THE NFL POWER RANKINGS ARE BACK AND WE HAVE A DANDY FOR WEEK 17…

Which teams will storm into the playoffs?  What teams will blow it all up after week 17? We have some ideas. You might like them or you might disagree.

#1. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS  13-2        NO PLACE LIKE THE DOME… Saints are a totally different animal at home in the dome. Home field advantage throughout. The Saints will be very hard to beat. Plus the Superbowl will be played in Atlanta. Another dome. Plus they play there once a year. The biggest key in all of this, that the stars are aligning for this team, is the defense. We know the offense can play. That defense is something special this year and they get it done.

#2. CHICAGO BEARS 11-4

The biggest obstacle the Bears had to climb this year was against their rival Green Bay. The first week you played the Packers, a 20 point blown lead late in the game. If the Packers would have won in Soldiers Field, I would say this team is not ready for playoff football. They exercised the demons in which Aaron Rodgers has been a thorn in their sides too long. They prevailed against him two weeks ago.  Bears could of been cementing one of the number two spots in the playoffs for games they let the other team steal from them, like the Packers and the Dolphins. If Rams lose and Bears win, they could sneak in and get the number two spot. This defense will get this team deep into the playoffs. Only a few teams scare me and the Bears are one of them.

#3.LA.RAMS 12-3       Since the Rams won the flag football game versus the Chiefs, the team has been scuffling to the finish line. The team reminds me of the Russian boxer in Rocky, Drago.  The Rams will be cruising along winning against every team not even getting their uniforms dirty. Then suddenly the Rams have been punched and been in a stupor ever since.  Like the punch that Rocky landed on Drago when he started to bleed. The Rams machine has become human after all.

I think the extra training stemming from the pressure of playing in week 17 with something on the line, for the Rams is a big deal. The 49ers they play will give them a game. The Rams could be training in an old school gym for this contest, like how Rocky had to go to LA with Apollo to his roots his old gym. To get back to the basics. Rocky prevailed in that one over Mr. T. I like Wade Phillips’ defense landing the last punch perhaps a Suh eye poke of some kind to seal the deal on the number two spot overall in the NFC.

#4.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 11-4 The Chiefs are another team that are riding the bus as the wheels are flying off before the finish. The Chargers remain on their arse like some infectious dingle berry buried deep into the skin of their hides. The team came off another shoot out loss versus the Seahawks. In Chiefdom, Chicken little is screaming that the sky is falling. One victory in week 17 against the Raiders could make it all go away including all the Jack Handy quotes the team in a rut are trying to figure out. Is Jack Handy fucking with their minds? Must be a Charger fan. They don’t have any fans.

#5.LA CHARGERS 11-4   I know the Chargers lost to the Ravens last week. I still think this Charger team has both sides of the ball playing well. You can make a case for a few teams that could be number five over the Chargers. But you can find losses by those teams that are head scratchers as well. Chargers will be a tough opponent for anyone, especially most likely being a wild card. They are not your normal wild card team because their record is better than most in their conference. Plus not having home field advantage will not affect their play because they can win on the road compared to their small gathering of die hards that come out to see them at home. I could see this team winning two road games and then running out of gas in the championship game.

#6.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 10-5 The Patriots are not the same team they once were. They are not playing with the full capacity of their normal working death star.

Tom Brady seems like he’s playing like the last days of Peyton Manning. Like Darth Vader taking the mask off for his last words.

Josh Gordon jumping ship just in time is back sniffing the glue. The man in the hood will help keep the Evil Empire afloat through at least a round of the playoffs. It might be time to call it, Doctor, and put the toe tag on the Patriots stiffs.

#7. BALTIMORE RAVENS 9-6 Lamar Jackson is the new man in Baltimore.

He’s shooting up defenses with his legs. He passes the ball mostly when needed. It’s the running game that controls the clock. They can have this type of control offense because the Ravens have one of the best defenses in the league. However if the Ravens do not build up an early lead, this style of offense is hard to come back from in games. Plus the league will catch up to Lamar Jackson. Look at Colin Kaepernick and RGIII. You could even say Mike Vick. All running quarterbacks that took big hits. All quarterbacks that took the league by storm. The one thing they all have in common when they only have the option to pass the football, they can not do it.

#8.HOUSTON TEXANS 10-5  This team has some big names on offense. They have some big names on defense. They have won ten games. How many of these games were close? Now as the season is coming to an end, they are losing these close games. Since the nine game streak came to an end, they are 1-2 over the last three games. To let Philadelphia and St Nick march down the field and set everything up for the Eagles game winner is not a good sign for the playoffs. It looked too damn easy.  Big names like Watt and Clowney did not rise up in that situation. Plus they blew a chance at a first round bye. Good team, but can you trust them in the playoffs?

#9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 9-6 Petey Carol is getting a contract extension. This year he has done a fine job. No legion of boom. Just a core young talent he molded and formed into a defense. Russell Wilson, you have to say he has to be in the conversation of elite quarterbacks. He does nothing splashy. He just continues to find ways to win. They definitely can win at home. On the road they lay clunkers. Seahawks can beat you a few ways. They can have it a low scoring game. Or they can beat a Chiefs team in a shoot out.

#10.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 9-6 They had a scare last Sunday. They were down to Giants by 14 points. They made their comeback late in the 4th. They won by one point. Keeping their playoff hopes alive. The Colts are one of the hottest teams in the league.They still make stupid bone-headed plays that at some point will cost them. The defense was number ten or around ten coming in last week. They looked like one of the bottom teams in overall defenses last week with no Odell Beckham and Old Man River at quarterback. It’s simple… if they win Sunday they are in the playoffs. Titans stand in their way. Will Andrew have some Luck?

#11. PITTSBURGH STEELERS 8-6-1 I know in Steel country it’s like breaking 5 out of the ten commandments if you do not get 20 years out of each coach. This team is on life support for their playoffs’ lives. A team with loads of talent should have already clinched their spot in the playoffs. They are not talented enough to win the Superbowl, but they are to make the playoffs. Their Steel curtain is a shower curtain and Mike Tomlin is a defensive minded coach.You can say an absent minded coach with a  loss to the Raiders and a tie earlier in the season when Baker Mayfield was not even playing. From the regular hold outs. All the finger pointing year after year. Throw me the damn ball year after year. Is this not the team that lost to a very bad Bears team because they could not figure what to do for the National Anthem?

