LETS ROLL OUT WEEK SEVEN OF THE NFL POWER RANKINGS WITH A GUTTER BALL OF COURSE

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 6-0 (SAME) Finally the Patriots will play a team with their biggest star on the field. Yes Sam Darnold is over his kissing disease and he showed his presence versus the Cowboys last week. I don’t see the Jets upsetting the Evil Empire, Sam Darnold is no Luke Skywalker. Another easy opponent for the Patriots. The league should just give them a bye on the regular season and go straight to the playoffs. They already have that permanent bye because they play in the AFC EAST.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 5-1 (SAME) Without Drew Brees, Teddy Bridgewater remains undefeated, filling in for the future hall of famer. The biggest reason the Saints keep rolling is that defense. Marshon Lattimore might be the best in the league in shutting down your top playmaker on offense.

Saints Offense since Brees’ injury twice in games have scored only in the teens and still won both games.

#3.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-1(UP 1 SPOT)

Even Captain Obvious can tell you the play of Russell Wilson is the biggest reason why the Seahawks are out to a 5-1 start. I’m impressed they are winning games on the road. Winning on the road used to haunt this team. Because of the 12th man, the fans in Seattle with the spiked coffee made it hard for opponents to play. Back to Russell Wilson, he has our vote for the early season MVP awards with his play. Especially his demeanor, at all times calm, cool, and collective. Able to play like that, you feel the Seahawks are not out of any game if they dig themselves a hole early on.

#4.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 5-0 (UP 1 SPOT) I think you can now say the 49ers
are a very good team. They have not lost a game. They were battle tested last week going to LA and playing the Rams and winning. Rams have been riding the struggle bus but are still a tough opponent in their own stomping grounds. Another team with a defense that is rising up in the league. A well balanced offensive attack with a running game that is closing in on the tops in the league.With Jimmy Garoppolo just standing behind center, he is 13-2 as a starting quarterback.

5.GREEN BAY PACKERS 5-1 (UP 2 SPOTS) Does Green Bay have a lucky rabbit foot in their pocket? We know Aaron Rogers’ State Farm agent probably put his horseshoe up his rear. Perhaps his agent as well with that group of guys, it should concern the league. Could be Detroit has a black cat following them to each city. Penalties, some will say the Phantom penalty, helped the Packers put away the Lions on Monday night. Perhaps the referees are a part of the cheese whiz of the month club.

I would say the referees agree with cousin Eddie on that.

#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-2 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) SUPERHERO DOWN!!!

Kansas City lost the Son of a Mitch bowl on Sunday. Then their Marvel superhero quarterback gets derailed with a knee injury on Thursday night. Status of his return is unknown. Everybody has an opinion. I think the Chiefs can still win games. The defense has to step up like they did to Denver. They looked possessed and had the devil eyes. Matt Moore can ride the ship like Teddy Bridgewater in New Orleans. Not Matt Moore’s first rodeo as a back up. He is 15-15 all-time as a starter so he has been there and done that. Coach Andy Reid has been through this before a few times. He has had success and still got the team to the playoffs. KC fans will be praying for Mahomes to get better ASAP.

#7.CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 (Up 1 SPOT) Coach Ron Rivera has been a very busy man this season.

Dear Lord, he would start by saying. Then go into begging mode on his knees with nuns. Please deliver my team a quarterback. The Lord answered his prayers with Kyle Allen. Last week, Panthers won in London and now are 4-0 with the young QB.

#8.BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 (Up 1 SPOT) Even on a bye week we felt with some lackluster performances by other teams, we should move up the Bills one spot. They face Miami this week and they better not have a letdown. Fantasy experts say play anybody you have in a Bills uniform. Almost my whole team is in a Buffalo Bills uniform, so I’m very excited I might finally win a game in fantasy. Buffalo could be 5-1, their best start in a really really long freaking time. Pardon my French dressing that I just spilled on the rug.

#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-2 The Vikings had a big game last week versus the Eagles. Kirk Cousins looked sharp when most, including myself, thought he was the weakest link.

If it was that simple in life. Vikings are very talented up and down their roster. If Kirk Cousins can win big games, this team will go far.

#10.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 (SAME) Colts I moved up one spot, even though they were on a bye. I like the way Jacoby Brissett has played so far. His numbers are not eye popping off the charts, Mahomes like. But he rates as one of the top QB’S in the league. Colts defense is awesome. The running game is one of the best in the league. Who the hell is Andrew Luck?

