DA BEARS are like the Jeffersons and are moving on up to deluxe apartments in the sky. Are The Chargers pretenders? It might not be the end of the world, but we have some interesting tidbits before the zombie apocalypse. WEEK 12!!! Hang on to your hat. You might see some butt crack.

#1. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 10-1 (SAME)  On Thanksgiving Night I asked who the hell are these guys? My family of football experts like myself shrugged their shoulders. Dan Arnold, Austin Carr Keith Kirkwood, and Tommy Lee Lewis. All these guys caught a touchdown pass from Drew Brees. Tommy Lee Lewis went to NIU,  one of the announcers told us that. Even our NIU alum did not know who he was. We were very happy for him since he went to one of our state schools we like. Some of these guys were undrafted. In a primetime game they are helping the Saints march on in an unforgettable regular season they are having. Drew Brees could easily cement MVP honors being able to work these unknowns who are replacements for the injured. Then they destroyed the Eagles last week. Then on a short week what the Saints defense did to a good Falcon offense on Thanks giving night. I think this team right now is my favorite to win the Superbowl. They are playing well on both sides of the ball and special teams. They have everything covered with no weaknesses like most of the teams  have.

#2. LA RAMS 10-1 (SAME) You wonder what happened to the Rams defense on that Monday Night game. However you’re playing the Chiefs offense. If you can hold them to under 55 points you have a shot to beat them as the gameplan said all week. Maybe the Rams borrowed a play from the movie Speed.

Stay above 50 or the team will explode and Chiefs will come away with the win. It worked for the Rams as they stay above 50 scoring 54. If this was the Superbowl preview what would the over be set up as in that contest?

#3.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 9-2 (SAME) Chiefs put up over 50 points and come away with the loss to the Rams in one of the most epic regular season games of all-time. Still have this team high up on the charts because they are still the best in the AFC. Only thing I worry about is this team after they lose a game. Last few years after winning streaks, one loss has sent them into a downward spiral. They rebounded nicely after the Patriots loss weeks ago. I think they are a different animal nowadays, that the Monday night loss will not affect them. After bye week, business as usual. Feel sorry for the team they square up against.

#4.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 7-3 (UP ONE SPOT) Patriots were on a bye week but I moved them up a spot because of what happened to those Chargers who had the number 4 spot briefly. The Patriots stunned in Nashville last time they played as the Ewoks are still moonshining it up from that epic battle they won against the Evil Empire. Now the Patriots will tune up against the Jets to get back on track.

The Jets will be running their preventative defense against the Evil Empire this weekend.  The defense will consist of GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE..The retreat is always used in most playbooks across the NFL.

#5.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 7-2-1 (UP ONE SPOT)  The Steelers I had written off earlier in the year. I even had the locals going to Mike Tomlin’s house and dragging him out of his home with torches and pitch forks. I think with the distraction of Leveon Bell’s hold out finally put to bed as he will miss the entire season, it is a good thing. The Terminator is doing well replacing him. Now Steelers do not have to waste time answering the same questions over and over. The Steelers can focus on piling up wins and hopefully are putting some ideas off to the side on how to beat the Patriots for once. The Chiefs look scarier than the Empire. Home field throughout the playoffs is the big key to strive for as the Steelers look totally different on the road than home.

#6.CHICAGO BEARS 8-3 (UP THREE SPOTS) The NFL is easy to figure out some of the top teams. You can then group the bad teams. Most of the teams are in a soggy holding pattern. Definitely watered down. Bears are definitely a team on the rise. I keep thinking the Bears need to beat somebody. They took down the Vikings. They beat the Lions on Thanksgiving with their back up quarterback. Now I can finally say the Bears have officially arrived in top status of the NFL. The defense is scary. The offense can beat you so many ways. They have lots of depth on their roster. I have to see more, I’m not crowning these guys Superbowl champions. However to me they have a Superbowl defense. You notice many of these top teams lack a great defense. They say pitching and defense win baseball games. A great goalie can stymie teams in the playoffs in hockey. NBA just sucks. Remember that great Denver defense not too long ago in the Superbowl. Perhaps you can credit the Legion of Boom with the Seattle Superbowl win as well.  DA BEARS will be heard a lot the rest of the way.

