The power ranking are back. As always we have some great stuff added to the mix of the mixed nuts we have to deal with in the NFL. Most of the teams we picked out the hat to figure out where they should line up. Because it’s the NFL, one week a team looks awesome and the next week that team is horrible.

#1.LA RAMS 7-0   Two weeks ago, the Rams had a little sweat going as the Broncos showed some fight to get back in the game. These things happen all the time to great teams as if they are like an animal playing with their prey before they bite the thing’s head off.  In week seven, the Rams stayed undefeated with another victim, the 49ers.This time instead of playing with them, they just massacre them. Rams are warming up and getting ready to put it into another gear when they have match ups against the Packers, Saints and the Chiefs in the upcoming weeks. For sure, the tests to see if your team is actually Superbowl bound.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS  5-1  Mark Ingram is back giving the Saints yet another weapon in the back field. The two-headed monster in the backfield can scare many defenses in the league. The whole offense in my opinion could be the best ever assembled in New Orleans. Last week they played a tough defense in the Ravens and were able to just beat them on the road. Most of all I like the Saints defense getting their act together and they added a cornerback from the Giants in a trade to help the depth. Great teams find ways to win on the road and we know they are great at home in their dome. Now they can seek revenge on the Vikings this week who got a lucky break on a last minute play that knocked the Saints out of the playoffs.

#3. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 5-2   The Evil Empire had help from their special teams in their win over the Bears last week. Tom Brady and the offense helped in this victory as always and beat the Bears without the GRONK. We know the Patriots have enough death stars on the offensive side of the ball and can hang with anyone. However can the mastermind, the man under the hood, keep winning games with simply a good scheme on defense? Teams are scoring on the Patriots. They are make a few stops and a few plays to help preserve the victory. Any good Rebel team will exploit the Evil Empire’s weakness and send the shot to land perfectly that will kaboom the death star for the season.

#4. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS  6-1 The Chiefs have rebounded from the Evil Empire in a game they probably should have won. Last week another prime time game and they whipped up on a Bengal team that was hurting from a tough loss of their own against their rival, the Steelers. Probably the worst place to travel if your visiting team is coming to Kansas City coming off a emotional loss. This was a huge win for the Chiefs. The way the team has been over the years, is very streaky. They would win right out the gate 5 games and then lose six games after that. One year they needed to win eight straight and got into the playoffs. Last week they shook off the Patriot loss like a wet dog trying to dry himself off and took care of business like a top team in the league does.

#5. LA CHARGERS 5-2 Picking the top four teams in the league seems easy. Now you come to a bunch of teams you can probably pick out of a hat. Not very impressed with the Chargers especially only winning 20-19 against the Titans. This game was in England. The Titans coach could have tied this game with the extra point. However he went for the win with the two point conversion and BLOODY LOST. Chargers have been winning quietly. It’s a team you scratch your head on.The talent they have you think they would be much better. Right now 5, next week who knows where they will be.

#6. MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-2-1  Vikings had kicking woes.Then they got routed by Buffalo. People in Minnesota were probably thinking the sky was falling. Now they have set the ship off of choppy waters and have looked pretty good beating teams they need to beat. Still waiting on this dominant defense that is rumored in the league. They really only have one significant win and that was against the Eagles. If you still call the Eagles a great team. The Capital One Vikings have got to show me more against the tougher opponents if they want to be in my wallet. This week let me hear the sounds of the horn over the Saints. If they march over your defense, we will be right back to the same conversation next week.

#7.HOUSTON TEXANS 5-3   I know Miami is nothing special. The Texans looked like I thought I was going to see this team look like all season as they pummeled the fins on Thursday night. You saw a stretch of games last year from Deshaun Watson where Texan fans would jump out of your seats that good. Finally a quarterback.. Then he had an injury which is a Texan’s worst enemy. The Texans started off 0-3 and now have won 5 straight. They are mostly healthy. I like how they protected Watson on Thursday night to give him time back there, especially the injuries he is dealing with. To take a 12 hour bus ride instead of a plane to go play the Jaguars so the turbulence would not flare your insides. They have great receivers. Plus Watt and Clowney on defense are not out with season-ending injuries. Healthy, this team will stay in the top ten. Injuries and the team’s stock will fall.

#8.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 3-2-1             It’s too early to write Big Ben and Steelers off. They have won a few games before their bye and now find themselves in the thick of things. Will LeVeon Bell be traded? Can they form a two headed monster with the Terminator and Bell in the same back field? The Steelers always have problems with egos. Last year with too many good receivers not getting enough targets. This is why I do not think Mike Tomlin is a very good coach or his staff he has in place. Great coaches will find ways to use all their weapons. Example, see how the  the Chiefs, Saints and the Patriots do things. After the bye week, I’m curious to see if the Steelers defense gets better. They need it being in a tougher division with teams on the rise.

#9.BALTIMORE RAVENS 4-3   The Ravens are one of the few teams that actually have a defense so that will keep them in the top ten.They played well against the Saints last week. A fluke extra point miss could have tied the game and sent it to overtime and who knows. They could be 5-3. Joe Flacco is having a better year than last season as his new weapons have been helpful. He still seems to be looking over his shoulder at the back up quarterback who comes on the field in red zone situations. He needs to focus on his play and the team’s play and let it rip. If this is your last stand in a Ravens uniform, go out in the blaze of glory and you find another gig. Quit being a sniffling prissy queen. You have guided the Ravens to a Superbowl. What have you done lately because that was like a decade ago?

#10.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 4-2 This team boggles my mind. They can look like a crappy team one week and rise up and take you and bury you in the turf the following week. Dallas Cowboys looked like world beaters against the Jaguars. Then I’m thinking they will beat the Skins last week. However Washington continues to rise from the dead like Jason on Friday the 13th.

They have beaten Carolina, Green Bay and their Rival, Dallas. This weekend watch, the Giants will beat them. With the Eagles not singing very well these days. If Redskins can take down the Giants it could build a bigger lead in the division and confidence. Redskins need a string of victories to be in the conversation of a team on the rise destined for the playoffs.

#11.CINCINNATI BENGALS 4-3 Not giving up on the Bengals as they hit a bump in the road losing two straight. I think home cooking at Skyline Chili will gas themselves back into the thick of things. If you win at home against the visiting Buccaneers, you’d be 5-3 at the halfway point of the season. I think they still have a great defense. I think they have a great offense. Just one bad game last week. One bad game for the year actually. They will not Bumble anymore as the Red Headed slut will be on fire strutting his stuff against a bad Tampa Bay defense.

#12. CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 Who do you hate more on the Panther,s Eric Reid the kneeler or Fig Newton at quarterback? River Boat Ron Rivera I do love and his team showed fight last week in a comeback from behind win against the Superbowl champs. With Greg Olsen back from injury, most thought he’d walk away from the game. This gives Super Panda a much other needed target which will help this team stay strong throughout the rest of the season. I do hate the Seahawks more than the Panthers because of River Boat Ron who will always BE A BEAR.

#13. CHICAGO BEARS 3-3   Lots of things I like about what’s going on with the Bears. However they keep shooting themselves in the foot. If the Bears were carpenters, definitely they be Tim the Tool Man Taylor. They have the tools that amp up the wattage and oh boy it looks awesome. Then the tool explodes and the other team gets a gift that keeps on giving.

Hopefully key injuries to Mack and Robinson allow them to continue to play. They have some easy games coming up which they need. Help turn things around if they win them. Trubisky has improved, but he needs to hit the open guy. Plus stop throwing to Josh Bellamy because he’s horrible. If the Bears don’t make the big mistakes, they will pile up wins.

#14.DETROIT LIONS 3-3 Lions are quietly getting back in the picture. This has been a team that struggles against bad teams. Then be able to beat some great teams. They easily had a fish fry last Sunday in Miami. They have a match up they should win this weekend, against the Seahawks. They did pick up a defensive lineman from the Giants. They have a running game and you know Stafford can throw the ball. Perhaps they are listening to the Coach Patricia. Can Patricia  be the first Coach from the Evil Empire to do something  positive on their own, away from the dark side.  Or will he get picked up at some airport and be mistaken as a terrorist.

#15.GREEN BAY PACKERS 3-2-1   Oh my, how do we have Rodgers in the middle of the pack in the power rankings. Aaron Rodgers had a bye last week. Did Danica help him get his hobbled leg back together?

Do you think Danica looks like that in the morning? What would Aaron Rodgers’ insurance or business agent do if Danica winged the great Rodgers. You know Bear fans would lov to see it happen to Rodgers.   Maybe the Rams will take care of Rodgers this weekend so we could throw out the foul cheese log and not worry about the stench of the Packers for the rest of the year. Someone let Santa know what I want for Christmas.

#16. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-4  It has not been a Take it Easy type of year for the Eagles. Is it time to flush the almost dead gold fish down the toilet. The Eagles are not bellied up doing the back stroke in the tank. More like swimming on it’s side. Maybe they should go back to Nick the Dick as their quarterback.

