OVERALL RECORD THIS SEASON OF STRAIGHT PICK-EM AFTER WEEK SEVEN 64-42

LAST WEEK: SEASON BEST 10-4

OVERALL THURSDAY RECORD 3-4

OVERALL MONDAY NIGHT RECORD 5-2

WEEK 8

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

REDSKINS AT VIKINGS

The reunion of Kirk Cousins versus his old team. Adrian Peterson and his old team. Throw in Case Keenum as well. It’s like a lost episode of the Partridge family.

OUR PICK: VIKINGS

THE SUNDAY SLATE

SEAHAWKS AT FALCONS

Falcons are waving the white flag for the entire season. Seahawks coming off a loss at home last week. Matt Ryan is out. NFL may need to add a slaughter rule. They may need to spot the Falcons ten points before the game even starts.

OUR PICK: SEAHAWKS

EAGLES AT BILLS

Looks like the Eagles are out cold on the canvas and not getting up. Bills are at home and the defense will be up for the challenge. They had a slow start last week, look for the Bills to jump on this Eagle team early and not give up the lead.

OUR PICK: BILLS

CHARGERS AT BEARS

Two playoff teams from last year that are in the crapper this year. Both teams desperate for a win. Watch this one end in a tie. Chargers Phillip Rivers aka Ryan Leaf will screw this game up at the end some how and cost the Chargers yet another win. Matt Nagy finally comes up with a new idea to him and runs the ball ten times.

OUR PICK:BEARS

GIANTS AT LIONS

Lions have been playing well with nothing to show for it with tough opponents. They will welcome the Giants with open arms. Maybe even hug them for coming to Detroit so the Lions can break a losing streak and possibly get back in the thick of things.

OUR PICK: LIONS

JETS AT JAGUARS

WHO CARES!?!? I’m seeing Casper with the winning score in this one.

OUR PICK: JAG BAGS

BENGALS AT RAMS

Rams last week finally got back on track with the doormat Atlanta Falcons. Bumbles another doormat and another arse kicking. Rams win easy.

OUR PICK RAMS

CARDINALS AT SAINTS

Return of Drew Brees. It will be like old Jedi knight versus young Jedi Knight. Cardinals have been feasting on crappy teams as they won three in a roll. Saints have too much talent for the Cardinals to get the upset. Kyle Murray should be able to soak in some QB knowledge watching Brees play.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

BUCCANEERS AT TITANS

Something tells me the Buccaneers will have a good day. Coming off a bye week. Bruce Arians had two weeks to prepare for the Titans. Once a month it seems in my opinion the Buccaneers come to life and play a great game. Titans looked good with Ryan Tannehill last week. It will be a close game, but one mistake will cost the Titans the game.

OUR PICK:BUCCANEERS

PANTHERS AT 49ERS

Two teams that are hot on big winning streaks. The 49ers have not lost. The Panthers since Kyle Allen took over have not lost. Something has to give. Both teams have great defenses. My X-factor in this one is running back Christian McCaffrey who will have a big game where he played college at.

OUR PICK: PANTHERS

RAIDERS AT TEXANS

Houston will not have a problem with the Raiders. Texans always win after they encounter a loss versus the Colts. I see the same thing happening here. Raiders’ youth is showing with too many mistakes in games to overcome.

OUR PICK TEXANS

BROWNS AND PATRIOTS

Raise your hand if you hate the Patriots. Can we get the Browns of the second half of last season to play instead of this sluggish Brown team? Would love to see a big upset. Patriots remain undefeated.

OUR PICK: GRRRR EVIL EMPIRE

PACKERS AT CHIEFS

Crazy things happen on Sunday night. No Patrick Mahomes. It is too easy to say Packers. Matt Moore is a quality back up. Plus the way the defense of Chiefs played on Thursday night is the key to this game. Packers are a good team, but they are overrated in my book as well.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

DOLPHINS AT STEELERS

Dolphins have not been demoted yet to junior varsity. Steelers win with the Beerman playing QB the fifth stringer.

OUR PICK: STEELERS

NFL POWER RANKING COMING YOUR WAY: CAN YOU HEAR US NOW?

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 7-0 (SAME) The Evil Empire defense has been very good all year. On Monday Night they pitched a shut out on the Jets offense. Jets are not a very good team, but it’s a team that beat the Cowboys a week before that and the Jets offense in that game was probably their best all season long. Still would like to see the Patriots play against a talented offense to see if this thing is for real on the defensive side of the ball. Cleveland Browns come to town which is a team full of talent especially on the offense, but as a team they are struggling. Patriots added another weapon before the trade deadline in acquiring wide receiver Mohamed Sanu from Atlanta. I’m sure the Gronk will suddenly come out of retirement as this machine continues to fly free.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 6-1 (SAME) Saints were missing, again, Drew Brees. Also their top running back in Alvin Kamara was out with an injury. They had no starting tight end for the game as Jared Cook was also out. They had guys off the street playing. Zach Zenner found his way on the field for special teams and ran the ball. The Chicago Bears had two weeks to prepare for Teddy Bridgewater. The once upon a time ferocious Bears defense was in hibernation. Plus the Bears had Mitch Trubisky. Not sure that means much as he threw over 50 times. The Saints still prevail on the road outside on grass away from their usual dome. Brees is getting healthy and may be back soon. Saints have the best defense in the NFC. Perhaps the best in the whole entire league.

#3.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 6-0 (UP 1 SPOT) The 49ers continue to rise to the top. The front office even has confidence in what the team has done and went out and got another receiver. Emmanuel Sanders from Denver gives Jimmy Garoppolo another weapon to throw to. 49ers went on the road last week and won an ugly one in DC. Crappy weather indeed, but they found a way to win the game and three field goals was enough to do so. Good teams find a way to win ugly games. 49ers defense each week seems to be getting better. They will need them to play well with some tough teams in their own division.

#4.GREEN BAY PACKERS 6-1 (UP 1 SPOT) Was that a Jimmy Graham sighting last week in Green Bay? Without their top receiver Davante Adams who is still sidelined Aaron Rogers was able to get many involved in the offense. The running game is still thriving each week. The defense is better than last year, but people have that unit overrated with all the hype. At home they absolutely played with the Raiders like a cat playing with his prey before he chomp down on the neck. Green Bay’s new coach has gotten everything jelling at the same time, all three units and the cheating calls they get away with are off the charts so far. Coach McCarthy, former Packer coach, is probably a couch potato eating fried curds plotting and planning his revenge while fingering his belly button hole and giving his finger the sniff test afterwards.

#5.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-2 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) A rare loss at home last week for the Seahawks. Sometimes I scratch my head and don’t understand how the Baltimore Ravens, a team that is up and down, goes into Seattle and pulls out a win in one of the hardest places to play on the road. I will mark this down as just a hiccup for Seattle. Ravens on any given Sunday got it done as they fought for each inch and prevailed.

#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-2 (SAME) I can’t believe Patrick Mahomes is already back practicing.

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Did Patrick Mahomes go down the same road like in the movie Major League? Sacrifice the bucket of chicken to wake up the bats, in Patrick’s case, chicken grease to awaken up the dislocated knee cap. The Chiefs defense has to play like they did versus Denver if they want to win without Mahomes, even if it’s only a week. Who knows? It could be a game time decision.

#7.CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 (SAME) Can Kyle Allen remain undefeated as the Panthers quarterback? Will the bye week slow down the Panthers’ four game winning streak? Keep giving the ball to perhaps the best running back in the league. Christian McCaffrey’s all purpose yardage could break some NFL records this season. Panthers defense is holding its own. Just keep that broken cookie in the jar as he is still stale and should just be tossed out. Stick with Oreo cookies instead of a Fig Newton.

#8.BUFFALO BILLS 5-1 (SAME) Buffalo looked a little rusty in that first half coming off the bye week versus the Dolphins. They had a better second half and came back and won that game. Josh Allen had a very nice game with no interceptions. The Bills fans unveiled their new tailgate game, hatchet throwing. As we all know, the Bills Mafia knows how to have a great time before, during, and after the game.

