THE NFL POWER RANKINGS ARE BACK AND WE HAVE A DANDY FOR WEEK 17…

Which teams will storm into the playoffs?  What teams will blow it all up after week 17? We have some ideas. You might like them or you might disagree.

#1. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS  13-2        NO PLACE LIKE THE DOME… Saints are a totally different animal at home in the dome. Home field advantage throughout. The Saints will be very hard to beat. Plus the Superbowl will be played in Atlanta. Another dome. Plus they play there once a year. The biggest key in all of this, that the stars are aligning for this team, is the defense. We know the offense can play. That defense is something special this year and they get it done.

#2. CHICAGO BEARS 11-4

The biggest obstacle the Bears had to climb this year was against their rival Green Bay. The first week you played the Packers, a 20 point blown lead late in the game. If the Packers would have won in Soldiers Field, I would say this team is not ready for playoff football. They exercised the demons in which Aaron Rodgers has been a thorn in their sides too long. They prevailed against him two weeks ago.  Bears could of been cementing one of the number two spots in the playoffs for games they let the other team steal from them, like the Packers and the Dolphins. If Rams lose and Bears win, they could sneak in and get the number two spot. This defense will get this team deep into the playoffs. Only a few teams scare me and the Bears are one of them.

#3.LA.RAMS 12-3       Since the Rams won the flag football game versus the Chiefs, the team has been scuffling to the finish line. The team reminds me of the Russian boxer in Rocky, Drago.  The Rams will be cruising along winning against every team not even getting their uniforms dirty. Then suddenly the Rams have been punched and been in a stupor ever since.  Like the punch that Rocky landed on Drago when he started to bleed. The Rams machine has become human after all.

I think the extra training stemming from the pressure of playing in week 17 with something on the line, for the Rams is a big deal. The 49ers they play will give them a game. The Rams could be training in an old school gym for this contest, like how Rocky had to go to LA with Apollo to his roots his old gym. To get back to the basics. Rocky prevailed in that one over Mr. T. I like Wade Phillips’ defense landing the last punch perhaps a Suh eye poke of some kind to seal the deal on the number two spot overall in the NFC.

#4.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 11-4 The Chiefs are another team that are riding the bus as the wheels are flying off before the finish. The Chargers remain on their arse like some infectious dingle berry buried deep into the skin of their hides. The team came off another shoot out loss versus the Seahawks. In Chiefdom, Chicken little is screaming that the sky is falling. One victory in week 17 against the Raiders could make it all go away including all the Jack Handy quotes the team in a rut are trying to figure out. Is Jack Handy fucking with their minds? Must be a Charger fan. They don’t have any fans.

#5.LA CHARGERS 11-4   I know the Chargers lost to the Ravens last week. I still think this Charger team has both sides of the ball playing well. You can make a case for a few teams that could be number five over the Chargers. But you can find losses by those teams that are head scratchers as well. Chargers will be a tough opponent for anyone, especially most likely being a wild card. They are not your normal wild card team because their record is better than most in their conference. Plus not having home field advantage will not affect their play because they can win on the road compared to their small gathering of die hards that come out to see them at home. I could see this team winning two road games and then running out of gas in the championship game.

#6.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 10-5 The Patriots are not the same team they once were. They are not playing with the full capacity of their normal working death star.

Tom Brady seems like he’s playing like the last days of Peyton Manning. Like Darth Vader taking the mask off for his last words.

Josh Gordon jumping ship just in time is back sniffing the glue. The man in the hood will help keep the Evil Empire afloat through at least a round of the playoffs. It might be time to call it, Doctor, and put the toe tag on the Patriots stiffs.

#7. BALTIMORE RAVENS 9-6 Lamar Jackson is the new man in Baltimore.

He’s shooting up defenses with his legs. He passes the ball mostly when needed. It’s the running game that controls the clock. They can have this type of control offense because the Ravens have one of the best defenses in the league. However if the Ravens do not build up an early lead, this style of offense is hard to come back from in games. Plus the league will catch up to Lamar Jackson. Look at Colin Kaepernick and RGIII. You could even say Mike Vick. All running quarterbacks that took big hits. All quarterbacks that took the league by storm. The one thing they all have in common when they only have the option to pass the football, they can not do it.