It’s probably not the quarterback play. I blame the cancer that came from Seattle. Michael Bennett. All the Legion of Boom players have gone to new teams, causing outbreaks. Look at Sherman in San Francisco. Jimmy was undefeated, Richard comes in, and Jimmy is out for the year. It did not take Michael Bennett long to ruin a Superbowl team. Any week now the flush will happen.

#17. DALLAS COWBOYS 3-4  Jerry Jones criticized his coach for not going for it on fourth down. Maybe it’s time for the coach to criticize Jerry Jones trading away a number one draft pick to the Raiders for Amari Cooper. Those are the deals that will not help your team. You’d be better off apologizing to poor ole Dez Bryant and suiting him up for the rest of season on a one year deal. Bring him some banana muffins with some flowers. He loves those things so butter him up.

#18.ATLANTA FALCONS 3-4 The Falcons are another team that has quietly now won a few games. Being at home helps and playing teams that can not fully take advantage of your Walking Dead defense. They are on a bye week after coming off a victory over the Giants. It gives them some time to get that defense healthier. Maybe after the bye they can get back in the thick of things. The offense is great, but they will need that defense to help them to crawl back into the swing of things.

!9. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 3-3 Since Winston is using Lyft over Uber, the team has taken off a bit here. The team finds themselves with an even record at 3-3. The Buccaneers have a talented offense that can put up big points. They just need the defense to make some stops. I think this team will stay at the 500 mark the whole season. They will beat the bad teams and come across a good team and beat them. Then they will still lose games and look bad at it. They follow their quarterback’s lead. One day he has a great conversation with a woman. The next time he’s chasing the girl around the desk like something out of the old sitcom, Three’s company.

#20. CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-4-1  The Browns are a team on the rise. Baker Mayfield has the determination to win every game. His leadership skills are contagious as this guy could sell anything to anybody. Not a used car salesmen type as he will not tell you what you want to hear. The way he goes about his business on the field and his work ethic is the way these Browns will follow him as a team. This is probably the best thing to happen to the Browns since Bernie Kosar’s daughter became a porn star. The Browns will play spoilers to other teams’ hopes and dreams of making it to the playoffs. Next year you will see the team get to the playoffs.

#21.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 3-3  With the Legion of Boom broken down and shipped off to various carnivals across the states, Seattle finds themselves 3-3. Not going to say it’s Pete Carol’s savvy coach style. I will say it is all about their quarterback, Russell Wilson. The guy continues to find ways to win or keep his team in games. He is doing it without a talented offensive line as well. Seattle has some pieces on their new defense that will help this team in the future. How long can the Elmer’s glue and scotch tape hold up until this bird drops directly into the sea and gets swallowed up by a shark. No worries, women and children, Pete Carol will jump ship before they sink.

#22.TENNESSEE TITANS 3-4  Positive things are the Titans have some good things happening on the defensive side of the ball. Stupid decision to go for a two point conversion in England instead of the extra point to tie the game and send it to Overtime. Especially since the offense has been non-existent the whole year. The Titans can only beat the teams in their division. I thought they got lucky to make the playoffs last year. I thought they got lucky when they actually won a game in the playoffs. Then they fired their coach. Sometimes teams go from dumb to dumber.

#23. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3-4       Just move to London already. Maybe they can take the mystery of why they are a bad team to Scotland Yard. Maybe they will come up with the same conclusion in the states. The quarterback play. Not really impressed with the defense of the Jaguars either. Maybe all the quarterbacks around the league should tell Jalen Ramsey that his defense does not scare anybody.

#24. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 2-5  I wonder these days what Frank Reich is thinking about going for 4th and 7 in overtimes against the Texans earlier in the season. If he would have settled for the tie, would Houston Texans have won five straight? Sometimes a gift wrapped up in a pretty bow and nice box could help a team’s spirits. I think the Colts are getting better. The offense is clicking. Andrew Luck looks to back to his old self. I think the wins will start to happen. They can feast on the bad teams in their division and who knows… Maybe get back into the thick of things.

#25.MIAMI DOLPHINS 4-4  Dolphins started off 3-0. Now they have come back to earth as they have been 1-4 over their last five games. The Bears gave them the game and shot themselves in the paws over and over. Osweiler has looked better than he has in years at quarterback. But this team has to find someone else to be their starting quarterback. Don’t bring back Jay Cutler. Tannehill seems too fragile. This team is not going anywhere. I think Ace Ventura has a new mission and will actually find this team a quarterback in the draft. The next Damn Marino.

#26. DENVER BRONCOS 3-4 On my bucket list, I want to attend one of Von Miller’s spooky Cowboy Halloween Parties. Do you think Case Keenum slipped a mickey in Chad Kelly’s drink? Seems too close for comfort as the big arm of Chad Kelly was being talked about by the fans and radio that they wanted him to play over Case. Since Case Keenum hardly has not been the same guy who played in Minnesota last season. Being hit in the head with a vaccum tube repeatedly as you are sitting on some strangers couch. Will this give Chad Kelly a phobia in the future about vacuuming. He might need the old fashioned carpet sweeper at his house, if he can find it.

#27.NEW YORK JETS 3-4    The Jets are an exciting team with the youngest quarterback behind center, in Sam Darnold. So far you have seen some very exciting stuff. Obviously he has some bumps in the road and is taking his share of lumps behind center. However the Jets are a team that can surprise you if you do not take them seriously. The team is going through a rash of injuries at this time. But on any given Sunday, the Jets can fly high. They are 3-4 now, perhaps 6-10 would not surprise me after year one of the promising rookie.

#28. BUFFALO BILLS 2-5   Thought we were done with the Nate Peterman experiment over there. I can not believe this kid is still in the league. He came in for the injured Josh Allen two weeks ago and threw two interceptions. That’s nine interceptions total in only 79 throws in this kid’s career. What’s going on inside the brain trust of the Buffalo brass over there? I know they make the best chicken wings in Buffalo, but come on don’t let the spice cloud your judgement. Maybe stop touching your eyes with the sauce on the wings and then evaluate the quarterback situation.  You can find someone much better on the streets. Dump Peterman, send him back to Seinfeld where he belongs selling the latest fashions in Men’s clothes. You wonder if Peterman is related to someone in the organization to have this many chances. Cats have less lives than him. Thank God Derrick Anderson is starting. But Peterman’s probably still there as the back up. In which case, we will go through this same song and dance again. Last week against the Colts the whole team regressed. For weeks the defense were playing very well. The defense looked horrible and now the Evil Empire you have to play. The Peterman play now has put a cancer in the whole team and this thing could get even uglier.If you’re a Buffalo fan, I recommend lots of drugs because you are going to need them.

#29. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 1-6 San Francisco fans are screaming!!!!!

It’s basketball season. Now you get to beat Lebron James much more this season.

That should take your minds off the 49ers beating up on the king of basketball.

#30.NEW YORK GIANTS 1-6   Through the rumor mill, I like the idea of the Giants landing Derrick Carr from the Raiders. With all those young weapons, adding a young talented quarterback like Carr, would help this team get back on track. Eli Manning, we could ship off to Denver. Great Halloween Parties there. Can another Manning at the end of his career win a Superbowl for the Broncos? Can you imagine both Mannings riding off in to the sunset from Denver? If Eli would be successful there, he would collect his third Superbowl. One more than his brother.  This is a farfetched story and no way it will happen because Eli Manning has naked pics of the owner’s wife. So he will stay in Giant land for another ten years.

#31. ARIZONA CARDINALS 1-6  Arizona had a win over the 49ers over their back up quarterback which is not that impressive. But a win is still a win. Then they had played in some tight games. Last week, to see the Broncos come into your stadium and blow you up like that is very sad. The Cardinals have a rookie quarterback and we know they will experience growing pains.

Right now they are at the the BONER STAGE and have a lot of work to do to get their quarterback up to the Jason Seaver level.

#32.OAKLAND RAIDERS 1-5

Looks like Jon Gruden’s Raider roster are not his guys. He’s manning the the Corona line as he is slashing all prices. All players must go in a midnight madness sale before the trade deadline approaches at the end of the month. Rumors has Derrick Carr to the Giants. Absolutely a mess going down in Oakland. They looked like they had no pulse in London. The Raiders officially pulled the plug on their season after that game. Maybe the season was over after they signed old Chucky to a 100 million dollar deal that sounded like a good idea at the time. Not even half way through the season it looks like a bust. You know Chucky one was good but sequel is like Weekend at Bernie’s part two. Can the Raiders trade him again, maybe this time to the American Alliance Football league for a bag of balls or water boy? However he did swindle the Cowboys for a number one draft pick for wide receiver, Amari Cooper. Will Chucky get the last laugh as he has a collection of number ones in his disposal? We will find out as the city of Oakland will get hurt most watching crappy football then to see it turn into something special when the team finally makes it to Vegas.

We have put all of the names of all of the Meatheads from the NFL into a hat. Obviously the hat could not contain all of the names. We found an oil drum and dumped all of the names in the oil drum.