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#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 5-2 (SAME) This Thursday, the Minnesota Vikings took care of business and beat the Redskins 19-9. I still don’t like the inconsistent play of the offense. Before Thursday, Kirk Cousins was slinging the ball all over the field and Vikings were scoring lots of points. They were running and passing like a well-oiled machine. On Thursday the Vikings drives stalled in the Red Zone. They had to settle for field goals most of the game versus the Skins. Bad execution in general on third downs. Easy sack in the red zone for the Redskins to stop Kirk Cousins who had no time to get the play off. In playoffs, this will not cut the mustard. To win the NFC Central this will not cut the cheese versus the Packers.

#10. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 4-2 (SAME) Jacoby Brissett had his best game as a Colt versus the division rival, the Houston Texans. Colts have the Texans’ number over the last few years. Even when Houston is tearing up the league they run into a buzz saw versus the Colts who were coming off a bye week after they took down the Chiefs for their first lost. At the start of this season with the sudden retirement of Andrew Luck, fans probably thought the worse. Look at the Washington Nationals losing Bryce Harper to free agency. Now they are two games away from winning the whole thing. Can the Colts go down the same road as the Nationals? Could they have that kind of Luck without Luck on the roster.

#11.BALTIMORE RAVENS 5-2 (UP 1 SPOT) Ravens continue to surprise me. They went on the road and took down Seattle in Seattle. Toughest place in the league to get a win. One week the Browns own the Ravens. The next week they struggle closing out the Steelers.

Does not matter how you get there as long as Lamar Jackson is the last man standing in the Superbowl. Do you think Ravens fans miss Joe Flacco? Like Bears fans missing Jay Cutler?

#12.HOUSTON TEXANS 4-2 (UP 1 SPOT) The Texans, even though they lost to the Colts, I have up one spot from last week. Every team has that one team that they do not match up well against. Texans have problems with the Colts. Before the Colts game, Texans beat the Chiefs and routed the Falcons, putting a 50 burger on them. After a loss Texans have been known to rebound quickly. Raiders and the Jaguars are teams that are up the next two weeks on the Texans schedule. I can see the Texans getting to the 6-2 mark at their half way mark of the 2019 season.

#13.DETROIT LIONS 2-3-1 (UP 1SPOT) Lions have played two great games in a row and lost them both. Both to the division the NFC Central. Then they trade one of their captains away on the defense that is not going well in the locker room. Could that be the straw that breaks the camel’s back? This team got robbed versus Green Bay. They let Arizona get back in the game which ends in a tie. Right now they should be 4-2 and in the thick of things. Maybe trading one of your boys can propel this team to go on a big run in the middle of the season.

#14.LA RAMS 4-3 (UP 5 SPOTS) Rams finally stop the bleeding. They land Jalen Ramsey. They traded away Marcus Peters. They needed to play a team like Atlanta, when they rolled all over the dirty birds. That game might be their catapult back into the thick of things. They have used up all their life lines. But they might regain their confidence and turn this season around instead of going down that Superbowl hangover road that losing teams do in the big game.

#15. ARIZONA CARDINALS 3-3-1 (UP 3 SPOTS) Just in case you do not know, the Cardinals have now won three games in a row. Kyle Murray is starting to take over this league by storm. I think he made the right choice, football over baseball.

You’re starting to see Kyle Murray play like he did last season in college with Oklahoma. That huge season he had where he had the Sooner steamrolling the competition. They are winning with a rookie head coach. Cardinals are playing as a team. This team could spoil other teams’ seasons as we continue closing in on the half way mark. I do not see the Cardinals making it to the playoffs especially in that tough division they play in. However they might ruin one of their division foes’ seasons along the way.

#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (UP 1 SPOT)

Buzz Beer and the Cleveland Browns will make CLEVELAND ROCK AGAIN!!! Plenty of Buzz Beer during the bye week for the Brown players to loosen up the squad. Drew Carey will lead the charge versus the Patriots. The upset of the year to turn this year around for this Cleveland squad. They are doing it for Bernie’s daughter.

Nothing is wrong with her. She has to be able to elevate the play of this Browns team with or without Buzz Beer. If you see three ghosts of Tom Brady ,just hit the one in the middle.

#17. DALLAS COWBOYS 4-3 (UP 4 SPOTS) One week you lose to the Jets. The next week you beat the Eagles and now you are on top of your own division. Only in the NFL.

#18.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-4 (DOWN 7 SPOTS) Last week I had the Eagles sliding five spots.This week they slid seven more spots. This team just got very bad. They overcame a slow start. But it’s business as usual. Last year they struggled and Nick Foles came to the rescue and guided their sorry butts back to the playoffs. Who’s your Superman now ?

The Eagles flushed away Nick Foles. Now the Philly faithful are burning Carson Wentz jerseys.

If you don’t want Carson Wentz, let the Bears have him. Eagles can take Mitch Trubisky off our hands. Throw in some deep dish pizzas as well to sweeten the pot.

#19.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-3 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) I think those people that think the Raiders can make a run at a wild card are crazy. Raiders have played better. They are still a young team that has plenty of talent. In London they shot themselves in the foot and let the Bears get back in that game. Bears gift wrapped that game back to the Raiders. Last Sunday versus the Packers, it could have been a close score at halftime. Raiders fumbled inside two minutes around the goal line. Raiders will beat teams. They will shock teams and get the upset as the season prolongs. However they are young, they make too many mistakes and are not a team right now that can overcome them.

#20.CHICAGO BEARS 3-4 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The 2019 season was supposed to be Bears going all the way. They had the defense. They had the coach.They figured the young quarterback would take his play to the next level. Without Aikeem Hicks clogging up the middle on defense, teams have concentrated on using all their power to stop Khalil Mack. That has worked very well. Then on offense Mitch Trubisky has regressed. He got hurt. The Bears had two weeks to plot a gameplan to beat the Saints who had many injuries. Matt Nagy does not know how to run the ball. He has Mitch Trubisky pass the football over 50 times on his return. Starting to think when Mark Trestman was the head coach of the Bears, he had a better offensive scheme than the trick play king, Matt Nagy. Might be the worst collapse in Chicago sports. The team finally got over Jay Cutler and now this.

#21.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3-4 (UP 3 SPOTS) Great things happen when you trade away trouble makers in Jalen Ramsey. Will this be the end of the line for Gardner Minshew?

Best mustache in the league. With the rumblings of Nick Foles possibly coming back behind center, what will happen to Gardner Minshew? Back to his day job?

Jaguars king of porn when it comes to quarterbacks.

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Nick the Dick as Nick Foles. Gardner Minshew as Dirk Diggler. The Jags plan this season should be to let Gardner Minshew drive the car to the playoffs and then let Nick Foles take over in the playoffs. Worked for the Eagles. One problem… the Jaguars are not a very good team.

#22.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) The Giants get back their main man Saquon Barkley. Maybe it was the chunky soup that his mom made him to get Barkley back on the field. Giants had a matchup with the Cardinals last week in a game they could have won. In a game they should of won, some could say. Giants defense is still very bad. Lately they played a tad better. But when the Giants won two straight with the rookie quarterback, that made you forget temporarily that the G-MEN defense is not Eli Manning’s fault. Or could it be? Maybe Eli is helping call the plays on the side lines. Two way signal callers, you never hear of that any more.

#23.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-4 (SAME) Drinking tea with the queen in London. Now Tampa Bay can drink moonshine in Nashville while listening some country music.

Maybe they have a country song about Jameis Winston and the Uber driver that broke his heart because she did not want to get fondled by a douchebag.

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They know how to make them in the Country. Boots I’m talking about of course. Winston will need to chill in the hotel room or he’ll rampage the city of Nashville like some horny dog that needs to be fixed. Who is Tampa Bay’s travel agent? Great road trip after great road trip. Buccaneers may bring their game this Sunday. However I will not guarantee anything.

#24.DENVER BRONCOS 2-5 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) Broncos came back down to earth after winning two in a row. They got steamrolled by the Chiefs on Thursday night. They traded away one of their best receivers in Emmanuel Sanders who has played for the Broncos for six seasons. Is it time to pull the plug on this Joe Flacco experiment? Are they not waving the white flag? It tells me the white flag is half way up the pole. The Broncos need to see the youngster Drew Lock to see if he is the lock of the future. I know Vic Fangio will improve this defense by next year. Ive seen some great things from the defense. Drew Lock is what I want to see while I lean towards the Avalanche hockey team which is the best team in Denver.

#25.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-4 (SAME) Pittsburgh had a bye week so they could not screw up their ranking as it stays the same from the week they beat the Chargers. However the team had two weeks to prepare for Miami. If head Coach Mike Tomlin and the Steelers lose to the Dolphins on Monday night, Tomlin should get the ax. Throw in seven more heads with his disciples and what do you have?