#12. CLEVELAND BROWNS 7-7-1  The Browns are one of those teams you do not want to play right now, especially if your playoff lives are on the line. Ask the Ravens. This season it took some tinkering. Benching Taylor and throwing in Baker Mayfield was a genius move. Then you traded away problem child receiver, Josh Gordon, to the Evil Empire.

The Browns received a draft pick and Josh Gordon faked left with the walk away from football, but then got clobbered with a tackle and suspended for sniffing glue. With the Evil Empire in disarray. With their death star crumbling there are no signs of pay back anytime soon. Then you fired the head coach. Now everything is jelling like a well-oiled machine. The offense is exciting. Baker Mayfield is awesome. Like a Navy Seal leading his team on deadly missions and completing each task. The defense looks to be an up and coming lights out power house. Ravens should be very scared.

#13.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 8-6-1 The Vikings season could be what Maxwell Smart would say.

The Vikings have been making a charge at the end of the season. Now they face the Bears for the final game of the season. Vikings need to win because all of a sudden the Eagles are flying again. Bears should go back in time and remember when they could have wiped out the Packers in the last game of the season, but they did not. Packers knocked the Bears out in the NFC championship game. Bears have a chance at the number two spot in the NFC so they have something to play for, this go around. We heard so much about the Vikings defense being so great. Where has it been the whole year? Plus you are paying Kirk Cousins a fortune. It’s time Kirk earned his keep against a quality team, not like the Dolphins and the Lions teams you easily beat. The Vikings are the Steelers of the NFC, loads of talent, but not getting it done.

#14. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 8-7 I thought the Eagles at one point in their history booed freaking Santa Claus. Now St. Nick is slinging the rock all over the field and has the Eagles on the doorstep of the playoffs. Nick Foles started the season and did ok. Nothing special, looked actually like a regular back up quarterback. You felt his magic was over after last year’s run. I guess he needs most of the regular season to get his groove. First 8 games of the season, Nick gets his feet wet. Then by the end of the season he is primed and ready to go. Can St Nick lead his sleighh team to another playoff appearance? If he does, things will get really interesting.

#15.DALLAS COWBOYS 9-6  Cowboys play in the worst division in football. They have been beating a lot of garbage. Then they beat the Saints. Then they follow that with disappointment. You do not know what you will get from the Cowboys on any given Sunday. They have won their division. They will be home for the first playoff game. Not sure they will be able to win that game if it’s not a bottom feeder. The only way they win a playoff game is if they play like that Thursday night when they beat the Saints. Their defense played lights out. The offense was not stellar, but put up just enough points to win.

#16. TENNESSEE TITANS 9-6  Here we go again, the back door left open a crack for the Titans to sneak through to make it to the playoffs. Last year I thought they were the worst team in the playoffs. They showed me and won their first game. Titans are like the Cowboys, very mysterious when it comes to playing every Sunday. They are a forgettable team as well. Then this time of year, you look and see them having a shot on the bubble as this year they need a win to get in. I think Blaine Gabbert over the regressing Marcus Mariota gives them their best chance to win. Yeah, I said it, an X Jaguar leading the way. At least it’s not Bortles. The Titans need to run Derrick Henry like he owes them money. As you can see, not win the game on Gabbert’s arm alone. Titans defense does pretty well I think.

#17.GREEN BAY PACKERS 6-8-1  Who will be the next head coach in Green Bay?

Lebron Rodgers has two candidates to take over next year as head coach. The State Farm agent or his actual agent. The man in the Khakis resembles Lovie Smith. The agent resembles a young Jimmy Johnson. Rodgers has the whole off season to see what direction he wants his team to go.

#18. ATLANTA FALCONS 6-9  Changes might be happening in the Walking Dead city. If Rick Grimes can go, so can Dan Quinn. We know the Falcons have one of the best offenses in the league. Injuries plagued the defense this year like an outbreak virus that caused them to be walking dead in the secondary. If they can build a solid defense through the draft and get some free agents to fill some key holes, this team could be back in the mix that quickly.

#19. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 4-11  If the 49ers can only play the last six of their games each season over, the last two seasons they would be in the playoffs. The 49ers have become spoiler alert. They played tough against the Bears last week. They beat a very good Seahawk team. They beat Denver when they were red hot a few weeks ago.

Could the LA RAMS suddenly become not heard from after week 17?

#20.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 7-8   This team could finish 8-8 after a season where your top quarterback broke his leg. The same style of break as one of your legendary quarterbacks, Joe Theismann. The team has no wide outs. Both tight ends went down with injuries. You rely most of the year on old man river, Spanky Peterson, to run the ball. A guy you picked up off the curb. Speaking of garbage bins, you found the Butt Fumbler there. Then to replace his poor play you found Josh Johnson at the flea market. The defense has been pretty steady all year. If the Skins could improve that offense with some youth, some good free agents,  and stay away from the dumps next year. It would make the defense even better to start since that is what has you close to a 500 record.

#21. CAROLINA PANTHERS 6-9 This team is that bug that is trying to maneuver its way out of the toilet. Then you flush and it goes round and round. They need to make changes. They have lost a lot of close games. You can say the defense has under-performed. However it’s had its moments. You can say not enough offensive weapons. Perhaps a new voice. A new head coach. I would ask about the cookie at quarterback. Great, he puts up fantasy numbers. Seriously, where are you going to go with him as your leader? In the Superbowl, the Panthers played and Newton did not dive for a key fumble at the end of the game. Right there tells me you wasted more years waiting for him to lead your team back to the promise land. If the Skipper would have gotten rid of Gilligan, they would have been off the island much sooner.

#22.NEW YORK GIANTS  5-10   The Giants are a very puzzling team. Last week their offense was rolling without their star Odell Beckham. This a team with lots of weapons from the rookie running back and the young receivers. The tight ends were looking good catching a few balls. I think without Beckham and without Eli Manning if they found someone like a Derrick Carr, a younger gunslinger, this offense would be very impressive. Get rid of higher salaries for draft picks, get that quarterback and improving the defense should be next years goals. Less headaches without Beckham as well.

