THE POWER RANKINGS ARE BACK AND WE ARE READY TO PUMP YOU UP FOR WEEK SIX

#1.EVIL EMPIRE AKA (NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) 6-0 First they play the Steelers without any of their big playmakers and a Big Ben that is starting to crumble. Then they easily take care of the Jets and Dolphins who are two teams at the bottom of the barrel. Then finally have their only battle of the year with the Bills. A cheap helmet-to-helmet hit to the Bills quarterback knocking him out of the game to cement that. Last week a horrible Redskins team. Then this upcoming week the Giants who are missing three of their playmakers on offense. Then a bad Jets team for the second time. Then the Browns, a team that is back to playing horribly after a great second half last season. Does Bill Belichick write his own script that feature teams with gigantic holes in their roster they play most of the time? They should be 8-0 at the halfway point of this season. Where’s your Skywalker now?

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 4-1 The signing of Teddy Bridgewater might be the savvy move that has saved the Saints season. With Drew Brees out, Bridgewater is getting better each game. The Saints are beating good teams during this stretch without Drew behind center. The Saints defense has come up huge this year. The play of receiver Michael Thomas who is making a very big case that he may be the best in the league.

#3.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 4-1 Even though the Chiefs lost their first game last week they will get over it and survive to fight another day. I still have faith in them as one of the power houses in the NFL. Should you worry because they did get lucky in a win over the Lions in the last minute a week before the loss? Patrick Mahomes has been looking ordinary.

Patrick Mahomes needs to stop talking to the Chicago Bears coaching staff of the future, present and the past. This is what Bears do to quarterbacks, turn them from super into stone or mutant form.

#4.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 4-1 Russell Wilson has the highest quarterback rating in the league. He has 12 touchdown passes and no interceptions after 5 weeks. This guy does things very quietly. Seahawks continue to win games. I do not want to give Pete Carol any of the credit. Russell Wilson is the football version of Derek Jeter. He leads this team by example, going out there to play every game. To be effective every game. Once Brees retires. Once Rodgers is murdered by his agent to keep him away from the state farm agent in that weird love triangle they’ve got going. Once Tom Brady ‘s circuits shut down, Russell Wilson should be considered the best quarterback in the league.

#5.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 4-0 When Jimmy Garoppolo is standing, the 49ers do very well. However it’s not Jimmy that is winning these games for the 49ers. Great defense. Great running game. My only question is who had they played so far? Cleveland on Monday Night which is probably the best squad they’ve dealt with so far. Is Cleveland even a good measuring stick with their struggles? It will be interesting when the 49ers play the Seahawks and the Rams to see where they stand from there.

#6.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-2 The beginning of the season, the Eagles got gut punched by their opponents. Once they were backed in the corner bleeding, they have fought back and now are rolling along very nicely. The defense has been making plays. Not sure why the Bears traded away Jordan Howard as they can’t even pick up short yards on third downs these days. Howard has been used a lot by the Eagles. Like every good quarterback such as Carson Wentz, a running game is your best friend because it opens up that passing game.

#7.GREEN BAY PACKERS 4-1 Green Bay defense is better than what they had last year. I will not over-hype that unit like most people think it’s the 85 Bears.

Green Bay’s success has been Aaron Jones and the running game. Making this offense well balanced for a change. The Packers really looked great versus Dallas. Before that, the Eagles man handled the cheese heads. As the season goes on, we will find out if the Packers are a contender or a pretender.

#8.CAROLINA PANTHERS 3-2 Maybe I’m jumping on the Carolina bandwagon too soon. Without the cookie, this team is firing on all cylinders.

Christian McCaffrey looks like an early MVP candidate. I disliked this kid when he chose to work on his draft status instead of playing in the college bowl game. I get the pro’s of skipping out, but never leave your team fighting the battle alone is how I was raised. Carolina defense is playing lights out. Rookie Kyle Allen at quarterback indeed has been the savior. Keeping the old cookie, the fig newton is at the bottom of the cookie jar where he belongs.

#9. BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 I believe the Buffalo Bills should be 5-0 right now heading to their bye week. They gave up a special teams touchdown to the Patriots in that only loss they have. Plus the Patriots laid a cheap hit on the Bills quarterback knocking Josh Allen out of the game. The defense made Tom Brady look human in that game. Missed field goal and missed opportunities in the red zone. I ranted and raved about the one loss because it was against the Evil Empire. When you have those bastards against the rope, you have to knock them down. Defense is awesome, one of the best units in the league. I need to see more on the offense. If they can score more points, this team will have a special season.

#10.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 3-2 Everything on this team is in working order except for Kirk Cousins. Can he perform in big games? When the Vikings play inferior teams, Kirk Cousins has no problems performing at a high level. They will need him to win them some big games at some point in this season. The Vikings right now are teetering in the top ten or falling down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders.