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Someone in Pittsburgh knows someone that can do this line of work.

#26.TENNESSEE TITANS 3-4 (UP TWO SPOTS)

Ryan Tannehill finally made his first start of the season for the Titans since coming over from Miami in the off season. Tannehill was 23-29 and 312 yards with two touchdown throws. He hit eight receivers. I think we can now start saying, as we know we all were thinking, Marcus Mariota is a bust. The Chargers were so impressed with Tannehill’s performance that instead of taking the lead at the end of the game they gift wrapped the win for the Titans with a bow on a fumble by Melvin Gordon.

#27. LA CHARGERS 2-5 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Only the Chargers can find a thousand ways to lose a game at the end of regulation. You can blame the interceptions in the red zone by Phillip Rivers. The kicking woes over the years. Last week they could have beaten the Titans at the end of the game. They had two scores that were overturned by replays down on the goal line. Then Melvin Gordon fumbled the ball Titans recovered to win the game. Melvin Gordon blamed holding out as the problem since the running back had no preseason. YOU THINK? NFL GENIUS OF THE WEEK!!!

#28.NEW YORK JETS 1-5 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Jets quarterback last week was seeing ghosts playing New England on Monday night.

GHOST BUSTERS!!!!!

Bill Belichick and the Evil Empire defense showed some different formations to confused Sam Darnold with defenders moving in spots the Jets quarterback missed. Jets take a step back after upsetting the Cowboys only a week before being shut out by the Patriots.

#29.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-7 (UP 1 SPOT) The Redskins moved up one spot even though they lost two games in a row. Plus Atlanta Falcons are a big time mess. Meanwhile the Redskins in bad weather held the 49ers to three field goals. On Thursday night to open week eight, they held a hot Minnesota Viking offense to 19 points. They forced the Vikings in the red zone to kick field goals instead of being able to score touchdowns. Bill Callahan, the Redskin interim coach, has this team playing better than Jay Gruden had them playing earlier this season. Suddenly the Redskins defense looks pretty good as they put some good pressure on Kirk Cousins in key situations. Adrian Peterson’s big head thinks his Viking days helped build Minnesota their new house in anew stadium.

#30.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-6 (DOWN 1 SPOT)

ANYBODY FOR DIRTY BIRD STEW?

Falcons have been trading off assets like Mohamed Sanu to the Patriots. All defensive players are being thrown into the grinder.

FALCONS CLOSING UP SHOP EARLY IN THE 2019 SEASON. THE BIRD FLU STRIKES AGAIN.

#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-7 (SAME)

EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!!!!

We have an Andy Dalton black and white only $176.00

We have an AJ Green stereo. A very nice Joe Mixon freezer. Don’t forget about our new improved Tyler Boyd toaster.

We are slashing all our prices on the Bengal line of appliances.

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-6 (SAME) The Dolphins looked decent for two quarters versus the Bills and kind of made a game out of it last week. The Dolphins still stay perfect and now have the final countdown with ten games left on the docket. They have hired the band EUROPE to countdown the ten losses in the ten games they have remaining, to stay perfect and not win a game all season.

For the players they have a cardboard cut out similar to the one in the movie, Major League.

In the movie they strip down the board with every win. In the Dolphins locker room after every loss, they strip down their own personal card board cut out of Richard Simmons. WEIRDOS…

LETS ROLL OUT WEEK SEVEN OF THE NFL POWER RANKINGS WITH A GUTTER BALL OF COURSE

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 6-0 (SAME) Finally the Patriots will play a team with their biggest star on the field. Yes Sam Darnold is over his kissing disease and he showed his presence versus the Cowboys last week. I don’t see the Jets upsetting the Evil Empire, Sam Darnold is no Luke Skywalker. Another easy opponent for the Patriots. The league should just give them a bye on the regular season and go straight to the playoffs. They already have that permanent bye because they play in the AFC EAST.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 5-1 (SAME) Without Drew Brees, Teddy Bridgewater remains undefeated, filling in for the future hall of famer. The biggest reason the Saints keep rolling is that defense. Marshon Lattimore might be the best in the league in shutting down your top playmaker on offense.

Saints Offense since Brees’ injury twice in games have scored only in the teens and still won both games.

#3.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-1(UP 1 SPOT)

Even Captain Obvious can tell you the play of Russell Wilson is the biggest reason why the Seahawks are out to a 5-1 start. I’m impressed they are winning games on the road. Winning on the road used to haunt this team. Because of the 12th man, the fans in Seattle with the spiked coffee made it hard for opponents to play. Back to Russell Wilson, he has our vote for the early season MVP awards with his play. Especially his demeanor, at all times calm, cool, and collective. Able to play like that, you feel the Seahawks are not out of any game if they dig themselves a hole early on.

#4.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 5-0 (UP 1 SPOT) I think you can now say the 49ers
are a very good team. They have not lost a game. They were battle tested last week going to LA and playing the Rams and winning. Rams have been riding the struggle bus but are still a tough opponent in their own stomping grounds. Another team with a defense that is rising up in the league. A well balanced offensive attack with a running game that is closing in on the tops in the league.With Jimmy Garoppolo just standing behind center, he is 13-2 as a starting quarterback.

5.GREEN BAY PACKERS 5-1 (UP 2 SPOTS) Does Green Bay have a lucky rabbit foot in their pocket? We know Aaron Rogers’ State Farm agent probably put his horseshoe up his rear. Perhaps his agent as well with that group of guys, it should concern the league. Could be Detroit has a black cat following them to each city. Penalties, some will say the Phantom penalty, helped the Packers put away the Lions on Monday night. Perhaps the referees are a part of the cheese whiz of the month club.

I would say the referees agree with cousin Eddie on that.

#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-2 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) SUPERHERO DOWN!!!

Kansas City lost the Son of a Mitch bowl on Sunday. Then their Marvel superhero quarterback gets derailed with a knee injury on Thursday night. Status of his return is unknown. Everybody has an opinion. I think the Chiefs can still win games. The defense has to step up like they did to Denver. They looked possessed and had the devil eyes. Matt Moore can ride the ship like Teddy Bridgewater in New Orleans. Not Matt Moore’s first rodeo as a back up. He is 15-15 all-time as a starter so he has been there and done that. Coach Andy Reid has been through this before a few times. He has had success and still got the team to the playoffs. KC fans will be praying for Mahomes to get better ASAP.

#7.CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 (Up 1 SPOT) Coach Ron Rivera has been a very busy man this season.

Dear Lord, he would start by saying. Then go into begging mode on his knees with nuns. Please deliver my team a quarterback. The Lord answered his prayers with Kyle Allen. Last week, Panthers won in London and now are 4-0 with the young QB.

#8.BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 (Up 1 SPOT) Even on a bye week we felt with some lackluster performances by other teams, we should move up the Bills one spot. They face Miami this week and they better not have a letdown. Fantasy experts say play anybody you have in a Bills uniform. Almost my whole team is in a Buffalo Bills uniform, so I’m very excited I might finally win a game in fantasy. Buffalo could be 5-1, their best start in a really really long freaking time. Pardon my French dressing that I just spilled on the rug.

#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-2 The Vikings had a big game last week versus the Eagles. Kirk Cousins looked sharp when most, including myself, thought he was the weakest link.

If it was that simple in life. Vikings are very talented up and down their roster. If Kirk Cousins can win big games, this team will go far.

#10.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 (SAME) Colts I moved up one spot, even though they were on a bye. I like the way Jacoby Brissett has played so far. His numbers are not eye popping off the charts, Mahomes like. But he rates as one of the top QB’S in the league. Colts defense is awesome. The running game is one of the best in the league. Who the hell is Andrew Luck?

#11.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-3 (DOWN 5 SPOTS) The Eagles were running down the road and had seven women on their minds. That many women on the mind will make a person say stupid things. Like Zach Brown giving Minnesota bulletin board stuff by talking smack about Kirk Cousins’ play. Leave the criticism to the experts and some smart arse who has a computer and a blog. Vikings won the game and Zach Brown with his foot in his mouth so deep was shown the door and cut by the team. Eagles are down. But the Cowboys are next and the division lead is in their grips.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 4-2 (SAME) Beating the Bengals is not going to get you moved up in the power rankings. Perhaps if we meet at a bar and the Ravens give me a bag of money, then I will move the Ravens running game up one notch. Perhaps a car will help sweeten the pot and I could get them in the top ten.

