NFL POWER RANKING COMING YOUR WAY: CAN YOU HEAR US NOW?
#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 7-0 (SAME) The Evil Empire defense has been very good all year. On Monday Night they pitched a shut out on the Jets offense. Jets are not a very good team, but it’s a team that beat the Cowboys a week before that and the Jets offense in that game was probably their best all season long. Still would like to see the Patriots play against a talented offense to see if this thing is for real on the defensive side of the ball. Cleveland Browns come to town which is a team full of talent especially on the offense, but as a team they are struggling. Patriots added another weapon before the trade deadline in acquiring wide receiver Mohamed Sanu from Atlanta. I’m sure the Gronk will suddenly come out of retirement as this machine continues to fly free.
#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 6-1 (SAME) Saints were missing, again, Drew Brees. Also their top running back in Alvin Kamara was out with an injury. They had no starting tight end for the game as Jared Cook was also out. They had guys off the street playing. Zach Zenner found his way on the field for special teams and ran the ball. The Chicago Bears had two weeks to prepare for Teddy Bridgewater. The once upon a time ferocious Bears defense was in hibernation. Plus the Bears had Mitch Trubisky. Not sure that means much as he threw over 50 times. The Saints still prevail on the road outside on grass away from their usual dome. Brees is getting healthy and may be back soon. Saints have the best defense in the NFC. Perhaps the best in the whole entire league.
#3.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 6-0 (UP 1 SPOT) The 49ers continue to rise to the top. The front office even has confidence in what the team has done and went out and got another receiver. Emmanuel Sanders from Denver gives Jimmy Garoppolo another weapon to throw to. 49ers went on the road last week and won an ugly one in DC. Crappy weather indeed, but they found a way to win the game and three field goals was enough to do so. Good teams find a way to win ugly games. 49ers defense each week seems to be getting better. They will need them to play well with some tough teams in their own division.
#4.GREEN BAY PACKERS 6-1 (UP 1 SPOT) Was that a Jimmy Graham sighting last week in Green Bay? Without their top receiver Davante Adams who is still sidelined Aaron Rogers was able to get many involved in the offense. The running game is still thriving each week. The defense is better than last year, but people have that unit overrated with all the hype. At home they absolutely played with the Raiders like a cat playing with his prey before he chomp down on the neck. Green Bay’s new coach has gotten everything jelling at the same time, all three units and the cheating calls they get away with are off the charts so far. Coach McCarthy, former Packer coach, is probably a couch potato eating fried curds plotting and planning his revenge while fingering his belly button hole and giving his finger the sniff test afterwards.
#5.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-2 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) A rare loss at home last week for the Seahawks. Sometimes I scratch my head and don’t understand how the Baltimore Ravens, a team that is up and down, goes into Seattle and pulls out a win in one of the hardest places to play on the road. I will mark this down as just a hiccup for Seattle. Ravens on any given Sunday got it done as they fought for each inch and prevailed.
#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-2 (SAME) I can’t believe Patrick Mahomes is already back practicing.
Did Patrick Mahomes go down the same road like in the movie Major League? Sacrifice the bucket of chicken to wake up the bats, in Patrick’s case, chicken grease to awaken up the dislocated knee cap. The Chiefs defense has to play like they did versus Denver if they want to win without Mahomes, even if it’s only a week. Who knows? It could be a game time decision.
#7.CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 (SAME) Can Kyle Allen remain undefeated as the Panthers quarterback? Will the bye week slow down the Panthers’ four game winning streak? Keep giving the ball to perhaps the best running back in the league. Christian McCaffrey’s all purpose yardage could break some NFL records this season. Panthers defense is holding its own. Just keep that broken cookie in the jar as he is still stale and should just be tossed out. Stick with Oreo cookies instead of a Fig Newton.
#8.BUFFALO BILLS 5-1 (SAME) Buffalo looked a little rusty in that first half coming off the bye week versus the Dolphins. They had a better second half and came back and won that game. Josh Allen had a very nice game with no interceptions. The Bills fans unveiled their new tailgate game, hatchet throwing. As we all know, the Bills Mafia knows how to have a great time before, during, and after the game.