#23.DENVER BRONCOS 6-9 You gambled on Vanilla Ice as your quarterback and now you are right where you were last year at this time, probably worse. Case Keenum, you paid a lot of benjamins to. The Broncos had one stretch this season where they beat the Chargers and the Steelers. It was that stretch where it looked like they might make a late run at things. They were in the thick of things. It did not last and they are back to below average. Kind of makes you think if Chad Kelly did not go off the deep end. Perhaps you could be looking at a young quarterback with a very strong arm making progress in a season that has gone south. It’s back to the drawing board with perhaps a new signal caller and another head coach could be in the works. BLOW IT UP!!!

#24. BUFFALO BILLS 5-10  Sean McDermott does wonders on the defensive side of the ball. This defense is a top ten defense every year. The Bills need an absolute overhaul on offense. Enough with the caveman style of offense.

If they had even had a decent offense, they would be in the playoffs. Get Josh Allen some help. Put up a brick wall instead of the straw being held by glue they call their offensive line. Shady is not the real McCoy. Dump him. Get a freaking receiver..Not somebody who can dress the part. Not somebody who looks the part. Get a guy who can get separation and catch the ball.

#25.DETROIT LIONS 5-10  When you pick from the Evil Empire’s tree of coaches all’s  you end up with is broken storm trooper.

ESPECIALLY A BEARDED STORM TROOPER

Don’t you wish you could have a do over? Like those do overs on certain plays. in the sandlot playing baseball. The Lions need one on their hire last off-season with Matt Patricia.  A guy that is late to team meetings and is the head coach. However, he tells a reporter the proper way to sit in the chair. The unkempt bearded man does not even have the respect of the players. He might have never had respect from day one. Can we have a do over in Detroit?

#26.MIAMI DOLPHINS 7-8  When you lose to the Jaguars, it is time to look at yourself in the mirror. You probably do not like what you see. Dolphins started off 3-0. But I was not a believer then and I’m still not a believer. Brock Osweiler looks better a quarterback than Ryan Tannehill. Now I’m going to the bottom of the barrel saying this next thing. Jay Cutler looked better last year than Ryan Tannehill. Dolphins do have some pieces. They need an overhaul, the most important position on the field, the commander behind center.  Joe Flacco, Eli Manning, perhaps bring back Jay Cutler. Or Afro it up with Colin Kaepernick.

#27.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 5-10  The Buccaneer ship is sinking.

Instead of women and children off the vessel first, Winston and Jackson off the boat first.  Another team that needs to BLOW IT UP!!!!

#28. CINCINNATI BENGALS 6-9 The Bengals had a promising start to the season. Coming off a very fine ending to last season. Sometimes the domino effect takes place where injuries start a chain reaction leaving your team walking dead. The team is not those scary zombies either. It just takes one smart quarterback to slice and dice your defense.

#29. OAKLAND RAIDERS 4-11      Raiders were looking like they were dumping games on purpose. Tanking for the draft. They have beaten the Steelers and the Broncos in recent weeks. Will this be enough to keep them in Oakland one more year ? They are heading to Vegas in 2020. Their lease has ran out in Oakland. Will Oakland Welcome back the Sweathogs in 2019?

I would say kick their sorry arses out of their town. Take the black hole with you. Property might go back up. Concentrate on keeping the baseball team in town. Besides, Jon Gruden is no Gabe Kotter. I would love to see the Raiders play in San Diego next year. Love to see the Chargers come into San Diego as a road team.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 4-11  If the Jets would have held on to the big lead they had against the Cheese Doodles, I would have them higher. Gang Green is in the middle of developing their young quarterback in Sam Darnold. Who has had some impressive games so far. Lots of work needs to be done in New York. This might be a team that might do a complete tear down and find a new coaching staff and revamp the whole roster around Sam Darnold. Perhaps thinking he could turn the corner in his second year. Like Trubisky or Mahomes. Some sunlight during the dark times, being a Jet fan.

#31. ARIZONA CARDINALS 4-11 You swept the 49ers this year. You beat Green Bay, in Green Bay. Your young gunslinger is still developing. However big change could happen next off season for the Cardinals. Could Steve Wilks be one and done after only being hired last year?  Mike McCarthy could be the new guy since his firing from Lebron Rodgers. Might be a good thing..

#32. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 5-10 They were one game away from the Superbowl. Talk about falling and sliding down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders. Tom Coughlin, the man in charge of football operations of the Jags, says his team plays STUPID. Doug Marone, the head Moron, should be the first to go. They need a quarterback. Get rid of Fournette, he is a ticking time bomb ready to go off any minute. Many on the defense side of the ball should change their uniforms into orange prison fatigues. Too many big egos on this team. It was just a matter of time before the inmates would take over the asylum.

 

 

 

SUNDAY DECEMBER 30, 2018

THE MATCH UP’S                                   OUR WINNER

BROWNS AT RAVENS                             RAVENS

DOLPHINS AT BILLS                                  BILLS

LIONS AT PACKERS                                    PACKERS

JAGUARS AT TEXANS                                 TEXANS

RAIDERS AT CHIEFS                                      CHIEFS

BEARS AT VIKINGS                                           BEARS

JETS AT PATRIOTS                                             PATRIOTS

PANTHERS AT SAINTS                                     SAINTS

COWBOYS AT GIANTS                                     GIANTS

BENGALS AT STEELERS                                      STEELERS

FALCONS AT BUCCANEERS                           FALCONS

EAGLES AT REDSKINS                                          EAGLES

CHARGERS AT BRONCOS                                CHARGERS

49ERS AT RAMS                                                          RAMS

CARDINALS AT SEAHAWKS                            SEAHAWKS

COLTS AT TITANS                                                        COLTS

YESTERDAYS PICKS

MATCH UPS

REDSKINS AT TITANS

OUR WINNER: TITANS

RAVENS AT CHARGERS

OUR WINNER: CHARGERS

DECEMBER 23, 2018 (THE SUNDAY SLATE)

GIANTS AT COLTS

Colts are one the hottest teams in the league. Giants are preparing their vacation plans. They will have their walking dead preventative defense going through the motions. Could this be the end of Eli Manning in a Giants uniform these final two weeks?

