Last week we could have done better picking out of a hat than our rational thinking. Everything went wrong when we only won 6 match ups.

OUR RECORD OVERALL AFTER 3 WEEKS OF PICKING IS 22-25…

The first week we skipped. We were too busy chasing skirts and playing Guitar rock on an eight track player. Last week we should have skipped and made up a Jewish Holiday of some kind to avoid the dismal picking we did.

If you bet opposite of us… you will probably win big.

NFL WEEK FIVE

MATCH UP                                                      OUR WINNER

JAGUARS AT CHIEFS                                       CHIEFS

This match up is offense against defense. They say a good defense always beats a good offense. Jaguars ran it up on the Jets last week. They have prevailed over the Evil Empire in the revenge game from last year . However this will be their biggest challenge of the year trying to stop this animal. Which animal do you try to stop as the Chiefs have a Swiss Army knives of choices they can play with? Plus Jacksonville going on the road to try to stop this octane offense. The Jaguars usually lay a clunker after a big win. Can we say the Titan game? I don’t see Bortles putting up the kind of points he did against the Jets even though the Chiefs’ defense is not that good. Especially without their running back, Fournette. The Chiefs will be challenged, but Mahomes does not look frazzled back there and he will score just enough to beat big mouth Ramsey and the Jags. Plus the Chiefs defense will be able to contain the likes of Bortles a few drives to preserve the lead. Chiefs by a touchdown in this one.

FALCONS AT STEELERS                                                                               STEELERS

Those old commercials for Wendys where the little old lady asks, “Wheres the beef?”

In this match up, the beef represents defense. This match up will have no defense. This will be a shoot out at high noon. Big Ben and Jesse James will be drinking shooters at the saloon as they protect their town from the dirty birds. The key in this contest is the Falcons have sustained too many injuries on defense. They cant stop anybody. Meanwhile the shower curtain should be able to stop one of the Falcon drives. Can’t believe Mike Tomlin still is the head coach. Steelers hold on to coaches like they’re relics in which Tomlin is just scrap metal.

TITANS AT BILLS                                                                                        BILLS

I know what you are thinking. Quit sniffing the glue. Did I fall and hit my head? Maybe all the above. This is my upset of the day. Bills win this at home. I think the Bills defense has been improving as they took it to the Vikings, held Rodgers and the Cheese Whiz only to 22 points. I think the offense will improve this week after being shut out last week with a little home cooking. Besides the Titans seem to only beat teams in their division. Yes, they were able to win against the Eagles. I feel they will over look the Bills in this one and fall on the road. Plus the Titans offense has been dull as a butter knife so far. Bills defense will be the key . They will force a few turnovers to seal the deal. Can someone pass the Elmers please?

BRONCOS AT JETS                                                                                    BRONCOS

I think it’s time for Case Keenum to show something this season. The Vanilla Ice one year wonder has not done anything to award him with the money he got to come to Denver. The man has weapons. The Mile High fan will be screaming to put in Jim Kelly’s nephew if this bum does not have a good game at some point. I think Von MIller will be able to track down Darnold and make him uncomfortable. The Broncos’ defense should give their offense some good field position. It’s up to Keenum if he wants to have a breakout game. If not he should be able to put just enough points for his team to squeak by.

PACKERS AT LIONS                                                                                     PACKERS

I just do not trust the Lions. One week they can beat up on Tom Brady. The other weeks they always lose by one score. Meanwhile Rodgers, still on one leg, is still making big plays. Lions need to either knock Rodgers out of the game or beat up on the back up cheeses. The one with salami bits in the block of cheese is my favorite. Or the Lions pray for a bus crash. I see the Packers winning this one by a score as this script has been done to death when these two teams meet.

RAVENS AT BROWNS                                                                                RAVENS

These two teams have been screwing me all year. Thought after the change at quarterback for the Browns, it would be CLEVELAND ROCKS every Sunday. However their defense disappeared against the Raiders. I do not know what to think. Then Joe Flacco is quietly having a good season. His new weapons have been very helpful, and the Raven defense has been playing well. The stat I like in this one is the Ravens defense over the last few seasons has a crazy record for beating rookie quarterbacks like 20 and 1. Love to see Baker Mayfield come up with the big play to win this one. I think Ravens will do what they do against rookies and pull out another division win.

GIANTS AT PANTHERS                                                                                    PANTHERS

Who is a bigger dog? Beckham of the Giants or the Fig Newton of the Panthers? This game will be a battle. Both teams will grind this game out to the end. One team will be standing as the final whistle is blown. The Carolina defense will force Manning into a turnover that will cost the Giants a win. Beckham will get mad. Fig Newton can pretend he is Superman for another week. I wonder if Newton thinks Beckham is a dog. Then you wonder if Beckham thinks Newton is a dog. If only both of them can look in the mirror to see their dog mugs. Not a purrtty reflection in either mirror.