#8.HOUSTON TEXANS 10-5  This team has some big names on offense. They have some big names on defense. They have won ten games. How many of these games were close? Now as the season is coming to an end, they are losing these close games. Since the nine game streak came to an end, they are 1-2 over the last three games. To let Philadelphia and St Nick march down the field and set everything up for the Eagles game winner is not a good sign for the playoffs. It looked too damn easy.  Big names like Watt and Clowney did not rise up in that situation. Plus they blew a chance at a first round bye. Good team, but can you trust them in the playoffs?

#9. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 9-6 Petey Carol is getting a contract extension. This year he has done a fine job. No legion of boom. Just a core young talent he molded and formed into a defense. Russell Wilson, you have to say he has to be in the conversation of elite quarterbacks. He does nothing splashy. He just continues to find ways to win. They definitely can win at home. On the road they lay clunkers. Seahawks can beat you a few ways. They can have it a low scoring game. Or they can beat a Chiefs team in a shoot out.

#10.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 9-6 They had a scare last Sunday. They were down to Giants by 14 points. They made their comeback late in the 4th. They won by one point. Keeping their playoff hopes alive. The Colts are one of the hottest teams in the league.They still make stupid bone-headed plays that at some point will cost them. The defense was number ten or around ten coming in last week. They looked like one of the bottom teams in overall defenses last week with no Odell Beckham and Old Man River at quarterback. It’s simple… if they win Sunday they are in the playoffs. Titans stand in their way. Will Andrew have some Luck?

#11. PITTSBURGH STEELERS 8-6-1 I know in Steel country it’s like breaking 5 out of the ten commandments if you do not get 20 years out of each coach. This team is on life support for their playoffs’ lives. A team with loads of talent should have already clinched their spot in the playoffs. They are not talented enough to win the Superbowl, but they are to make the playoffs. Their Steel curtain is a shower curtain and Mike Tomlin is a defensive minded coach.You can say an absent minded coach with a  loss to the Raiders and a tie earlier in the season when Baker Mayfield was not even playing. From the regular hold outs. All the finger pointing year after year. Throw me the damn ball year after year. Is this not the team that lost to a very bad Bears team because they could not figure what to do for the National Anthem?

#12. CLEVELAND BROWNS 7-7-1  The Browns are one of those teams you do not want to play right now, especially if your playoff lives are on the line. Ask the Ravens. This season it took some tinkering. Benching Taylor and throwing in Baker Mayfield was a genius move. Then you traded away problem child receiver, Josh Gordon, to the Evil Empire.

The Browns received a draft pick and Josh Gordon faked left with the walk away from football, but then got clobbered with a tackle and suspended for sniffing glue. With the Evil Empire in disarray. With their death star crumbling there are no signs of pay back anytime soon. Then you fired the head coach. Now everything is jelling like a well-oiled machine. The offense is exciting. Baker Mayfield is awesome. Like a Navy Seal leading his team on deadly missions and completing each task. The defense looks to be an up and coming lights out power house. Ravens should be very scared.

#13.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 8-6-1 The Vikings season could be what Maxwell Smart would say.

The Vikings have been making a charge at the end of the season. Now they face the Bears for the final game of the season. Vikings need to win because all of a sudden the Eagles are flying again. Bears should go back in time and remember when they could have wiped out the Packers in the last game of the season, but they did not. Packers knocked the Bears out in the NFC championship game. Bears have a chance at the number two spot in the NFC so they have something to play for, this go around. We heard so much about the Vikings defense being so great. Where has it been the whole year? Plus you are paying Kirk Cousins a fortune. It’s time Kirk earned his keep against a quality team, not like the Dolphins and the Lions teams you easily beat. The Vikings are the Steelers of the NFC, loads of talent, but not getting it done.

#14. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 8-7 I thought the Eagles at one point in their history booed freaking Santa Claus. Now St. Nick is slinging the rock all over the field and has the Eagles on the doorstep of the playoffs. Nick Foles started the season and did ok. Nothing special, looked actually like a regular back up quarterback. You felt his magic was over after last year’s run. I guess he needs most of the regular season to get his groove. First 8 games of the season, Nick gets his feet wet. Then by the end of the season he is primed and ready to go. Can St Nick lead his sleighh team to another playoff appearance? If he does, things will get really interesting.

