You may be able to dodge a wrench from this man. However you will never be able to dodge week 9 POWER RANKINGS COMING RIGHT AT YOUR HEAD!!!

And please stay away from the poopy flavored lolipops unless your name is Tom Brady.

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 8-0 (SAME) Can we please have a team that gives this evil organization a challenge? Is there a team in the AFC that can give the Patriots a loss? Up next is the wishbone offense the Baltimore Ravens bring to the field every week. Can you put the Ravens in the Patriots’ class just because they are winning their division? Patriots right now are the Russian guy in Rocky IV.

Looks like a new version of the Gronk. In Rocky the Russian guy was dominating as we will say Tom Brady, as he destroyed the Apollo Creed. Killed him. We just need that one lucky punch by a team.

Sometimes it takes one hit to knock this guy and the Patriots back down to earth. Like standing up to the school bully. One good lick on Tom Brady and he’ll think about retiring instead of playing until he is 50.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 7-1 (SAME)

The return of Drew Brees. Did the Saints miss him? They went undefeated with Teddy Bridgewater. Drew Brees’ return 34-43 373 yards 3 tds 1 int. Brees did not miss a beat being back from his injury early in the season. Bridgewater can’t put up those numbers and certainly the Saints missed him. Bridgewater was awesome. Saints now become a power house with Drew being back and they are 7-1 with the bye week coming up.

#3.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 8-0 (SAME) The 49ers are for real!!! They dismantled a hot Panther team and gave them an old fashioned butt whipping. Just like Adrian Peterson would do his son’s hide. 49ers put a 50 burger on them. Panthers have a pretty good defense as well. They have the defense.They have the running game. Jimmy Garoppolo is a man still standing. My only question is if Jimmy Garoppolo is battle tested. One of these big games down the road he will have to win it with his arm. Can he make a comeback with his arm if the team finds itself in a hole early on? Yesterday versus The Cardinals, Jimmy showed he has grit to make the comeback. I still would like to see what Jimmy could do versus some of the better defenses in the league playing from behind. Right now I will say the 49ers are red hot.

#4.GREEN BAY PACKERS 7-1 (SAME) Packers won a big road game over the Chiefs last Sunday. A Chiefs team without Patrick Mahomes. It was a well fought game, but Aaron Rodgers had one of his type of games. Almost perfect without his best receiver who is still battling an injury. Chiefs did score off that defense which is not the slice of GOUDA people have been thinking. We will see how the Packers do fare as they hit a stretch of road games in the schedule. Chiefs is a big test. They got that one. The Chargers should be a win coming up. However the Chargers finally snap a losing streak. Phillip Rivers can be streaky.

#5.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 6-2 (SAME) Seahawks quickly rebound from their loss versus the Ravens with a win over the Falcons. Seahawks claimed troubled wide receiver Josh Gordon off waivers from New England dumping him on Friday. Gordon will not play in week 9. This move will give the Seahawks another threat on the offense. If the team can get the best out of Gordon, it gives Russell Wilson a big time weapon. Wilson who so far is having an MVP style of year half way through the season.

Coach Pete Carroll, the My Buddy coach, will have Josh Gordon sing Christmas songs to break in his new wide out Josh Gordon. They may have to stay away from 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

#6.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 6-2 (UP 3 SPOTS) Vikings have won four games in a roll.

Dalvin Cook has emerged as one of the best running backs in the league. He has busted out some big runs making opposing defenses look foolish. Cook is one of the biggest reasons why the Vikings are rolling and remain one game behind the Packers in the Central. Vikings are a complete team. Kirk Cousins’ play has to stay consistent and then they will catch the Packers and go beyond. Little Buzzlight year for you.

#7.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 5-2 (UP 3 SPOTS) Last time I was saying Jacoby Brissett was coming off his best game behind center.Last week versus Denver Brissett, did not do really well as the Broncos harassed him all day. I know the Broncos quarterback is Joe Flacco, but the Colts defense harassed him all day keeping the team in the game. Finally Brissett drove his team down the field and the Colts win the game despite all the mistakes that were made in this contest all the way around. Great teams at times win ugly and find ways to win those games. Plus being able to overcome mistakes, you know things are going your way when you survive games like that.

