense can slow down the Buccaneer offense. The Steeler curtain is more like a shower curtain these days. I feel like Fitzpatrick has sold his soul to the devil for one glorious season. I think this one will be a shoot out. Big Ben crumbles at the end as Buccaneers still remain unbeaten. Buccaneers and Chiefs in the Superbowl.