#7.HOUSTON TEXANS 7-3 (SAME) Texans have now won 7 games in a row. To go on the road and beat a tricky Washington team is a hard thing to do. This team is winning close games which stands out to me. The Texans will be in some big dog fights the rest of the way in their own division as teams are on the rise. It is not a cake walk any longer with cream puffs. Plus playoff games are always going to be dog fights. Certain teams prevail in close games. They know they will find a way. That and the team is in good health, at this time of the season that’s huge going further.

#8.LA CHARGERS 7-3 (DOWN FOUR SPOTS)  The Chargers are a team that baffles me. You think they are over the hump and you keep thinking they are better than what they are. Wins pile up and then they lay a turd on the field against a Denver team. Then I think when the hell was the last time the Chargers won a playoff game?

To sum up the Chargers they are the boy who cried wolf. Fool me once. Fool me twice. But the third time we know you are a pretender.

#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 5-4-1 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Losing to the Bears and even surrendering the division to them, the Vikings find themselves on the bubble. Sure they play the Bears one more time. They have 6 games left on their schedule to make a run at it. I feel like they will not win the Central due to the Bears. However the Vikings are still a good team to land a wild card spot in the NFC. Their offensive line worries me.  Is Kirk Cousins just a fantasy football quarterback ? Get you numbers for all the games.  However losses keep piling up. If that is the case, that whole deal in the off season with him is going to look like a Jay Cutler deal. Now that is hitting below the belt.

#10. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-5 (UP 3 SPOTS) Maybe moving Seattle up a few spots will jinx them and send them down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders. They won a big game last week over the Packers. This week they could really start cementing their wild card position knocking off the Panthers. They will not win their division as Rams wrapped that up in week two. If you control the tie breakers with teams fighting you for the Wild card, it will be a SNEAKY PETE year for the guys up in the Northwest.

#11.GREEN BAY PACKERS 4-5-1 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Sick of saying or even thinking Aaron Rodgers is going to win this week, then rattle off a six game winning streak. This Sunday night its do or die for the Cheeseheads. Lose to Vikings and sorry sir you are officially  cheese whiz. This week even Aaron Rodgers’ brother came out and said he’s a turd. Not his play on the field, but just in life. Aaron probably wants his coach McCarthy axed. Missing the playoffs will only make him happy. Plus I think he’d rather cuddle with the State Farm agent then his own agent before even a naked Danica even undresses. Poor Clay Matthews never stood a chance.

#12. DALLAS COWBOYS 6-5 (UP SIX SPOTS) Only in the NFL, the Cowboys rise up from the dead like they do. They are like Jason from the Friday the 13th movies.You think they are dead. You make fun of them. You scratch your head with the trade they made with Oakland. Then all of a sudden the Cowboys win three in a row. They are on top of their division. They even come out with another movie in Jason takes Manhattan.

In this one, Bernie from Weekend at Bernies stays alive as he is held up in TGI Fridays which is Jason’s favorite eatery. Nothing like having a cross over with two classic movies. Wait until Otis hears this! He will love it.

#13. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 5-5 (UP SEVEN SPOTS) I think it is time to say the Indianapolis Colts are for real. They have quietly won 4 in a row. Andrew Luck has been magnificent all year. The Colts defense has made some great plays throughout this season. They should win five in a row playing the Dolphins this week. On Monday Night, the Titans and Texans play each other and one will lose. With a win this weekend your team will even look better next week in the power rankings with all this playing out.

#14. BALTIMORE RAVENS 5-5 (UP THREE SPOTS) Flacco’s worst nightmare.

Rambo drew first blood but these days the women are the worst nightmares . Men, did we not know this? Or is society sneaking up on us. Why is Flacco in the fetal position sucking his thumb in the corner of that room? Oh I forgot Lamar Jackson won his first start last week.

#15.TENNESSEE TITANS 5-5 (DOWN ONE SPOT) The Titans suddenly come alive. They take down the Evil Empire. Then they lay a big juicy turd in the middle of the field.

Even Terrell Owens had to check it out. He was jealous and he dropped his pants to try to outdo the Titans. Did not happen, Titans laid the bigger turd last weekend.

#16. CINCINNATI BENGALS 5-5 (DOWN FIVE  SPOTS)    The Bengals brass should start telling their players Marvin Lewis job is still on the line. The Bengals find themselves in a big funk. They hired back Hue Jackson who was recently fired by the Cleveland Browns. No team will be scared of that as the Browns have already won since Hue got his pink slip. The ultimate humiliation will be if the Browns beat you this weekend.