#11.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 Maybe the Colts have the recipe to make superman human and how to beat the Chiefs. Maybe the Colts’ front seven wore kryptonite around their necks chasing down Mahomes on Sunday night. With Andrew Luck retiring. Jacoby Brissett has played very well and is carving his own niche to be a starter in the NFL. The Colts roster is solid with plenty of depth. Defense and the running game with Jacoby Brissett not making mistakes, Frank Reich has his team off to a great start.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 3-2 The jury still is out when it comes to figuring out what the Ravens are all about. Lamar Jackson looks like a superhero one week, and then struggles the next week. They got destroyed by the Browns. However they need overtime to beat the Steelers who had their third string quarterback in the game. The Ravens defense is up and down as well. So you can say the Ravens are your typical team in the NFL.

#13.DETROIT LIONS 2-1-1 Lions could really wreck havoc on the power rankings if they can beat the Packers this week. It will turn over the whole central division. Lions are lurking right now hovering around the teams in the central. Bears and Vikings have quarterback issues. Is the Packers defense that good? The Lions should be 3-1 as they let the Cardinals back in that game in week one .If they beat the Packers they will be 3-1-1 and in the thick of things the rest of the way.

#14.HOUSTON TEXANS 3-2 Texans destroyed the Falcons last week. Before that game it seemed like the Texans played their best game in the season opener versus the Saints when they lost at the last minute. They will need to play like that, and last week, to beat the Chiefs. It is Watson versus Mahomes sounds like a monster movie.

This could be a future match up like a Manning versus Brady rivalry. It’s also a match up Bears fans can watch and see what they could have had instead of drafting Mitch Trubisky.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 It’s hard to imagine Chucky having a spot of tea with the Queen of England. Chucky gets the last laugh beating the Bears in London. It was supposed to have been Khalil Mack’s revenge game versus his old team. Derrick Carr and the Raiders running game looked sharp in that win. Chucky out-coached Matt Nagy in that game. Now the Raiders look like an interesting team that have quietly built up a 3-2 record. With wins versus the Colts, Bears, and Broncos. No Jets, Redskins, and Dolphins like the Cowboy’s trophy wins. They have a bye week this week. Will they be ready in week seven to build on this record?

#16.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-2 Everyone is in shock that the Cowboys lost two game in a row. It should be no shock to anybody. They opened out of the gate with the bottom feeders of the NFL. Then they play two really good teams the last few weeks and the results are in, Cowboys have come down to earth. I will say something nice about the Cowboys.

They do have the best set of cheerleaders in the entire league.

#17.CHICAGO BEARS 3-2 The words Dennis Green play in my head and that describes what is going on with the Monsters of the Midway.

Back then Dennis Green was unbelievable in the Bears. Perhaps the only one. This season many want to crown the Bears the champs before one snap was taken. Losing to Chucky and the Raiders in London may scar this team the rest of the season. Solid defense .But they may have a bust at quarterback in Mitch Trubisky, that may flush the Bears’ superbowl dreams down the toilet and out to Lake Michigan.

#18.LA RAMS 3-2 The Tom Petty song comes to my mind that best describes their season.

The defense looks horrible. See the Buccaneers game. Jared Goff is at the bottom of the league in quarterback play. Rams might be suffering from what most teams do when they lose a Superbowl. They are not heard from the following season.

#19 CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-3 Stupid penalties in week one doomed the Browns. Then they look like world beaters as they demolished the Ravens. Then on Monday Night they lay a complete dud versus the 49ers. Lots of personalities and big Egos on this team waiting to explode. You even got that idiot Richard Sherman talking smack to your number one quarterback. Is Baker Mayfield a bust? Why would you hire a head coach with no experience? The bomb is ticking in Cleveland, ready to explode Dawg parts all over the field. Mike Vick will love to see that. I don’t think Baker Mayfield’s dust buster will be able to clean up that mess.

#20.LA CHARGERS 2-3 Many will point out about the Chargers that injuries and more injuries have this team on the down slope in the game of chutes and ladders. I would throw in the kicking game. I would even throw in Phillip Rivers. YOU SUCK!!! His performance last week with stupid throws after stupid throws is just baffling. How long have you been in this league? If I lived in San Diego I would wonder who needs to watch the same ole thing every Sunday with the Chargers when we’ve got nice weather all the time.

#21.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-3 The Giants playmakers are dropping like flies.

Even though many are in the mash unit, they’re not playing like the monster mash.

They hung with the Patriots most of the game on Thursday night. I like how their young quarterback Daniel Jones is playing right now. I can see the Giants racking up a few more wins before the season ends. Hope he can get some of his toys back to help him.