#13.HOUSTON TEXANS 4-2 (UP 1 SPOT) It was Deshaun Watson and the Texans that won the Son of Mitch bowl. Do the Bears get to take home Deshaun Watson? With the win over the Chiefs, it gives this team a signature victory. Seems the Texans are starting to roll like they did last year at this time. Big game this week versus the Colts, your biggest threat for the division. Wild cards with so many teams to be ahead of are hard to get, so the division title is your route 66 to the playoffs.

#14.DETROIT LIONS 2-2-1 Lions got a raw deal versus the Packers on Monday night. They should have won and now they find themselves a step back in the division. A step back is huge in a very tough division. I want to see how the Lions respond in their next game. We will see if the big fat slob with the beard can motivate his team to win their next game and basically save his team’s season.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 (SAME) I feel the Oakland Raiders and Chucky Gruden’ success has Hollywood style plotting.

Could another Chucky movie be in the works? I thought Jason killed Chucky for good and his bride in, “Friday the 13th, Part 13, The hunt for Red October.”

#16.CHICAGO BEARS 3-3 (UP 1 SPOT) So many disappointments in week six that teams on byes are getting moved up. Bears have Mitch Trubisky back behind center for week seven. Did they make the adjustments to figure how to run the ball? Bears still have one of the scariest defenses in the league. Week Seven is a big game they need versus the Saints. A win and they are back in the thick of things. But a loss might break this team’s back. We know the Saints even without Drew Brees are the best team in the NFC. Everything has to go right for the Bears to win.

#17.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (UP 2 SPOTS) With many teams in the crapper, I have the Browns moving up two pegs. I liked the way the Browns responded from the defeat on Monday night versus the 49ers. They played a good Seattle team tough, even though they lost the game. Now they have a bye week and plot to take down the Evil Empire.

Baker Mayfield, as we speak, is watching game film on the Patriots. Watching how to take down the Empire.

#18.ARIZONA CARDINALS 2-3-1 (UP 8 spots) Cardinals won the shoot out in the battle of the birds last week. I know Atlanta’s defense is one of the worst units in the league. Kyler Murray and the Cardinals match scores with Matt Ryan all day. At the end the Cardinals prevail and now have won two games in a row. If the Cardinals were not in a tough division, they would be in the thick of things. These wins have to be boosting up the confidence in the rookie QB and head coach.

#19. LA RAMS 3-3 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Rams are still in a free fall. Now they lost three in a roll. They acquired Jalen Ramsey this week in a trade, in which they over paid the Jaguars for this cry baby. Then they traded Marcus Peters to the Ravens. I scratch my head on trading Peters. I would think having both Peters and Ramsey would improve your defensive backfield. More than only having one of them.

#20.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Giants without many of their play makers played the Patriots tough most of the game last week. This week Giants get back Saquon Barkley which will help the overall team and the rookie quarterback. I can see the Giants breaking back in the win column.

#21.DENVER BRONCOS 2-5 (UP 4 SPOTS) I finally jumped on the BRONCOS BAND WAGON AS THEY WON TWO IN A ROW. Thursday night, the Broncos with Patrick Mahomes leaving the game, went back to their old ways. I have them jumping 4 spots which is definitely not justified. However throwing Dallas under the bus is justified. I’ll just leave it at that.

#22.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-3 (DOWN 6 SPOTS) LOSE TO THE NEW YORK JETS WITH ALL THAT TALENT YOU HAVE. THEY SHOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE LEAGUE!!!!

#23.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Cross this off the bucket list if you’re a Buccaneer fan. To fly to another continent and get humiliated by your division rival. At least you can say you got some travel points on your frequent flyer program. Every sour grape needs a bright spot.

#24. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) I only moved the Jaguars down one spot because they played a close game last week versus New Orleans. That is not all. They traded Jalen Ramsey who demanded a trade and got some good draft picks for the cry baby from the Rams. Plus Nick Foles could be back in the mix. Even though it’s not quarterback play this season to blame for the way this team is playing.

#25.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-4 (UP 2 SPOTS) Who is Devlin Rodgers? Can someone tell Devlin to teach Chargers quarterback Phillip Rivers how to throw a football. Steelers down to their third quarterback. Big Ben collapsed early this season. Mason Rudolf is still in route to hospital because the ambulance broke down like the cart at the stadium. Either Steelers know how to find talented quarterbacks, or the Chargers are a very bad football team. A team that was in the AFC championship. It will be interesting how many wins the Steelers do tally up at the end of this season. Without all the drama. Without Big Ben who lights the match to some of the past drama.

#26.LA CHARGERS 2-4 (DOWN SIX SPOTS) Can LA trade one of their football teams to get another soccer team?

Chargers right now play in a soccer stadium. This could work. Send the Chargers to Jacksonville. They can combine both teams there and call themselves the Jacksonville Charging Jagbags. Phillip Rivers has turned into Ryan Leaf.

They might as well make a QB change because Rivers is confused about what jerseys his team wears.

#27.NEW YORK JETS 1-4 Sam Darnold’s back as he had to take a step back from the whores that sidelined him for several weeks.

Darnold has to stop hanging out with his childhood friend, Ted. Bad influence. Jets finally had something to cheer about when they took it to the Cowboys which is always nice to see America’s team fall during the America’s game of the week. The upset of the Cowboys reminded me of Josh McCown the year he gave Jets fans excitement when he carried the team on his back and they beat a few good teams in the process. Not saying the Cowboys are a good team. But they do feed on bad teams. Last week they were the bad team.

#28.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-4 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The Titans offense was so bad last week their new kicker Cody Parky did not get one attempt at his famous double doink. They were shut out in Denver as their offense never got off the bus. The week before that they were held to 7 points. Now finally after six more games of this Marcus Mariota experiment gone wrong, they are making the change at quarterback. Ryan Tannehill will get the start in week seven. Is it too late? Colts and Texans are playing well. The Jag Bags suck. The Titans need to get on a roll. They have a pretty good defense.They have some playmakers. They should not be this bad. In Nashville country, it is all about the ups and downs of life.Tannehill will start off great, win a few, and  get everyone excited about Titan football. Then he will be injured and it will be back to the drawing board with Mariota. Just need a banjo to sing that with some moonshine.

#29.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Would the Atlanta Falcons be down a better road if they did not lose that Superbowl to the Patriots a few years back? Better playcalling in the second half versus the Patriots, would havewon that game. Since then, the wounded wing of the Falcon is going in a complete tailspin. Last week they could not even win a track meet versus Arizona. We know the defense is a hot topic. But the offense carried this team to a much better record than 1-5. But now the team is getting buried alive AND LOOK AWFUL. By the time Halloween comes around, some lucky fan will have he real McCoy in their front yard.

A dirty bird grave yard with actual Falcon players scaring kids while trick or treating like they already scared most of their fan base away.

#30.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Is it a good thing to win the Tank the Season bowl versus the power house Dolphin team? With the victory by the Redskins I moved them up on the totem pole of the Wild Shamrock power rankings. Skins fans may be dancing in the streets reading this. How many of them actually care about their football team? Whippee skippy you have an old man “Spank the Bottom of his kids keasters with a switch” Peterson. Vanilla Ice at quarterback. Though Landon Collins was awarded NFC defensive player of the week. But again you played the Dolphins, is that a big deal? One bright spot is the wide receiver Scary Terry McLaurin with his blazing speed is catching lots of balls without a good arm throwing it to him. In Washington DC, still stuck with Trump to rub salt in the wounds even more. How about those Washington Nationals? Plus hockey is back. Pack it in The Redskins will return in 2020.

#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) In the movie Unnecessary Roughness, the back up quarterback gets in for the first time. He is getting chased in the pocket screaming for the referee to blow the whistle.

That has to be how Andy Dalton is feeling, taking snaps each Sunday. Andy Dalton needs to put up sandbags behind his crappy lineman, put the rifle away, and settle for a machine gun for protection. The Bengals are one big disgruntled family right now. They should blow it up with a garage sale of all the pieces they do have. Andy Dalton would look good in a Bears uniform.

