DON’T FALL APART YET. WEEK 12 POWER RANKINGS ARE NOW.
If Myles Garrett lived during the Crusades, would he pick up someone’s arm and beat them over the head with it?
#1.BALTIMORE RAVENS 8-2 (SAME) The Ravens remain the hottest team in the whole entire football world. They have won six games in a row, causing the dismantling of a very good team in the Houston Texans. Texans came into Baltimore winning 4 out of their last 5 games. The Ravens defense made Deshaun Watson look like a regular middle of the road quarterback in the NFL. He had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Ravens defense smothered him for 7 sacks and forced him to throw an interception. He was held under 200 yards passing. Lamar Jackson did the same thing he always does. Broke six tackles in a 39 yard scamper. He threw for 4 touchdowns, no other Raven did that twice in one season. What AFC team is going to stop them?
#2. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 7-2 (SAME) Seattle had a bye week last Sunday after the big victory versus the 49ers.
Looks like Pete Carol has some kind of animal skin on his head in the team picture above. Seattle in week 12 are back on the road. They have been road warriors this season as they are perfect 5-0. Seattle went 6-2 in 2013 on the road the year they won the Superbowl.
Is this what coffee does to the babes out in Seattle? Very dedicated fan with her hair dyed in one version of the Seahawks team colors. Think Petey knows her?
#3.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 8-2 (UP 2 SPOTS) Saints took the bad loss to the Falcons very personal. They rebounded very quickly versus the Buccaneers. Building up a 20 point lead early. During that span, they out-gained the Buccaneers, 195 yards to 11. Drew Brees had three TD passes in which he had none the week versus the Falcons. He did not get sacked as the line played well. The defense was on top of their game as well, even had a pick six score to conclude the beating up on the Buccanners.
After the game many Buccaneers did not want to be a pirate no longer. Terrible year on the seas. Meanwhile wide receiver Michael Thomas has a record. He is the first player ever in the NFL to have 90 plus catches after ten games of regular season.
#4.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 9-1 (DOWN 1 SPOT) It was a rematch of the Superbowl between the Patriots and the Eagles. It was not the high scoring affair in that game. Much low scoring as Patriots found themselves down 10-0. It was not a pretty game for the Patriots especially coming out of a bye week. Have to give New England defense a lot of credit, they sacked Carson Wentz five times and forced a turn over. However the Eagles hung in with the Evil Empire without their top running back and two of their top receivers. That’s three play makers. On offense it was Julian Edelman who threw a touchdown pass in this game on trick play. Tom Brady had no TD passes. Patriots won the Superbowl rematch in a very sluggish game.
#5.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 9-1 (DOWN 1 SPOT) It looked like the 49ers were going to be shot down in flames for the second week in a row. It was a rematch with the Cardinals. The last time these two teams played, it went down to the wire. 49ers just squeaked by. Part two it was the same type of game, same outcome. Jimmy Garoppolo threw for over 400 yards in this game. He had four TD passes.
He did throw two costly interceptions that put his team in a hole. Jimmy redeems himself and hits Jeff Wilson Jr. for a 25 yard strike with 31 seconds left in the game. That is the strike that ends the Cardinals for another day and 49ers sweep the series. This is very encouraging to see your starting quarterback come back in a game like this. You don’t want to go down this road every week. However the 49ers feel if they are down, they can come back. This will help in the playoffs.
#6.GREEN BAY PACKERS 8-2 (SAME) Packers were on their bye week.
Aaron Rodgers and his entourage went on a cheese expedition. Hitting all the cheese huts and gay porn,
all the way up and down the highways. The new modern truffle some call it.
#7.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 8-3 (SAME) The Vikings had a scare last Sunday. They found themselves down by 20 points to the Broncos at halftime. The Vikings were getting blanked as well. This off the big Sunday night game where Kirk Cousins actually thrived beating a pretty good Cowboy team. Vikings come back in the second half when after the first half, the sky was pretty much falling. Kirk Cousins had three touchdown passes. On one of them he rolled out and threw a laser beam right at Stefon Diggs in stride for a big 54 TD strike. The defense of the Vikings did just enough to stop Brandon Allen and the Broncos drive in the last seconds of the game defending the goal line and preventing a Bronco come back of their own. It’s been five years and over 100 games since the last time a team won trailing by 20 at half time. The Evil Empire marched back in the second half versus the Falcons in the Superbowl.
