Another version of the Wild Shamrock power rankings coming at you. We promise this week no women or children were hurt. However we did make fun of Big Ego football stars as we always do. Nate Peterman is the next Joe Montana. Is he still in the league? What water is the Buffalo Bills coaching staff drinking? We do love kickers.

#1. LA.RAMS 8-0 (SAME) When you’re doing well, it seems like you get many breaks while your team is rolling. Last week the Rams found themselves playing the Packers in a close game. It was a home game for them but it seems like they were on the road as Cheeseheads invaded the stadium. Who was looking after all the cows in Wisconsin, is my question. With two minutes left after the Rams took the lead the Packers received a kickoff. Ty Montgomery was told not to take the ball out, just kneel down like Eric Reid for a touch back. Make sense because Aaron Rodgers runs a two minute offense like a well oiled machine.  Ty went rogue. Took the ball out of the end zone and tried to create something. Rams forced a fumble, got the ball, and sealed the deal. You can say that was a lucky break. You can say they made things happen. A win is a win. Put it in the books now because the next chapter is another tough game this week. Could be the NFC championship previewing a game with the Saints.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 6-1 (SAME) Saints have not been lighting up the score board with their high octane offense. The last two weeks they have played some great defenses.  The result has been the same with wins over the Ravens. They got revenge over the Vikings who got that one lucky play at the end of the game in the playoffs to bounce them. The team is finding the right amount of points to win. The defense is doing well in stopping the opponent when the offense is not putting 40 burgers each week. This Sunday big match up with the Rams. Could be a preview of the NFC championship game as both teams are playing well. You know the the Dolphins of the 70’s will want to see the undefeated Rams lose so they can pop the corks off their champagne. The Saints are at home and have a good shot knocking the last of the unbeatens.

#3. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 6-2  (SAME) Not impressed with the Evil Empire.  They are winning though. Not convinced they are the dark side of old. It took a few special team touchdowns to beat the up and coming Bears. Then Buffalo gave them a game last week. It took the Patriots until the fourth quarter to get past their divisional rival who has more problems then your X girlfriend. Gronk seems like an old lethargic turd who needs to be put down soon. Brady gets a rush and his passes sail away from receivers. The defense has not done anything inspiring to say this team will have an easy pass to the Superbowl. They will win the division they play in because every team is a sad junior varsity team with their gym teacher coaching.

#4. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 7-1 (SAME) The Chiefs lost the one game against the Evil Empire who came back and won it close to the end of regulation. Ever since, they keep on rolling. Broncos made last week a closer game towards the end, but the Chiefs held on. Think we can say Mahomes is for real. We can also say they have the best offense in the AFC. We do not know if they are a sure thing to get to the Superbowl. The defense is not the greatest, but has played better. Many worse defenses in the league besides what the Chiefs have. Boston Red sox won this year’s World Series with their big bat offense.  The way things are going this season, what defense can actually stop this team? You definitely need a team with an offense to keep up with what they bring to the table every week.  It will be good to see Wally the Walrus back in the big game.

#5.LA.CHARGERS 5-2 (SAME) The Chargers had a bye last week, but does anybody in LA know? If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? Chargers we know are the team like the Clippers in LA. The second fiddle. This is a team that is quietly winning some games. This is a team that has some talent. The defense is waiting for Joey Bosa to return. The bye week for them probably to get their star defender back on the field.  Phillip Rivers probably worked on having another kid in the bedroom. All his kids were made on the team’s bye week. Rivers is a company guy. Not on Chargers time. Overall we will see what the Chargers can do in their second half. Most of the times the team will pack it in late in the season by shooting themselves in the foot in a close tight ball game.

#6.HOUSTON TEXANS 5-3 (UP 1 SPOT) Texans have won 5 in a row. They opened up 0-3 to start the season. Deshaun Watson is starting to play like he did last year. They lost one of their great receivers for the season.  Will Fuller is hard to replace. However they went out and got Demaryious Thomas from Denver. Which should help. The Texans always get derailed by the injury bug. I’m sure they are knocking on wood as Watt and Clowney on defense are still on the field midway through the season.  If they stay healthy the Texans can win their crappy division. They could be a threat in the playoffs if everyone is still standing after the regular season.

#7.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 4-2-1 (UP 1 SPOT) Before the bye week, the Steelers got things turned around. Then they took care of business last week against the Browns who they tied in the opening game. They are winning without their star running, LeVeon Bell. Who needs the disgruntled hold out when you have the terminator in the back field?

Jmaes Conner has been awesome. If I was the Steelers I would forget about LeVeon Bell. He would screw up this team when they are building something the last few weeks. They are the team in the past that can handle distractions big or small. The Terminator will lead you to the playoffs and beyond. Trade bell in the off season as he’s at home watching Jude Judy and Cops. Shows he might guest star on when his NFL career comes to a halt.

