Our first power ranking of the season in the NFL. We did not hold anything back in our first addition of the 2019 season. We are hoping some team will straighten out the galaxy and prevail over the dark side, who we have at number one. We have plenty of stuff to poke fun at Antonio Brown on. Can the Steelers and Raiders go on without Antonio Brown? Are the Dolphins that bad? Are the Ravens that good? Walking dead in Atlanta. What happened to the Bears?
FIRST OUR VERSION OF… GINGER OR MARY ANNE ?
KELLY OR JESSICA?
WHAT MOVIE QUARTERBACK WOULD YOU WANT LEADING YOUR TEAM?
JOE KANE RENO HIGHTOWER SHANE FALCO OR WILLIE BEAMAN
#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 1-0 When the GRONK retired, the song, “This is the End,” played in my head from the Doors. Finally the end of this dynasty once and for all. Patriots in week one destroy the Steelers and picked up another despicable character to their roster. You can say one of the best wide outs in the galaxy.
As you can see the Evil Empire picked up Antonio Brown pictured up above with his old trainer he like to cuddled with after a workout. Will the Patriots have another deflate gate going down with Antonio Brown’s departure from Oakland done in such a class-act way. All NFL players are classy people and great citizens in their community. My senses tell me the man in the hoodie on the sidelines created such a plan to land Brown.
#2.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 1-0 To think the Chicago Bears could have drafted Patrick Mahomes without giving up picks to move up one spot with the 49ers to get Mitch Trubisky. Chiefs in my opinion should have gotten to the Superbowl last season. One play in that game versus the Patriots in the playoffs would have sealed the deal. Andy Reid, the Jesus of the Midwest, will resurrect Shady McCoy who they picked up after the Bills dumped him like the weekly trash. Mahomes makes people around him better as Sammie Watkins looks like the best receiver in the league in week one. The Chiefs are my rebel alliance to defeat the Evil Empire this season.
#3.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 1-0 Saints were involved clearly in the best game of the week on Monday night with the Texans. Drew Brees looked sharp and that Saints offense looks like a well-oiled machine again. They replaced Ingram with a Murray from O’Reillys auto parts, like going with a different oil filter. Saints defense seems to always come up with a big play every game to stop the other opponent. If they don’t get robbed by the referees, they are my pick to get to the Superbowl from the NFC.
Saint fans honoring all the great referees around the league in week one in the Superdome.
#4. BALTIMORE RAVENS 1-0 Are the Ravens this good or are the Miami Dolphins this bad after week one? Ravens put up 59 points with over 600 yards of offense on the fins to start the season. Lamar Jackson was chucking the rock all over the yard instead of their usual wishbone option running-the-ball-down-your-throats style of offense. I thought the Ravens lost too many key defenders in the off-season. Ravens could just be a one week wonder just warming up versus the junior varsity team in South Beach. But we give them the number four slot for putting up 59 big ones on the score board.
#5.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 1-0 Is Gary Kubiak the answer to all of the Minnesota Vikings’ problems from last season? Week one the Vikings looked like that sexy pick from last season which we know that went wrong. Each game last season, in the back of your head you thought “This is the week the Vikings will turn it around.” Never happened. In the NFL these things happen all the time where teams one year make it to the playoffs, and then they have a harder schedule and they fall off the map with expectations. Could the Vikings be back and the Bears follow that same beaten path the Vikes did last season?
#6. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 1-0 Eagles fans were probably swearing their heads off yelling about them trading away Nick Foles in the off-season, when the Skins pounced on their team very early in the game. Eagles soared high in the second half, came back and knocked off the Skins for their first victory of the season. Carson Wentz to old and now new Eagle DeSean Jackson looks like a legit deep threat tandem as the league should be aware of this combo.
#7. LA CHARGERS 1-0 Is Melvin Gordon one of the Expendables?
No, just another disgruntled running back in the NFL. His replacement did very well as the Chargers are well stocked in their overall roster to get back to the playoffs and perhaps Rivers will get this team further in the playoffs. I liked this team last year with its ability to win on the road. Perhaps the Chargers with their play may get that cult following like the movie Red Dawn did. Chargers still looking for a fan base. The personals and classified ads have not worked. Maybe the penny saver will help them scrap a fan core together.
#8.DALLAS COWBOYS 1-0 Not sure I want to say… HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS!!! They of course beat up the Giants in week one. Again they played the Giants. The Cowboys with Kellen Moore calling the plays looked impressive. Ezekiel Elliot played well as he held out all pre-season. You can say that about the whole league as none of these teams played their starters hardly. The Cowboy defense looks great. This is a team with some great talent on both sides of the ball. The question I have is… When will Coach Jason Garrett and team owner Jerry Jones screw things up?
#9.LA RAMS 1-0 Are the Rams a better defense without Suh and the addition of Clay Matthews? It was good see the Rams offense back to their old tricks which disappeared in the Superbowl. With a healthy Todd Gurley and Cooper Kupp, two big ingredients that make this Rams team dangerous on offense. Obviously they need to stay healthy. This year the Rams are not jumping out at me as one of the elite teams in the league. They beat Carolina, but the soft cookie at quarterback for the Panthers still made it a close game at the end. This week I want to see how the Rams do against the Saints to see if this team is still a vital threat in the league.