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-5 (SAME) The Dolphins lost the Tank the Season bowl to the Washington Deadskins. They made a savvy move this week maybe to ensure they have the number one draft pick by benching Josh Rosen for some Fitzmagic. Poor Josh Rosen, you were thrown to the wolves in Arizona with a shaky offensive line last season in your rookie year. Then you are traded to the hapless Dolphins with their question marks all over the Dolphin roster. Perhaps Ryan Fitzpatrick is sleeping with the owner’s wife. Instead cement booties in the ocean can bring the Police into the situation.

Serve Fitzpatrick up to the Buffalo defense. A human sacrifice on the legal side. Perhaps Josh Rosen is still holding on to some kind of future with the team after all, we just don’t know all the details.

OVERALL RECORD THIS SEASON STRAIGHT PICK-EM AFTER WEEK FIVE

46-32

LAST WEEK RECORD:8-7

OVERALL THURSDAY NIGHT RECORD:1-4

OVERALL MONDAY NIGHT RECORD:3-2

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

GIANTS AT PATRIOTS

To me this game seems unfair. Can you spot the Giants some points in this one to start? Many of the Giants playmakers are sidelined with injuries and will not be playing. Daniel Jones has his work cut out for him on this one. No rookie quarterback has gone into Foxboro and beaten a Bill Belichick defense. Seems like another easy match up for the Patriots. Patriots win big in this one. Only good thing to come out of this is we improve our dismal Thursday night record.

OUR PICK:PATRIOTS

THE SUNDAY SLATE

PANTHERS AT BUCCANEERS IN LONDON

The biggest question I have is which Tampa Bay team will show up? They have a simple pattern as they win one, lose one. When they win they look pretty good. When they lose it’s not like the Bucs of 2018. Week six I’m throwing my Sherlock and Watson logic out the window. Since the Buccaneers lost last week and may win today. I think Panthers are one of the hottest teams in the league and they will be able to steam roll the Buccaneers in the morning fog. I can see Jameis Winston pawing the cab driver in one of those black London cabs. Got to make your mark overseas as well.

OUR PICK:PANTHERS

BENGALS AT RAVENS

The Red rifleman Andy Dalton actually needs a rifle behind center to protect himself. The Bengals have to lead the league in men down. Lamar Jackson and the Ravens may put up another 50 burger on their opponent like they did versus the Dolphins. Ravens have done well versus the teams under 500 this season. Chalk up the outlines on the field for a few more kitty cats sunk into the Raven turf. Ravens win this one big.

OUR PICK:RAVENS

SEAHAWKS AT BROWNS

I have thought the Browns would rebound after being destroyed by the 49ers on Monday Night. I thought the Seahawks’ weakness is traveling down the road back again. Russell Wilson is the X-factor. He is having an MVP season and as a team the Seahawks are playing the part. I just don’t see the Browns doing a quick 360 and coming out blazing. To me the Browns look like a broken team mentally.

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

SAINTS AT JAGUARS

Known for their defense once upon a time ago. That was in the past as the one thing the Jaguars had working for them is not there. Is the little prissy bitch Jalen Ramsey going to play? Even if he does he will not be able to stop the Saints offense. Teddy Bridgewater looks very comfortable in that offense. The Saints defense have been playing out of their minds since Drew Brees got hurt. To me the Saints are the best team in the NFC.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

TEXANS AT CHIEFS

This match up will have other cities watching two quarterbacks they possibly could have had. In Chicago especially, the Bears went with Mitch Trubisky who they traded up to get. They could have held on to their draft picks and taken either Patrick Mahomes or Deshaun Watson. But the Bears gave away the cow for some beans. This game, Chicago radio has called this the Son of Mitch bowl between these teams and two future young stars in the NFL. This game will be a shootout. I think Chiefs get the win after a rare loss they suffered last week versus the Colts. Texans will put up a fight. I think Chiefs have way more talent overall than the Texans. Plus Chiefs are at home. It’s very hard as a visitor to win at Arrowhead.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

REDSKINS AT DOLPHINS

THE TANK BOWL. Which team wants the number one draft pick? Fans may want their team to lose this contest instead of winning. This will be a terrible game to watch. How many fans will actually go watch this game? How do NFL franchises in such disarray still have the nerve to charge full price for tickets? My two keys to this game are Spanky Peterson finds some wiggle room and has a big day running the rock. I think teams rally especially after the Redskins fired Chucky’s brother. I can see Bill Callahan, the interim coach, switch up a few things and Redskins finally respond and get a W.

OUR PICK:REDSKINS

EAGLES AT VIKINGS

I think this game is one of the best on the Sunday slate. Eagles are flying high as they turned their season around. The Vikings got back in the win column against an injured Giant team. This is an even match up all around. The one edge I see is the Eagles at quarterback. Kirk Cousins does not do well in big games. Eagles turn the most hated man in Minnesota, yes the Vikings quarterback, into a witchy woman. Whatever that means. Go Jack Handy on it if you like.

OUR PICK:EAGLES

FALCONS AT CARDINALS

This game has a lot of bird crap to get through to figure out a winner. Arizona won their first game last week over the hapless Bumbles. Atlanta has been in struggle mode since the first snap of the season. Especially last week, Falcons got demolished by Texans who put up 52 points on that horrific defense. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I like the Falcons in this one. Falcons have burned me all season. I know Kyler Murray will put up points for the Cardinals. Matt Ryan, my gut feeling is he will make his presence known finally in this 2019 season. Falcons will avenge that nightmare game from a week ago. Falcons playmakers come up big in a shoot out style of game the NFL so enjoys.

OUR PICK:FALCONS

49ERS AT RAMS

You can easily say the 49ers in this game. Rams have been very bad the last few weeks. However Rams lost to Seahawks in the last seconds by a missed field goal by their usually sure-handed kicker. Sean McVay, coach of the Rams, had never lost three straight. By playing on Thursday, Rams had a very long time to prepare themselves and hope they fixed their defense. 49ers are playing in a short week. 49ers killed the Browns on Monday night. Browns look like they regressed back to their old Browns. Meanwhile the Rams will be the 49ers first true test of the season as an opponent. Rams come up with this game, especially in a division where everyone seems to be doing well. This is the game the Rams need and one that could save their season.

OUR PICK: RAMS

TITANS AT BRONCOS

Watch out, the Titans have another X-Bears kicker. The Titans on offense have struggled with Marcus Mariota almost all year. Denver finally notched their first win as they confused the hell out of Phillip Rivers last Sunday. I think the Broncos will stack the box and put a stop on the Titans running back, Derrick Henry. Titans have lost the last five games they played in Denver. Broncos come up with a well deserved and well fought victory at home instead of letting the visitors walk out at the very end hitting a field goal. The Titans’ Cody Parky will probably double doink one off the cross bar in a Titans loss.

OUR PICK:BRONCOS

COWBOYS AT JETS

Another bottom feeder team for the Cowboys to get back on track after losing two straight. Will this be the America’s game of the week just because the Cowboys are playing? After the Cowboys win this one with ease, will them going to Superbowl be talked about again and again?

OUR PICK:COWBOYS

STEELERS AT CHARGERS

Do the Steelers have a working cart to scrape their quarterback off the carpet?

Phillip Rivers better show me in this game that he can throw more touchdown passes than picks in the end zone. Chargers have problems. But we all have problems. Rivers needs to stop acting like Ryan Leaf and lead his team over the Steelers on Sunday night. If Chargers don’t seize this game, the season is over for them. Chiefs will get further away for you. Raiders and Broncos are looking better. Chargers will be in the basement wondering what happened. The Chargers still should be able to handle a very bad Steeler team.

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

THE MONDAY NIGHT GAME

LIONS AT PACKERS

Lions are looking like a pretty good football team. I would have said I was crazy writing that after their week one versus the Cardinals. Lions need this one in Green Bay to be considered a team that has a valid threat to take the Central. The Packers defense is still being raved about. I think their defensive unit is nothing to be excited about and go streaking. Which they probably are doing right now in cheeseland. Flab bouncing up and down while only wearing steel toe construction boots and a hunters vest. Green Bay offense, besides Aaron Rogers, has a very good running game to make this well balanced attack which. Detroit will have their work cut out for them. Packers at home. I just don’t see the Lions winning a big game in prime time.