It was interesting to find Pete Carol and all of the defenders of the Legion of Boom inside the drum already. Instead of debating who is a bigger meat head each week, we will just pick out of the oil drum. To be fair we will use a boat oar to mix up the names to be fair. Because some names might not be called since the season does not last all year.

FIRST MEATHEAD OF THE WEEK: SEAN MCDERMOTT

This goes back a few weeks ago about Coach McDermott. We can even say this failed science experiment started last season. I think Sean McDermott did an awesome job coaching last season in general. To break the long drought of the Buffalo Bills not making the playoffs without a good quarterback, is awesome work. My beef with Coach Meathead is this Nate Peterman experiment. First you started him last year and you benched Tyrod Taylor who is also nothing special however better than plan B. Plan B was Nate Peterman throwing 5 interceptions against the let’s say, California Chargers, because rumor has it they might move to Sacramento in a few years. Then this season you grant Nate Peterman as your starting quarterback. Same results. Then you make the switch to the young rookie who does a better job than the guy from Seinfeld who runs a clothes company. You would think Nate Peterman would be back making cavariccis slacks, but no, he’s still on the roster as the back up quarterback. Then in a close game with the Texans, the rookie quarterback Josh Allen gets hurt. In comes Peterman. He actually guided the team down for a score to take the lead. The Texans were too busy rolling on the ground laughing at this move so it was an easy score. The next drive, a pick six. Then the next drive another interception. Has Nate Peterman been cut yet? Probably not. Nate Peterman has nine interceptions in 79 attempts. Come on Coach you are DEAD FROM THE NECK UP if you can not see it is not working. Nate Peterman is a BUST…..

SECOND MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: CHAD KELLY

Have you ever been so drunk you went into the wrong house? I’ve heard a story about people I know that in college went into the wrong house and used the bathroom. They realized they were in the wrong house and left without flushing the toilet. Someone got blamed the next day in that house. Chad Kelly was the last man drafted in the 2018 NFL draft. Chad is the nephew of Jim Kelly so he has quarterback in the blood. Especially Hall of Fame quarterback blood. Chad Kelly has a big arm. He was great on the field in college as he had some monster games. However he had troubles off the field. The Denver Broncos drafted him and he has moved up the charts as the second string quarterback.The starter, Case Keenum, got the big contract from his work in Minnesota. This year has not gone really well for the Broncos. As the Broncos continue to lose, the fans wanted Chad Kelly to play. I think he would have eventually got out there and started the game especially when the Broncos find themselves eliminated from the playoff hunt that could be in a few weeks. Big opportunity for Chad Kelly. However Chad did not stay on the straight and arrow. He found himself at Von Miller’s Halloween Party. He was blasted. He then left and found himself on a couch in some stranger’s house as he walked right in and plopped on the sofa. He was beaten with a vacuum cleaner tube to snap himself out of it. The Police ended up coming and arrested him. Two days later Chad Kelly was cut from the Broncos. Besides trespassing, his drinking at the party did not go well. Chad was asked to leave. Probably ushered out is my guess. Chad Kelly, you are DEAD FROM THE NECK UP….  Your inappropriate behavior off the field cost you your job. Imagine he might get a chance down the road. However you were so close to playing this year. Close to making way more money if you did well. The Buffalo Bills should sign you to replace Nate Peterman which would be a better upgrade even though you’re quite a moron. Maybe your Uncle Jim Kelly should get you in and slap you around until you see the big picture.

THE MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: BRANDON BEANE

Brandon Beane is the GM for the Buffalo Bills. I blame some of the team’s troubles on the Coach but this guy gets the Meathead of the week award for his part in how the Buffalo Bills look so bad this year.

First thing you did was trade away Tyrod Taylor and you had nobody better. You had only Nate Peterman. You drafted Josh Allen, your future quarterback. Then you signed AJ McCarron to a two year deal, the former Bengal back up. Do you see something strange in the neighborhood? The trio does not have much NFL experience and one guy is really bad. By getting rid of your best option in Tyrod Taylor, who could of been a great bridge quarterback for Josh Allen. I don’t think Tyrod Taylor is a great quarterback, a guy that cannot throw downfield. However he can get you a few wins. He does not make mistakes. Right now with Taylor you might be in the thick of things. No Nate Peterman getting on the field is a win right there. Then Josh Allen is learning. However Tyrod gets shipped off to Cleveland. You should have someone before you traded Tyrod Taylor. McCarron should be the man, but he gets hurt in pre-season but comes back. They think Peterman is better than McCarron and trade him. Peterman starts and you know what he did. Then you force the rookie into action. Then before Josh Allen gets hurt, now I’m talking not very long, your kicking the tires on Derrick Anderson a veteran QB. Reasons to mentor Josh Allen as he played for many years and seen a lot of action. Why so late on the veteran signing? Brandon Beane then traded some good pieces of the offensive line away and did not replace them. Now they have the worst offense in the league. He does not know what a receiver even looks like. All’s he does is sign Carolina Panthers castoffs as he worked with that organization for years. How quickly he dismantled a playoff team that gave Jacksonville a great game last year.

BRANDON BEANE YOU ARE DEAD FROM THE NECK UP….. PLUS YOU ARE THE MEATHEAD OF THE WEEK

Just in time for the Halloween season we saved the Brandon head on the plate to snack on. He is a bit scary. Ask any Buffalo Bill fan, they will tell you his moves are very scary and creepy.

THE THURSDAY NIGHT GAME (OCTOBER 25,2018)

LAST THURSDAY WE PREDICTED: WIN

Last week we had the Broncos over the Cardinals which made sense and worked out very well for us. It was an easy pick, but we all are doing cartwheels as the excitement improved our Thursday record. Now we are two games over as we are now (4-2) on Thursday nights looking for more.

TONIGHT’S MATCH UP

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT HOUSTON TEXANS

Dolphins started off 3-0. They came down to earth very quickly after that. Then the Bears, maybe for sweetest day even though it was not quite the right weekend for that fake hallmark day. The Bears gave the Dolphins a win with some tickets to the resort and some free massages by the pool side. In Chicago, we’re classy. Since then the Lions came to Miami and took care of the fins with ease.

Meanwhile the Texans’ season has been a roller coaster. They started off 0-3. Now they have won four straight. The Texans defense is playing better. Watson, besides riding the bus to the games, is not making a lot of mistakes. Houston has to protect them as inside his body, lots of organs are collapsing.  I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on the television. I’m going with the hotter team in this one and the Texans are at home. If Watson can ride a bus last weekend for 12 hours to get to the game, then they can easily gurney his butt to the Texans stadium. He’ll have more time to catch a few winks as well.

OUR PICK: HOUSTON TEXANS

Last week the Shit hit the fan.

Watching the games and seeing our predictions flop, we knew we had gone down a dark road with no headlights.

We knew the storm was coming as the late afternoon games got started. Batman could not help us. It was a bad week at the office. We went 6-9 last week.

OUR SEASON RECORD NOW IS 38-39

NO WORRIES !!! We placed a call to the Evil empire and Tom Brady let us borrow the death star cannon.

We used it on all the crystal balls we have at our offices that have been giving foolish data all year long. Totally wiped out like they never existed. We have built our new offices on the fly.

We’re in our mobile van down by the river… our temporary football headquarters with clean air. Some fresh laps in the river of sludge and we have a total new outlook in the football world. We are ready to tackle week seven and get our respect back.

SUNDAY’S MATCH UP                                                                    OUR WINNER

TENNESSEE TITANS AT LA CHARGERS (LONDON)                    CHARGERS

Another game in London which shocks me that there are no Jacksonville Jaguars. Will the Chargers build a better fan base in London or LA? Do they still have anybody from San Diego rooting for them. Hopefully the Titans can bring some moonshine to the local in exchange for warm beer. The Titans lack an offense and have no way of keeping up with the Chargers offense. The Chargers defense will have no problem shutting down the Titans offense with a regressing Marcus Mariota. I think Titans should start Gabbert to get the offense off life support. Plus then we can say an X Jacksonville player was at least part of the London game.

BROWNS AT BUCCANEERS                                                                BUCCANEERS

I hate Jameis Winston like most uber drivers dislike this man. Now that he has a full game under his belt and the Buccaneers are at home, I could see this game going to Buccaneers. I love watching Baker Mayfield as he’s a fearless leader out there. I think he will make the mistake that will cost the Browns a victory in a close shoot-out type of game. Both teams have some big weapons. I think Buccaneers offense has more options and will be hard to cover. Winston had his team fighting back late last week in the Falcon game. Buccaneers come out blazing right from the start of this contest.

PATRIOTS AT BEARS                                                                                   PATRIOTS

It will be PATRIOTS day at Soldiers field this Sunday. This go around will be different than the last meeting in Chicago with these two teams. It will not be Tom Brady and the Evil Empire putting up 50 points against the junior varsity defense the Bears had at the time. Evil Empire is firing on all cylinders as they have won three in a row. Meanwhile the Bears’ Mitch Trubisky has gotten better. However they gave Miami the win last week. Lots of stupid mistakes by the team and coaching staff. My key in this game are the Patriots just saw the Bears type of offense with the Kansas City Chiefs. I think the man under the hoodie will have an intense game plan to disrupt Trubisky. Not liking that Khalil Mack is a bit banged up. They would need him to make Brady uncomfortable. This will be a close game but Evil Empire prevail in the fourth quarter and win this by a touchdown.