#8.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-3 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) The Chiefs without Patrick Mahomes are a team brought back down to earth. Patrick Mahomes is practicing, but his return is still a question mark. He will be out this Sunday versus the Vikings. Chiefs are hitting a very tough part of their schedule with the Packers last week and the Vikings this week. No walk in the park like the Patriots’ schedule. Back up… Matt Moore did very well in the loss versus the Packers. The Chiefs who come in at number 27th in the league in rushing, hope to get some kind of running game to help Matt Moore. Kareem Hunt, not a man that beats up gals in hotel hallways, had the running game much higher than Shady McCoy and Damien Williams. Chiefs hoping to thread water until Mahomes gets back and perhaps knock off one of these teams doing that. Coach Andy Reid the Walrus, has done that before with back up quarterbacks.

#9.BALTIMORE RAVENS 5-2 (UP 2 SPOTS) Almost halfway through the season and the Ravens are at 5-2. I know their division shit has hit the fan.

Bengals are terrible. Injuries have Steel town playing like Brokeback mountain. Cleveland has no clue. They finally have a victory against a contender beating Seahawks in Seattle. If they take down the Patriots this Sunday, then we’ll be moving Lamar Jackson to the deluxe apartments in the sky.

#10. CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-3 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) Panthers hit a hard bump in the road last week. San Francisco absolutely molested the Panthers taking their self esteem, confidence, and golden watch. Panthers were one of the hottest teams in the league coming into last Sunday. Can the Panthers turn this around? Can rookie quarterback Kyle Allen sweep last Sunday under the rug like some Catholic Irish family? Cam Newton is just a broken cookie, off to see a foot specialist and his timeline for returning is much longer. The kid has the keys to car now with no backseat driver. Can he drive the rest of the way and guide the Panthers to the playoffs?

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#11.BUFFALO BILLS 5-2 (DOWN THREE SPOTS) How many beverages does it take Bills fans to get over the Eagles coming in and demolishing your team last Sunday?

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They might not even remember. One day I will get to one of the Bills games to see the craziness for myself that unfolds every week. The Bills’ dynamic defense had a very bad day versus the Eagles who ran right through them. Bills need to do more things on offense. They need to run the ball more with the talented backfield, especially the rookie back from injury. Devin Motor Singletary needs the ball more. He is a legit playmaker and could help Josh Allen a lot. The offense has to score more to overcome a bad day on the defensive side of the ball, their main staple.

#12.HOUSTON TEXANS 5-3 (SAME) Beating the Raiders these days is not like it once was back in the past when Marcus Allen carried the ball. With that win the Texans stay in the same spot, number 12. Deshaun Watson gets the play of the week versus the Raiders.

Watson is being tackled and still gets the pass off before he hits the carpet. He finds the open guy going down for the go ahead score.

THE BAD NEWS: Texans lose JJ Watt to a season ending injury. This is not the first time the Texans have gone down this road. The AFC South is becoming very interesting. Will the Watt injury affect the race? Colts 5-2, Texans 5-3 and both the Titans and Jaguars are creeping up at 4-4 records.

#13.DETROIT LIONS 3-3-1 (SAME) Right now the Lions are not the worst team in the NFC Central. Lions snapped their losing streak taking down the Giants in a dog fight. A big win as they try to keep pace with the Vikings and Packers, two teams they fell victim to. Lions will need to put together a string of victories if they want to get back in this thing. In a blink of an eye, they could find themselves out of the division race in the next two weeks.

#14.LA RAMS 5-3 (SAME) Rams win again. They beat up on the bottom of the barrel Bengals. They trade away injured corner back Aqib Talib to the Dolphins. Plus they are the best team in LA. Plus they did not go down in our power rankings. How does that work for you?

#15.DALLAS COWBOYS 4-3 (UP 2 SPOTS) Cowboys beat the Eagles at the right time. It’s been a quiet week as the Cowboys were on a bye week.

Cowboys win again. They were the best bye team of the week. Congrats you did not lose! Look at you!!!!

#16.ARIZONA CARDINALS 3-5-1 (DOWN 1 SPOT) It was a great run of the Cardinals winning three games in a row. The Cardinals playing their tough part of the schedule gave a few teams a run for their money. They have lost two in a row, but they had the 49ers on the brink on Thursday night. The undefeated 49ers. Cardinals will spoil some teams’ playoff hopes. Especially in their own division where Rams, 49ers, and Seahawks are all in the thick of things. One team might get upended by Kyle Murray and the red birds.