OUR PICK:PACKERS

THE POWER RANKINGS ARE BACK AND WE ARE READY TO PUMP YOU UP FOR WEEK SIX

#1.EVIL EMPIRE AKA (NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) 6-0 First they play the Steelers without any of their big playmakers and a Big Ben that is starting to crumble. Then they easily take care of the Jets and Dolphins who are two teams at the bottom of the barrel. Then finally have their only battle of the year with the Bills. A cheap helmet-to-helmet hit to the Bills quarterback knocking him out of the game to cement that. Last week a horrible Redskins team. Then this upcoming week the Giants who are missing three of their playmakers on offense. Then a bad Jets team for the second time. Then the Browns, a team that is back to playing horribly after a great second half last season. Does Bill Belichick write his own script that feature teams with gigantic holes in their roster they play most of the time? They should be 8-0 at the halfway point of this season. Where’s your Skywalker now?

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 4-1 The signing of Teddy Bridgewater might be the savvy move that has saved the Saints season. With Drew Brees out, Bridgewater is getting better each game. The Saints are beating good teams during this stretch without Drew behind center. The Saints defense has come up huge this year. The play of receiver Michael Thomas who is making a very big case that he may be the best in the league.

#3.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 4-1 Even though the Chiefs lost their first game last week they will get over it and survive to fight another day. I still have faith in them as one of the power houses in the NFL. Should you worry because they did get lucky in a win over the Lions in the last minute a week before the loss? Patrick Mahomes has been looking ordinary.

Patrick Mahomes needs to stop talking to the Chicago Bears coaching staff of the future, present and the past. This is what Bears do to quarterbacks, turn them from super into stone or mutant form.

#4.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 4-1 Russell Wilson has the highest quarterback rating in the league. He has 12 touchdown passes and no interceptions after 5 weeks. This guy does things very quietly. Seahawks continue to win games. I do not want to give Pete Carol any of the credit. Russell Wilson is the football version of Derek Jeter. He leads this team by example, going out there to play every game. To be effective every game. Once Brees retires. Once Rodgers is murdered by his agent to keep him away from the state farm agent in that weird love triangle they’ve got going. Once Tom Brady ‘s circuits shut down, Russell Wilson should be considered the best quarterback in the league.

#5.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 4-0 When Jimmy Garoppolo is standing, the 49ers do very well. However it’s not Jimmy that is winning these games for the 49ers. Great defense. Great running game. My only question is who had they played so far? Cleveland on Monday Night which is probably the best squad they’ve dealt with so far. Is Cleveland even a good measuring stick with their struggles? It will be interesting when the 49ers play the Seahawks and the Rams to see where they stand from there.

#6.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-2 The beginning of the season, the Eagles got gut punched by their opponents. Once they were backed in the corner bleeding, they have fought back and now are rolling along very nicely. The defense has been making plays. Not sure why the Bears traded away Jordan Howard as they can’t even pick up short yards on third downs these days. Howard has been used a lot by the Eagles. Like every good quarterback such as Carson Wentz, a running game is your best friend because it opens up that passing game.

#7.GREEN BAY PACKERS 4-1 Green Bay defense is better than what they had last year. I will not over-hype that unit like most people think it’s the 85 Bears.

Green Bay’s success has been Aaron Jones and the running game. Making this offense well balanced for a change. The Packers really looked great versus Dallas. Before that, the Eagles man handled the cheese heads. As the season goes on, we will find out if the Packers are a contender or a pretender.

#8.CAROLINA PANTHERS 3-2 Maybe I’m jumping on the Carolina bandwagon too soon. Without the cookie, this team is firing on all cylinders.

Christian McCaffrey looks like an early MVP candidate. I disliked this kid when he chose to work on his draft status instead of playing in the college bowl game. I get the pro’s of skipping out, but never leave your team fighting the battle alone is how I was raised. Carolina defense is playing lights out. Rookie Kyle Allen at quarterback indeed has been the savior. Keeping the old cookie, the fig newton is at the bottom of the cookie jar where he belongs.

#9. BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 I believe the Buffalo Bills should be 5-0 right now heading to their bye week. They gave up a special teams touchdown to the Patriots in that only loss they have. Plus the Patriots laid a cheap hit on the Bills quarterback knocking Josh Allen out of the game. The defense made Tom Brady look human in that game. Missed field goal and missed opportunities in the red zone. I ranted and raved about the one loss because it was against the Evil Empire. When you have those bastards against the rope, you have to knock them down. Defense is awesome, one of the best units in the league. I need to see more on the offense. If they can score more points, this team will have a special season.

#10.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 3-2 Everything on this team is in working order except for Kirk Cousins. Can he perform in big games? When the Vikings play inferior teams, Kirk Cousins has no problems performing at a high level. They will need him to win them some big games at some point in this season. The Vikings right now are teetering in the top ten or falling down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders.

#11.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 Maybe the Colts have the recipe to make superman human and how to beat the Chiefs. Maybe the Colts’ front seven wore kryptonite around their necks chasing down Mahomes on Sunday night. With Andrew Luck retiring. Jacoby Brissett has played very well and is carving his own niche to be a starter in the NFL. The Colts roster is solid with plenty of depth. Defense and the running game with Jacoby Brissett not making mistakes, Frank Reich has his team off to a great start.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 3-2 The jury still is out when it comes to figuring out what the Ravens are all about. Lamar Jackson looks like a superhero one week, and then struggles the next week. They got destroyed by the Browns. However they need overtime to beat the Steelers who had their third string quarterback in the game. The Ravens defense is up and down as well. So you can say the Ravens are your typical team in the NFL.

#13.DETROIT LIONS 2-1-1 Lions could really wreck havoc on the power rankings if they can beat the Packers this week. It will turn over the whole central division. Lions are lurking right now hovering around the teams in the central. Bears and Vikings have quarterback issues. Is the Packers defense that good? The Lions should be 3-1 as they let the Cardinals back in that game in week one .If they beat the Packers they will be 3-1-1 and in the thick of things the rest of the way.

#14.HOUSTON TEXANS 3-2 Texans destroyed the Falcons last week. Before that game it seemed like the Texans played their best game in the season opener versus the Saints when they lost at the last minute. They will need to play like that, and last week, to beat the Chiefs. It is Watson versus Mahomes sounds like a monster movie.

This could be a future match up like a Manning versus Brady rivalry. It’s also a match up Bears fans can watch and see what they could have had instead of drafting Mitch Trubisky.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 It’s hard to imagine Chucky having a spot of tea with the Queen of England. Chucky gets the last laugh beating the Bears in London. It was supposed to have been Khalil Mack’s revenge game versus his old team. Derrick Carr and the Raiders running game looked sharp in that win. Chucky out-coached Matt Nagy in that game. Now the Raiders look like an interesting team that have quietly built up a 3-2 record. With wins versus the Colts, Bears, and Broncos. No Jets, Redskins, and Dolphins like the Cowboy’s trophy wins. They have a bye week this week. Will they be ready in week seven to build on this record?

#16.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-2 Everyone is in shock that the Cowboys lost two game in a row. It should be no shock to anybody. They opened out of the gate with the bottom feeders of the NFL. Then they play two really good teams the last few weeks and the results are in, Cowboys have come down to earth. I will say something nice about the Cowboys.

They do have the best set of cheerleaders in the entire league.

#17.CHICAGO BEARS 3-2 The words Dennis Green play in my head and that describes what is going on with the Monsters of the Midway.

Back then Dennis Green was unbelievable in the Bears. Perhaps the only one. This season many want to crown the Bears the champs before one snap was taken. Losing to Chucky and the Raiders in London may scar this team the rest of the season. Solid defense .But they may have a bust at quarterback in Mitch Trubisky, that may flush the Bears’ superbowl dreams down the toilet and out to Lake Michigan.

#18.LA RAMS 3-2 The Tom Petty song comes to my mind that best describes their season.

The defense looks horrible. See the Buccaneers game. Jared Goff is at the bottom of the league in quarterback play. Rams might be suffering from what most teams do when they lose a Superbowl. They are not heard from the following season.

#19 CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-3 Stupid penalties in week one doomed the Browns. Then they look like world beaters as they demolished the Ravens. Then on Monday Night they lay a complete dud versus the 49ers. Lots of personalities and big Egos on this team waiting to explode. You even got that idiot Richard Sherman talking smack to your number one quarterback. Is Baker Mayfield a bust? Why would you hire a head coach with no experience? The bomb is ticking in Cleveland, ready to explode Dawg parts all over the field. Mike Vick will love to see that. I don’t think Baker Mayfield’s dust buster will be able to clean up that mess.