OUR PICK: COLTS

JAGUARS AT DOLPHINS

If I was a Jaguars fan, I think I would hang myself. Then again, killing myself over this group of losers is not the way to go about it. I would trade the team to London. Find a new team to root for. Perhaps the Dolphins which are playing way better than the Jags and are a Florida team. Who isn’t playing better than the Jags? I can not come up with an answer. Perhaps Houston University, suffering a 70-14 loss in the Armed Forces bowl game.

OUR PICK: DOLPHINS

FALCONS AT PANTHERS

Both teams are having a bad year on the field. It’s a very bad year also when you’ve stopped sniffing glue cold turkey and watch these teams on the field. Panthers are at home in this one. If their defense can repeat how they played last week versus the Saints, that will be the key in this one. The Cookie should be able to put more points on the Falcon defense than he did the Saints.

OUR PICK: PANTHERS

BUCCANEERS AT COWBOYS

Everybody was talking about how the Boys are playing so well. How they turned the corner. How they took control of that heap. The heap of flaming burning tires of a division. They feasted on a pile of crap just to get to the top. Then the Colts put them down like a horse with a broken leg. Cowboys play another inferior team this week. Phew, we can come off the ledge now that the Buccaneers are coming to town.

OUR PICK: COWBOYS

VIKINGS AT LIONS

The kittens usually roar at home if they even make any kind of noise at all. The Lions are too busy in a deep slumber, stretched out by the window getting some sun. Perfect animals for the petting zoo. The Vikings had a big win last week. Cousins with that huge contract has to lead his dragon ship through motor city and slay the tame beasts. To keep thriving for a better seed and hold on to what they’ve got. Lions might open their eyes, however they will take another snooze.

OUR PICK : VIKINGS

BROWNS AT BENGALS

Bengals did not look like the Bumbles against the Raiders last week. I expect them to return to old form against the Browns this week. The Browns are one of those teams you do not want to play right now. I think Cleveland has too many weapons for the Bumbles to handle. Everything in Browns country is coming together. I think Baker Mayfield has a huge game in this contest, a repeat like he did last time when these two teams met.

OUR PICK:BROWNS

BILLS AT PATRIOTS

Just what the Brady ordered. The Death Star spinning out of control. The Evil Empire, a flaming wreck of a football team. What do the Patriots need most? A division opponent where they chew up and spit out like a hillbilly with some tobacco in his mouth. The Patriots have owned the Bills and are much better at home. Love to see the Bills kick Brady and the Patriots while they’re down like this. The Evil Hooded mastermind genius will come up with a plan to get them out of this rut.

OUR PICK: PATRIOTS

PACKERS AT JETS

Poor Aaron Rodgers will be home for the playoffs. He’ll take it out on the Jets. I’m sure he’s too busy to care these next few weeks, picking out a new head coach. His master plan is just starting. I think it will be the State Farm guy who will take over as the Packers’ new coach.

OUR PICK: PACKERS

TEXANS AT EAGLES

Nick Foles is back and now will lead the Eagles back to the playoffs and back to the Superbowl. Then they wake up from a drunken slumber with a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak cuddled between their arms. Cheese all over the covers. It was good while it lasted. Texans go into Philly and come out with a victory.

OUR PICK EAGLES

RAMS AT CARDINALS

Rams need the Cardinals right now. They are going through dark times right now. They feel like they are cornered. They have no answers. Cardinals are like that old girlfriend you can call up late in the wee hours of the morning. Get your booty call. Get your head clear and give you just enough spark to re-light the torch and get back to your winning ways. Yes, Rams love red heads.

OUR PICK : RAMS

BEARS AT 49ERS

49ers have been very sneaky. Playing possum pretending they are dead on the road looking like they were run down by a bus. Then as they are about to be picked up, they jump at you and bite you in the neck. Rip out your Adams Apple. Then you find yourself losing the game as you bleed out. The Bears are not buying what the 49ers are selling. Bears will devour this 49ers road kill and that will be the last peep we hear from them.

OUR PICK:DA BEARS

STEELERS AT SAINTS

I think the Steelers used up all of their energy and resources just to beat the bully. The Gooch, who is Tom Brady, who has been tormenting them for years in the school yard. Steelers are different on the road. The Saints are a different animal inside the dome. I think the Saints reload and come out with a fire power the Steelers will be unprepared for. A fight where the Steelers will think it was a bad idea to bring a knife to a gun fight.

OUR PICK: SAINTS

CHIEFS AT SEAHAWKS

Seahawks thrive at home. Chiefs coming off a loss to the Chargers. Seahawks lost last week. Which coach will prevail, Pete Carol or Andy Reid? I’m betting on Andy Reid. The Chiefs’ losses have come from tough opponents. Seattle lays an egg in San Francisco. I think the Chiefs offense will be very hard to stop for the young defense Seattle has. The Chiefs’ defense will make a few stops of their own.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

BRONCOS AT RAIDERS

Jon Gruden wants the number one pick overall. Broncos should help him out with that. That’s the gift that keeps on given in Gruden’s mind.

OUR PICK:BRONCOS

 

SUNDAY’S SLATE DECEMBER 16, 2018

THE MATCHUPS

DOLPHINS AT VIKINGS

Both teams are living on the edge of their playoff lives. Vikings holding sixth seed in NFC. Dolphins outside looking in on the bubble. The Miami Miracle used all the Dolphins’ nine lives they had. It’s time that Kirk Cousins starts earning his pay check. Vikings at home they prevail in this one and the Viking horn will be loud and prosperous.

OUR PICK: VIKINGS

TITANS AT GIANTS

No Odell Beckham in this contest. Both teams coming off wins against teams that consisted of a butt fumbler and a homicidal maniac that wanted to beat up a Titan fan. Titans are playing for their playoff lives. Which starting running back will do better for their team? It’s the key in this one. It’s that time of the year where Titans sneak their way through the back door to get in the playoffs. The door opens a crack in this one as Titans prevail in a close one.

