Week 14 NFL power rankings we roll out Die Hard style.
#1.BALTIMORE RAVENS 10-2 (SAME) The Ravens come back down to earth from their match up versus the 49ers. Was it the high winds and rain that slowed the Ravens down? Was last Sunday a preview of the upcoming Superbowl between the Ravens and 49ers? Have we not been down that road before where the Harbaugh brothers coached the big game versus each other years ago. Where Joe Flacco got the big contract after the Ravens beat the Colin Kaepernick 49ers. Flacco never ever lived up to that contract ever since. Sunday had two young starters in the league with very impressive numbers as a starting quarterback in the league. Lamar Jackson came in with a 15-3 record versus Jimmy Garoppolo’s record of 18-3 as a starting quarterback. It was a very good game. It was a low scoring affair. Justin Tucker’s game ending field goal was the key from 49 yards out that gave the Ravens their 8th straight victory. Lamar Jackson’s ground game was for 101 yards with a touchdown. Ravens are 12-0 when Jackson runs for 70 yards or more.
#2.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 10-2 (SAME) The Seahawks locker room was invaded by the flu bug which had many feeling under the weather. Seattle managed to get their squad on the field with a coffee IV drip. Caffeine cures all in Seattle. Lace coffee with espresso and the Seahawks would be jumping off the walls. Seattle managed to win their 5th straight against a good Viking team at home. They even held off the Vikings’ late rally to win a high scoring affair. A few turnovers early set Seattle up as they built a nice 17 point lead. The two headed monster running game with Chris Carson and Rashard Penny was the key to this victory. Both of them had rushing touchdowns. With the win they take over first place in the NFC West as they have the tie breaker with the 49ers beating them early in the season.
#3.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 10-2 (SAME) On Thanksgiving, Saints won their division with the beating up of the dirty birds in Atlanta. The Saints sustained some injuries in that contest to their defense. A.J Klein and Kiko Alonso.
Alonso out with a thigh injury which should have him back before the playoffs. A.J Klein’s injury status is unknown. Saints in desperation at the linebacker position went out and signed former Saint Manti T’eo who has been a free agent the whole entire season.
He last played for the Saints last season and knows the Saints system on defense. The former Charger and Notre Dame alum will have fresh legs but has not seen live football action in awhile. Saints have a big game versus the 49ers this Sunday. Manti’s specialty is stopping the run in which the 49ers have a great running game. Will Manti T’eo bring his imaginary girlfriend?
Well he did go to a Catholic college. Catholic school gals are very naughty. So this is my image of his imaginary gal.
#4.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 10-2 (UP 1 SPOT) Even with a loss to the Ravens the 49ers played very well last Sunday. They brought the Ravens back down to earth. Ravens were destroying the competition for weeks until the 49ers gave them a gut check punch. Meanwhile 49ers are 1-1 in their three game stretch of tough games. They have one remaining with New Orleans this Sunday. First contest they destroyed the cheese heads and went to the very end versus the Ravens to lose by a kick in the last seconds. This is a good measuring stick for this 49er team who hopes to make some loud noise when the playoffs begin. However now they find themselves looking up at Seattle in the standings because they lost to them weeks ago. Seahawks have the same record but have the tie breaker with the win. A rematch will be coming in the next few weeks versus Seattle. Can’t look ahead have to take it one game at a time.
Just like Schneider taking one at a time. Speaking of that show One at a time, Valerie Bertinelli still looking fantastic.
Meanwhile the 49ers could have a top seed in this when regular season is set and done. They could get home field advantage as well. Or could find themselves in a wild card spot as it will be interesting down the stretch.
#5.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 10-2 (DOWN 1 SPOT)
A good evil dictator never blames his storm troopers as Darth Brady did last Sunday night. It’s like a good craftsman never blames his tools for not being open. Houston gave New England a problem in a big victory on Sunday night for them. It gives the Patriots a few issues & they might not have a tissue to cover them. The Ravens kicked your butt all over the field. Now the Patriots find themselves one game behind them with the loss. Ravens get the tie breaker so that is like two games. Buffalo is still breathing down your neck and playing much better. Patriots away from Foxboro is big trouble in little China when it comes to the playoffs.