#8.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-3-1 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) It seems like we are still waiting on the Vikings to actually show us something. Still waiting on that defense to be one of the best in the league. We are half way through the season and Vikings have not faired too well against some of the elite teams in the league. They are in a division that is up for grabs. They do not have an easy road like they did last year with Rogers out and the Bears were the Bad News Bears. While the Lions were the Lions. They will have to rely on winning against their division foes to get to the playoffs. This could be a team that is on the fast slide to the bottom just above the Lions in the NFL version of Chutes and Ladders.

#9.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 5-2 (UP 1 SPOT) In a division that used to be one of the strongest every year, the Redskins find themselves in first place. They have a new look on offense. It has been the defense that has really stood out as their unit has been stopping teams while the offense just does enough to win the game. Cowboys at home are tough. The Eagles could get on a roll at anytime. The Giants have been flushed down the toilet after week one. If they continue to play their game the Redskins could be back in the playoffs with a division title, the only road there.

#10.CINCINNATI BENGALS 5-3 (UP  1 SPOT) After losing two straight, one was a heart breaker to the Steelers at the end of the regulation. The Bengals finally got back to their winning ways. Teams will stumble at times during the season. You can’t count the Bengals out as they do have a talented offense and a good defense. I expect them to make the playoffs as a wild card or even winning their division.

#11.CAROLINA PANTHERS 5-2 (UP 1 SPOT) Panthers had the come back win against the Eagles. Then they beat upon the Ravens last week as they have won two games in a row and have looked good doing it. This week with an easier match up against the Buccaneers they could win three in a row and really make some noise. Are they due for a letdown? Could FitzMagic show his razzle dazzle again? When the Fig Newton head gets too big with his ego, a team like the Buccaneers could pop his head as it deflates like a blimp crashing to the ground.

#12. BALTIMORE RAVENS 4-4 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) I put the Ravens in the top ten. They played horribly last week in a game I thought they would win. I have officially started the Lamar Jackson clock. How many games will it take to end Joe Flacco’s career in Baltimore?  I’m going to say three.

#13.CHICAGO BEARS 4-3 (SAME) Bears are in the same boat as last week. They took care of business against the Jets, a team they should beat up on. They let the Jets linger in that game until they finally put them to sleep late in the second half. They should easily win this week in Buffalo. However we said that when they went to Miami. Bears like to give games away. Just ask the Packers and the Dolphins. Are they done giving? Will they turn into the Grinch and steal everyone’s Christmases? The division is up for grabs. With the win last week, they went from last to first in a snap of the fingers. They’ve got to show me if they are done shooting themselves in the foot. They need to get the Plaxico Burris out of their system.

#14.GREEN BAY PACKERS 3-3-1 (UP 1 SPOT) I moved the Packers up one spot because they played the Rams tough last week and probably should have won the game. This week they made a statement getting rid of a few players. Even the guy that fumbled the ball that cost them the game. This could be a statement by the Packers’ front office. This team could respond from that in a good or even bad way. With Rodgers and a division up for grabs, this could be the week and the point of the season when the Packers catch fire.

#15.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 4-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Is going to England a a vacation? Perhaps it is. Take it Easy when your opponent goes to the bar and makes a fool out of themselves. You could even say that the Eagles were the classiest team overseas. They did not get arrested.  They took care of business in a game needed to even their record at 4-4. With half of the season left in the division, they play the Superbowl champs, and still  have a very good chance to get back to the playoffs.

#16.ATLANTA FALCONS 3-4  (UP 2 SPOTS) Atlanta moved up two spots because they were on the bye week and they have won two in a row. The defense has been horrible. Hopefully the bye week rested the team up and they can get back some key guys that   were hurt. The offense is one of the best in the league. Only problem is home cooking has been awesome. They now  have road games. They head on the road, next to Washington. Hopefully Trump they do not have to see. Tough division they are in. They need to take down any of their own conference teams and division to turn around their season.

#17.DALLAS COWBOYS  3-4 (SAME) Cowboys coming off the Redskin loss a few weeks back on the road. Before that they killed the Jacksonville Jaguars at home. Now they play at home and added Amari Cooper as a receiver from the Raiders as they took advantage of Gruden’s garage sale.  ACCEPT!!! The Cowboys paid full price with a number one pick. Perhaps Jerry Jones met Jon Gruden in an dark alley and played three card monte to decide Cooper’s  faith. Maybe that was not even the original bet. Maybe Amari Cooper is the player to be named later. Jerry Jones might have lost some of his cheerleaders. Jon Gruden might tell you what he likes about this guy, perhaps meaning gal.  Confused? So am I.