#20.LA CHARGERS 2-3 Many will point out about the Chargers that injuries and more injuries have this team on the down slope in the game of chutes and ladders. I would throw in the kicking game. I would even throw in Phillip Rivers. YOU SUCK!!! His performance last week with stupid throws after stupid throws is just baffling. How long have you been in this league? If I lived in San Diego I would wonder who needs to watch the same ole thing every Sunday with the Chargers when we’ve got nice weather all the time.

#21.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-3 The Giants playmakers are dropping like flies.

Even though many are in the mash unit, they’re not playing like the monster mash.

They hung with the Patriots most of the game on Thursday night. I like how their young quarterback Daniel Jones is playing right now. I can see the Giants racking up a few more wins before the season ends. Hope he can get some of his toys back to help him.

#22.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-3 The Buccaneers are having that Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of season. Like a box of chocolates, you do not know what you will get. Jameis Winston has been riding Lyft instead of Uber, as he has been a good citizen this season and not pawing the drivers. If I was a Buccaneer fan you have to admit they are playing way better than last year when they were getting blown out every week. The Buccaneer players and fans will come out of the closet at some point this season and truly identify themselves for what they are.

#23.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-3 Jalen Ramsey still wants to be traded. If I were Jacksonville, I would make him clean the stadium every week like Baker Mayfield does in those commercials when he has friends over.

The Jaguars defense is horrible. The Jags head coach Doug Marone is a complete MORON. Only thing I like from these Jag Bags is their young quarterback, Gardner Minshew, who is playing well and worth watching if the Jags game is the only game in town on the TV. Love that Gardner is in a fantasy league with his friends from high school. Neither them or him has picked up Gardner Minshew at quarterback. Even the Ravens kicker admitted he has himself as a starter on his fantasy team.

#24.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-3

The Titans are Big Dummies. First they continue down the road with Marcus Mariota as their quarterback. Its been long enough so it’s time to pull the plug on that first round pick. They have a replacement on the bench in Ryan Tannehill. Then they keep garbage picking for Chicago Bears kickers. They replaced one that missed like four kicks last weekend with the Double Doinker in Cody Parky.

#25. DENVER BRONCOS 1-4 Vic Fangio finally gets his first win ever as a head coach in the NFL. Broncos should probably have at least one or two more wins in this season losing at the end to field goals. You’re starting to see the Broncos defense play better. Phillip Rivers is prone to bad games, but they made him look like a rookie quarterback last weekend. I can see the Broncos getting better as the season goes on. Making it tough for opponents each week.

#26.ARIZONA CARDINALS 1-3-1 Arizona is all about developing Kyler Murray at quarterback. As first time head coach, Kliff Kinsgbury and their rookie quarterback got to experience their first win under their belts by beating the Bumbles. A win is a win. It will build up both the young coach and young quarterback confidence as the season continues. It will be an up and down season, but this thing could be a very bright future indeed.

#27.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 1-4 This team needs to hit the self destruct button and get a new golf cart to transport the injured.

Mason Rudolph was knocked out of the game. The cart ran out of gas. Or was not properly maintained and they had to walk Mason off the field as he looked like he did know where he was. Looked like me at 4 in the morning in the wee hours of Sunday. Rumors had the Washington Redskins interested in the Steelers’ head coach Mike Tomlin for their vacant head coach position. Boom… make it happen. Tomlin for a working cart. It will be like the minor league baseball player years ago getting traded for a crate of lobsters.

#28.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-4 The Falcons should be renamed the walking dead.

Both sides of the ball is zombie like. Even head coach Dan Quinn has been infected. Matt Ryan needs to be like Rick Grimes and charter a helicopter to get the hell out of there. Before he gets infected with the Miami flu that takes all your football skills.

#29.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-4 The Bengals started to sink last season. They got off to a pretty decent start. They had a nice second half in 2017. The Bengals definitely had a hole in the ship.

Seems like old head coach Marvin Lewis got out with the women and children as the hole got bigger and this thing is going down. Zac Taylor, the new head coach, has inherited a nightmare. Is this going to hurt Sean McVay’s coaching tree? Definitely the Zac Taylor branch and leaves are not growing. Sooner or later an arborist will be by to cut the branch for good.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 0-4 I wonder what the Jets super fan is doing these days.

Fireman Ed would probably rather do housework than watch the disaster of the Jets. Unless you like Godzilla movies where he just is demolishing Japanese villages. On weekends he walks down the aisle of a good craft show, hand and hand drinking a flavored coffee. At least someone is scoring points, not like the Jets offense these days.

#31.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 0-5 The First Gruden to get fired, if you had Jay Gruden right after week five you are the winner of the sweepstakes. Videos had surfaced of Jay Gruden out partying before he got axed. He was drinking, smoking, and talking to young girls. Sounds like a Saturday night at the local Irish pub. Perhaps he knew his days were numbered in DC. You have no quarterback, so you don’t have to stay home and do playbook schemes. Putting Colt McCoy in instead of the young quarterback you drafted, is George Costanza wanting to get fired from the Yankees.

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#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-4 Cleveland Browns are the last team to go 0-16 in a regular season. Do you think that team should get together in some player’s man cave, who lives with his mother?

I imagine these will be players that are done in the NFL. However Cleveland held them a parade for that perfect season. Miami Dolphins, if they do win a game, they open up the 40 0z bottles of King Cobra and celebrate their perfection of not winning. Like the Dolphins celebrate teams losing to stop their perfect seasons.

Two NFL franchises that have been desperate for a face of their franchise. A face in the most important position on the field, as in quarterback. Both the Chicago Bears and the Cleveland Brown have been searching for a guy behind center for decades. Both teams have a list bigger than Santa, of guys that have started for either team . A list that resembled the walking dead. Last time the Cleveland Browns had a good quarterback, was back in the 80’s that went into the 1990’s. Bernie Kosar finished his Cleveland career in 1993 and moved on to other teams. The last time the Bears had a significant passer was back in the 1980’s with Jim McMahon. The quarterback that helped win the Bears their only Superbowl. Many thought the Dawg pound and the Monsters of the Midway had solved their problem behind center. Drafting two young arms in the first round. In 2017, the Bears took Mitch Trubisky at number two overall. In 2018, Cleveland took Baker Mayfield, number one overall. Problem solved. Is the problem solved?

Last year Baker Mayfield took over for a very ineffective Tyrod Taylor. Baker Mayfield looked awesome. He came in like a relief pitcher and brought the Browns back in that game as the team fell behind by a couple of scores. He showed command in the huddle. The team had high confidence in him. He helped the Cleveland Browns snap a few ugly streaks they had lingering. Like winning a game which he did in that comeback win filling in for Taylor. Winning a game on the road. He almost guided the team to an even 8-8 record but fell short on that in his first season. The Browns’ second half of the season was a winning record. Browns played spoiler and Baker Mayfield looked like the real deal.

Mitch Trubisky struggled in his first season in 2017. He filled in for a very ineffective Mike Glennon. Mitch had the worst receiving core in the league that year. He showed a few glimpses, but the Coach Fox ERA had nothing created as an offensive scheme. Coach Fox was fired and then an offensive guru, Matt Nagy, was hired. In 2018 it took about five games until Mitch Trubisky took a step in the right direction. Bears had a great defense. They had many weapons on the offense side of the ball. Mitch Trubisky showed promise and the Bears made the playoffs with a 12-4 record. The Bears ended up losing that playoff game from the double doink of a kick that was heard around the world.

In 2019 many degenerate gamblers bet on the Bears and the Browns to make it to the Superbowl. Many fans from these teams were planning the parade routes. For Cleveland that parade route would not be celebrating the perfect losing season. Finally both teams had the most important position on the football field covered. Especially two teams that slayed the Jay Cutler and Johnny Football demons that have haunted these long storied franchises not that long ago. Browns made some big savvy moves in the off-season to improve their squad. While the Bears only worries were who would be their kicker.

So far in 2019 both these quarterbacks from both teams have been riding the struggle bus. Week five the Oakland Raiders beat up on the Bears. Mitch Trubisky has been sidelined with a bad shoulder. Before the injury happened, Mitch Trubisky has not been good. Throwing interceptions in the red zone. Can’t throw an accurate pass downfield 20 yards away. The Cleveland Browns were destroyed on Monday Night by the San Francisco 49ers. In a game Baker Mayfield looked like Johnny Manzeil or worse. Both quarterbacks regressing and showing no signs of improvement.