#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 5-2 (SAME) This Thursday, the Minnesota Vikings took care of business and beat the Redskins 19-9. I still don’t like the inconsistent play of the offense. Before Thursday, Kirk Cousins was slinging the ball all over the field and Vikings were scoring lots of points. They were running and passing like a well-oiled machine. On Thursday the Vikings drives stalled in the Red Zone. They had to settle for field goals most of the game versus the Skins. Bad execution in general on third downs. Easy sack in the red zone for the Redskins to stop Kirk Cousins who had no time to get the play off. In playoffs, this will not cut the mustard. To win the NFC Central this will not cut the cheese versus the Packers.
#10. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 4-2 (SAME) Jacoby Brissett had his best game as a Colt versus the division rival, the Houston Texans. Colts have the Texans’ number over the last few years. Even when Houston is tearing up the league they run into a buzz saw versus the Colts who were coming off a bye week after they took down the Chiefs for their first lost. At the start of this season with the sudden retirement of Andrew Luck, fans probably thought the worse. Look at the Washington Nationals losing Bryce Harper to free agency. Now they are two games away from winning the whole thing. Can the Colts go down the same road as the Nationals? Could they have that kind of Luck without Luck on the roster.
#11.BALTIMORE RAVENS 5-2 (UP 1 SPOT) Ravens continue to surprise me. They went on the road and took down Seattle in Seattle. Toughest place in the league to get a win. One week the Browns own the Ravens. The next week they struggle closing out the Steelers.
Does not matter how you get there as long as Lamar Jackson is the last man standing in the Superbowl. Do you think Ravens fans miss Joe Flacco? Like Bears fans missing Jay Cutler?
#12.HOUSTON TEXANS 4-2 (UP 1 SPOT) The Texans, even though they lost to the Colts, I have up one spot from last week. Every team has that one team that they do not match up well against. Texans have problems with the Colts. Before the Colts game, Texans beat the Chiefs and routed the Falcons, putting a 50 burger on them. After a loss Texans have been known to rebound quickly. Raiders and the Jaguars are teams that are up the next two weeks on the Texans schedule. I can see the Texans getting to the 6-2 mark at their half way mark of the 2019 season.
#13.DETROIT LIONS 2-3-1 (UP 1SPOT) Lions have played two great games in a row and lost them both. Both to the division the NFC Central. Then they trade one of their captains away on the defense that is not going well in the locker room. Could that be the straw that breaks the camel’s back? This team got robbed versus Green Bay. They let Arizona get back in the game which ends in a tie. Right now they should be 4-2 and in the thick of things. Maybe trading one of your boys can propel this team to go on a big run in the middle of the season.
#14.LA RAMS 4-3 (UP 5 SPOTS) Rams finally stop the bleeding. They land Jalen Ramsey. They traded away Marcus Peters. They needed to play a team like Atlanta, when they rolled all over the dirty birds. That game might be their catapult back into the thick of things. They have used up all their life lines. But they might regain their confidence and turn this season around instead of going down that Superbowl hangover road that losing teams do in the big game.
#15. ARIZONA CARDINALS 3-3-1 (UP 3 SPOTS) Just in case you do not know, the Cardinals have now won three games in a row. Kyle Murray is starting to take over this league by storm. I think he made the right choice, football over baseball.
You’re starting to see Kyle Murray play like he did last season in college with Oklahoma. That huge season he had where he had the Sooner steamrolling the competition. They are winning with a rookie head coach. Cardinals are playing as a team. This team could spoil other teams’ seasons as we continue closing in on the half way mark. I do not see the Cardinals making it to the playoffs especially in that tough division they play in. However they might ruin one of their division foes’ seasons along the way.
#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (UP 1 SPOT)
Buzz Beer and the Cleveland Browns will make CLEVELAND ROCK AGAIN!!! Plenty of Buzz Beer during the bye week for the Brown players to loosen up the squad. Drew Carey will lead the charge versus the Patriots. The upset of the year to turn this year around for this Cleveland squad. They are doing it for Bernie’s daughter.