#15.DALLAS COWBOYS 9-6  Cowboys play in the worst division in football. They have been beating a lot of garbage. Then they beat the Saints. Then they follow that with disappointment. You do not know what you will get from the Cowboys on any given Sunday. They have won their division. They will be home for the first playoff game. Not sure they will be able to win that game if it’s not a bottom feeder. The only way they win a playoff game is if they play like that Thursday night when they beat the Saints. Their defense played lights out. The offense was not stellar, but put up just enough points to win.

#16. TENNESSEE TITANS 9-6  Here we go again, the back door left open a crack for the Titans to sneak through to make it to the playoffs. Last year I thought they were the worst team in the playoffs. They showed me and won their first game. Titans are like the Cowboys, very mysterious when it comes to playing every Sunday. They are a forgettable team as well. Then this time of year, you look and see them having a shot on the bubble as this year they need a win to get in. I think Blaine Gabbert over the regressing Marcus Mariota gives them their best chance to win. Yeah, I said it, an X Jaguar leading the way. At least it’s not Bortles. The Titans need to run Derrick Henry like he owes them money. As you can see, not win the game on Gabbert’s arm alone. Titans defense does pretty well I think.

#17.GREEN BAY PACKERS 6-8-1  Who will be the next head coach in Green Bay?

Lebron Rodgers has two candidates to take over next year as head coach. The State Farm agent or his actual agent. The man in the Khakis resembles Lovie Smith. The agent resembles a young Jimmy Johnson. Rodgers has the whole off season to see what direction he wants his team to go.

#18. ATLANTA FALCONS 6-9  Changes might be happening in the Walking Dead city. If Rick Grimes can go, so can Dan Quinn. We know the Falcons have one of the best offenses in the league. Injuries plagued the defense this year like an outbreak virus that caused them to be walking dead in the secondary. If they can build a solid defense through the draft and get some free agents to fill some key holes, this team could be back in the mix that quickly.

#19. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 4-11  If the 49ers can only play the last six of their games each season over, the last two seasons they would be in the playoffs. The 49ers have become spoiler alert. They played tough against the Bears last week. They beat a very good Seahawk team. They beat Denver when they were red hot a few weeks ago.

Could the LA RAMS suddenly become not heard from after week 17?

#20.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 7-8   This team could finish 8-8 after a season where your top quarterback broke his leg. The same style of break as one of your legendary quarterbacks, Joe Theismann. The team has no wide outs. Both tight ends went down with injuries. You rely most of the year on old man river, Spanky Peterson, to run the ball. A guy you picked up off the curb. Speaking of garbage bins, you found the Butt Fumbler there. Then to replace his poor play you found Josh Johnson at the flea market. The defense has been pretty steady all year. If the Skins could improve that offense with some youth, some good free agents,  and stay away from the dumps next year. It would make the defense even better to start since that is what has you close to a 500 record.

#21. CAROLINA PANTHERS 6-9 This team is that bug that is trying to maneuver its way out of the toilet. Then you flush and it goes round and round. They need to make changes. They have lost a lot of close games. You can say the defense has under-performed. However it’s had its moments. You can say not enough offensive weapons. Perhaps a new voice. A new head coach. I would ask about the cookie at quarterback. Great, he puts up fantasy numbers. Seriously, where are you going to go with him as your leader? In the Superbowl, the Panthers played and Newton did not dive for a key fumble at the end of the game. Right there tells me you wasted more years waiting for him to lead your team back to the promise land. If the Skipper would have gotten rid of Gilligan, they would have been off the island much sooner.

#22.NEW YORK GIANTS  5-10   The Giants are a very puzzling team. Last week their offense was rolling without their star Odell Beckham. This a team with lots of weapons from the rookie running back and the young receivers. The tight ends were looking good catching a few balls. I think without Beckham and without Eli Manning if they found someone like a Derrick Carr, a younger gunslinger, this offense would be very impressive. Get rid of higher salaries for draft picks, get that quarterback and improving the defense should be next years goals. Less headaches without Beckham as well.

#23.DENVER BRONCOS 6-9 You gambled on Vanilla Ice as your quarterback and now you are right where you were last year at this time, probably worse. Case Keenum, you paid a lot of benjamins to. The Broncos had one stretch this season where they beat the Chargers and the Steelers. It was that stretch where it looked like they might make a late run at things. They were in the thick of things. It did not last and they are back to below average. Kind of makes you think if Chad Kelly did not go off the deep end. Perhaps you could be looking at a young quarterback with a very strong arm making progress in a season that has gone south. It’s back to the drawing board with perhaps a new signal caller and another head coach could be in the works. BLOW IT UP!!!