#10.TENNESSEE TITANS 1-0 The Browns were supposed to be for real. The Titans surprised me with their performance bringing the country to the rock-n-roll dawg pound. The return of Delanie Walker helped bring out an old version of Marcus Mariota that we have not seen in awhile. A version which many had high hopes for, his rookie year. Titans’ defense has always been pretty good. You have to love Derrick Henry as he continues to show he is one of the NFL top running backs.
#11.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 1-0 Seahawks win at home, no shock in a snoozer of a game. A win is still a win even though they played the bumbles with a rash of injuries in Cincinnati on the offensive side of the ball. Like the Clowney trade which will improve an already talented defense. Want to see what the Seahawks do on the road; it is the biggest question and concern for this team.
Will they show two sides this season on the road and home? I have to believe under Pete Carol’s skin is an alien being like in the show, V. He skin grafts his face before every game not to show his two face alien V complexion. As he hugs his players and chews the heads off their pets for not playing well.
#12.GREEN BAY PACKERS 1-0 Did the Packers defense improve that much or is the league caught up to the Bears offense that looked horrible? The Packers won their first game on the road. Aaron Rodgers made two lucky throws in this one to help their team get 10 points to beat the Bears. I have to see more to really see what this Packer team is all about with their new head coach. With their new defense. With Rodgers having more freedom to call his own plays.
#13.CHICAGO BEARS 0-1 THE STORY IN CHICAGO IS THE TALE OF TWO CITIES.
THE BEARS DEFENSE
THE BEARS OFFENSE
ANY QUESTIONS?
#14.HOUSTON TEXANS 0-1 Texans went into New Orleans and almost came out with a big victory in week one. My first question is why they played a soft prevent defense on the last drive where Drew Brees drove down field and got his team set up for a winning field goal. Plus trading Jadeveon Clowny to Seattle… couldn’t they use a guy to make a big play at the end of a game against New Orleans? Deshaun Watson looked awesome. Houston will have a BIG PROBLEM if they keep letting him get hit all the time. You can’t protect Watson. Your play calling on defense is terrible. You traded away what might be your best defensive player on the team. If this goes south, I blame management..
#15.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 0-1 It sucks the Colts lost Andrew Luck to an early retirement. This team has a great roster. They played tough against the Chargers. They could easily be 1-0 right now. You have to love Marlon Mack, a quarterback’s best friend, especially a guy like Jacoby Brissett who is the man behind center. Jacoby Brissett is not a terrible quarterback. He has some seasoning in this league with games under his belt. The Colts defense is solid. If Brissett does not turn over the ball and he gets the solid running game, this team has a chance to win their division.
#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS 0-1 Many people had the Browns as their sexy pick of this season. One bad game is not fair to judge this team with the talent they have. I will ask, Did they hire the right coach? Many stupid penalties. They looked like a bad Raiders team throughout their first game. Plus you have to hope this team does not have too many personalities with their top players.
As time goes on during this season we will find out if they have the right guy coaching this team. Because if losses pile up, this team can get Antonio Brown ugly.
#17.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 1-0 Is the 49ers defense for really? Or does playing Jameis Winston in week one make any unit a stellar unit? Two pick sixes for the Niners. Quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo made it through the game without an injury. Every team has their own recipe for winning. This may be the 49ers only way.
#18.BUFFALO BILLS 1-0 Bills make a nice comeback after they dug themselves a hole playing the Jets. Bills have assembled a very talented roster. Love the defense, one of the best in the NFL. Josh Allen has to limit his mistakes. I will give credit to Josh Allen for rallying the team in the comeback as they were down 16-3 late in the game. Buffalo will be a very exciting team to watch this season.
#19.OAKLAND RAIDERS 1-0 I will say after week one, Jon Gruden looks to be the better coach in his own family over his brother in Washington. The Raiders you could say they played Joe Flacco, a veteran quarterback who is terrible at in his old age. In the last Monday night game in Oakland. Plus it could be the last ever NFL game played in a baseball stadium, and the Raiders looked impressive. Looked like the old kings of Monday night. Derrick Carr looked like his old self a few years back when they made the playoffs. Plus the Raiders played well despite all the Antonio Brown drama. Good to see the fans at the Black Hole pay their respects to Antonio Clown.
#20.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 1-1 You knew when the Buccaneers hired Bruce Arians he was going to get his old band back together. He got his former defensive cordinator Todd Bowles back. Just like the good ole days in Arizona. I like that Todd Bowles has gotten that Buccaneer defense straightened out which was huge problem for Tampa Bay last season. With Jameis Winston at quarterback your team will have to deal with mistakes. A good defense in place can help your quarterbacks stupid play. The Buccaneers could easily be 2-0. The first game with two pick sixes to the 49ers is what killed them.