 

DOLPHINS AT BENGALS                                                                            BENGALS

Dolphins came back down to earth last week as they lost big to the Patriots. Meanwhile the Bengals… are they for real? Both teams are 3-1 coming into this contest. The Bengals have another weapon that has risen from the ashes of the gridiron. Tyler Boyd along with AJ Green have gave opposing defenses lots of problems. With the red Rifle Andy Dalton on top of his game and the running game, the Bengals offense has been a force to reckon with. Since the second half of last season when the Bengals won like 5 out 6 games to save Marvin Lewis’ job and to start 3-1 they are one of the best teams in football. I do not think the Dolphins can keep up with the Bengals. Plus I don’t think they can stop the Bengals in this contest. Dr. Johnny Fever has Bengals winning by double digits over Ace Ventura’s squad.

RAIDERS AT CHARGERS                                                                             CHARGERS

Chucky finally won his first game back in coaching. The Raiders still with no defense won against the Browns in a shoot out. Meanwhile the Chargers who are 2-2 who you always think should be playing better than they do. The Chargers won against the 49ers last week beating their back up quarterback in a struggle. I think Phillip Rivers can beat many quarterbacks in an old fashioned shoot out. Rivers will have a huge day. The Raiders will score some points but the Charger defense will be to contain Chucky’s offense and perhaps force Carr to throw an interception. Chargers win this one easily.

CARDINALS AT 49ERS                                                                        49ERS

49ers played very well last week. Cardinals lost a close one to Seattle. This is a game no one gives a damn about. Maybe fantasy aspects. Cardinals are developing a rookie quarterback. While Niners are adjusting to a season without Jimmy. Beathard played well last week against a pretty good defense that the Chargers bring to the table. The 49ers’ overall roster is much better than the Cardinals. I think 49ers win this toilet bowl by a stinky. One score.

VIKINGS AT EAGLES                                                                      EAGLES

What the hell happened to both of these teams? Both have been going in the wrong direction and have fallen into harder times. Both of these teams were supposed to contend and had visions of going deep into the playoffs. This is a big game to save one team’s season. Both teams have been playing difficult schedules. Both teams are rumored to have great defenses. This game will be a shootout as that is the theme of the year in the NFL. Both quarterbacks will put up numbers. Kirk Cousins knows the Eagles playing them twice a year. I like the Eagles being at home. It will be a close game. But Eagles will make one more stop than the Vikings to ice this one.

RAMS AT SEAHAWKS                                                              RAMS

Once upon a time it seems like a long time ago, this would have been a good game to watch. The Seahawks no long have the Legion of Boom defense. Their players flip each other off rather than high five each other. Maybe that’s a new strategy in Pete Carol’s book. Tough love instead of jumping in a guy’s arms and hugging them like Pete usually does. Rams have every part of their game working well. They are stacked on both offense and defense. “Run, Forrest Gump, Run” are the words that echo in Wilson’s ears these days. Seahawks struggled against the Cardinals last week, but won. Rams win big in this one.

COWBOYS AT TEXANS                                                         TEXANS

The battle of the Lone Star State. Texans have only won against the Cowboys one time when these two teams have played each other. Texans finally got a gift win from the colts last week. Frank Reich, the head coach of the Colts, even wrapped it up with a pretty bow. The Cowboys are ‘Even Steven.’ Both teams have been screwing me all year. Most teams have done that. I think the Texans finally getting that first win of the season will get this team going. I think Watson wins this through the air with the big plays to his dangerous weapons he has at receivers. It will be a close game with the Cowboys’ running attack. As the day goes on, the big arm of Watson will prevail. Plus I think Watt and Clowney will finally make an appearance this year and get their defense with big play capability. They’ll make something happen that will help the Texans win the Battle of Texas. Cowboys still has the best cheerleaders in the league. Good for you Jimmy Jones..

REDSKINS AT SAINTS                                                               SAINTS

The Redskins coming off a bye week have started the season off pretty good. The Skins have a very good defense going as well. The Saints are still dangerous on offense. They are marching the season off to a great start. I do not think the Redskin defense will be able to slow down Brees and company. Alex Smith and Spanky on offense are not designed for a shoot-out. Plus the Saints’ defense has improved as they are getting the turnovers like they did last season. This game will start close. Then the Saints will roll at home and win this game by two scores.