#8.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 7-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Chiefs get back in the win column. It took a trip to Mexico City to accomplish this. The Chiefs scored 24 points and only had 310 yards of offense for the night. Was it the turf on the field in Mexico or the Chargers defense? Patrick Mahomes only passed for 182 yards on night. Gets his first win back from his injury. But not really a Mahomes style of night with under 200 passing and only 1 TD pass with an interception. You could say the defense stepped up in this one for the Chiefs. They picked off Phillip Rivers 4 times. Well, you can say that is Phillip Rivers. It’s hard to get excited about this win due to too many moving parts. However with the Raiders on the Chiefs’ rear end, its a victory that keeps them ahead of them and breaks a losing streak.
#9.HOUSTON TEXANS 7-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Texans were absolutely destroyed last Sunday in Baltimore by the Ravens. Before you could say, “Houston we have a major problem.” The Texans quickly rebounded on Thursday night versus their division nemesis the Colts, who took the first game out of the two game series a few weeks back. Deshaun Watson got one of his weapons back in wide receiver, Will Fuller. The Texans offense looked better as they win the close game which was fought all the way to the end. All the Colts and Texans games have been like that. I am still worried about the protection on offense in the long haul. Teams are getting through and pressuring Deshaun Watson and he’s taking some hits the last few weeks. Can the defense survive without their star JJ Watt? You can say the Texans just had a bad game versus the Ravens. Seems like every team is saying that. They will need to get better to make noise in the playoffs.
#10.BUFFALO BILLS 7-3 (UP 1 SPOT) Sean McDermott said his team had the eye of the tiger rebounding from a game they should have had in Cleveland. Best way to get back on track is beat up on the Dolphins and that’s what the Bills did. They improve their record to 7-3 and you have to go back to 1999 when the team started 7-3 that year. The Bills broke Miami’s two game winning streak. They scored the most points in one game with 37. The defense put a halt to the Dolphins ground game holding them to 23 yards. Plus they sacked Fitzpatrick 7 times. Josh Allen threw three TD passes with 256 passing yards and no mistakes. John Brown had a monster game hauling in 9 catches for 137 yards with two touchdowns. This team plays Denver who they must beat at their place this Sunday. That would be huge being 8-3 invading Dallas on Thanksgiving. The Bills Mafia will like this.
#11.OAKLAND RAIDERS 6-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Raiders had kind of a scare at home facing the hapless Bumbles at home. Bengals, very desperate for a win, gave the Raiders a game in the black hole. Raiders offense made some mistakes as the Bengals forced some turnovers. Raiders defense saved the day. Especially a guy we talked about last week on the power rankings.
Mad Maxx Crosby had the best game of his career, the rookie defense lineman was in Ryan Finley’s grill all day. He had 4 sacks and a forced fumble. The four sacks in one game is a new Raider record by a rookie. It was the most sacks in a single game since Kahlil Mack wore silver and black in 2015. The Raiders survive the apocalypse in Oakland and are on the rise.
#12.CAROLINA PANTHERS 5-5 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) Panthers have hit a tailspin as they fall victim to the resurgent Falcon team that is on the rise. The Panthers were held to only a field goal. The Falcons defense made Kyle Allen look human after all, picking him off four times in this contest. That is 9 interceptions in the last four games for Kyle. Christian McCaffrey did have 191 yards from the scrimmage but did not find the end zone. Panthers have now fallen behind in the wild card race. Now they will be looking to get back on track in a must win next week as their season is on the brink.
#13.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 6-5(SAME) Last Sunday the Colts welcomed back Jacoby Brissett. That helped jump start the team as they broke a losing streak and got back on track beating up on the Jaguars. Then on Thursday, they were right back at it with another division foe, the Houston Texans. That game did not go their way. As it was a well fought game to the very end, but Colts split the series with the Texans losing only by three points. Colts still alive for a wild card. They will need to string some games together late in the season. Plus the Titans, another division foe, are on the rise looking for a wild card spot. That will be another battle coming up.