#24. BUFFALO BILLS 5-10  Sean McDermott does wonders on the defensive side of the ball. This defense is a top ten defense every year. The Bills need an absolute overhaul on offense. Enough with the caveman style of offense.

If they had even had a decent offense, they would be in the playoffs. Get Josh Allen some help. Put up a brick wall instead of the straw being held by glue they call their offensive line. Shady is not the real McCoy. Dump him. Get a freaking receiver..Not somebody who can dress the part. Not somebody who looks the part. Get a guy who can get separation and catch the ball.

#25.DETROIT LIONS 5-10  When you pick from the Evil Empire’s tree of coaches all’s  you end up with is broken storm trooper.

ESPECIALLY A BEARDED STORM TROOPER

Don’t you wish you could have a do over? Like those do overs on certain plays. in the sandlot playing baseball. The Lions need one on their hire last off-season with Matt Patricia.  A guy that is late to team meetings and is the head coach. However, he tells a reporter the proper way to sit in the chair. The unkempt bearded man does not even have the respect of the players. He might have never had respect from day one. Can we have a do over in Detroit?

#26.MIAMI DOLPHINS 7-8  When you lose to the Jaguars, it is time to look at yourself in the mirror. You probably do not like what you see. Dolphins started off 3-0. But I was not a believer then and I’m still not a believer. Brock Osweiler looks better a quarterback than Ryan Tannehill. Now I’m going to the bottom of the barrel saying this next thing. Jay Cutler looked better last year than Ryan Tannehill. Dolphins do have some pieces. They need an overhaul, the most important position on the field, the commander behind center.  Joe Flacco, Eli Manning, perhaps bring back Jay Cutler. Or Afro it up with Colin Kaepernick.

#27.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 5-10  The Buccaneer ship is sinking.

Instead of women and children off the vessel first, Winston and Jackson off the boat first.  Another team that needs to BLOW IT UP!!!!

#28. CINCINNATI BENGALS 6-9 The Bengals had a promising start to the season. Coming off a very fine ending to last season. Sometimes the domino effect takes place where injuries start a chain reaction leaving your team walking dead. The team is not those scary zombies either. It just takes one smart quarterback to slice and dice your defense.

#29. OAKLAND RAIDERS 4-11      Raiders were looking like they were dumping games on purpose. Tanking for the draft. They have beaten the Steelers and the Broncos in recent weeks. Will this be enough to keep them in Oakland one more year ? They are heading to Vegas in 2020. Their lease has ran out in Oakland. Will Oakland Welcome back the Sweathogs in 2019?

I would say kick their sorry arses out of their town. Take the black hole with you. Property might go back up. Concentrate on keeping the baseball team in town. Besides, Jon Gruden is no Gabe Kotter. I would love to see the Raiders play in San Diego next year. Love to see the Chargers come into San Diego as a road team.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 4-11  If the Jets would have held on to the big lead they had against the Cheese Doodles, I would have them higher. Gang Green is in the middle of developing their young quarterback in Sam Darnold. Who has had some impressive games so far. Lots of work needs to be done in New York. This might be a team that might do a complete tear down and find a new coaching staff and revamp the whole roster around Sam Darnold. Perhaps thinking he could turn the corner in his second year. Like Trubisky or Mahomes. Some sunlight during the dark times, being a Jet fan.

#31. ARIZONA CARDINALS 4-11 You swept the 49ers this year. You beat Green Bay, in Green Bay. Your young gunslinger is still developing. However big change could happen next off season for the Cardinals. Could Steve Wilks be one and done after only being hired last year?  Mike McCarthy could be the new guy since his firing from Lebron Rodgers. Might be a good thing..

#32. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 5-10 They were one game away from the Superbowl. Talk about falling and sliding down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders. Tom Coughlin, the man in charge of football operations of the Jags, says his team plays STUPID. Doug Marone, the head Moron, should be the first to go. They need a quarterback. Get rid of Fournette, he is a ticking time bomb ready to go off any minute. Many on the defense side of the ball should change their uniforms into orange prison fatigues. Too many big egos on this team. It was just a matter of time before the inmates would take over the asylum.