OUR PICK: TITANS

RAIDERS AT BENGALS

Back in the way back time machine, this was the match up that ended Bo Jackson’s playing career. This game is right up Jon Gruden’s alley, a game with out any defenses. Bengals are back to the Bumbles. Raiders have a quarterback we know. They have more pieces to be able to win this one. That does not say much as this game is a below the swamp type of game on the docket. How many future XFL players will come out of this game? We like the Raiders.

OUR PICK : RAIDERS

REDSKINS AT JAGUARS

Does it get worse than Raiders Bengals? Yes it does, my Dear Watson. Jaguars and Redskins, well I’d rather watch the American Alliance Football League coming this spring. This game features quarterbacks Bortles, Kessler, and a butt fumbler. The best QB on either roster is Josh Johnson who came in to mop up for the Butt Fumbler who put them in a 40 to 0 hole last week. As long as Josh Johnson stays upright and does not get shived by the crazy Fournette before the game, I like the Skins winning this contest by the skin of their teeth.

OUR PICK: REDSKINS

COWBOYS AT COLTS

This contest could be the game of the week. Every game the Cowboys are in has to be America’s game of the week. Beside the Saints, the Cowboys have been beating cream puffs. Colts are playing for their lives. They took down the Texans last week. This week they will go for the Texas sweep. Colts prevail as Luck has the game of his life. I like the Colts in this one.

OUR PICK: COLTS

BUCCANEERS AT RAVENS

Buccaneers are making their vacation plans for the off season. Winston and Fitzpatrick will ride the teacups at Disney. The Ravens let one get away against the top team in the AFC, the Chiefs last week. Ravens get the early lead in this one and their defense shuts down the Buccaneers the whole way to hold on to the sixth seed. Put the pressure on the Steelers doorstep for a chance at the division.

OUR PICK: RAVENS

LIONS AT BILLS

Lions and Statford do not have a good history in the snow. WELCOME TO BUFFALO!!! Big sign of the Bumble from the Rudolph welcoming the Lions to Buffalo. Buffalo’s defense is a top ten defense. They play even better at home. Josh Allen will take his ground assault and prevail and be king of the mountain of the snow piles in Buffalo. Perhaps a few snow angels in the end zone to celebrate a rare Buffalo win.

OUR PICK:BILLS

CARDINALS AT FALCONS

This game is for the birds. I just picture Alfred Hitchcock’s movie, The Birds, in this one. Cardinals and Falcons pecking each other’s eye balls out. Then they attack all the fans which will turn the Atlanta fans into zombies and become the latest episode of the Walking Dead. Meanwhile Matt Ryan leads a key drive as Falcons win this blood bath.

OUR PICK: FALCONS

PACKERS AT BEARS

The people in Chicago have waited for this day a very long time. It is not the Superbowl, but this is much bigger. It is the day where the Bears will exercise their demons. Slay the closet monster that has kept them up at nights. Bed terrors, wetting the bed, every year the same outcome. Aaron freaking Rodgers beats the Bears again. If the Cubs could exercise the goat. It is time and it will happen this weekend. Bears buries Rodgers in the Soldier’s Field turf. Those crime scenes where they cover the bodies with the white sheets. On this day they will cover Rodgers’ body with an orange hunting vest. Who will Rogers fire after this game?

OUR PICK: BEARS

SEAHAWKS AT 49ERS

If you have to get stuck watching this one, maybe cleaning the gutters sounds more fun. Weekend at Bernie’s Two even sounds better. Part two will have Seahawks prevail in this snoozer.

OUR PICK SEAHAWKS

PATRIOTS AT STEELERS

Once upon a time the Steelers and the Patriots were the two power houses of the AFC. Now both teams ride the short bus in a game both teams need. It will be the type of scenario where this one ends in a tie. Steelers lose to Raiders last week. Then the Patriots fall victim to the Miami Miracle. Patriots and the Evil Empire will prevail as the Steelers and Big Ben are Brady’s bitch. Mop the floors when they are done with this one. Big Ben on the ground making sure Brady’s kitchen floor is waxed and polished.

OUR PICK: EVIL EMPIRE

EAGLES AT RAMS

No Carson Wentz in this one for the Eagles. Even though they do have Nick the Dick, last year’s Superbowl and playoff hero, the Rams will be too much.This one is in LA with nice warmer weather for the Rams to play in. Not that Chicago weather they experienced last week. Rams get back on track here.

OUR PICK: RAMS

SAINTS AT PANTHERS

Saints come in and just devour the cookies left by Santa in Carolina. Christmas candy cane Fig Newtons. Somebody gets fired after this contest. Saints hold on to the number one seed in the NFC.

OUR PICK: SAINTS

SATURDAY GAMES (DECEMBER 15,2018)

FIRST MATCH-UP

TEXANS AT JETS

Jets finally won a game last week. Can they win two in a row? Texans’ winning streak was snapped by the Colts which started versus the Colts way back in week four. The Texans are by far the more talented team. Jets are still probably re-living their rare win from last week. That feeling like they had sex for the first time. They’re on cloud nine thinking of the images of the naked girl they had in their room with their parents in the house.

OUR PICK: TEXANS

Too much at stake for the Texans. They will rebound with a win. Plus a win can help their playoff positioning. Most of the AFC leaders are running out of gas as they have not even approached the finish line. Besides, they need to win so the Colts do not catch them.

BROWNS AT BRONCOS

Broncos have been on a roll, knocking off some good teams. Then they get knocked off by a bad team, the 49ers last week. The ways of the NFL on any given Sunday, blah blah blah. Meanwhile the Browns have been riding the roller coaster going up and down, but are playing better since they axed their head coach. Ask the Fig Newton and he’ll tell you.

OUR PICK: BROWNS

The Broncos had that last gasp for air and made a run. I think they are out of gas. I think the Browns have more energy. I think the Browns have nothing to lose. They are just going out and playing football. Letting it rip. Mayfield versus Keenum. I’m going with Mayfield. Browns will be this team that will get hot now and make a run at the end. They probably will miss the playoffs. However they will play a huge spoiler role. It will be a season to build on. It will be a very successful season since the team did not win one game in 2017. They have some great pieces in place on both sides of the ball.