#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 8-4 (UP 1 SPOT)
Andy Reid now is 18-3 in games after a bye week as head coach. His record even going back to his day in Philadelphia is 11-1 at home. Chiefs came off the bye week and routed their arch rival Oakland Raiders who have been struggling but hanging on to Chiefs like an unwanted dingleberry. With that win it gives Chiefs a leg up in the division. It also improves Andy Reid’s record versus the AFC West, the Chiefs division now for years, to 25-3 and this going back to 2015. Patrick Mahomes did not have those numbers that jump off the charts like he normally does. He threw a Touchdown and ran one in. It was all about the Chiefs defense in this rout. They forced turnovers. It took the Raiders all the way to the 4th quarter to finally get on the scoreboard. Can Mahomes bring down the Empire next week who are hurting right now with a loss to the Texans?
#7.HOUSTON TEXANS 8-4 (UP 1 SPOT) Houston defends their planet from the Empire invading on Sunday night. X coach Bill O’Brien has not faired too well versus his old employer the man under the hooded sweatshirt. He was 0-5 versus the Patriots. On Sunday night his game plan was finally a recipe worth keeping as Texans beat the Patriots. On a night Tom Brady’s emotions came out as he yelled at his receivers on the sidelines. Meanwhile the Texans built up a 21-3 lead. Deshaun Watson 1-2 now versus Tom Brady as he was brilliant. He threw for three touchdowns and actually caught one himself. Maybe the Philly Houston special they might call it now. Maybe a Tom Brady killer. Texans have a stronghold on their division however the resurgence of Tennessee is in the Texans rear view mirror.
#8.BUFFALO BILLS 9-3 (UP 1 SPOT) The Bills impressive victory in Dallas is still being talked about. The Cowboys woes continued on Thursday night as the Bears beat up on them too. Bills are in good position for a wild card spot. They even have a chance at the division with New England losing. The Bills have a rematch versus them.Bills now have their toughest part of their schedule as they will get a good measuring stick where they stand this Sunday at home versus the AFC best, Ravens. A team that was brought back down to earth last Sunday versus the 49ers. Ravens have been destroying anything in that path like the wrath of khan. After that game they play the Steelers who right now have the second wild card spot. Then the arch rival Patriots. Then conclude with the bipolar Jets. Will this make the Bills Mafia nervous? They might just need a few drinks added on to the few they already have because Bills and Playoffs don’t usually go together.
#9. TENNESSEE TITANS 7-5 (UP 2 SPOTS)
It was the Titans Special teams that made a difference in the game last week versus the Colts. A blocked field goal touchdown by the Titans in the second half changed the whole game. The game was close right before that play. After that the flood gates opened and Titans ran the Colts out of the building. They forced three more turnovers and go on to finally beat their school bully the Gooch, aka the Colts. Titans snapped a three game losing streak versus the Colts. Colts have won 14-16 games in the series and Colts eliminated the Titans last year in Nashville from making the playoffs. Titans now have jumped the Colts in the standings with that win. They are now eyeballing the Texans who hold a one game lead on them. Titans are one of the hottest teams in the league. That was also the third kick blocked in the last three weeks for the Titans special unit.
#10.GREEN BAY PACKERS 9-3 (SAME) The Packers winning in the snow on the road versus the Giants is nothing to get this team to move up in the power rankings. Aaron Rodgers seems like he was born in a snow storm. All the games he played in Green Bay in the snow, you might call him Jack Frost.
The Packers’ week got better when the Vikings lost on Monday night. Packers schedule gets better next week versus the Redskins. Packers do not have to play on the West coast which is very good news. Redskins did get that fluke victory versus the Panthers. Packers should still have the lead in the division after week 14 is over. Now if Aaron Rodgers could figure out which agent is racing in the same car with Danica when he goes on these road trip?
Does Danica Patrick lose points being with an Aaron Rodgers? I think it’s the State farm agent who has his hands all over the Rodgers cookie jar.