Is it too early to write either of these guys off? Did either team pick the right guy? Was the right guy under their noses the whole time, however they were like two ships in the night and passed each other by. The Browns a few seasons ago could have taken Carson Wentz. He was taken number two in 2016 by the Philadelphia Eagles. Carson has a record of 26-19 with 80 touch down passes and 30 Interceptions. Baker Mayfield has an 8-10 record with 31 touchdown passes and 21 interceptions thrown already.

The Bears look worse than Cleveland in this quarterback boat. Bears could have had Patrick Mahomes who is at a 17-5 record as a starter. His stats are off the charts. Mahomes has 61 touchdowns with only 13 interceptions. Mitch Trubisky’s numbers resemble Baker Mayfield as he’s thrown 31 touchdowns with 22 interceptions. Mitch however is 18-12 as a starter. Let’s not forget the Bears could have had a chance at Deshaun Watson who is 17-10 as a starter. He has thrown 56 touchdowns and only 18 interceptions. He has the highest completion percentage out all the gunslingers mentioned.

Both Mitch Trubisky and Baker Mayfield could turn things around. If they continue to struggle how long should either team go with them? When is it time to pull the plug? I think for both teams you want their guys to come through. Biggest reason is because of the guys that they passed up in the draft, tells you the tale of the tape on their eye for a good quarterback.

The Browns need this to work with so many personalities on the team with high egos. Baker Mayfield especially. Throw in the biggest dog in the pound, Odell Beckham Junior. Losses keep piling up for the Browns, and the Veterinarian will have to put a bunch of doggies down. Perhaps Mike Vick can provide his wisdom at putting down a dog. The Bears defense is one of the best in the league. It’s definitely Superbowl caliber. How long will this window be open for? It’s a shame because you only might need to average 20 points a game and perhaps win a game or two when their defense has a bad day. When your offense is at the bottom of the barrel with the Dolphins in the Jets you need to pray. If these quarterbacks do not pan out, people higher up will make sure heads will roll. Coaches as well since both teams have newer guys leading their teams. The theory of just drafting quarterbacks every round until you get it right might be the way to do it with these two franchises. It’s amazing the Packers can go from Farve to Rogers.The Colts can go to Manning to Luck. While the Bears and Browns find their guy behind center under a rock and pray it works. Perhaps if the Bears or Browns had Patrick Mahomes, they’d turn him into stone. It could just be that whatever these two franchises touch, turns to granite like Bedrock.

OVERALL RECORD THIS SEASON IN STRAIGHT PICK-EM AFTER WEEK 4

38-25

LAST WEEK RECORD:9-6

OVERALL THURSDAY NIGHT RECORD 1-3

OVERALL MONDAY NIGHT RECORD 3-1

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

RAMS AT SEAHAWKS

Rams were destroyed by Tampa Bay Buccaneers last week. It’s a short week. They are playing at Seattle where it’s tough to win. Every Thursday game seems easy to pick on paper. I’m going with the George Costanza way of thinking on this match up.

That’s why we are going Rams as they rebound and get back to their winning ways and steal one in Seattle.

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

PATRIOTS AT REDSKINS

What breaks will the Patriots get this week? Will they be able to knock out the Skins quarterback with a jarring helmet-to-helmet hit like last week versus Buffalo? Does Bill Belichick need his son to check out the Redskins warm ups like the little spy did last week versus Buffalo?

Like father likes son. Patriots beat up on one of the worst teams in the NFL. They don’t even need all the Patriots spy gate stuff.

OUR PICK:PATRIOTS

BILLS AT TITANS

Titans woke up from death in a rare win versus the Falcons. Buffalo defense was superb in containing Tom Brady and Patriots offense. Josh Allen, who was knocked out, is playing this week which is the X-factor and the key to Buffalo rebounding with a win on the road in Nashville.

OUR PICK:BILLS

BUCCANEERS AT SAINTS

I can not explain how the Buccaneers put up 55 points on the Rams defense last week. I just can’t see them being able to repeat that kind of performance in New Orleans versus the Saints. Teddy Bridgewater has been playing well just being a game manager and doing just enough to get victories while Brees remains out. Saints defense has been huge and this continues in week five.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

FALCONS AT TEXANS

The dirty birds have screwed us every week. We pick them to win, they lose.We pick them to lose, then they win. Falcons offensive line is in shambles. Their defense is heading towards their turn-style 4-3 like in 2018. Where teams can score more on Atlanta then in the little Whorehouse in Texas.

Speaking of the Texans they finally are able to get both sides playing well in this contest as they play a complete game and grab their third win of the season.

OUR PICK:TEXANS

BENGALS VERSUS CARDINALS

Which team gets their first victory of the season? Can Kyler Murray prevail with a shaky offensive line? Do the Bumbles have enough playmakers suited up for their biggest chance to finally get a win?

We know it will be a big snooze of a game. However WKRP in Cincinnati and Loni Anderson are predicting Bengals.

Cincinnati is my kind of town where you throw turkeys out of helicopters on Thanksgiving day. Chili on top of spaghetti noodles. Bengals finally come up with a victory.

OUR PICK: BENGALS

BEARS AT RAIDERS IN LONDON

Enjoy a cup of tea and perhaps some crumpets because the Raiders are going to have a bloody Sunday. Is it a crime to have Khalil Mack on the field for this ultimate revenge game versus his former team? The Chucky doll will become a rag doll in this contest. I will compare this revenge to the Punisher seeking revenge for those who killed his family.

OUR PICK:BEARS

RAVENS AT STEELERS

Ravens finally coming back down to earth from what they have accomplished early on. The Steelers finally get on the board last week against a pathetic Bengal team. Without Big Ben, Steelers offense is just a shell of their former selves. Ravens rebound from the Brown out last week and kick the shower curtain to the side of the road for their third win of the year.

OUR PICK:RAVENS

JETS AT EAGLES

Jets need a Desperado to win this contest. The Witchy Woman has sidelined the Jets starting quarterback. The Eagles will be running down the road on this one as they Take it Easy with a big blowout over the Jets at home.

OUR PICK:EAGLES

VIKINGS AT GIANTS

The Vikings were absolutely manhandled by the Bears last week. Stefon Diggs for the Vikes is angry not getting the ball enough. Meanwhile Giants have turned it around with Jones at quarterback winning two straight. Without Barkley. Giants defense in which even Kirk Cousins can get the ball to Diggs. The Vikes find a way to dig themselves out of the hole the Bears put them in last week.

OUR PICK:VIKINGS

JAGUARS AT PANTHERS

The fig Newton is still on the shelf being stale in the pantry as always. I like the Panthers with anybody else as the starting quarterback. Panthers at home. The Jaguars are just a group of thugs with a moron as a head coach. Panthers defense prevails in this contest.

OUR PICK:PANTHERS

BRONCOS AT CHARGERS

In match ups I thought the Broncos should have won at home, but they did not. I don’t expect this team with a clunker quarterback who does not care, cough cough Joe Flacco, to go into the Chargers soccer field and win this game. Chargers have been up and down this season.They are too talented to let the Broncos walk in and steal one from them.

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

PACKERS AT COWBOYS

Last week I told you Green Bay defense is truly overrated. I think the Cowboys team is just overrated as well. This will be a close game.

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers will miss it by that much as the Cowboys at home will win this one.

OUR PICK:COWBOYS

COLTS AT CHIEFS

Not sure the Colts were looking ahead to this week’s match-up versus the Chiefs to lose to the Raiders last week. If Colts were coming to Kansas City 3-1, I feel the Colts would make this a close game. Chiefs are just too good. Patrick Mahomes at home is just too much for the Colts to handle. Even if the Colts had Andrew Luck at quarterback, I’d expect the same outcome. A Chiefs win.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

BROWNS AT 49ERS

Who are we going to get in this contest? Are the 49ers for real? Have the Browns finally turned the corner and are that team people were all hyped up about before the season? The sexy pick to make the playoffs and go deep into them. Jimmy Garoppolo is still standing but has not done anything special in my book. 49ers have not played anybody special so far as well. Browns have played a tougher schedule out of the gate. I think 49ers lay an egg on the field as Browns finally play two solid games in a roll.

OUR PICK:BROWNS