 

Our butcher in place for another installment of dead from the neck up. We are ready to slice and dice the latest chapter in meat for brains that linger in the NFL. We have three brand new heads to discuss. Three heads of dead meat we even broke our saw blade slicing into.

THE FIRST MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: AARON RODGERS

This is an old picture of the meat for brains quarterback. It’s a picture that helps explain why Aaron Rodgers is dead from the neck up. First leaving the house with a mustache  like that, you make  all the Wisconsin hillbillies normal. My gripe with Mr. Rodgers is bringing the NBA to the NFL. Aaron and most likely his State Farm agent, will deny that he got the head coach fired. I bet you can get his dirty slimy agent in that commercial to admit it. Put a few bucks in his pocket and he’ll admit anything.

Rumors have been swirling the whole year that Aaron Rodgers and Coach McCarthy were not seeing eyes to eye. Aaron Rodgers was quiet until after the firing after people called him out on it. He denied it. Never said anything before the coach was fired.  The Packers even fired a linebacker coach for expressing his  opinion on a tweet. Poor number twelve can not be held accountable. Everyone needs to be held accountable the Lombardi way, even number twelve. Truth hurts.

It’s never Rodgers’ fault on anything. The brass and the people who wear the cheese hats think he walks on water. Yes, he has won a Superbowl. Eli Manning has won two Superbowls. He is one of the best quarterbacks in the league. He is the most lucky quarterback in the league as well, hitting last second Hail Mary’s or last minute drives where you shake your head in disbelief.

Now everything most likely on all personnel decisions is probably run by him. If you can not see the midwest version of Lebron James brewing, you need to open your eyes. When the Bears finally put Mr. Rodgers out of his misery and bury him in the ground with his hunter orange vest on, you will see the collapse of the Green Bay Packers. Aaron Rodgers’ head has gotten bigger than the Macy’s floats in the Thanksgiving parade. Helium gets those floats in the air. Ego keeps Aaron’s head up in the air. We know one thing, Rodgers is dead from the neck up. Bringing the NBA way to the gridiron. The porch light is on in front of the hillbillies’ home but he’s out peeing in the woods.

THE SECOND MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: LEONARD FOURNETTE

When it comes to the Jacksonville Jaguars, the whole team could be the meat heads of the week. Most of them are dead from the neck up. They remind me of those stupid Cincinnati Bengal teams that were all thugs and played stupid. Even the President of football operations, Tom Coughlin,  said the Jag Bags play stupid. Once upon a time the Jags were almost to the Superbowl. Then they turned stupid. You never know what you will get in a box of chocolates. One chocolate out of that box we want to talk about, is the running back for the Jaguars.

Leonard Fournette is his name, but I do not have his future prison serial number at hand. With the game on the line against the Buffalo Bills. he is involved in a fist fight after a play.

Before the fight he was actually having a monster of a game. However he let down the whole team and had to get involved in the melee after a play.  You could see above, him and Lawson going at it like two hockey players on the ice. Both players were kicked out of the game. Jaguars afterwards could not move the ball. Buffalo ends up winning the game. Fournette gets suspended one game for his part in throwing fists with his bout versus Lawson.

After serving the game suspension, the angry elf returns to game action. The Jaguars are playing the Titans in Nashville. The angry elf Leonard Fournette gets into it with a Titan fan .  Founette told the fan he was going to beat his ass. Poor Leonard is not aware everyone carries a cell phone and most of them probably recorded him yelling this at someone in the stands.  Fournette is probably a South pole elf. You sir are DEAD FROM THE NECK UP!!!

THE MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK: KAREEM HUNT

Another angry south pole elf we are talking about. Kareem Hunt of the Kansas City Chiefs. These elves can not behave themselves around Christmas. Kareem Hunt’s incident actually took place earlier this year before the season started. Perhaps it was covered up because he was caught on tape having an incident with a girl in the hallway of hotel where he stays in the off season. He ended up playing the whole year until he was cut two weeks ago when the video surfaced.

This took place In Cleveland. He shoves a girl down to the ground. Then others got involved trying to stop it. Before they could break things up it shows the running back kicking the girl as she is on the ground. Maybe he took care of it after the fact as no chargers were filed. He was having a monster year. His young career was going very well. The Chiefs are off to an awesome start. Then the dark clouds followed Kareem Hunt as the video surfaced. The Chiefs cut him. They inserted the backup and he is keeping the red machine of football rolling along nicely. These running backs think they are kings. They can do anything they want. However they are a dime a dozen. They are like a light bulb and easy to be replaced.

Kareem Hunt shoved and kicked that gal like she was trash. The Chiefs dumped you like trash. A promising football career spoiled because you are DEAD FROM THE NECK UP as you let somebody get you so angered and you respond like that.

Since Kareem Hunt is a DOG… Congrats to Mr. Hunt, he is our MEAT HEAD OF THE WEEK… This might be your last award for your football play in the hotel hallway. Assault in the hallway.

 

 

THE THURSDAY NIGHT GAME (DECEMBER 13, 2018)

THE MATCH-UP

CHARGERS AT CHIEFS

This could be one of the best Thursday night games out of the bunch. This is an AFC west show down. Division title and playoff positioning are on the line. Both teams are 1 & 2 in the division. This is the second meeting between the two teams. Chiefs winning the first one in LA earlier in the season. The Chiefs have been lighting teams up with their offense all year. The young gunslinger, Patrick Mahomes, has been wowing people. Meanwhile the Chargers have been quietly putting up wins and staying one game behind the Chiefs. The Chiefs can’t quite shake the Chargers as they’re like a nasty dingleberry trapped in their behinds.

This will be like a Western movie with a shoot out at the Coo Coo Korall. The ending will be like the movie Departed, a surprise ending will seal the deal for whichever team. As the guns smoke at the end, one man will be standing with a huge bullet wound in the chest. He will be wobbling and might need help standing. The one gunslinger will be lightning up a smoke walking away with bodies scattered all over. He will be walking away in the sunset with a victory for his team.