#18. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS  4-3 (UP 3 SPOTS) With the Legion of Boom defense gone.  With the problems with the offensive line fixed. Pete Carol looks like somehow he has figured out the solutions to his roster and has patched the roof of the heavy rain that was coming down on him and Seattle. The Rams are ahead of them in their division by miles. San Francisco and Arizona are below them by a mile. Wild Card is the only solution for this team to make it to the playoffs. Pete Carol’s hugs of inspiration has his team quietly a game over 500. Can they they make a run?

#19.DETROIT LIONS 3-4 (DROP 5 SPOTS) Lions this season have been a very puzzling team and very hard to figure out. They can beat a good team one week and then lose to a middle of the pack team the next week. Then hit rock bottom of the barrel the following week. Then Coach Matt Patricia, who has a  Muslim/ZZ-Top beard which is not kept up and we do not know what’s living in that nest, is telling the reporter to sit up straight.

Then they traded away one of their weapons in Golden Tate. Is this a process still in progress by the new coach in removing the cancer in his thinking and making the team

Can a branch of the Evil Empire like Matt Patricia be successful?

#20. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 3-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Looks like Fitz-Magic is back behind center for the Buccaneers. Took over after Jameis Winston had a bad game last week. Now we may not be able to see the dog bowl this week between two of the biggest dogs in the league, the Fig Newton versus the Uber snatch. I need a Winston cigarette.  We do not know if Fitzpatrick will get red hot again like the way he started the season. However the team or coaching staff seems to like him much better than the gentleman, Mr. Winston. Buccaneers’ defense is still not good. Probably will not get better anytime soon either. This team will continue to free fall.

#21.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5-1 (DOWN 1 SPOT) CLEVELAND SUDDENLY IS NOT ROCKING ANYMORE. In desperate times, management fired their head coach and the OC. Rumors from Aaron Rodgers’ pet groomer is the Packers coach could be the new man in Cleveland next season. Mike McCarthy is still coaching the Cheese Doodles but things are getting heated up in Cheesewhiz land. They traded a few guys away for draft picks and are still in the thick of things. It will now be a “wait and see what happens” approach. Imagine the Dawg Pound will have some more bark than growls as Baker Mayfield will have some big games, but he’s going to have to take his lumps as well. Perhaps dealing with somebody else instead of Todd Haley could work some wonders. Cleveland season will teeter and tarter and teeter again.

#22. TENNESSEE TITANS 3-4 (SAME) Last week the Tuxedos did not do anything wrong as we have them in the same position. They had a bye week and had time to reflect on the season. Moonshine and blonde country bombshells with cowboy boots on would have to do the trick. They got some work in as well.

Since not making the two point conversion in London that cost them the game, they’ve been keeping a low profile. But they’ve been pre-gaming for the big Monday Night match up against the Cowboys. Who has the hotter girls? The country girls that drink moonshine in Daisy Dukes or the Cowboy cheerleaders? Now that is a great offensive strategy.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

#23.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Colts have won two in a row. Two wins scoring 40 points in each game. The Raiders did score 28 points on them. The defense has been up and down, but you have to love seeing Andrew Luck back to his old self.  To keep Luck standing and being able to chuck the ball down field, the Colts repaired the worst offensive line in the league last year. Lesson to teams like the Bills, Raiders and Giants fix the line so the guy behind center can find the open man. Come on people that is Football 101. Colts can make a run to the playoffs. The second half schedule features two against the Jag Bags. The Titans, Dolphins, Giants, Cowboys… Teams you can feast on. Do you remember that game you gave to the Texans? Could have been a tie. Will that come back to haunt the Colts?   Houston should give you a gift next time around since your gift turned into a Texans five game winning streak.

#24.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Jaguars seem not to like their future home in London. Some Jaguars were not getting along with the locals.  Four players ran up $64, 000 bill at a night club that featured circus performers. The four twits then got in to a brawl over the bill. They brought the hood to this fine establishment that features tea and snacks with a little naked entertainment. Maybe the lion tamer needed to crack the whip out to soothe the Jaguar anger since it was circus themed. I picture the Jaguars as the Dino-bots.

GRIMLOCK ANGERED!!! LIKE BARRY CHURCH ANGERED!!

Bortles was dressed in a clown outfit spying on his teammates hoping they still had his back. Maybe he ran up the bill on them. Put a double steak sandwich and a bottle of Flintstones champagne on the Underhill account.