Nothing is wrong with her. She has to be able to elevate the play of this Browns team with or without Buzz Beer. If you see three ghosts of Tom Brady ,just hit the one in the middle.
#17. DALLAS COWBOYS 4-3 (UP 4 SPOTS) One week you lose to the Jets. The next week you beat the Eagles and now you are on top of your own division. Only in the NFL.
#18.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-4 (DOWN 7 SPOTS) Last week I had the Eagles sliding five spots.This week they slid seven more spots. This team just got very bad. They overcame a slow start. But it’s business as usual. Last year they struggled and Nick Foles came to the rescue and guided their sorry butts back to the playoffs. Who’s your Superman now ?
The Eagles flushed away Nick Foles. Now the Philly faithful are burning Carson Wentz jerseys.
If you don’t want Carson Wentz, let the Bears have him. Eagles can take Mitch Trubisky off our hands. Throw in some deep dish pizzas as well to sweeten the pot.
#19.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-3 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) I think those people that think the Raiders can make a run at a wild card are crazy. Raiders have played better. They are still a young team that has plenty of talent. In London they shot themselves in the foot and let the Bears get back in that game. Bears gift wrapped that game back to the Raiders. Last Sunday versus the Packers, it could have been a close score at halftime. Raiders fumbled inside two minutes around the goal line. Raiders will beat teams. They will shock teams and get the upset as the season prolongs. However they are young, they make too many mistakes and are not a team right now that can overcome them.
#20.CHICAGO BEARS 3-4 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The 2019 season was supposed to be Bears going all the way. They had the defense. They had the coach.They figured the young quarterback would take his play to the next level. Without Aikeem Hicks clogging up the middle on defense, teams have concentrated on using all their power to stop Khalil Mack. That has worked very well. Then on offense Mitch Trubisky has regressed. He got hurt. The Bears had two weeks to plot a gameplan to beat the Saints who had many injuries. Matt Nagy does not know how to run the ball. He has Mitch Trubisky pass the football over 50 times on his return. Starting to think when Mark Trestman was the head coach of the Bears, he had a better offensive scheme than the trick play king, Matt Nagy. Might be the worst collapse in Chicago sports. The team finally got over Jay Cutler and now this.
#21.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3-4 (UP 3 SPOTS) Great things happen when you trade away trouble makers in Jalen Ramsey. Will this be the end of the line for Gardner Minshew?
Best mustache in the league. With the rumblings of Nick Foles possibly coming back behind center, what will happen to Gardner Minshew? Back to his day job?
Jaguars king of porn when it comes to quarterbacks.
Nick the Dick as Nick Foles. Gardner Minshew as Dirk Diggler. The Jags plan this season should be to let Gardner Minshew drive the car to the playoffs and then let Nick Foles take over in the playoffs. Worked for the Eagles. One problem… the Jaguars are not a very good team.
#22.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) The Giants get back their main man Saquon Barkley. Maybe it was the chunky soup that his mom made him to get Barkley back on the field. Giants had a matchup with the Cardinals last week in a game they could have won. In a game they should of won, some could say. Giants defense is still very bad. Lately they played a tad better. But when the Giants won two straight with the rookie quarterback, that made you forget temporarily that the G-MEN defense is not Eli Manning’s fault. Or could it be? Maybe Eli is helping call the plays on the side lines. Two way signal callers, you never hear of that any more.
#23.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-4 (SAME) Drinking tea with the queen in London. Now Tampa Bay can drink moonshine in Nashville while listening some country music.
Maybe they have a country song about Jameis Winston and the Uber driver that broke his heart because she did not want to get fondled by a douchebag.
They know how to make them in the Country. Boots I’m talking about of course. Winston will need to chill in the hotel room or he’ll rampage the city of Nashville like some horny dog that needs to be fixed. Who is Tampa Bay’s travel agent? Great road trip after great road trip. Buccaneers may bring their game this Sunday. However I will not guarantee anything.