OUR PICK: CHARGERS

I think the Chargers takes this one in Kansas City. Chargers have played well on the road. They really do not have a home field advantage as when they play in LA it’s most of the opponents fans cheering on their team. So every game is a road game. It is hard to beat a team twice in one season. This game will be a shoot out. The Chargers will have no problem putting up points on the Chiefs defense. The Chiefs offense will score points as well. The big key will be Joey Bosa playing this go around. The defense has been playing better since he is back healthy. The defense will be able to pressure Mahomes like the Ravens did just on Sunday. Mahomes still made plays but they were made through the skin of his teeth as he just got the ball off. Mahomes will be forced into one key mistake that will help the Chargers prevail. I think Phillip Rivers will show true grit in this one and he will come close to having a perfect night. They will split the season series. The division will be decided in the last week of the season how we like to see things finish up.

THE SUNDAY SLATE (DECEMBER 9,2018)

THE MATCH UPS

COLTS AT TEXANS

This is my upset special of the day. Colts handed the Texans the very first game they played each other. Then Texans took advantage and have not lost a game since winning their first one versus the Colts. Plus losing 6 to 0 versus the Jaguars. They are lucky they have not been kicked out of the league.

OUR WINNER: COLTS

PANTHERS AT BROWNS

Rather see the Browns win this game. What’s the prediction on how many INT’S will be thrown in this one? Fig Newton comes out of the cookie jar and ends the Panthers’ losing streak.

OUR WINNER: PANTHERS

PATRIOTS AT DOLPHINS

This one has the Evil Empire stomping all over the fish people in Miami. Another planet taken over by the dark side. Another division title coming soon.

OUR PICK: PATRIOTS

GIANTS AT REDSKINS

When the butt fumbler is behind the center, you know your team is in big trouble in ‘Little China.’ Redskins turn dead skins and season officially over in DC.

OUR PICK: REDSKINS

JETS AT BILLS

Lots of snow on the ground. Fans bring their own shovels and they get to watch this big AFC East showdown. Maybe in the 1990’s. Last time was ugly for the Jets. I think Josh Allen runs for two scores in this one. Bills prevail in the snow once again.

OUR PICK: BILLS

RAVENS AND CHIEFS

Ravens have a defense. Chiefs have an offense. Who prevails? I give the Chiefs to solve the Ravens defense in the second quarter. Chiefs are very hard to beat at home.

OUR PICK: CHIEFS

SAINTS AT BUCCANEERS

I would hate to play the Saints after a loss. Sean Payton and Drew Brees have probably gone to some secluded cabin somewhere and just plotted all week. To come up with a plan to sink the Buccaneers in their own yard.

OUR PICK: SAINTS

FALCONS AT PACKERS

Aaron Rodgers now has sunk so low. He is like your typical NBA superstar, getting your coach fired. Falcons are a mess. Usually the first game for any new coach ends up with a victory. Different voice, simple game plan, and the Packers can only win at home when they are not playing the Cardinals, of course.

OUR PICK: PACKERS

BRONCOS AT 49ERS

49ERS ARE A COMPLETE DISASTER. Broncos have been rolling. They have knocked off the Chargers and the Steelers during this, all of sudden we know how to win, streak. 49ers should be an easy one for them.

BENGALS AT CHARGERS

No Andy Dalton. No AJ Green. Chargers should win this one easy. Will the Bumbles have more fans in LA than the Chargers? Even though technically the chargers are at home, it should be an easy road win for them.

OUR PICK: CHARGERS

STEELERS AT RAIDERS

If Big Ben can’t win this one, everyone should be fired in this organization. Steelers don’t need the steel curtain for this one. The shower curtain will work well on this pathetic Raider team.

OUR PICK: STEELERS

LIONS AT CARDINALS

Lions seem like a team that beats the crappy teams that their division foes lose to. In upsets. Bears upended by the Dolphins. Lions had no problem with the fins. I see the Lions going to Arizona and having an easy time handling the Cardinals.

OUR PICK: LIONS

EAGLES AT COWBOYS

This game could be for all the marbles. This one is the hardest one to predict. You do not know who will show up. Both teams are on small win streaks. The Eagles have finally strung together two victories in a row. Not impressed with the two wins. Cowboy wins, especially over the Saints, seem to leave a bigger impression on me. Even though the Cowboys will probably screw it up. I give the nod to the Cowboys because they are at home.

OUR PICK: COWBOYS

RAMS AT BEARS

This is another tough game to figure out. Are the Bears for real? The Rams are due for a let down. I’m taking Bears because they are at home. LA has to travel to a colder place. Mitch Trubisky is back behind center. I think Bears’ defense makes a BOLD statement in this one. Defense does win big games.

OUR PICK: BEARS

VIKINGS AT SEAHAWKS

This one from the start of the season, I would say Vikings in an easy one. Vikings have not played well at all this season. Yes, they are still in the thick of things, but that defense, we are still waiting on. Kirk Cousins has not been the Joe Montana they hoped for. I have no idea how the Seahawks are playing so well. Is Pete Carol a great coach? I feel like I’m choking on my own vomit saying that out loud. I guess you get rid of the cancer in the Legion of Boom defense and then you do well, is my theory. Seahawks are playing well and they are at home.

OUR PICK:  SEAHAWKS

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME (DECEMBER 6, 2018)

THE MATCH UP

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (4-8) AT TENNESSEE TITANS (6-6)

What a clunker of a game this week on Thursday night. Both these teams made it to the playoffs last year. The Titans, well, I still scratch my head over how they even made it. Plus they even won a playoff game. The Jaguars had an awesome defense last season to hide their weaknesses on offense. This year the Jaguars’ defense has been MIA except last week versus the Colts. Frank Reich, head coach of the Colts, probably just gave the Jaguars an early  Christmas gift. A win to break their losing streak. The Colts gave the Texans a win earlier in the year. They have won nine straight. The Titans are a team that you have no idea what they will do on any given Sunday. One week they look pathetic and weak. Then come back a week later and they look like world beaters. You can’t trust anything on either team.

The Titans are at home and have something behind center that is closer to an actual quarterback than the Jaguars. The Titans always do well against their division opponents. I think the Jaguars have to ride their running back. Leonard Fournette is back from his suspension for brawling. He is the key for the Jaguars to win this one.