BILLS AT COLTS                                                                                          COLTS

I’m doing it again. Going down a dark road as I will give you plenty of warning that I’m picking the Bills in this one. I know you’re thinking how shocking and what is this cat smoking. The Bills offense has been pretty close to dismal. However with a veteran named Derrick Anderson taking over for the injured Josh Allen, I think we will see finally something happen that we have not seen in a long time. A few scores and not just field goals. As long as Anderson does not get hurt I feel being a back up for years he is used to coming in and doing well. We do not want to see that bum Nate Peterman enter the game.  I can’t believe he’s still on the team with 9 interceptions in 79 throws and he still gets chances. Andrew Luck has been having a great year. However his receivers drop way too many balls. This is where the Buffalo defense plays into this factor as they will create turnovers and that will doom the Colts as the Bills are like Sneaky Pete and come away with a victory on the road.

TEXANS AT JAGUARS                                                                                    JAGUARS

Both teams going in opposite directions. I thing Doug Marone has declared war on the AFC South opponents

Watson is a little banged up and I think the Jacksonville defense will rise up in this contest for the Jaguars who are playing at their Florida location this week. The Jaguars acquired running back Carol Hyde from the Browns this week who will get that running game going strong again. The less things Bortles has to do, the better. Home cooking for the Jag Bags and the defense rebounding. They pull away in a close one this week.

PANTHERS AT EAGLES                                                                                 EAGLES

If the Fig Newton is the only run threat the Panthers have. The Eagles defense will contain him. The Eagles defense plays better at home. Both teams will put up some points. I like how Wentz and the Eagles offense has finally got things turned around as they were riding the short bus of struggles most of the season. Newton will not be able to match points with the Eagle offense. In the end Eric Reid and the Panthers will not be kneeling in victory formation.

LIONS AT DOLPHINS                                                                                      LIONS

I do not see the Dolphins getting lucky two weeks in a roll. Last week the Bears handed the Dolphins a gift basket win with a bow. No way Brock Osweiler will have another pretty good game two weeks in a roll. Missed kicks by Green Bay kicker helped the Lions steal the game last week against their division rival. I think the Lions defense will have a better plan than the Bears on defense and slow down the Dolphins and actually make key tackles. Stafford will use the aerial attack and pick a part the Miami secondary as Lions go on the road before a bye and come away with a victory to even up their record.

VIKINGS AT JETS                                                                                             VIKINGS

Jets put up a huge amount of points against the Colts last week. They also gave up a lot of points. The Vikings are a different animal. They have more bullets in the chamber than the Colts Receivers. They do not drop the balls like the Colts receivers either. Vikings seem like they are finally getting all their units to play well at the same time. I do not see Sam Darnold able to get all those looks down field like he did last week. The Vikings will put more pressure on the rookie and keep him contained as Vikings roll again.

SAINTS AT RAVENS                                                                                          SAINTS

This will be a great offense versus a great defense. Usually a great defense can take out a great offense. The Ravens held the Steelers to only 14 points. However the Bengals put up 34 on them early in the season. The rest of the teams the Ravens have played are not that impressive. I’m not buying into the Ravens yet. I don’t think they have a defense like back in the Ray Lewis days when he was murdering people at the night clubs. The Saints are a tad slower outdoors. The Saints offense is a well oiled machine and I can’t see the Ravens stopping a train on the tracks heading full speed at you. Flacco can not win in a shoot out either. Saints will not put up 40 points but the Ravens will not score enough points to win this one in Baltimore.

COWBOYS AT REDSKINS                                                                             COWBOYS

This used to be one of the best rivals in the NFL. However these days when both teams meet it is nothing to write home about. Last week the Cowboys erupted with 40 points on the Jaguars defense. Finally the offense that has been lacking all year had a pulse and it was pulsing at a high rate. Redskins are winning some games. You don’t know what you will get each week when comes to this team. Will you get bad Spanky old man Peterson. Or will you get a determined Spanky Peterson, a man coming off tanning some hides before kick off. The defense has these trends as well, one day Rodgers is running for his life, Charlie Brown. Then a week later Drew Brees is setting records.  I like the Cowboys who finally found themselves and are out of the closet as Ezekiel Elliot has another big game and a Cowboys win.

RAMS AT 49ERS                                                                                      RAMS

Is it basketball season yet in the bay area? Golden State Warriors are the focus by the Golden Gtate bridge. Maybe the 49ers team bus could roll off the bridge and start a total new rebuild for next year. The Rams are rolling as they are undefeated and they are not the second fiddle in their town. 49ers last week had a lead that they gave up to Rodgers at the end. Many teams have fallen for the old Rodgers come back. But if you’re not going to defend the side lines against Green Bay at the end of the game, what kind of plan will you have against the Rams? Rams will not get behind early like the Packers did. Rams win this one and make the guys from the Miami Dolphins back in the day of their undefeated year, a tad nervous. No popping the champagne this week.

BENGALS AT CHIEFS                                                                               CHIEFS

Another prime time game for the Chiefs. I like that the Chiefs are at home for this one. If they had to go Cincinnati, I probably would have picked Bengals. Mahomes finally got to play under the lights last Sunday night. He finally played in huge game against the Patriots in which his team lost. However these are good things. You played in one prime time game against the best in the business and you almost won that game. They can build on that and being at home I think the Chiefs rebound quickly and dispatch the Bengals who are probably still thinking of their last second loss against the Steelers last Sunday. Losses like that can linger for a few weeks and I see Andy Dalton will come out and make some mistakes. This game will be another shoot out but Mahomes will draw last and fire the winning shot at kooky kook Carell.

GIANTS AT FALCONS                                                                                FALCONS

This could be a great offensive shoot out. It would be like the circus as both teams will razzle and dazzle you. Will Odell Beckham Junior, the dog he is, be foaming at the mouth and have to be put down? Or will Odell Beckham erupt with tight rope catches and make this into the game of the week on Monday night. I like the Falcons at home, it seems to be their only friend right now. The Giants will score off that defense that is in shambles. However Eli Manning will make a costly mistake towards the end that every Giant fan watching at home will be screaming to make a trade to the Raiders to get Derrick Carr. Falcons by a touch down.

THE THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

OCTOBER 18,2018

LAST THURSDAY NIGHT OUR PREDICTION: LOSS

It’s a dog eat dog world when you ride a junk yard dog as your pick. For some reason we figured Odell Beckham Jr. was going to light up the Eagles. Instead they went Hotel California on the G-Men. Is the Manning Brother that did not make the NFL dressed up as Eli? I have no idea why we picked the Giants in that contest, Must have left the stove on all day long at the offices and the gas clouded our good judgment on Thursday night.

OVERALL RECORD ON THURSDAY NIGHT (3-2)

TONIGHT’S GAME

DENVER BRONCOS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS

Oh God, have Mercy. I think the NBA GAME between the Sacramento Kings and the Dallas Mavericks looks better than this match up. If only you can bring people from each team back from the past. Have John Elway for the Broncos versus Kurt Warner for the Cardinals. Now that would be intriguing. Case Keenum is still the starter in Denver. However, in his head, the fans are wanting Jim Kelly’s nephew to sling the rock. Why did the Buffalo Bills not pick up Jim Kelly’s nephew? Has to be way better than Nate Peterman. Plus you could have upgraded with a pick from the seventh round as well. Tonight’s game should be hot garbage. However somehow it might be entertaining. I like how the Broncos came back on the Rams. I think a road game may help spark a guy like Case Keenum who feels the heat from the Bronco peanut gallery. I think the Cardinals rookie quarterback is still getting used to the speed of the game. Von Miller will not help his eyesight. I have the Broncos winning by ten points in this contest.

OUR WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER :BRONCOS

We embarrassed ourselves going with the Giants on Thursday night. We admit we lost a bet.

Last week much better performance as we went 10-5 for the week.

Overall record so far, skipping week one, is 32-30…. We are all stoked over at the corporate offices that we are now two games over the 500 mark.

THE REST OF ALL PICKS FOR WEEK SIX IN THAT CRAZY LEAGUE THE NFL

MATCH UP                                                                         OUR WINNER

BUCCANEERS AT FALCONS                                              FALCONS

With both teams having no defense, this match up is the Flag Football championship. Winner goes downstate and plays this year’s Arena Bowl winner. This one should be a shoot out, but since I said that, it will be a close game. It will be a battle between kickers. A kick off. I think Falcons win this one at ,home. Matt Ryan has been involved already in a few of these shoot outs. The odds are he comes out on the right side of things. Meanwhile Winston probably will have to go with Lyft instead of Uber. Lyft now has it where you can fondle the drivers, even at a red light. Winston still knocking off the rust with only playing a half a game under his belt. Falcons come up with this  one in a close game.