#24.DENVER BRONCOS 2-5 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) Broncos came back down to earth after winning two in a row. They got steamrolled by the Chiefs on Thursday night. They traded away one of their best receivers in Emmanuel Sanders who has played for the Broncos for six seasons. Is it time to pull the plug on this Joe Flacco experiment? Are they not waving the white flag? It tells me the white flag is half way up the pole. The Broncos need to see the youngster Drew Lock to see if he is the lock of the future. I know Vic Fangio will improve this defense by next year. Ive seen some great things from the defense. Drew Lock is what I want to see while I lean towards the Avalanche hockey team which is the best team in Denver.
#25.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-4 (SAME) Pittsburgh had a bye week so they could not screw up their ranking as it stays the same from the week they beat the Chargers. However the team had two weeks to prepare for Miami. If head Coach Mike Tomlin and the Steelers lose to the Dolphins on Monday night, Tomlin should get the ax. Throw in seven more heads with his disciples and what do you have?
Someone in Pittsburgh knows someone that can do this line of work.
#26.TENNESSEE TITANS 3-4 (UP TWO SPOTS)
Ryan Tannehill finally made his first start of the season for the Titans since coming over from Miami in the off season. Tannehill was 23-29 and 312 yards with two touchdown throws. He hit eight receivers. I think we can now start saying, as we know we all were thinking, Marcus Mariota is a bust. The Chargers were so impressed with Tannehill’s performance that instead of taking the lead at the end of the game they gift wrapped the win for the Titans with a bow on a fumble by Melvin Gordon.
#27. LA CHARGERS 2-5 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Only the Chargers can find a thousand ways to lose a game at the end of regulation. You can blame the interceptions in the red zone by Phillip Rivers. The kicking woes over the years. Last week they could have beaten the Titans at the end of the game. They had two scores that were overturned by replays down on the goal line. Then Melvin Gordon fumbled the ball Titans recovered to win the game. Melvin Gordon blamed holding out as the problem since the running back had no preseason. YOU THINK? NFL GENIUS OF THE WEEK!!!
#28.NEW YORK JETS 1-5 (DOWN ONE SPOT) Jets quarterback last week was seeing ghosts playing New England on Monday night.
GHOST BUSTERS!!!!!
Bill Belichick and the Evil Empire defense showed some different formations to confused Sam Darnold with defenders moving in spots the Jets quarterback missed. Jets take a step back after upsetting the Cowboys only a week before being shut out by the Patriots.
#29.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-7 (UP 1 SPOT) The Redskins moved up one spot even though they lost two games in a row. Plus Atlanta Falcons are a big time mess. Meanwhile the Redskins in bad weather held the 49ers to three field goals. On Thursday night to open week eight, they held a hot Minnesota Viking offense to 19 points. They forced the Vikings in the red zone to kick field goals instead of being able to score touchdowns. Bill Callahan, the Redskin interim coach, has this team playing better than Jay Gruden had them playing earlier this season. Suddenly the Redskins defense looks pretty good as they put some good pressure on Kirk Cousins in key situations. Adrian Peterson’s big head thinks his Viking days helped build Minnesota their new house in anew stadium.
#30.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-6 (DOWN 1 SPOT)
ANYBODY FOR DIRTY BIRD STEW?
Falcons have been trading off assets like Mohamed Sanu to the Patriots. All defensive players are being thrown into the grinder.
FALCONS CLOSING UP SHOP EARLY IN THE 2019 SEASON. THE BIRD FLU STRIKES AGAIN.
#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-7 (SAME)
EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!!!!
We have an Andy Dalton black and white only $176.00
We have an AJ Green stereo. A very nice Joe Mixon freezer. Don’t forget about our new improved Tyler Boyd toaster.
We are slashing all our prices on the Bengal line of appliances.
#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-6 (SAME) The Dolphins looked decent for two quarters versus the Bills and kind of made a game out of it last week. The Dolphins still stay perfect and now have the final countdown with ten games left on the docket. They have hired the band EUROPE to countdown the ten losses in the ten games they have remaining, to stay perfect and not win a game all season.
For the players they have a cardboard cut out similar to the one in the movie, Major League.
In the movie they strip down the board with every win. In the Dolphins locker room after every loss, they strip down their own personal card board cut out of Richard Simmons. WEIRDOS…
The Wild shamrock 