#11.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-3 (DOWN 5 SPOTS) The Eagles were running down the road and had seven women on their minds. That many women on the mind will make a person say stupid things. Like Zach Brown giving Minnesota bulletin board stuff by talking smack about Kirk Cousins’ play. Leave the criticism to the experts and some smart arse who has a computer and a blog. Vikings won the game and Zach Brown with his foot in his mouth so deep was shown the door and cut by the team. Eagles are down. But the Cowboys are next and the division lead is in their grips.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 4-2 (SAME) Beating the Bengals is not going to get you moved up in the power rankings. Perhaps if we meet at a bar and the Ravens give me a bag of money, then I will move the Ravens running game up one notch. Perhaps a car will help sweeten the pot and I could get them in the top ten.

#13.HOUSTON TEXANS 4-2 (UP 1 SPOT) It was Deshaun Watson and the Texans that won the Son of Mitch bowl. Do the Bears get to take home Deshaun Watson? With the win over the Chiefs, it gives this team a signature victory. Seems the Texans are starting to roll like they did last year at this time. Big game this week versus the Colts, your biggest threat for the division. Wild cards with so many teams to be ahead of are hard to get, so the division title is your route 66 to the playoffs.

#14.DETROIT LIONS 2-2-1 Lions got a raw deal versus the Packers on Monday night. They should have won and now they find themselves a step back in the division. A step back is huge in a very tough division. I want to see how the Lions respond in their next game. We will see if the big fat slob with the beard can motivate his team to win their next game and basically save his team’s season.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 (SAME) I feel the Oakland Raiders and Chucky Gruden’ success has Hollywood style plotting.

Could another Chucky movie be in the works? I thought Jason killed Chucky for good and his bride in, “Friday the 13th, Part 13, The hunt for Red October.”

#16.CHICAGO BEARS 3-3 (UP 1 SPOT) So many disappointments in week six that teams on byes are getting moved up. Bears have Mitch Trubisky back behind center for week seven. Did they make the adjustments to figure how to run the ball? Bears still have one of the scariest defenses in the league. Week Seven is a big game they need versus the Saints. A win and they are back in the thick of things. But a loss might break this team’s back. We know the Saints even without Drew Brees are the best team in the NFC. Everything has to go right for the Bears to win.

#17.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (UP 2 SPOTS) With many teams in the crapper, I have the Browns moving up two pegs. I liked the way the Browns responded from the defeat on Monday night versus the 49ers. They played a good Seattle team tough, even though they lost the game. Now they have a bye week and plot to take down the Evil Empire.

Baker Mayfield, as we speak, is watching game film on the Patriots. Watching how to take down the Empire.

#18.ARIZONA CARDINALS 2-3-1 (UP 8 spots) Cardinals won the shoot out in the battle of the birds last week. I know Atlanta’s defense is one of the worst units in the league. Kyler Murray and the Cardinals match scores with Matt Ryan all day. At the end the Cardinals prevail and now have won two games in a row. If the Cardinals were not in a tough division, they would be in the thick of things. These wins have to be boosting up the confidence in the rookie QB and head coach.

#19. LA RAMS 3-3 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Rams are still in a free fall. Now they lost three in a roll. They acquired Jalen Ramsey this week in a trade, in which they over paid the Jaguars for this cry baby. Then they traded Marcus Peters to the Ravens. I scratch my head on trading Peters. I would think having both Peters and Ramsey would improve your defensive backfield. More than only having one of them.

#20.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Giants without many of their play makers played the Patriots tough most of the game last week. This week Giants get back Saquon Barkley which will help the overall team and the rookie quarterback. I can see the Giants breaking back in the win column.

#21.DENVER BRONCOS 2-5 (UP 4 SPOTS) I finally jumped on the BRONCOS BAND WAGON AS THEY WON TWO IN A ROW. Thursday night, the Broncos with Patrick Mahomes leaving the game, went back to their old ways. I have them jumping 4 spots which is definitely not justified. However throwing Dallas under the bus is justified. I’ll just leave it at that.

#22.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-3 (DOWN 6 SPOTS) LOSE TO THE NEW YORK JETS WITH ALL THAT TALENT YOU HAVE. THEY SHOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE LEAGUE!!!!

#23.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Cross this off the bucket list if you’re a Buccaneer fan. To fly to another continent and get humiliated by your division rival. At least you can say you got some travel points on your frequent flyer program. Every sour grape needs a bright spot.

#24. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) I only moved the Jaguars down one spot because they played a close game last week versus New Orleans. That is not all. They traded Jalen Ramsey who demanded a trade and got some good draft picks for the cry baby from the Rams. Plus Nick Foles could be back in the mix. Even though it’s not quarterback play this season to blame for the way this team is playing.