STEELERS AT BENGALS                                                        BENGALS

This is a big division game for both these teams. A Steeler win gets them back in the division race. A Bengal win builds a bigger lead and pushes the Steelers towards the basement of the division. The Red Rifle aka Andy Dalton is having a great year, perhaps his best year. It’s two great quarterbacks slinging the rock in this contest. However the Bengals have a defense. While the Steelers defense improved and held the Falcons last week only to 17 points. However they are on the road and I can see Andy Dalton able to take advantage of weak secondary the Steelers have. Big Ben will keep this game close, but the Bengals will put it away late.

CHARGERS AT BROWNS                                                          BROWNS

Baker Mayfield reminds me of a younger Phillip Rivers when he first came into the league.  Not scared of anything. Instant winner. Will throw the ball in any window. Mistakes bounced off him. Rallying of the troops. The way Baker Mayfield shows poise in the pocket is something many young quarterbacks don’t ever have. Perhaps Baker Mayfield is one of Phillip Rivers’ bastard children. Probably not because he holds on to Brady Bunch and Partridge family as they all live under the same roof like the lady in the old shoe. Maybe Rivers adopted her shoe. I like the Browns winning their second game in a roll. I think a tight well fought game last week and Mayfield leading the team back is something that all the Browns felt. We have arrived and yes, we are special.

The Browns beating the Ravens last week was the team’s first division win since 2015. I think they will win two in a row for the first time since Ronald Reagan was President. West Coast teams traveling east to face equal or great competition never seem to do well. Both defenses will keep this close. I see a Phillip Rivers mistake in the fourth that the Browns take advantage of and pull out another gutsy performance.

BEARS AT DOLPHINS                                                          BEARS

Bears are facing two of their old offensive coordinators in this one. During the Jay Cutler years, the only thing the Bears led the league in was Offensive Coordinators jumping out of the high rises.  Adam Gase, the Dolphins head coach. Then Dowell Loggins, the guy who coached Mitch Trubisky last year with his training wheels play book. Oh have times changed. Mitch Trubisky coming off the biggest game ever in his young career as he torched the Buccaneers a couple weeks ago. Can that performance be repeated? Even if Mitch Trubisky goes back to his old self, the Dolphins will still have a long day with the Bears defense turning this into a fish fry early. Make sure you bring the tartar sauce for this one.

BILLS AT TEXANS                                                                BILLS

If the Browns can win two in a row, so can the Bills. Not liking the Bills offensive line as the offense has been sputtering. Especially with the Texans who have Watt and Clowny coming after the man behind the center. One thing I do like in this match up is that the Bills will  be able to force a few turnovers on the Texan quarterback. The Texans have won two in a row, both in Overtime. However both wins were handed to them. The Colts should of punted in OT, but instead went for it and it back fired in their own territory. Then the Cowboys refused to go for it on 4th and one. This should be a well fought game. I think Josh Allen makes a big throw in this one. Watching Buffalo play I have been enjoying model glue over the white Elmer’s glue when it comes to sniffing the stuff that will make any football team enjoyable.

CARDINALS AT VIKINGS                                                     VIKINGS

Good to see the Cardinals come away with their first victory last week. Hope the coach brought the team to Dairy Queen for a few scoops of ice cream. They deserved it. Meanwhile Vikings going into Eagle land and ran the Rocky steps to pull out a huge victory and much needed victory. With that big win they will not overlook the Cardinals and get beat by another Josh, that is a rookie. They take care of business and you will see all parts of their game do well in this match up and win big.

COLTS AT JETS                                                                            COLTS

Seems like every few games Sam Darnold puts up some big numbers as the Jets quarterback. He did last week to Vanilla Ice, Case Keenum, and the lackluster Broncos. This week is a different animal. The Colts only have one victory so far. However Andrew Luck has been throwing the rock and the team has been scoring points. I think the Colts will win this one even if a shootout takes place. I like the Colts defense to exploit the Jets line and give Darnold pressure and force him into making mistakes. It will be a close game but Colts prevail as long as Frank Reich is done handing out early Christmas presents to other teams.

SEAHAWKS AT RAIDERS                                                              RAIDERS

This game is in London, England. Can you picture Jon Gruden having a spot of tea with the Queen? I can see Pete Carol hugging the queen and grabbing her behind, the man is a pervert. This game will be a low scoring affair since both teams have to travel so far. I think this hurts the Seahawks more as they have a history of not doing well in further places from Seattle. If people from Vegas are watching their future team, could they back out of the deal? Maybe Chucky and the rest of black hole belong in England. Then Chargers could escape LA and move to Vegas. I think Jon Gruden will walk the streets of London and come up with a few plays to beat the Seahawks in a close game. Maybe the fog can clear out the stupidness that still lingers in his head after getting rid of Mack.

PANTHERS AT REDSKINS                                                     REDSKINS

The Fig Newton has the team at 3-1. The locals are talking about the kneeling boob they just signed instead of his own perfect self. Normally the attention would kill the man of fig. But these days it’s nice not to be bothered as he can head to the nations capital and still not be the biggest idiot in the city like how normally he is. He mutters to himself, “Thank God Donald Trump is in office.” Do you think Donald Trump and Eric Reid head to mass together? If so, do they watch each other to see if they kneel at the right parts? Eric Reid will probably stand during it to protest the communion wafers. I think Redskins win this one after being humiliated on Monday Night Football. Look for Spanky Peterson to have a huge day, kidding don’t put that bum in your starting line up. Alex Smith will outduel Superfreak and the Redskin defense will play much better than they did.  Home cooking will be the thing to turn around those embarrassing Redskins from Drew Brees’ aerial assault.

JAGUARS AT COWBOYS                                                         COWBOYS

I feel like the great Jaguar defense is not that great anymore. I know the running game is suffering without Fournette in the line up. Bortles I still know is the quarterback. The Cowboys had a troubling OT loss last week. Everyone is talking about what happened to Prescott. He does not look like the same guy from last year. I think with all that noise from last week with Jerry Jones calling out his coach and people talking about the QB troubles, home cooking and hot cheerleaders is what the Cowboys need. Ezekiel Elliot has a monster game today. It will take the pressure off Prescott in fewer throws. I think the Cowboy defense could stop the Jaguar offense. Cowboys will be in the thick of things in that crappy division. Meanwhile the Jaguars will want to move to London, England and have tea with the Queen on Sundays.

RAVENS AT TITANS                                                                TITANS

Both teams come in at 3-2 for the season. Both teams coming off losses last week. This is one of those games where you can pick the winner out of the hat. Both teams played each other last year in Tennessee and the Titans won that one. It is me or does Joe Flacco look nervous when Jackson comes in at quarterback as the Ravens first round pick?  Is it because Joe Flacco has not done much since he signed a long term deal after that Superbowl the Ravens won a very long time ago? I think the Titans will take care of business in this one and rebound and win a close one as Joe Flacco will start feeling his days are numbered in Baltimore.

RAMS AT BRONCOS                                                              RAMS

Case Keenum once a long time ago played for the Rams. Plus the Rams defensive coordinator Wade Phillips used to coach the Broncos. Just some fun facts for a lopsided match up. If you lose to the Jets these days you probably should be kicked out of the league. Vanilla Ice Keenum can’t sling the rock well when he plays a talented defense. Rams have some talent that will be coming for the Ice Ice baby. Keenum should join the Flag Football League South and play for the Buccaneers or the Falcons. This one is not even fair as Rams win in a laugher. John Elway still leads the league in big teeth. Maybe it’s time to play Jim Kelly’s nephew or at least grandma she has a cannon for an arm.

CHIEFS AT PATRIOTS                                                           CHIEFS

This is the game of the week in my book. So now this game will not turn out the way I envision. This is the Rebels versus the Evil Empire. This could be a preview of the AFC championship. I know the Chiefs are undefeated. I know the Patriots are rolling. You can see the evil mastermind coming up with a game plan to confuse Patrick Mahomes. You could see Tom Brady wanting the spotlight more than this talked about Chief team. I think the Chiefs have things to prove here. A loss will only kink the armor as they can meet up for part two in the playoffs where the game will mean everything. If the Chiefs prevail it could set the Patriots back. The loss could sicken them and stay with them a long time and feel the pressure if they meet again in the playoffs. I like the CHIEFS. They will take out the Brady trash and bring down the Death Star as Foxboro will crumble and the Boston faithful will get the feeling their football dynasty is coming to a end along with the Red Sox hopes to get to the world series. Beantown will be in a depression all next week. At least Lebron left your conference in Basketball. Plus hey the Bruins are pretty good.

49ERS AT PACKERS                                                               PACKERS

This is the game the schedule makers figure Jimmy Garoppolo would be starting. They figured the Niners would be looking good out of the gate from Jimmy’s results from last season. Things have changed in the Bay Area since the injury. It’s time for the Niner fans to get your Warrior schedules out and figure out if there is any team that can disrupt your three peat is the way to go. It is very hard to win in Lambeau Field even if Rodgers is in a wheelchair. After coming off a loss from the kitty cats in Motor City, Green Bay will roll through the Niners like they don’t belong in the league. I do like Robbie Gould making some field goals in this one as the only points the Niners get in this one.