#25.DENVER BRONCOS 3-5  (UP 1 SPOT) Look like Case Keenum had a better game without hearing the Chad Kelly chatter in his ears. Without competition he can wheel and deal now. Got the idea from George Costanza to slip a mickey into Chad Kelly’s drink. Broncos moved up one spot. Most likely because the Dolphins are just bad. Broncos played the Chiefs tough last Sunday, but it’s another loss on their record. Broncos also dealt long time receiver Demaryious Thomas to the Texans. Horse Gums John Elway is probably working on another plan for next season.

#26. MIAMI DOLPHINS 4-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Dolphins looked confused last week on defense. Houston Texans receivers ran free uncovered. It was like shooting ducks in a barrel for Deshaun Watson. Must be nice for the Evil Empire Patriots to live in a division with bottom feeders year after year. Can you trust the health of Ryan Tannehill? Looks like Osweiler could be a decent option for back up quarterback for a few games. Could not trust him to go the distance. Knowing this, one of these guys should be a back up and I think you need to find a future quarterback. Especially if the Bills’ Josh Allen and Sam Darnold develop into something. Then Tom Brady has to call it quits at some point. The hooded man will have a better plan when that day arrives. Dolphins will be scrambling like they are now at putting together a team to compete. Plus that defense needs help. They look like they have no clue whats going on.

#27. NEW YORK JETS 3-5 (SAME) The whole state of New York this season in professional football has been horrible. All three teams in the bottom of the barrel in the power rankings. The Jets are dealing with a slew of injuries. They played the Bears tough in the first half last week. The Bears had some guys out too, but the Jets did not get embarrassed.  The second half of the season will be  the development  of Sam Darnold. Expect a roller coaster of up and downs. Sam Darnold could honestly say he might be the best quarterback in the state of New York.

#28. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 2-7 (UP 1 SPOT) Do we have a quarterback controversy in San Fran? Is Nick Mullens the Steve Young while the great Jimmy Garoppolo is Joe Montana? Last year the 49ers were struggling down the stretch. Then they traded for Jimmy Garoppolo and they won the rest of their games that season. Then Nick Mullens comes in and he routs the Raiders in his very first game. The Raiders defense is crappy, nothing to write home to mom about. If that is not the case, 49ers seem to plug someone that is not named C.J Beathard and the team does well. Again it’s the Raiders defense. We will see so stay tuned.

#29. ARIZONA CARDINALS 2-6 (UP 2 SPOTS) Cardinals picked a good time to sweep the 49ers. Not sure if they would have beaten the Niners’ new star quarterback. Nick Mullens who debuted on Thursday night. Curious to see how Byron Leftwich will do at offensive coordinator for the Cardinals. He has the offense tailored around the rookie, Josh Rosen.  Byron who had an up and down career behind center. His coaching and stuff he went through could help make Josh Rosen mature and develop faster. The second half of the season is all about the growing of Josh Rosen and perhaps beating the Seahawks the second time around would be the cherry on top of the sundae.

#30.NEW YORK GIANTS (SAME) 1-7 Continuous soap opera going on in Giantland. This time it’s the back up quarterback doing his imitation of Bo and Luke Duke to escape the Police. Obviously did not happen. So much for the idea seeing him get some snaps as the future, still your boy Eli Manning. The Kyle Lauletta era will have to wait until he gets bailed out and after his appearance in court. The bright side is at least he broke the law on a bye week. Gives the Giants time to replace him. Most likely he gets cut and then signs with the Buffalo Bills. They need someone to drive the team forward.

#31.BUFFALO BILLS 2-6 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) I liked the way the defense for the Bills has been playing. The offense is another story. Since NATE PETERMAN again is starting I would drop the Bills to last, but since the Raiders have nothing, Bills are set at number 31. The brain trust in Buffalo I have to bring into question. Terrible offensive line. Never replaced the crazy Richie Incognito. Then they traded away one of their best guys to the Bengals. The quarterbacks have nobody to throw to. The worst thing they keep doing is marching Nate Peterman out there. Are they trying to set a record for most interceptions thrown by a guy.?Colin Kaepernick probably has more brain cells then management and would turn down the job if the Bills came kneeling to him. They should have newly signed veteran Terrelle Pryor be the quarterback and throw to himself as the the receiver, since he has played both positions. It’s got to be better than the Nate Peterman experiment.

#32.OAKLAND RAIDERS 1-7 (SAME) Raiders are in shambles. No defense. Evidence yesterday. A guy named Nick Mullens looked like Joe Montana behind center. WHO YOU ASK? Nick Mullens, an undrafted free agent. The 49ers third quarterback of the year. Raiders have other problems as well. The offensive line can not protect their quarterback who has no time to throw. Derrick Carr now knows how his brother felt, David Carr, when he was used as a tackling dummy his first year. Raiders should get the first pick in the draft. Plus the other picks they collected. Will they need a quarterback by then? Might be nothing left in Derrick Carr after this season.