#17. CAROLINA PANTHERS 5-4  (DOWN ONE SPOT) Panthers were upset by the Lions last week. They still have not gotten a signature type of win against a winning squad. However they find themselves in the thick of things. If the playoffs started today they are in. They need to step up their game or like a snap of a finger this will suddenly be taken from them. Seattle in the same boat with the same record could derail the Panthers. Next week the Seahawks will be penciled in while the Panthers will be still dust busting the crumbs of the field left by their cookie quarterback.

#18.CLEVELAND BROWNS  3-6-1 (UP THREE SPOTS) Only in the NFL you can have a bye week and the team moves up in the power rankings three spots. This weekend Cleveland can take down their old coach who was fired and now went back to the Bengals where he came from. Brown already won a game since the firing. If they win this week against the Bengals, now you might have a case for the finger pointing. However, if the Browns continue to win it will be hard to hire McCarthy from the Packers. Seems like he is doing his part in helping the Packers fall deep into the abyss. The Browns need the substitute  teacher, perhaps win this week, so Browns ownership can say they fired their scapegoat. Then they can go back to their Charlie Brown ways and get the coach they really want in the off season. Who would have thought the NFL is this catty?

#19. ATLANTA FALCONS 4-7  (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The injuries on defense and inability to cash in on touchdowns in the red zone, killed the Falcons this season. Thanksgiving they had multiple mishaps. It seem like they wore themselves off after a 1-4 start to get back to the 500 mark. Since then the dirty birds have been found on the highway of life dead.

The Falcons officially pronounced DOA.

#20.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 6-4 (DOWN 8 SPOTS) Without Alex Smith this team will most likely free fall. I do like Colt McCoy as a back up. He had some moments on Thanksgiving. Perhaps he was knocking off the rust with the mistakes he made. He is a Gunslinger, so he will make mistakes. Anything can happen in the crappy division the Redskins are in. I don’t think the Skins line will hold up. They have two tight ends and no receivers on that team. One tight end is out dated. Speaking of out dated the running back is too. Spanky Peterson has had some good games this year. Way better than last season. This guy will not get you over the hump, to get in the playoffs. Dallas which is another struggle bus, has more talent on both sides of the ball, compare to the skins. Even Philadelphia, who I think is done. However they have more talent than the Skins.

#21.DETROIT LIONS 4-7 (UP ONE SPOT) We give the Lions one spot for knocking off the Carolina Panthers last Sunday. Then they go home and play on Thanksgiving and get beat by the Bears with their second string quarterback. It probably ends their season of any playoff hopes. Then to make things worse for fans in Michigan. The Wolverines lose to Ohio State, 62-39 knocking them out of the top four and beyond. Oh the Humanity to be loving your teams living in Michigan.

#22.DENVER BRONCOS 4-6 (UP ONE SPOT) Broncos come away with an upset after their bye week. Too bad it does not mean a thing.The Chargers love to lose games to weaker opponents. They are your typical masochists.

Chargers can get away with it. They love the pain and have no fan base. What’s the Broncos excuse ?

#23.MIAMI DOLPHINS 5-5 (UP ONE SPOT) Dolphins coming off a bye week. They are 5-5 and are teetering in the playoff mix. Just in time for their savior Ryan Tannehill to lead the Fins to the promise land. The Fins thought Jay Cutler was going to be their savior . We do know Saviors from down south have not had a good track record lately.

I predict this Dolphins team will just turn into the regular fish fry at your local watering hole on Friday nights.

#24.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 4-6 (DOWN 5 SPOTS)  PHILLY, PHILLY…. Perhaps the Eagles have indulged in the mead in their off season celebrations.

The pit of misery has hit its full capacity with the whole Eagles roster.

 

#25.NEW YORK GIANTS 3-7 (UP 2 SPOTS) Giants have suddenly have won two games in a row. The team is in the worst division in football. Everyone is lumped up like cattle getting ready to be slaughtered.

They play the Eagles this week. They are on skid row. Redskins stock has fallen as their starting quarterback is out for the year. Dallas Cowboys are wishy washy. Can Odell Beckham Jr. actually be right with his prediction that the team is going to make the playoffs? Anything can happen in the NFL.