This week we will rant about three guys we know to be dead from the neck up. This week we have our first two time loser as he will win the Meathead of the week award. He is an overachiever in stupid.

FIRST MEAT OF THE WEEK: JERRY JONES

If you’re an owner of a sports team in Dallas, do you have to speak to media and give your opinion about everything related to your team? Last Sunday, Jason Garrett did not pull the trigger and go for it on 4th and 1 in Overtime against the Texans. Instead he chose to punt. The Texans eventually won the game 19-16. Then the owner Jerry Jones spouted out to the media regarding how he questioned his man not going for it on 4th down.

For decades Jerry Jones has been a type of owner that is hands-on everything when it comes to his team. He was the one that hired Jason Garrett and believed in his abilities to get the job done and lead the team to the playoffs. These days the Cowboys are not those teams they yelled to, “HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS?!? The young talent has been regressing. The team does not have much depth on the roster. Jason Garrett’s job is coach what he has. If he thought the team was incapable of getting that first down, he should know more inside stuff than his busy body owner. If Jason Garrett went for it and the team did not make it, he’d still get criticism from Jerry Jones, I imagine. Jason Garrett was in a Prickly Pete kind of situation. The week before we saw Frank Reich go for it and that blew up in his face as that game was also vs the Texans.

Let your Coach coach. Don’t criticize your guy to the media. That can lead into other problems like players thinking they are free to say something about their coach. He calls himself a business man when he should know that is going to cause problems at the work place. If he has a problem, talk to him behind closed doors. If you don’t think he’s doing a good job, get rid of him. I don’t think many would want to take that job to work with a guy that’s always in your grill. Plus as the owner, is it not his job to give his coach a better roster to play with? That right there tells me Jerry Jones… you are DEAD FROM THE NECK .

SECOND MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: ODELL BECKHAM JR.

First of all, it looks like Odell has a yellow sponge on top of his head. Did you lose a bet, seriously? Only reason you like this guy is if he is on your fantasy team. If I was a Giants fan, I’d like how great of a receiver he is, but please hold the antics. The theater show when he scores a touchdown should have an intermission.  Then last year he pretended to be a dog and faked peeing as he was down on all fours, lifting his leg like an untrained junk yard dog.

I would be a Mike Vick fan if he caged Beckham and put him in the pit of misery against another crazy dog foaming at the mouth. Then Thursday night Odell Beckham is shown heading to the locker room early.  Seemed like no one told him to do that as he walked off by himself. He is punching things and throwing tantrums on daily basis. Definitely a guy who is only about himself. He can divide a locker room just by walking through the door. He would be a serious cancer to a good team. Send him to New England. Odell, you sir are definitely, DEAD FROM THE NECK UP!!!

ERIC REID, COLIN KAEPERNICK’S SIDE KICK

Our first two time loser. A few weeks back Eric Reid was a meathead because he was out of a job from the NFL. Then to see his idol land a big job at Nike. Everybody knows Eric Reid is Colin Kaepernick’s Tonto. Let’s not insult poor Tonto from the Lone Ranger. Finally the side kick landed a job, as the Carolina Panthers signed the bum. To be grateful and just play freaking football, he’s kneeling during the National anthem all by himself during his first game suited up. Makes Cam Newton look like he’s a model citizen. Eric Reid kneeling as a sign of protest. The more we talk about the kneeling, the more he gets his point across and the more they will talk about what this protest stands for. We will talk about his protest and

SORRY WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES………………

That is a shame. I really wanted to hear what it’s all about when it comes to Eric Reid kneeling. However we are out of time. Eric Reid you are the MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK HURRAY !!!!!!

YOU ARE STILL DEAD FROM THE NECK UP WHATEVER UNIFORM YOU HAVE ON.

This our first power ranking of the NFL season.

We know nothing, but it is the NFL, so some weeks we will actually know something. Most weeks we know nothing. Hope we did not insult your team too badly. Hope we did not put the team you hate the most at a  higher ranking then the team you love. Because we are under staffed here, and we don’t have people looking through your windows to see what team you like and how we are going to screw you in our rankings. No NFL players were hurt in the process of getting these rankings together.

#1. LA RAMS              5-0                Rams seem to me the most together team in football. Offensively they can score with the best teams of the league. Love the name Cooper Cupp. If I was quarterback I would want to throw passes to Cooper. He reminds you of the slew of New England white receivers they have running routes. Boston is just a racist town, black receivers matter as well. Rams has that too, in Brandon Cooks, former Patriot. Always an unsung hero doing great things out there, Robert Woods seems forgotten. A guy that makes huge catches. This is a great group of receivers and very dangerous.  Does the “Girli Man” need to be pumped up?

No need for he will slash and dash right past you for hunks of yardage. Then The Rams defense is also one of the top ten. This is a team that should stay in the the top five of our charts the whole year unless they have a bus accident on the way to the stadium.

#2. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS    5-0         If they had another cold war, Kansas City would win as they have stockpiled weapons of mass destruction on their offense. You name it.  They have tanks with speed which also can run you over. They have stealths with heat-seeking missiles.  Throw some F-15s in the mix. I’m sure Andy Reid is sitting on the Nuke to unleash at the Super Bowl party. Teams will need to hire Jack Bauer as their defensive coordinator to keep Mahomes and his group in check.

My questions with the Chiefs are.. .Can Mahomes fire on all cylinders the rest of the year? People are still waiting for his bad game, will it happen? I know they do not have the worst defense in the league, but pretty close. Will that defense haunt them in the playoffs? Can’t see this team not winning their division.

#3. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS    4-1       If Drew Brees had all the quarterback all-time records, would people still think he not in the top three great quarter backs of all-time? If the Chargers would have held on to Drew Brees, would they still be in San Diego and perhaps have a Super Bowl trophy? I thought last year the Saints should have made it to the Super Bowl. The Saints started off slow out of the gates, but now they have warmed up. The offense welcome back their suspended running back, Mark Ingram. Now they have their two headed monster back in the backfield. I was talking Cold war with the Chiefs, but the Saints have collected lots of weapons as well. I think the Saints will continue to rise because the defense is playing well. Last year the defense was able to force the turn over and give the ball back to their offense. I can see the Saints getting back to the big dance.  Maybe Brees needs another Superbowl trophy in order to be talked about in the top three of all-time from the bar stools of others.

#4.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS   3-2        Yeah, the Patriots are part of the top five. Yes indeed, a team most of the world wants to see just go away. However with Tom Brady and head coach Darth Vader, this team will still be a thorn in people’s sides. I hope Kansas City continues to play well as a possible team to get rid of the Evil Empire for good. If the Chiefs falter the Evil Empire, it’s an easy march through the rest of the AFC. The Shower Curtain and Big Ben are like the titanic sinking in the tar pits. Then the Jags come on, Bortles as your starting quarterback. Rivers is too busy piling up the kids in his family. It just looks too easy for the Evil Empire.

#5. CINCINNATI BENGALS 4-1    This thing about winning to save Marvin Lewis’ job started last season. The Bengals in the second half took it to teams and won like 5 out 6 games. This year they are off to a 4-1 start. Andy Dalton has been playing excellent. They have a Robin to go along with Batman, AJ Green. Tyler Boyd has been a nice weapon when AJ Green is doubled team. Plus their defense is no longer making the bone-headed plays. They are getting after people and stopping people and forcing turnovers like they did against Miami last week. They are no longer the Bumbles.

#6. CHICAGO BEARS 3-1

Before the season even got started, I thought the Bears were heading to a 6-7 win season. They sign Khalil Mack and now it looks like they have a bad ass defense. Jon Gruden is still wondering why someone should be drafted out of Buffalo University? He then trades him away and wonders why the team has no pass rush. Back to the Bears as new coach, new offense. Lots of weapons added on that side of the ball as well. Mitch Trubisky finally had his big game two weeks ago against the Buccaneers. I know their defense is horrid. However it always depends on the quarterback for most teams. If Mitch can play well, this team could have a rematch against the Evil Empire in the Superbowl. The defense is that good. We will see. Could we be having a conversation on who has the better defense… the 85 team or the 2018 team? We just need to bring back the Refrigerator Perry to run one in the Patriots in the big game to cap the win and end Brady’s career at the same time.

#7. MINNESOTA VIKINGS       2-2-1          Vikings coming off a huge win against the Eagles last week. Vikings had a let down against Buffalo. Their schedule has been very tough to start the season. Even Steven with a tie is not too bad, only 5 weeks in. Plenty of time to turn around that defense that is rumored to be great. Plus find a running game to make the offense well balanced. They will be coming to an easier part of their schedule and have a few weeks to fix everything and get back to the team from last year. Plus I think Cousins will get better and I still think he is better than any of the quarterbacks they had on their roster last year. They will win and make the playoffs with the talent they do have. My question is, can Cousins play like a high paid quarterback and win play off games. Anybody can collect the Money and win regular season games.