#17.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 4-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Every time the Eagles look like they are on life support, they come back to life. If only they played with that mentality all the time, they’d be back in the Superbowl.

YO ADRIAN… THE EAGLES HAVE THE EYE OF THE TIGER BACK

#18.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) Is Brady Mayfield winning the war of words with the reporters? The Browns are winning, but not on the field. Is Odell Beckham Jr the voice of reason? It’s been one dysfunctional family the Browns have.

The Browns look like they hired the wrong guy as head coach. Someone tell their quarterback to shut up and play the game on the field. Right now you are leaning towards being a Ryan Leaf bust if you continue to go down this road. Cleveland, another city where quarterbacks just flat out die.

#19.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 4-4 (UP 2 SPOTS) Minshew fever is sweeping through Florida like a Hurricane. The Jaguars have won two games in a row. They are the best Florida team by far. It’s all because of Gardner Minshew, former 70’s porn star.

Maybe Gardner Minshew is Batman with the bat stache. Will the Jaguars screw this up? Do you put Nick Foles back in when he is ready to come back? Can Minshew be the guy behind center? If so you can get a big return for Nick Foles in the off season. Plus free up the salary cap to sign other players to fill in your weak spots. I’d let it play out and see where Dirk Diggler takes you.

#20.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Raiders played very well last week versus the Texans. They could not overcome the athleticism of Deshaun Watson breaking a key tackle with a defender draped all over him as he still made the pass which was completed and the score that broke the Raiders’ back. Raiders still find themselves in the thick of things. Broncos have a rookie QB taking over. The Chargers look bad. The Chiefs are in a slow free fall without Patrick Mahomes. If Raiders can feast off the bad play of the division they have a shot. Perhaps kidnap Patrick Mahomes until the regular season is concluded, that would help them as well.

#21.TENNESSEE TITANS 4-4 (UP 5 SPOTS) Since making the switch at quarterback going to Ryan Tannehill over Marcus Mariota, the Titans have won two games in a row. Titans have a pretty good defense. They have a great running back. They solved their problem making the switch. I would have did it earlier, but I’m just a blogger. That’s why the Titans went out and made the trade. This move could be a season saver

#22.CHICAGO BEARS 3-4 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) The Chargers wanted to give the Bears the game last week. Bears refused and now they have dropped another game. Lots going wrong in Chicago. Finding out you drafted a lemon at quarterback. The coach might be a lemon as well with his play calling. They run the ball versus the Chargers all game long doing well. Since the Chargers have injuries to their interior defensive line. In the first half they settle for field goals instead of running it in on the goal line as again, stupid passes fail due to being off target.The kicking game has hurt this team for years and they have not had an answer. Could Bears fans be missing Jay Cutler? Can you compare Mark Trestman and Matt Nagy?

#23.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-6 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Giants have not won in awhile. Daniel Jones went 2-0 and now the Giants have lost 4 straight. Last two games Giants had played tough teams. Great having their star running back in the mix. Saquon Barkley keeps getting better each game since being back on the field. Giants offense is clicking but they are not winning the shootouts. The defense is still a problem. But on the offense, the more games Daniel Jones plays the better he gets. The future looks bright on the offense in the big apple.

#24.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 3-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Watch out the Steelers are back in the thick of things winning on Monday Night. Now their record is 3-4 and they find themselves 2 games behind the Ravens. Don’t get fooled by this win. Coach Mike Tomlin and all the players probably did rosary beads in the locker room at half time. Praying they would not get beat by the Dolphins. Lucky, Dolphins only like to play one half of football. People in steel town are enjoying a sigh of relief not losing to the worst team in football.

#25.LA CHARGERS 3-5 (UP 2 SPOTS)

The only thing worth watching on the Chargers is Joey Bosa playing on the defense. Chargers have many injuries especially on defense. Bosa still is playing at a high level on a team going nowhere. Even though they won last week they were dominated numbers wise by the Bears except the score. Chargers make too many stupid mistakes that shoot them in the foot on long key drives. Ryan Leaf is inside Phillip Rivers’ body. Lucky Bears missed the kick at the end of the game or we’d be still talking about their losing streak.