#14.DALLAS COWBOYS 6-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Dak Prescott had all the time in the world last Sunday versus a woeful Lions defense. He could have read War and Peace in the pocket as he threw for 444 yards with three touchdowns. Cowboys hold off the Lions in a shootout. Cowboys are up and down all year. Lions back up quarterback gave the Cowboys a game. Thought the Cowboys defense was better than how they performed. The Cowboys will need to beat the Eagles again to win the division. The Redskins and Giants will also help with their season win totals.
#15.TENNESSEE TITANS 5-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Titans went on their bye week after they beat the Chiefs in a shootout. They evened their record at 5-5. They have turned things around with their change at quarterback. Ryan Tannehill has been very impressive. The Titans are enjoying the bye week with country gals and moonshine.
God bless America building these country gals down south like that. No wonder they lost the civil war. Who would want to fight with country gals and moonshine?
#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS 4-6 (UP 1 SPOT) The Browns have won two games in a row. Can this team survive without their top defensive player Myles Garrett? He has been suspended the rest of the season. Browns finally playing well after a whole season of misery. Will the incident with Myles Garrett help this team move forward or will that be the sinking of the Browns season? Browns will have to run the table if they even want to sniff a wild card spot. Last year they played very well in the second half of the season. However bad starts make it nearly impossible to get in the playoffs. When Nick Foles takes over late in the seasons, his team is in the thick of things. Not tinkering on the edge of mathematically out.
#17.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 5-5 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) Facing the Evil Empire is no easy task. Eagles gave Tom Brady and company a pretty good game last Sunday. The Eagles have too many injuries. They had to get former Eagles from the streets to address the lack of playmakers they had dressed versus the Patriots. The Eagles and Cowboys have been wishy washy all season. Only one will make it to the playoffs. The Eagles versus the Cowboys, the next match up, will be the deciding factor. Both teams will hover at the same record and then face each other. Cowboys won the first game as they destroyed the Eagles. Maybe the Eagles can make a last minute trade and get Nick Foles back in the fold. That damn trade deadline has passed. Eagles might be home for Christmas after all.
#18.LA RAMS 6-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Rams stayed alive with a win over the Bears on Sunday night. Bears and the Rams, two playoff teams from a year ago. Two great teams of the NFC last year. Rams made it to the Superbowl. They played each other in 2018 and it was a game that was like two gladiators in the ring. One year later these teams look like two junior varsity teams on homecoming night. Both teams will need to address their issues in the off season. Rams keep their playoff hopes alive winning the sloppy game on Sunday night. For how long will they stay afloat is the question as the boat they are sailing with has big holes and is taking on lots of water.
#19.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 5-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Steelers have been hit hard in the head. Besides Mason Rudolf getting whacked by his own helmet. Some of their playmakers took a beating by the Browns ten days ago. Steelers came into the Browns game winning four in a row. It was basically the defense that came up big in that 4 game winning streak. The offense has been struggling. Mason Rudolf has not looked sharp. Can the quarterback rebound from that brawl that happened with the Browns? Not sure if they have the talent even to get a wild card spot in the last six games with the injuries and not being so deep on offensive side of the ball in depth. They might use the Cleveland loss as their own personal vendetta and get on a run these last six games. Or they might stay curled up in a corner sucking their thumbs.
#20.ARIZONA CARDINALS 3-7-1 (UP 1 SPOT) Kyle Murray and the Arizona Cardinals had the 49ers on the brink last Sunday. Another epic game versus the 49ers. Two key plays that doomed the Cardinals and the key drive at the end of the game looked like the 49ers came up short on third down. Review said they got the first down and they had a new set of downs. Then a fumble late did not help the Cardinals cause.
When the opponent is wobbling and on the ropes, the Cardinals will eventually learn how to finish their opponent. If Jimmy Garoppolo can maintain his health the rest of his years in a 49ers uniform, this match up with him versus Kyle Murray will continue to be must see TV.