#8. CAROLINA PANTHERS 3-1                The Fig Newton has the Panthers off to a 3-1 start for the year. Looks like another regular season where the Superman of the league will be a one man army back there. Running the ball and throwing the rock.  I know Cam expects me to boast about him and him only, regarding why the Panthers are 3-1. Blame the defense on the loss. Indeed, I will not, as the defense, like always, needs to be known and as always is playing well. The Giants managed to come back on the Panthers last week. Panthers survived with a big boot from their kicker to ice the game with seconds left. Right now the Panthers are a top ten team. Not sure if they will stay there. Besides Fig Newton being soft, I can see other teams getting better by the week. Ron Rivera is a great coach but when things go South because of Cam, it’s hard to put his head back together.

Ask any reporter.

#9. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS  3-2              Jacksonville has the great wall, as in defense. However the Berlin fell as the Jaguars fell to the Chiefs last week. The Jaguars have a top defense. They can beat some top teams. However this team will play a clunker and their offense is the big reason. Their starting running back Fournette is hurt. What else to they really have? Shame on the ownership sticking with Bortles as the quarterback. The same Bortles that was picked before Khalil Mack in the draft. Is Bortles a game changer? The Jaguars could easily win their division unless they lose another field goal kicking contest to the Titans. Perhaps Andrew Luck will start getting his team going with a big run as he’s looking better and better each week. Even Houston won two in a roll. No wonder they talk about Jacksonville going to London, England to play four home games a year. If the Jaguars moved to England, would they make a sound?

#10. LA CHARGERS 3-2                   Chargers have the roster that is deep and loaded with talent. Talent on both sides of the football. You think they should be in the top ten, but do they really play like a team in the top ten? Everything with these guys is a struggle. They played against the 49ers’ back up QB and squeaked by. They had a huge lead on the Bills in the first half and took a nap in the second half.  Raiders last week, they won quietly 26 to 10. They have a chance to get a streak going as they play the Browns and the Titans in the next two weeks. Instead of being 5-2 which they should be, they will  end up 4-3. Then they will tease you at the end of the season when they win convincingly over some great team, then fall short and miss the playoffs. Does anybody in LA care? Especially sharing the town with the Rams.

#11.GREEN BAY PACKERS  2-2-1   I have not been impressed with the land of cheddar. I think they could easily be 1-4. If the Bears did not blow a 20 point lead in the last quarter of the game and if Charlie Brown, the kicker at the time for the Vikings, made a few simple field goals, this would be a whole new story. However they have Rodgers and they are treading water at this time. Just watch, this team will suddenly get red hot and win six straight and people will talking playoffs again. They have many holes on this team, but Rodgers has a horseshoe up his arse and his luck will keep them in the hunt. Maybe Clay Matthews will fly his drone into Rodgers’ good leg and end his season early. At least he can home to Danica, see the horseshoe continues to pay off.

#12. CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-2-1  I’m conducting an experiment. If I put the Browns high in the ranking, will they continue to climb towards the top or will they fall like in the game Chutes and Ladders. The Dawg pound has to have the biggest hard-on in the world to see Baker Mayfield behind center. Peeing on the fire hydrants, not angry any more has to feel enlightening for each mutt in the crowd. Good for Policemen is not having to change their pants as the cuff of their slacks are drenched in recycled beer, trying to enforce the law against the whiz kids. With the King James moving out of town and the Indians scalped in the playoffs, Mayfield might be the new Drew Carey in town. I will miss those parades though when they finished perfect, not winning one game.

#13.BALTIMORE RAVENS 3-2    Who are the Ravens? Are they good, bad or just plain ugly? This is a team that always screws you when it comes to predicting what they will do. They can beat the Steelers, lose to the Browns, and perhaps win this week against whoever. Flacco looks better with his new toys. The defense has played well. The pattern will show at some point as they are destined for an 8-8 season. You just have to figure out who they will beat, who’s on first, and if they will be a second place team or dead last in that division.

#14.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-2-1 The Steelers need some kind of defense. They somehow slowed down the Falcons last week. They are an offensive power house with an idiot for a head coach. Mike Tomlin is a defensive guy as he should have something in place better then what he has been doing all year. Every year for some reason I think the Steelers could contend with the Patriots for the AFC. However this year they might not even win the division as everyone has improved except them. They say Marvin Lewis needs to be fired every year from the Bengals. I’m telling you it’s time to fire Mike Tomlin. Does he  have pictures of the owner wearing a dress to keep his job like he’s a Pope?

#15.DETROIT LIONS 2-3  Lions have not been able to play the Patriot way yet. They have two big wins against talent like the Packers and the Patriots. The Packers missed 5 field goals but still it’s a win and it came against the division rival. Then they get destroyed by the Jets and lose to the 49ers. Jimmy was the starter when they played the Niners. They have many weapons on the offense. They have one of the best quarterbacks in the league, I would say Stafford is in the top ten. Do the players want to play for the bearded Muslim guy with a girlie last name? The Patriots coaches’ tree does not sprout very well outside the death star. This perhaps can be a slow start. Not impressed with a team with a lack of courage.

#16. WASHINGTON REDSKINS 2-2  They say the Redskins have a good defense. I think they lost it before they even played against the Saints on Monday Night. They say this was the rebirth of Alex Smith once again. They even said Spanky Peterson was going to whip some ass this year. They demolished the Cheeseheads before the Saints marched all over their deadskin bums. Another team like the Ravens, you don’t know who will show up every week and for sure you do not know what they will do. Forest Gump said it perfectly… they are like a box of chocolates and you don’t know what you will get.

#17. TENNESSEE TITANS 3-2  The Titans are a team that has a winning record. Perhaps will make the playoffs again like last year. It’s one of those teams that feast off the teams in their own division. They can beat the Jaguars, Colts and the Texans. They will find a win against other opponents here and there to get to that nine win mark. Last week they lost to the Bills on the road. This week they will come home and beat the Ravens. I like their defense. Marcus Mariota, another young quarterback, is regressing. I think they are a better team with Gabbert behind center. It’s one of those teams where you scratch your head and wonder how they made it to the playoffs?

#18.MIAMI DOLPHINS   3-2 The Dolphins are finally back down to earth as they started off 3-0. Now they have lost two in a row. They face the Bears on Sunday, that should even their record at 3-3. They have some names on both sides of the ball. I know Jay Cutler is not their quarterback like last year. That explains how they won three games. I do like Ryan Tannehill. He’s coming off a big injury that kept him off the field for an entire year. However he is not the same guy from two years ago. He is probably still trying to find himself. However with the Bears defense in town, it’s not a good time to be looking in the wrong direction.

#19.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-4  I have the Falcons high on my power rankings even though they have less wins than a handful of teams. I think they can win against many teams even with one of the worst defenses in the league. They are another team that lost some close games by one score so their record could easily be different. Matt Ryan and that offense is hard to match with some of the offenses these teams behind them have.

#20. HOUSTON TEXANS 2-3 Houston has finally won a game in the battle of Texas as they beat the Cowboys. This coming off the gift they got from the Colts the week before. See what one win does? It starts a winning streak. Texans have great receivers. They have big names on defense. They are going through some growing pains with Watson who looked awesome last year before the injury. Are things starting to come together? On paper they look like a great team, especially since they are not dealing with lots of injuries, like in years past.

#21. DALLAS COWBOYS 2-3        HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS?!?!?! Looks like another young quarterback is regressing. Perhaps not having Dez Bryant is the major problem that explains why the team is not off to a good start. You know that is what Dez is thinking. Then Jerry Jones is questioning the head coach. Looks like Elliot has been a good citizen this year. Sounds like one big happy family because they have the hottest cheerleaders in the league.

How many cheer leaders do you think Dez Bryant has dropped over his career? You know the catch rule as Dez can never complete the process of the… you can fill your own blanks in.

#22. BUFFALO BILLS 2-3                Out of the Gates, Bills looked like the worst team in the history of the league. However a playoff team from last year has crawled back into some respective level. The defense needs to get the turnovers like a druggie needs its next fix to make things go right for the Bills.They are still dealing with growing pains of Josh Allen. With a poor offensive line ,the offense is sputtering. Bills need that defense to dominate if they are going to pull out more wins. They definitely need a dry wall guy to spackle the holes on the offensive line. Maybe a make over. Is Tim Taylor available ?

#23. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-2  I believe the Devil screwed Ryan Fitzpatrick. Seriously Mr. Devil you took his soul and you only gave him 3 good games and a bad half. You think a Harvard guy’s soul is at least worth a half of a season. Now Winston is back behind center as Fitzmagic has sizzled out. So far Winston’s Uber rating is better than his quarterback rating. The defense is bleeping horse crap. Mitch Trubisky looking like he was playing catch out there as everyone was wide open for the Bears a few Sundays ago. At least they have the coolest ship inside their stadium out of any other teams. Well the Bears have a spaceship on top of their stadium. Bears got the win. let’s give the Buccaneers the ship thing.