The words keep playing in my head, of Tom Coughlin ,the President of football operations for the Jaguars. He said his team plays stupid. I agree with him. The Jaguars won last week because Frank Reich got too cute going for it on 4th down and being stopped each time. If the Colts would have taken the field goals the Jaguars would be coming into Nashville with a very long losing streak. Titans struggled with the Jets last week, however they prevailed. With all this said I still probably do not have the answers you are looking for. The answer to decide who will actually win this game.

OUR PICK: TITANS

We pick the Titans because they might just have enough football IQ to just edge the Stupid.

Here we go again. It’s the same ole song and dance at the Berto center. Today, the Chicago Bulls fired their puppet. The puppet being head coach, Fred Hoiberg. Now what about the men behind the curtain? The ones that have been pulling the strings all these years. Does anybody above John Paxson or his goon, Gar Forman, see the real problem here? It’s like this duo who run things  hires a company to clean up their crime scene. The crime scene is all of their mistakes they have made running this organization into the ground. I agree, get rid of the puppet. Now you need to call  the maid service and clean the house of Gar Pax stench that has devoured the city of Chicago. The Bulls need new blood in this front office to cure  the heap these two morons have piled up over the years.

The first thing that jumps out at me is Fred Hoiberg should have never been hired. Fred Hoiberg was doing well at the school he went to and played for. Iowa State where he was known as the the mayor. The whole town of Ames, Iowa loved him. They probably still do. My point is he got the Cyclones to the NCAA tournament. He got his old school there a few years. The Cyclones were seeded pretty well. They were not a 16th seed coming in hoping to pull off a miracle of some kind. He never won one game in the tournament. That is a red flag in my book. The conference Iowa State played in could have been weak. It’s not a big school. How many power houses was that school playing each year? Fred Hoiberg played ten seasons in the NBA. Played 4 seasons with the Bulls. He did not come in with any NBA coaching experience under his belt. He did a few years in the front office for the Minnesota Timberwolves.  No NBA coaching and a guy that never won a game in the NCAA tournament is the guy you hired.

I never liked the philosophy Fred Hoiberg came in with. I know the NBA these days are all about firing up the three pointers. That’s what his offense was all about. Getting personnel that can shoot the three pointer. It was a style to get multiple shots from behind the three point line. It was all about pushing the ball up the court with a quick pass and launching the ball behind the arc. Then on defense the philosophy was pretty much a prevent defense that is run in football. In football it’s designed to kill the clock. In basketball it does not really stop teams from scoring. Jimmy Butler complained about the lack of defense. Even the young rookie, Wendell Carter Jr., questioned the lack of defense. Fred’s philosophy reminds me of the those Phoenix Suns teams that could score a lot but stopped no one. Results never won a championship with that style. The Warriors these days are still the best team in the league. They play defense and they can shoot the three as well. But they have so many other ways on offense to score points.

From the beginning this was set up to fail with Fred Hoiberg. It all started with John Paxson and Gar Forman wanting Tom Thibodeau out of town. They wanted someone they could control. Right out of the gates Fred Hoiberg never had the right personnel for his philosophy. The front office brought in guys like Dwyane Wade who was on his last leg. Then they added Rajon Rondo who was never like his Boston days. The locker room was divided most of time. Then Jimmy Butler had his way and never took Fred seriously. This resulted in a trip to the playoffs. Boston Celtics that year eliminated the Bulls in the first round. Then the Bulls had a clearance sale. Fred finally got players he needed to run his style of offense. They assembled mostly fragile players that were in and out of the MASH unit more than actually on the hardwood floors.

The big headlines this team made under Fred’s watch was the shot heard all over the NBA. Bobby Portis punching his own teammate, Nikola Mirotic, out in a practice. That was not the first time these two teammates had a disagreement. It was a problem that escalated to the punch that broke a few facial bones in Nikola Mirotic’s face. Eventually to end the feud, Nikola was traded to another team. This tells me that Fred Hoiberg has problems controlling his locker room. Before this incident Jimmy Butler did his own thing. Back then the locker room was divided as I told you earlier.

This year dealing with half his roster dealing with injuries. One being their best player from the year before in Lauri Markkanen. The other key pieces missing in action were Kris Dunn, Bobby Portis and Denzel Valentine. The results a 5-19 record to start the season. Last season the team started off slow due to a few injuries and a slow start. With all the roster shuffling. Trying to win off the fly and then going into a rebuild. A very young team. Lots of injuries. Lots of egos. Lots of angry and disgruntled players resulted in a 115-155 record for Fred Hoiberg in his first stint as a NBA coach, that could be his only. Being set up to take the fall is the perfect way of describing Fred’s Bulls coaching career.

Fred Hoiberg’s assistant coach Jim Boylen now takes over the Bulls. He at least has prior NBA experience working with one of the best coaches in the game, Greg Popovich of the San Antonio Spurs. He was assistant for the Spurs for a few years gaining wisdom and improving his own coaching style. He does have head coaching experience in college. He coached at the university of Utah. He guided the Uthes to the NCAA tournament as a number five seed. Another guy that could not win an actual game in the tournament. However his coaching resume is impressive. Before being hired in Utah he was Tom Izzo’s top guy at Michigan State. This is the type of resume the Bulls Brass should have looked at years before the experiment with Fred imploded on impact.

The Bulls Brass, John Paxson and Gar Forman, have more lives than a cat. Jim Boylen will be the sixth head coach these two have been through. The list started with Bill Cartwright then Scott Skiles followed that by Vinny Del Negro. He was the one John Paxson punched. Then Tom Thibodeau, your best hire out of all the other choices. He did it his way. That did not go over well as he was not a yes man for Bert and Ernie. Enough is enough with cutting the tail off the snake of the organization. It just grows back. It is actually time to cut the head off the snake. Enough of the venom in this organization that has just led to nonsense over the years.  The Bulls owner needs to identify the major problem under his nose and flush it into Lake Michigan. Let those Japanese Carp feed on the stench these two have caused. These carp eat anything but this stench might be too much for even them to swallow.  The Bulls will never get back to the promised land unless they go into another direction with someone else running things.