#22.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-3 The Buccaneers are having that Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of season. Like a box of chocolates, you do not know what you will get. Jameis Winston has been riding Lyft instead of Uber, as he has been a good citizen this season and not pawing the drivers. If I was a Buccaneer fan you have to admit they are playing way better than last year when they were getting blown out every week. The Buccaneer players and fans will come out of the closet at some point this season and truly identify themselves for what they are.

#23.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-3 Jalen Ramsey still wants to be traded. If I were Jacksonville, I would make him clean the stadium every week like Baker Mayfield does in those commercials when he has friends over.

The Jaguars defense is horrible. The Jags head coach Doug Marone is a complete MORON. Only thing I like from these Jag Bags is their young quarterback, Gardner Minshew, who is playing well and worth watching if the Jags game is the only game in town on the TV. Love that Gardner is in a fantasy league with his friends from high school. Neither them or him has picked up Gardner Minshew at quarterback. Even the Ravens kicker admitted he has himself as a starter on his fantasy team.

#24.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-3

The Titans are Big Dummies. First they continue down the road with Marcus Mariota as their quarterback. Its been long enough so it’s time to pull the plug on that first round pick. They have a replacement on the bench in Ryan Tannehill. Then they keep garbage picking for Chicago Bears kickers. They replaced one that missed like four kicks last weekend with the Double Doinker in Cody Parky.

#25. DENVER BRONCOS 1-4 Vic Fangio finally gets his first win ever as a head coach in the NFL. Broncos should probably have at least one or two more wins in this season losing at the end to field goals. You’re starting to see the Broncos defense play better. Phillip Rivers is prone to bad games, but they made him look like a rookie quarterback last weekend. I can see the Broncos getting better as the season goes on. Making it tough for opponents each week.

#26.ARIZONA CARDINALS 1-3-1 Arizona is all about developing Kyler Murray at quarterback. As first time head coach, Kliff Kinsgbury and their rookie quarterback got to experience their first win under their belts by beating the Bumbles. A win is a win. It will build up both the young coach and young quarterback confidence as the season continues. It will be an up and down season, but this thing could be a very bright future indeed.

#27.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 1-4 This team needs to hit the self destruct button and get a new golf cart to transport the injured.

Mason Rudolph was knocked out of the game. The cart ran out of gas. Or was not properly maintained and they had to walk Mason off the field as he looked like he did know where he was. Looked like me at 4 in the morning in the wee hours of Sunday. Rumors had the Washington Redskins interested in the Steelers’ head coach Mike Tomlin for their vacant head coach position. Boom… make it happen. Tomlin for a working cart. It will be like the minor league baseball player years ago getting traded for a crate of lobsters.

#28.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-4 The Falcons should be renamed the walking dead.

Both sides of the ball is zombie like. Even head coach Dan Quinn has been infected. Matt Ryan needs to be like Rick Grimes and charter a helicopter to get the hell out of there. Before he gets infected with the Miami flu that takes all your football skills.

#29.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-4 The Bengals started to sink last season. They got off to a pretty decent start. They had a nice second half in 2017. The Bengals definitely had a hole in the ship.

Seems like old head coach Marvin Lewis got out with the women and children as the hole got bigger and this thing is going down. Zac Taylor, the new head coach, has inherited a nightmare. Is this going to hurt Sean McVay’s coaching tree? Definitely the Zac Taylor branch and leaves are not growing. Sooner or later an arborist will be by to cut the branch for good.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 0-4 I wonder what the Jets super fan is doing these days.

Fireman Ed would probably rather do housework than watch the disaster of the Jets. Unless you like Godzilla movies where he just is demolishing Japanese villages. On weekends he walks down the aisle of a good craft show, hand and hand drinking a flavored coffee. At least someone is scoring points, not like the Jets offense these days.

#31.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 0-5 The First Gruden to get fired, if you had Jay Gruden right after week five you are the winner of the sweepstakes. Videos had surfaced of Jay Gruden out partying before he got axed. He was drinking, smoking, and talking to young girls. Sounds like a Saturday night at the local Irish pub. Perhaps he knew his days were numbered in DC. You have no quarterback, so you don’t have to stay home and do playbook schemes. Putting Colt McCoy in instead of the young quarterback you drafted, is George Costanza wanting to get fired from the Yankees.

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#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-4 Cleveland Browns are the last team to go 0-16 in a regular season. Do you think that team should get together in some player’s man cave, who lives with his mother?

I imagine these will be players that are done in the NFL. However Cleveland held them a parade for that perfect season. Miami Dolphins, if they do win a game, they open up the 40 0z bottles of King Cobra and celebrate their perfection of not winning. Like the Dolphins celebrate teams losing to stop their perfect seasons.