#21.ARIZONA CARDINALS 0-0-1 The Kyler Murray ERA did not start off with a bang. However it ended with a bang, and not a whimper. Murray brought the Cardinals back in a game many thought the Lions had with a good lead. You could say they played the Lions. Lions are not a pushover. You can say the Lions are not a smart team. See their head coach for that. Give Murray credit, he threw two touchdown passes and passed for over 300 yards in his NFL debut. Cardinals were wise in bringing Larry Fitzgerald back. A very nice security blanket to have for the young rookie. Cardinals have a pretty good defense even with a few big names out of line up in week one. The Cardinals will be exciting to watch just to see how Kyler Murray’s play pans out throughout the season
#22. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 0-1
Doug Moronie, head coach of the Jags, has declared fargin war!!!!
With a roster full of ice holes. The Nick Foles ERA quickly over. Now they have to rely on rookie quarterback.
Jacksonville fans may need more drugs to watch this season unfold. Can you say it’s going to get better?
#23.CAROLINA PANTHERS 0-2 Does not shock me to see the Panthers 0-2 already. Poor Ron Rivera, the head coach of the Panthers, has a solid defense. But he has his career hitched to a cookie. Panthers had chances to win both games as both games were close in score. The day when Cam Newton in the Superbowl did not jump on that loose football in a very big game, shows me he will never win. He might be a great fantasy quarterback for your team. You could say that about their runningback Christian McCaffrey as well. I don’t see the Panthers doing anything this season. They have to go in another direction. The Newton thing is not working. How many excuses can they keep coming up with?
#24.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-1 The new leader of the Bengals, Zac Taylor, who comes off the Rams head coaching tree, his first task was playing on the road in Seattle. Some key players on offense hurt. But the Bengals played the Seahawks tough and gave them a game to lose only by one point. Will the Sean McVay tree have strong limbs?
Or will it be another “Good Grief” style of Christmas in Cincinnati with this team.
#25.ATLANTA FALCONS 0-1 Some reason I thought the Falcons were going to be better. Not sure why as I might have fallen asleep at the wheel on that thought. So much talent on offense. Matt Ryan is making poor decisions especially in the red zone. Their defense is healthy, but play like they are swiss cheese with lots of holes for running backs to go through. I’d rather go back and watch the Atlanta Legend team from the AAF than the Falcons right now.
#26.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 0-1 Some experts think the Steelers will thrive this season. You can say that the soap opera for the time being is over. With Big Ben and Coach Mike Tomlin, who will emerge as the next Dr. Ramoray?
I think the Steelers soap opera will open a new season when the struggles are seen on a week to week basis with this team. Versus the Patriots they looked very bad. Mike Tomlin is a defensive minded coach, but his unit is like the lady from the old Wendy’s commercials?
Instead of where’s the beef, where is that steel curtain defense that has been lacking for years now.
#27.DENVER BRONCOS 0-1 Joe Flacco is awful. He reminds me of Jay Cutler in a huddle he does not command. He does not show any emotion. He does not inspire anybody around him. He just wants to get paid and thinks everyone else is doing something wrong around him if he plays bad. I think Vic Fangio will get the Broncos defense to play at a higher level. I would immediately bench Flacco and save your season, put in the rookie Brandon Allen.
#28.NEW YORK JETS 0-1 The Jets had a nice lead in the second half to then see the Buffalo Bills come back in a stampede to take the game. Jets have some nice pieces. They have a new coach. They have a young quarterback still developing. This will be a team that gets better as the season goes on. Look for Sam Darnold to play at the next level at some point this season. He had some flashes last year that makes you believe he will be the man behind center for the Jets for a long time.
#29.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 0-1 The Skins have an old man at running back. A healthy scratch in week one for Adrian Peterson. They are relying on Case Keenum, a one year wonder from that magical year in Minnesota. They had a commanding lead over the Eagles last week in the first half which resulted in a Philadelphia comeback. My bet is Jay Gruden will be the first Gruden fired on my Gruden watch. Has the Dwayne Haskins chatter started yet ?
#30.NEW YORK GIANTS 1-0 I thought the Giants would play better than they did versus the Cowboys. My first thought is without Odell Beckham Jr. this team would have no distractions. When Beckham got hurt late in the season last year, the Giants offense were moving the ball very well. Eli Manning is a very durable quarterback as he takes the snaps every week. The Giants drafted a quarterback for the future which I thought would have Manning play better. It’s going to be a very long season in New York with an offense that has to come from behind every game. They have no defense. Just turnstyles for teams to exploit. The Giants remind me of that one neighborhood gal when you were younger who everyone kissed first, because like the defense she was easy to score upon.
#31.DETROIT LIONS 0-0-1 If I was a Lions fan I would be pissed off. To see your team build a nice comfy lead against the Cardinals who are starting a rookie quarterback, then see this lead evaporate. How long has Matthew Stafford been in the league? He may be a decent fantasy quarterback option but isn’t it time for this guy to take this team on his shoulders and guide his team to the playoffs consistently? The fat bearded man, former disciple of the Patriots, to me is not the coaching solution. Lions are in a tough division as well. It’s time to come up with a new plan in motor city. It’s not working…
#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-1 Last week the Dolphins players led the league in calls to their agents. Every player on the Miami roster after the Ravens gutted them and left them on south beach last Sunday wants out including the water boy.
The Wild shamrock 