#24. NEW YORK JETS 2-3             Jets are in the rebuilding stages. It’s a sneaky team. Opposing teams think “Oh the Jets, this should be an easy victory.” Then they bite your head off when you’re not even looking or paying attention and they win the game. Remember last year when Josh McCown was the quarterback, most of the season they were winning games. It’s close to the same roster, but they are still developing their rookie quarterback. Jets will be up and down on the charts all year.

#25. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 1-4   Colts record is bad. I think they are better than their own record. They could easily have a tie and be 1-3-1. However head Coach Frank Reich gave the Texans an early Christmas gift. I’m sure Watt and company will pay the Colts back when they are facing each other for a division title down the road in 2020. Andrew Luck is looking great. I think the Colts defense is a nice unit of some young and up and coming talent. I think the Colts will move up the charts before mid season.

#26. DENVER BRONCOS 2-3   You wonder why the Minnesota Vikings did not try to sign any of their quarterbacks on their roster from last year? I think they knew they had a three man band of one hit wonders. They use up their luck and find someone else. They say some people’s junk is another person’s treasure and the Broncos found Case Keenum on the curb, dusted him off, and put him behind center. Now they look very bad. Wasn’t John Elway a quarterback? You think a great quarterback can spot another great quarterback. Hey Jay Cutler is available.

#27. OAKLAND RAIDERS 1-4   You bring back Chucky AKA Jon Gruden and it sounds like a good idea, but to pay him like he is Jesus Christ Superstar is beyond stupid. First he did not want to pay Khalil Mack, a GAME CHANGER. A guy you build a team around. Then to complain about your own team and the lack of a pass rush. Then they sign a few washed up veterans who were once big names and are cast offs from their old team in hopes they can do something. The defense is a joke. Now it looks like once a franchise quarterback, is regressing. WELCOME TO LAS VEGAS! Do you actually know what you are getting? Thank God they have the Golden Knights there and slots and hookers to take you mind off the black hole of a football team.

#28. ARIZONA CARDINALS 1-4       I feel sorry for Larry Fitzgerald to come back for another year and now Sam Bradford is your starting quarterback. Then they signed Mike Glennon. Right then and there I would have left town or just hung up the spikes. Then they did draft one of the top quarterbacks, who played well, to beat the crappy 49ers. The automatic thing to do when you sign Mike Glennon is draft a quarterback in round one. So Larry will help the rookie develop, but the Cardinals will have to feast on division opponents that are not the Rams to get their wins.

#29. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 1-4       It’s pure hell to be a 49er fan these days. It has to be roller coaster of emotions as they were up when Jimmy Garoppolo goes undefeated like last year behind center. Before Jimmy arrived the team was playing poorly. Before last year you had Colin Kaepernick as your quarterback. If I was a fan, I would slit my wrists having someone be kneeling while you’re losing the game. Yes 49ers at the time would lose before the game even started. The Niners back-up played well against the Chargers. Then to get beat by the Cardinals, you know your season is done for the year.

#30.NEW YORK GIANTS 1-5       This year with Cleveland actually winning games, you can not actually put them in anymore as the automatic last spot in the rankings. I found it hard to decide which team to put there then I watched the Giants on Thursday night football against the Eagles. I thought the Giants were actually turning the corner with the game against Carolina last Sunday. Then watching their offensive line crumble and Eli Manning can not escape to stretch out a play. It makes you wonder was it smart to pass up one of those quarterbacks in the draft. Don’t get me wrong, Barkley is an awesome running back. Running backs can grow in your pepper garden. Quarterbacks are harder to come across, especially a guy that can take over for ten years. This move will set this franchise back. Plus Beckham is a talent, but a dog at the same time, that can bring down a team with his sunny personality.

THE THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

OCTOBER 11,2018

Last week: We predicted a winner as the Patriots took down the Colts.

OUR RECORD ON THURSDAY NIGHTS: 3-1

TONIGHT’S MATCH UP

EAGLES AT GIANTS

Must be nice to be in the division with the Giants and Eagles. Then you have the Dead Skins and too scared Cowboys to go for it on 4th and 1 in overtime last week. What happened to the Eagles? They win the Superbowl and this year they looked like they improved their team with adding to the core mix. Now they are in the market for a running back since are they are falling like flies. Then the G-MEN. The Giants have some elite playmakers on offense. They have a quarterback that has won two Super Bowls. However they find themselves in every game but at the end of the night they end up losing like every team in their division.  Both teams have burned us this year badly as I wrap myself up and look like Darkman just in time for Halloween.

I think you have to think the upset here. I like the Giants in this one as I believe the Eagles come in the favorite by a ball hair. The Giants will easily stop the run and concentrate on the Eagles air assault. Eli Manning is having a good year. I think a primetime game will get the dog wanting to win. Beckham did well last week and I can see him repeating his performance on Eagle defense that is having many problems stopping anyone. I like the kid at running back, Barkley, to have another big game with his legs carrying the ball and catching the ball out of the backfield. It will be a well fought battle but Giants take this one at home.

OUR PICK: GIANTS

 

Another NBA season is upon us. Looks like another player wants out of his situation and the city he plays for. The latest guy that wants out is Jimmy Butler. Last season the Chicago Bulls traded him to the Timberwolves. Now with one year left on his deal and only having played one season in Minnesota, he wants out. He reunited with his former coach from the Bulls, Tom Thibodeau. Plus a few X teammates he played with in Chicago. Some people would call the Timberwolves, Chicago Alumi. Whatever you want to call them, they did make the playoffs last season. First time in a very long time.The city and the Timberwolves were hoping to build from that and go further into the playoffs. Now another superstar wants to take his ball and go somewhere else.

This is why the NBA is horrible. If you are building  something and a big piece of your puzzle leaves. You wine and dine them. You teach them, you pay them big bucks, and not even the length of the contract goes by before they want out. They want to play with their buddies. They want to form their own Avengers club. Jimmy Butler gave his list of demands for which team he wants to play for. Of course he wants to play with his buddy and of course the money has to be there. Have we seen this song and dance before? Lebron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. These guys plotted and plotted some more to form the first superpower, the Miami Heat. Lebron James eventually went back to Cleveland and helped his old city win a championship. Then he realized he could not beat the Warriors anymore, so he left Cleveland again, and now he’s off to the Lakers. Hollywood gives the King another ransom to put in his pool of riches. Plus a slew of younger guys looking to take it to next level. Plus a cap that will probably bring in a few of Lebron’s buddies before the roster is ready to take down the Warriors. Look at the Warriors, who built something special. Then they added Kevin Durant a big star. Now the Warriors are an even bigger superpower. While Oklahoma, Durant’s former team, is still treading water after they almost took down the Warriors in the playoffs when Durant was still playing for the thunder.

The NBA these days have like two super powers. Then the league has a small group of second tier teams that are good. Then the rest of the league is watered down. Could you ever see the Sacramento Kings emerging in the playoffs like the days when Chris Webber had that team close to the NBA finals. Teams like the Kings might come along once every 50 years if they get lucky on draft and are able to keep a team together. Small cities with small markets will not succeed in present time days with all the players leaving teams to join their buddy or seek a championship while riding the coat tails of others.

How do you improve the NBA while letting the player movement continue? What can you do to give every team in the league a fair shot? I would turn the league into a fantasy league. First fire all the NBA coaches. What do you need from them anyways? Lebron James goes through coaches like changing his underwear. Each team signs a captain which is a player. Like on a playground or in a draft room, they picked their teams. Each team takes a turn of the pool of current players and throw in the draft as well. The season remains the same including the playoffs. Then you do it all over again the following year and put all the players back in the pool and pick them again. The team that wins the championship, they pick last the next season. Since none of the players these days stick in one town now, they would not have to worry. Every year may be a different scene. If the Captain of the team is not working out, he can go back in the pool and the team can try to sign another captain that can do a better job at picking or has a better group of friends in the hoop world. Maybe you can add keepers if the newest NBA takes off. If that is the case each team would have a threesome of buddies. Then those three buddies picks the rest of their rosters. Then you can have a Shiva bowl trophy like the show, The League, had.

In reality NBA teams have been working if they are running a fantasy team. Look at how many teams are trying to clear their books. They want no one their current rosters signed. Teams like the Knicks, Clippers and the Nets are racing to clear salary to sign the next big wave of free agents. They take on guys with one year deals. Then pounce on the free agents and try to land three big names. Everyone that has played any kind of fantasy knows they have guys in their league who have given up on their season. Then they start selling off their assets for draft picks. Jimmy Butler – teams he wants to go to is the Clippers or the Knicks. If Minnesota trades Butler to one of these places, you will see suddenly others will join Butler on another up and coming Avengers” team. Most think it will be “Red rover red rover let Kyrie Irving come over.” Then the two would need a Thor in the middle and life will be good for one of those now crappy teams. Basketball in that whatever city will have some life restored along with some hope. However a few basketball teams and their city will see bad days. Once an intriguing roster gutted by someone abandoning ship as they Red Rover out of town to play with their pals. The NBA will have a few superpowers. Maybe a different superpower. Then some pretty good second tier teams. Then the rest of the league will still be hot garbage. The NBA of the present and future. A league that should be taken out to the dumps.