#11.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 8-4 (DOWN 5 SPOTS) I know Seattle is a tough place to win. I have lost faith in this Viking team. Vikings again dug themselves a hole early on . Another big game in the spotlight and they lost. That makes you think Kirk Cousins, in big games, can not get things done. A few weeks back Kirk Cousins won a big game in the spotlight versus Dallas. Seems like Dallas is not who we thought they were. They just look like a team that can only beat teams at the bottom of the barrel. Then the other week the Vikings played Denver and found themselves down 20-0. They overcame that in the second half and won a game they should have lost. The Vikings did come back versus Seattle but it was too late and came up short as time expired. If the Vikings want the division or to go deep into the playoffs, they better learn to show up in the first half.
#12.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 7-5 (UP 5 SPOTS) Steelers find vengeance versus the Cleveland Browns from that game a few weeks ago.The helmet to Rudolph’s head and the loss they took in Cleveland. This time around no helmets were used in any kind of assault in Steeltown. Mason Rudolph was not allowed to play in any more reindeer games since it is the Christmas season and he has to load up the sleigh .Instead of reindeer, the Steelers turn to the Duck.
Instead of the fish that saved Pittsburgh.
This go around to save Pittsburgh is Devlin”THE DUCK” Hodges. The Steelers have many of their top playmakers out with injuries. Obviously they lost Big Ben early in the season. Mason Rudolph is back at Santa’s workshop. The Duck is 2-0 behind center for the Steelers and right now if playoffs started today they would have the second wild card slot.
#13.CLEVELAND BROWNS 5-7 (DOWN 1 SPOT) When you google Cleveland Stupid, a picture of the Browns head coach shows up.
You can say all the penalties the Browns get each game. Especially penalties that shoot their ownselves in the foot. I chalk that up to bad coaching. Last Sunday they lost in the rematch versus the Steelers. This time no helmets were used as deadly weapons. Browns started off well but then sunk in the second quarter and could not do much versus the Steeler defense. The Steelers have many injuries as they have inexperienced players at most of their skill positions. The Duck Devlin Hodges another quarterback in the Steelers rotation went up and down the field with ease and ended the Browns resurgence and their three game winning streak. Many Steeler players commented on Freddie Kitchens shirt that he wore that said Pittsburgh started it was nice bulletin board material for the Steelers. Kitchens should be fired after one season. He’s worse than any coach who had the one good year, the one year wonder. No way he will even get that status of saying he’s even a a one year wonder like Vanilla Ice. This guy coaches like Ryan Leaf played quarterback. Does anybody have a coaches dud list? Kitchens is the number one bust on this list of head coaches in my book.
#14. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 6-6 (SAME) Colts have lost two in a row as this team right now is on life support. The Colts played the Titans well until a blocked field goal kick by the Titans led to the go ahead score. Then the wheels fell off the Colts bus as this team collapsed as the Titans opened a can of whup ass on them in the second half. Colts have lost 4 out of their last five games. In the last 4 games the Colts will have to be Road Warriors because they only have one home game remaining. Colts have had some injuries on the offense. Jacoby Brissett seems to be forcing throws that are leading to mistakes. Usually Brissett has been great at not giving the ball away to the other team. Is Adam Vinatieri on his last leg? The struggles for him are for real. He has missed now 14 kicks. Eight of them on field goals and the other six extra points.
#15.LA RAMS 7-5 (UP 5 SPOTS) Rams were embarrassed by the Ravens loss. They rebounded, came back and embarrassed the Cardinals. The offense puts up 549 yards in a blow out of the red birds. Looked like the Rams offense of 2018. After a miserable month of November, Jared Goff had one of his 2018 style of games. Slinging the ball for 424 yards versus one of the worst pass defenses in the league. Goff threw for two touchdown passes.
Robert Woods had a monster day with 13 catches and 172 yards. He does not score many touchdowns. He’s one of those receivers that can move the chains but does not find the end zone very often. Rams keep their playoff hopes alive.They need to pretty much win every game and hope for some help from other squads.
#16.CHICAGO BEARS 7-6 (UP 5 SPOTS) Bears are rolling along and making some noise. They have won three in a row. Mitch Trubisky has risen from the dead heap of the scrap yard where most thought they should have dumped him weeks ago. Bears have been feasting off garbage teams. Cowboys have lots of talent but are in a tailspin. You can only beat teams that are on your schedule. Trubisky made a mistake early throwing a interception early in the game. However he finished Thursday night with 244 yards and three touchdown passes. Ran for 63 yards on the ground. While finding the end zone himself as he ran one in for a score. The Bears defense played well. The Cowboys scored in garbage time to make the score close than it was.