#25.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-4 (UP 2 SPOTS) Who is Devlin Rodgers? Can someone tell Devlin to teach Chargers quarterback Phillip Rivers how to throw a football. Steelers down to their third quarterback. Big Ben collapsed early this season. Mason Rudolf is still in route to hospital because the ambulance broke down like the cart at the stadium. Either Steelers know how to find talented quarterbacks, or the Chargers are a very bad football team. A team that was in the AFC championship. It will be interesting how many wins the Steelers do tally up at the end of this season. Without all the drama. Without Big Ben who lights the match to some of the past drama.

#26.LA CHARGERS 2-4 (DOWN SIX SPOTS) Can LA trade one of their football teams to get another soccer team?

Chargers right now play in a soccer stadium. This could work. Send the Chargers to Jacksonville. They can combine both teams there and call themselves the Jacksonville Charging Jagbags. Phillip Rivers has turned into Ryan Leaf.

They might as well make a QB change because Rivers is confused about what jerseys his team wears.

#27.NEW YORK JETS 1-4 Sam Darnold’s back as he had to take a step back from the whores that sidelined him for several weeks.

Darnold has to stop hanging out with his childhood friend, Ted. Bad influence. Jets finally had something to cheer about when they took it to the Cowboys which is always nice to see America’s team fall during the America’s game of the week. The upset of the Cowboys reminded me of Josh McCown the year he gave Jets fans excitement when he carried the team on his back and they beat a few good teams in the process. Not saying the Cowboys are a good team. But they do feed on bad teams. Last week they were the bad team.

#28.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-4 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The Titans offense was so bad last week their new kicker Cody Parky did not get one attempt at his famous double doink. They were shut out in Denver as their offense never got off the bus. The week before that they were held to 7 points. Now finally after six more games of this Marcus Mariota experiment gone wrong, they are making the change at quarterback. Ryan Tannehill will get the start in week seven. Is it too late? Colts and Texans are playing well. The Jag Bags suck. The Titans need to get on a roll. They have a pretty good defense.They have some playmakers. They should not be this bad. In Nashville country, it is all about the ups and downs of life.Tannehill will start off great, win a few, and  get everyone excited about Titan football. Then he will be injured and it will be back to the drawing board with Mariota. Just need a banjo to sing that with some moonshine.

#29.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Would the Atlanta Falcons be down a better road if they did not lose that Superbowl to the Patriots a few years back? Better playcalling in the second half versus the Patriots, would havewon that game. Since then, the wounded wing of the Falcon is going in a complete tailspin. Last week they could not even win a track meet versus Arizona. We know the defense is a hot topic. But the offense carried this team to a much better record than 1-5. But now the team is getting buried alive AND LOOK AWFUL. By the time Halloween comes around, some lucky fan will have he real McCoy in their front yard.

A dirty bird grave yard with actual Falcon players scaring kids while trick or treating like they already scared most of their fan base away.

#30.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Is it a good thing to win the Tank the Season bowl versus the power house Dolphin team? With the victory by the Redskins I moved them up on the totem pole of the Wild Shamrock power rankings. Skins fans may be dancing in the streets reading this. How many of them actually care about their football team? Whippee skippy you have an old man “Spank the Bottom of his kids keasters with a switch” Peterson. Vanilla Ice at quarterback. Though Landon Collins was awarded NFC defensive player of the week. But again you played the Dolphins, is that a big deal? One bright spot is the wide receiver Scary Terry McLaurin with his blazing speed is catching lots of balls without a good arm throwing it to him. In Washington DC, still stuck with Trump to rub salt in the wounds even more. How about those Washington Nationals? Plus hockey is back. Pack it in The Redskins will return in 2020.

#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) In the movie Unnecessary Roughness, the back up quarterback gets in for the first time. He is getting chased in the pocket screaming for the referee to blow the whistle.

That has to be how Andy Dalton is feeling, taking snaps each Sunday. Andy Dalton needs to put up sandbags behind his crappy lineman, put the rifle away, and settle for a machine gun for protection. The Bengals are one big disgruntled family right now. They should blow it up with a garage sale of all the pieces they do have. Andy Dalton would look good in a Bears uniform.

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-5 (SAME) The Dolphins lost the Tank the Season bowl to the Washington Deadskins. They made a savvy move this week maybe to ensure they have the number one draft pick by benching Josh Rosen for some Fitzmagic. Poor Josh Rosen, you were thrown to the wolves in Arizona with a shaky offensive line last season in your rookie year. Then you are traded to the hapless Dolphins with their question marks all over the Dolphin roster. Perhaps Ryan Fitzpatrick is sleeping with the owner’s wife. Instead cement booties in the ocean can bring the Police into the situation.

Serve Fitzpatrick up to the Buffalo defense. A human sacrifice on the legal side. Perhaps Josh Rosen is still holding on to some kind of future with the team after all, we just don’t know all the details.