.#21.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 4-6 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Jacksonville Jaguars is always Johnny come late to things. For years the defense was great. They did not do anything to the quarterback position. Cough, cough, Blake Bortles. Then now they have a quarterback controversy. Did they think when Nick Foles came back, they’d just insert him in and they should win? Defense could not stop the colts.. running game was out too lunch. Nick Foles did pretty good. What do you expect? People will cry for Gardner Minshew. Whoever is in charge, if it’s Tom Coughlin, your brain cells are just a bowl of mushy split pea soup. Get rid of Doug Marone, he is a bad head coach. Fire yourself while you’re at it.
#22.ATLANTA FALCONS 3-7 (UP 5 SPOTS) Has head coach Dan Quinn saved his job? Most of 2019 looked like the Falcons had the bird flu. Last two weeks they have knocked off two division teams. Two pretty good teams in the Saints and Panthers. Suddenly they fixed their walking dead defense that gave up more scores than a whore house.
Matt Ryan coming back from his injury has been awesome. He threw for 300 yards and one touchdown pass. But the defense picked off Kyle Allen four times. The Falcons defense only had two interceptions the whole season before these 4 last week. Last one in week two. Falcons have been putting the pressure on the quarterback and forcing them to make mistakes. Never would have thought of that concept. Will the league and half of these sorry defenses follow this strategy that’s been around forever?
#23.DETROIT LIONS 3-6-1 (SAME) Lions played the Cowboys very well last Sunday. Where is the Lions defense?
Lions defense… not sure we can figure out that mystery. The beef Matt Patricia devoured, we know that. The team is without their starting quarterback, Matthew Stafford. Back up Quarterback Jeff Driskel played very well. He threw for 200 yards with a touchdown pass. He ran one in as well. Made no mistakes. If the head coach for the Lions had a brain the season could be much different with even a decent defensive unit in place.
#24.CHICAGO BEARS 4-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) The Bears defense got gashed by Todd Gurley-man last Sunday. However they held the Rams to only 17 points. Is that good enough? Are they on the field too long? The Bears ran 22 more offensive plays than the Rams. When your offense is averaging 3.6 yards a play, it explains a lot. Mitch Trubisky was benched in this contest very late in the game. Fact is the last Bears drive, Chase Daniels came in. Some will say Mitch was not hurt.
Is Matt Nagy whispering sweet nothings into Mitchell’s ear? Did the naked pictures of Mitch and the farm animal come in and Nagy finally convinced him, you’re injured and he has enough of the former number one draft pick? Either way it was very strange. Mitch Trubisky has played poorly. How about the kicking game? Two more misses for Eddie Pineiro. If he make them it’s 17-13. If he makes them it would change the field position for the Rams. Plus it could have raised the confidence level of the whole team. Patriots find a pretty good kicker in Nick Folk to replace their second kicker who replaced the Patriots’ number one guy, Steven Gostkowski. Dont tell me Bill Belichick is the only guy that can read the names on the waiver wire.
#25.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 3-7 (UP 1 SPOT) With so many teams playing so poorly, I moved the Buccaneers up one spot. Perhaps because they won the Sunday before. Last Sunday they met a Saints team that were angry. Not Myles Garrett angry, but a good anger to restore their mission. Good news is Mike Evans is closing on his sixth 1000 yard receiving season. Bad news is Jameis Winston is competing with Phillip Rivers for the most INT’S thrown this season. Do they get a participation ribbon for that stat? Jay Cutler would have beaten the both. The Buccaneers became the voodoo doll last Sunday as Winston was running for his life back there. Sacked twice. The running game was grounded all game.
#26.DENVER BRONCOS 3-7 (DOWN 1 SPOT) The Broncos lack the killer instinct. Another second half collapse for the Broncos as this is a common thing. It’s six games in a row now that Denver has not scored a touchdown. The Broncos play scared in the second half. Reminds me of that Geico commercial where the group is in a horror movie instead of going for the car that is running, they hide in the barn of chain saws.
It’s a shame because the young quarterback, Brandon Allen played pretty well in his second start of his career. He even converted some big key third down plays in the last minute and drove the team down the field all the way to the goal line. The Broncos could not punch it in and find themselves blowing another lead in this 2019 season.