#26.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-5 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) Buccaneers now have lost three in a row. They head now to Seattle with a date with the Seahawks and a very tough place to win. The Buccaneers played the Titans well last week. Two picks from you know who, Jameis Winston cost the Buccaneers the game. Same ole story same ole song and dance. If Bruce Arians can’t turn Winston into a better quarterback, then who can? It will be interesting in the off season if the Buccaneers go in another direction behind center, it being Winston’s last year under contract. If I was a Bucaneer fan I would want them to go in another direction.

#27.DENVER BRONCOS 2-6 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) The Broncos lost to the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday in a game the Colts did not deserve to win. Colts played so sloppy and the Broncos did not take advantage of the mistakes that kept piling up. Broncos defense seems to be getting better. Hiring Vic Fangio, my thoughts are that side of the ball would come together quicker than the pathetic offense. Joe Flacco is out, he was hurt in the game versus the Colts. Which has to make Denver fans dance in the streets naked. Now let’s see now if Horse Gums John Elway can figure out what a quarterback looks like. You’d think he would know. With Joe Flacco out. Drew Lock is hurt. Now the Broncos have a hodge podge of unknowns to see if they even have got something close to an NFL quarterback. Brandon Allen is getting the start. How many Allen last name quarterbacks are in this league starting? Then Broncos have Brett Rypien backing up another Allen. Only quarterback John Elway had that worked was Peyton Manning since being in charge of day to day operations for the Broncos. That signing Elway probably got lucky on. The rest of his signings and drafted quarterbacks all have been sent to the island of misfit toys.

On the Island he has a quarterback with a rubber arm. A quarterback with flat feet. Even a quarterback that rides an ostrich. Perhaps one that shot gun jelly.

#28.WASHINGTON REDSKINS (1-7) (UP 1 SPOT) The Ghost Busters were unable to save the Jets from the Jaguars last week so we moved the Redskins up one spot.

Whats Happening in Washington is rookie quarterback, Dwayne Haskins, is getting the nod. The former Ohio State quarterback will be facing a topnotch Buffalo defense on his first ever start. Haskins has filled in a few times this season. We will see “Whats Happening” after the game at Rob’s place for burgers. Just don’t call her Shirley when she waits on you.

#29.NEW YORK JETS 1-6 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Kind of shocked me Le’Veon Bell had the Steelers on his wish list of places he’d play if the Jets intended to trade him before the deadline. That shocks me because he held out last year with the Steelers. However he was PAID this season by the Jets. He has the money. The Steelers have a much better offensive line in Pittsburgh where he can put up his stats, than running for the Jets in an offensive line that is in shambles due to injuries. That does not shock me since he has his money, he wants to flee to a place with his loot and play with higher talent assembled around him so they can help him showcase his touchdown dance. He is still stuck in New York. However him and his head coach Adam Gase have been talking. Maybe they have a plan for Bell to improve that 1.56 yard per rush attempt this season.

#30.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-7 (SAME) Falcons had no Matt Ryan, you’re thinking no hope.

The Falcons do have a Schaub on their bench. Yes, veteran Matt Schaub filled in for the injured Matt Ryan and went 39-52 for 460 yards. They must have been behind the whole game. Which they were. Schaub had one touchdown throw and he’s always good for a interception. Love seeing has-been quarterbacks come back from the scrap yard. Have not seen Schaub for years then he resurfaces. Same result a Falcon lost. However the Falcons looked better than they did most of the games this season.

#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-8 (SAME) Many fans from around the league just wanted a red rifle ryder Andy Dalton BB gun for Christmas.

The trade deadline has passed and the Bengals did not trade any of their pieces they have in a very bad year.

THIS ANGERED MANY FANS INCLUDING BENGAL FANS

Andy Dalton instead will ride the bench. Now Bengal fans are stuck with coal in their stocking as Ryan Finley will get the start in their next game.

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-7 (SAME)

CAN YOU SAY TANKING!!!!

Dolphins are playing hard half the game at least.They had their second lead of the year on Monday Night versus the Steelers. In the second half, Steelers came back and won the game. Dolphins now have 14 picks for the 2020 NFL draft as they made some more trades. Three first rounders. Two second rounders. Plus they have two compensatory picks as well.