#26. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 3-7 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Every week the same thing as the only way to fix the problem is keep changing the quarterback. It’s between the same two guys  they keep flip flopping. Do they have another quarterback on the roster? This team should be gutted out completely. Hire someone from the Home and Garden channel so we can watch it step by step as this hovel is transformed. The Buccaneers are definitely hoarders. Watch episode one as they rip out the 1970’s decor like Mr. Furley’s FitzMagic couch. Then the Winston stereo that the music has gone to static. Maybe they can make it write off blame it on a hurricane.

#27.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3-7 (DOWN ONE SPOT) In a division where every team except your own is on the rise with huge potential. Last year you made huge strides and now the Jaguars are  lower than pond scum. The team did nothing about their glaring weaknesses in the off season. They just let things ride on the same number and it blew up in their faces. Even with running back Fournette back from injury, this team has played another good game, but came up short. Made too many mistakes and many teams can take advantage of that if you’re going to give them early XMAS gifts. This Christmas season the Jags will have to air out their grievances around the Festivus tree.

Sit around the mighty shiny pole during which the team could fix their family disfunction. They can wrestle each other. Even have tickle fights. Jerry Springer is the second option if the pole does not work in fixing these JAG BAGS.. Asking Santa for a quarterback will also help. But they have been so bad, coal is probably what these cats will get in their stockings.

#28. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 2-8 (SAME) The 49ers were on their bye week and I have them in the same position after their over time loss on Monday night the last time they played. Only reason to watch 49er football is to see Nick Mullens play. It’s been two good games so far for the undrafted free agent. He’s 1-1 with a really good chance to get the 49ers another win this weekend against a horrible Buccaneer team. Always good to carry two good quarterbacks on your roster as 49ers were wowed last year by Jimmy Garoppolo. The question… Nick Mullen for real? Could Nick Mullens pass up Jimmy on the depth chart?  Or with a league so desperate for a man to lead their team behind center would it just be better to cash in, just in case this is a fluke.  One thing is he has not played a very good defense yet.

#29. BUFFALO BILLS 3-7 (SAME) Bills won big versus the Jets and went into hiding on their bye week. The Bills should be like George Costanza and leave the room on a high note. The season is over, we won, and we are done. Build on that for the off season. Now the question is who will start at quarterback for the Bills when they play this weekend. We are delighted to say it will not be Nathan Peterman.  Peterman was actually trying out for the Lions.

Looks like the rookie Josh Allen could be back. You want to give the rookie lots of playing time to see what you got going on for your future. It’s hard not to play Matt Barkley based on his performance last time out. Much sunnier days in Buffalo even if it’s snowing, the quarterback situation suddenly improved which will put an extra pep in your step to get your snow suit on in the morning to get to work.

#30. NEW YORK JETS 3-7 (UP 1 SPOT) Since the Raiders won last week we had to move the Jets up one spot. The Jets did not do anything stupid last week on the bye week. The Jets are just in time to help the Evil Empire get back on track this Sunday.

I picture the Jets are lined up taking an ass kicking from the Patriots. Like joining the Patriot Delta Ki Luke and Kappa. The Jets bend over, and Brady thumps them with a 4×4 piece of wood or some kind of cricket paddle. As Brady and the empire swing these paddles it relights the fire in their eyes as they plot to take back the AFC from the Rebel alliance. Jets are just another planet in the way of progress. As they scream, “Thank you may I have another one!”

#31.OAKLAND RAIDERS 2-8 (UP 1 SPOT) Jon Gruden’s ultimate plan to get the number one draft pick in the NFL was hurt last week. Maybe that was why Gruden and Derrick Carr were having a heated discussion on the sidelines. Can’t Derrick Carr tow the company line? Tank the season and then we can find your replacement next April. If you like the sound of that, can you do me a solid and train your replacement? Is that asking too much? JUST WIN BABY !!!

#32.  ARIZONA CARDINALS 2-8 (DOWN TWO SPOTS) When you lose to the Raiders in my book you should be kicked out of the league. How would you like to be in Larry Fitzgerald’s shoes to come back to play with a team like this? One of the best receivers of all-time could be helping multiple playoff teams but he stays during a rebuild that might take a very long time. It would suck to be an Arizona sports fans on the professional level. Cardinals are at rock bottom. The Suns I believe still have a team. The Diamondbacks are talking about trading their assets to start rebuilding. It’s either hug a cactus or watch college sports. Herm Edwards has the Sun Devils heading to a bowl game. Which will bring these Sun Devils to your television screen.

They say the desert is really hot!!!  Do you agree?