#27.LA CHARGERS 4-7 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) The LA Chargers are playing like the opposite of George Costanza, opposite. Instead of playing like last year, going with the opposite of everything you thought, they are going with what they thought originally. This is causing the Chargers problems this season.
The Chargers have some kind of hex on them. Maybe they pissed off too many people in one of their moves. Phillip Rivers, another 4 interceptions. He’s washed up. The best comparison with Phillip Rivers will be NBA star Karl Malone, guys that played a very long time and never won. At least Malone made it to the final round in his sport. Phillip Rivers can’t get past the windmill on the putt putt in the 18th hole. The head coach should be fired. Chargers are another team that plays stupid. A new owner would solve this franchise’s problems. I think Tampa Bay Rays have more fans than the Chargers.
#28.NEW YORK JETS 3-7 (UP 2 SPOTS) Boyd Crowder wins the moonshine wars versus the Redskins.
Sorry, wrong Crowder. Jamison Crowder helps beats his former team by hauling 5 balls with 76 yards receiving and a touchdown. In a game, pretty much the entire nation did not care about it. Sam Darnold had a big game with his arm tossing 4 TD passes with 293 yards in the air. Everyone wants to win. But the winner loses in the draft standings, especially late in the season. Even though after the first coin flip in week one, both of these teams were not going anywhere.
#29.MIAMI DOLPHINS 2-8 (SAME) The Miami Dolphins’ two game winning streak is over. They can go back to their original plan and tank the rest of the season. Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka Fitzmagic, did throw for over 300 yards and made no mistakes, but the Dolphins got manhandled by the front line of the Buffalo defense. The running game nonexistent. Speaking of manhandling, Dolphins running back, “Waste of Sperm” Mark Walton was arrested for beating up his pregnant girlfriend. The Dolphins quickly gave Walton his walking papers. He has a rap sheet very long as he originally cut by the Bengals and picked up in May by the Dolphins. At one point, the Bengals loved collection convicts. What was Walton thinking that Miami Dolphins are Miami University?
I’m sure some penitentiary in the XFL will sign Mark Walton.
#30.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-9 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) At least the bad play of Redskins, nobody mentions the name change. Bill Callahan is now 1-4 as interim coach since taken over for Jay Gruden. Not sure why they keep handing the ball off to Adrian Peterson. Redskins are all about the future. They finally broke a 16 quarter streak of not scoring a touchdown during that span. It took a 45 yard screen pass to break that streak in the 4th quarter of the game. Derrius Guice, the young back out of LSU scored the touchdown. Since Dwayne Haskins is starting all the games, then Derrius Guice should get the bulk of the carries. The Skins defense looked good for a few weeks, but to let the worse offense in the league the Jets score 34 points off you, times are bad in DC. Whatever happened to the offensive line the Redskins used to have, called the hogs.
Even the fans got into and dressed in hogs. Before Trump, DC people ate food.
That was a long time ago, as everyone knows what they do to hogs.
Redskin bacon for breakfast.
#31.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-8 (SAME) Giants maybe need some football motivation on their bye week.
Perhaps bring in Laurence Taylor aka L.T to give the team a motivational speech and get some venom pumped into the G-MEN blood. Giants have lost six in a row. They won their first two starts for Daniel Jones, and since then have been stuck in a season long free fall. Where’s Odell Beckhams Jr.’s boat where they could use it on their week off. No football is getting done there.
#32.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-10 (SAME) The Bengals match their worst start in franchise history going back to 1993 losing their first ten games. That was the year they won their first game versus the Raiders. No dice in week 11. Joe Mixon scored the Bengals’ first rushing touchdown from the running back position in week 11 versus the Raiders. He had a pretty good game running for 86 yards and the TD. Bengals played a pretty good game which has not been seen in a long time.
DO YOU REMEMBER SAM WYCHE, HEAD COACH OF THE BENGALS?
He told his fans to stop throwing snowballs during the game and said this is not Cleveland, it’s Cincinnati. They say you can teach an old DAWG pound new tricks. Could you recycle Sam Wyche’s speech in the future and have someone say to the Cleveland players, stop ripping off the quarterback’s helmet?
The Wild shamrock 