#17.CAROLINA PANTHERS 5-7 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) I feel like head Coach Ron Rivera got a very raw deal with Carolina. They fired the guy who has a quarterback that is a cookie.
Did the owner watch the Superbowl the Panthers played in years ago? The play at the end of the game where his million dollar quarterback was afraid to get hurt diving on a loose football in the biggest game of the year. After that Superbowl what exactly has Cam Newton done? Bad with the press. Bad with people in general. Bad at the face of your franchise. Bad in general at the position he plays. He even was looking for a job this season while he was hurt. Telling how the Bears and him would be a good fit. Ron Rivera will find another job as a head coach. Carolina will be still hoping their fantasy quarterback will be the one to lead this team to the promised land. Expect more losing seasons to come if you’re a Panthers fan.
#18.OAKLAND RAIDERS 6-6 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) It was the Raiders resurrection after the first half of the season. Jon Gruden looked like a mad genius as all the draft picks the team stockpiled were jelling together. Chucky was seen at the end of the games high fiving all the Pagan bastards in the black hole crowd. It was the last season in a baseball stadium that was used for football. The last ride in Oakland and people were thinking playoffs. But the old slogan “Just win, baby” will now be “See you in Vegas, baby.” The Warriors moved closer to San Francisco. The Oakland community still has baseball. Plus the Mayans. So proud.
#19.DALLAS COWBOYS 6-7 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) All the freaking talent in the world and they keep talking about the Dallas Cowboys. America’s team. They keep putting their games, every week it seems, in front of the national audience. Once this team was the best offensive juggernaut in the league. However they have not beaten a winning team. The Bears on Thursday night had a 500 record and they could not beat them. The Cowboys have feasted off the very bottom of the league to get six wins. They have a losing record, of course any team that can tackle on defense. Defense these days is hard to find. We have to hear every week about the soap opera that takes place about the firing of Jason Garrett, the Cowboys head coach. Telling you all this, but with the crappy division they play in, the Cowboys still have a 90 percent chance of making the playoffs. You’d think the NFC East would just give the Redskins the division because they are the hottest team in the league. Perhaps give Eli Manning one more crack at it as he is filling in this Monday night with the Giants due to the injury of Jones.
#20.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 5-7 (UP 3 SPOTS) Extra extra read all about it. Jameis Winston actually had a game last Sunday where he did not throw an interception. Tampa Bay wins the Florida bowl versus the Jaguars. This has no Florida collegiate teams involved of course. Make the NFL squads look silly. Miami did not qualify. Buccaneers took advantage of mistakes by Nick Foles. Jaguars still having problems at the QB position. That’s what they deserve when they hire a part timer in Nick Foles. Week 15 is where Nick Foles is at his best. Ask any Eagle fan. Maybe Jameis Winston is auditioning to stay in Florida. Perhaps be a Jag Bag in Jacksonville when he becomes a free agent next season.. The name fits. Jacksonville has Gardner Minshew so Jameis could seek the asylum in Miami next year.
Regarding the next twelve teams in the power rankings, we got so depressed we could not go on and write details about them in week 14. They are dead to us.
#21.ARIZONA CARDINALS 3-9-1 (DOWN 3 SPOTS)
#22.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 5-7 (DOWN 3 SPOTS)
#23.ATLANTA FALCONS 3-9 (UP 1 SPOT)
#24.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 4-8 (DOWN 2 SPOTS)
#25.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 3-9 (UP 3 SPOTS)
#26.DENVER BRONCOS 4-8 (UP 3 SPOTS)
#27.DETROIT LIONS 3-8-1 (DOWN 1 SPOT)
#28.LA CHARGERS 4-8 (DOWN 1 SPOT)
#29.MIAMI DOLPHINS 3-9 (UP 1 SPOT)
#30.NEW YORK JETS 4-8 (DOWN 5 SPOTS)
#31.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-10 (SAME)
#32.CINCINNATI BENGALS 1-11 (SAME)
The Wild shamrock 