The NFL power rankings are back for the first time this season. We will rank every team from the best to the worst. We will poke fun at the teams that deserve it. We will say good things about what is good about your team. We throw in some beautiful cheerleaders. We mention some classic movies as we go through the entire league of the NFL. Hope you enjoy!!!
#1.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (3-0) Patrick Mahomes seems to set some kind of record every week behind center for the Chiefs. Mahomes now is the youngest player ever to reach 10,000 passing yards. Let’s not forget about the defense of the Chiefs. The unsung heroes to shut down Lamar Jackson and that Raven offense on Monday Night football. This defensive unit of the Chiefs have been one of the best units in the league since late in the regular season of 2019. My wish is to suit up the Nigerian Nightmare and have him run the ball in on the goal line. One night only. Christian Okoye can be like Minnie Minoso, grabbing an at-bat each decade for the White Sox.
#2.GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-0) Aaron Rodgers’ first three games of the season has been playing like sizzling hot nacho cheese. Is it the breakup with Danica Patrick?
Maybe Rodgers could not handle that the race car driver he once loved, still desires the Chicago Bears over his cheese heads. Maybe Rodgers’ parents don’t accept inter-division relationships. Rodgers has to be with his own kind. Some believe drafting Jordan Love in the first round of the draft lit a fire under Rodgers. For whatever reason, it’s working in Green Bay as this team is the cream of the crop in the NFC.
#3.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (3-0) Head coach Pete Carol was fined for his hot breath while not wearing a mask on the side line. Seattle’s defense has been getting turnovers, but giving up yards and points in each contest as if they have forgotten how to tackle. If it was Flag Football, they would have better stats for their defensive unit. Russell Wilson has carried the Seattle organization once again. Wilson finds a way to win each game. Wilson already has 14 TD passes in three games. Last time the Seahawks started off 3-0, they won the Superbowl. Guess who was quarterback that year?
#4.BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-1) In regular season, Lamar Jackson can beat anyone except the Chiefs. Sure the Ravens with Jackson under center stumbled once versus the Browns years ago. Ravens will get back to work this Sunday and thrash their opponent by putting another 40 berger on the score board.
The no-namers from Washington, who are actually a football team, are the Ravens’ next pecking victim.
#5.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-1) Tom Brady has the Buccaneers offense looking sharp and the team has rebounded from week one versus the Saints.
Rob Gronkowski is starting to get involved in the Tampa Bay offense. Let’s not forget about the Buccaneer defense, which may be one of the best in the league. Brady will continue to unleash his weapons of mass destruction every week. If this defense continues to play at an elite level, the Buccaneers will be going places.
#6.PITTSBURGH STEELERS (3-0) Big Ben is getting better each week. The Steeler defense is playing well. The Steelers schedule has been perfect for Ben Roethlisberger to get his feet wet and knock off the rust from being injured last season. It’s like college, with the big schools starting off playing the Kent states of the world before they meet up with a big dog in their own conference. The Steelers will now have an early bye week with the Titans’ Covid locker room. I’d like to see the how the Steelers do versus a top notch AFC team to see where they really stand.
#7.BUFFALO BILLS (3-0)
Where is the beef, meaning what the hell happened to the Bills defense? Hopefully they find themselves and join the Bills offense with the emerging of a league superstar in Josh Allen. If Bills defense can play like last season and Josh Allen continues to play like he is, this team could create all kinds of problems for any team. Head coach McDermott is the type of guy that can fix his defense on the fly.
#8.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (2-1) They say objects in your mirrors are closer than you think.
I really thought the Empire would have fallen by now. Bill Belichick has his Death Star still firing on all cylinders. Cam Newton makes a perfect bad guy. Just can’t wait until Cam Newton’s softness will be compared to Jabba the Hutt’s rolls of soft fat.
#9.TENNESSEE TITANS (3-0) Titans offense has been scoring. The Titans defense is having problems stopping teams. Titans keep winning, and winning close games each week. X-Patriot kicker Steven Gostkowski has been helping the Titans stay perfect.
Lets see how the Titans rebound from Covid-19 invading their locker room when they resume play after quarantining.
#10.CHICAGO BEARS (3-0) The Chicago Bears pulled off the heist of the year, so far. Down in the second half versus the Falcons, the perfect crime occurred when a Mitch Trubisky interception inserted Nick Foles and the Bears stay undefeated. Matt Nagy has a quarterback that now understands his War and Peace playbook. Nagy can justify the quarterback change to management. Trubisky will most likely now be a bust. The Foles ERA begins. Can Nick stay healthy. I will have to see how the Bears do versus a good team. The competition they have played so far has a combined 1-8 record.
#11.ARIZONA CARDINALS (2-1) They were printing super bowl tickets in Arizona the way they were playing. Even though the Cardinals hit a speed bump versus the Lions, I still think this team is a threat to anybody. They should be able to rebound versus Carolina. Arizona can score points. I think the Cardinals may have the best defense in the NFC West since the 49ers have been dealing with lots of injuries and losing Nick Bosa.
#12.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2-1) Losing to the Jaguars is very bad. Colts have won two games in a row since. The Colts defensive unit is one of the tops in the league. Phillip Rivers is better than last year. Rivers this season is not spent laid out on the turf like last year with the terrible Charger line.
Love the rookie running back for the Colts. Jonathan Taylor has two touchdowns in three games, and has emerged as the team’s number one back with the injury of Marlon Mack. Great replacement.
#13.LA RAMS (2-1) Rams made a huge comeback versus the Bills last week and took the lead late. You could say the Rams should be 3-0. However Bills prevailed at the end. Rams offense has been doing really well. The running game seems better so far this season than when they had Todd “the girly-man” running the rock last season.
One of my favorite football movies that involve the Rams is Heaven Can Wait. A must see if you like gridiron films.
#14.VEGAS RAIDERS (2-1) When it comes to the Raiders, I have a hard time figuring out what kind of team they are. They opened up the Vegas stadium and took it to the Saints. They go to New England and get a beat down. The Raiders had a good first half of last season and in the second half they fizzled. It’s an intriguing team.
Josh Jacobs continues to impress me. Had him last year in fantasy and he’s a stud.
#15.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (1-2) Have the Saints lost their march? Only win has been the opener in which Tom Brady had a bad day at the office. Green Bay and Raiders beat the Saints in shootouts. The Saints defense these days has been bending and snapping as teams have no problem scoring off them. Drew Brees is not as sharp. The injury to Michael Thomas is a huge blow for the team. Drew Brees is the main target. Maybe Detroit will be a perfect team this week to get things back on track.
#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-1) I like the Browns’ two headed monster at running back so far this season.
Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt are running the ball well. The running game takes pressure off Baker Mayfield. Less picks. The biggest thing is the new coaching staff has stopped the Browns’ bone headed mistakes that killed the team a year ago.
#17.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-1)
Can the defense survive the year without Nick Bosa who is done for 2020 ?
#18.DALLAS COWBOYS (1-2) Cowboys offense is rolling. The defense can not stop anyone. The lone victory came with a huge comeback just to squeak by the Atlanta Falcons. Atlanta seems to be the official turnstyle of the league so that will not help the Cowboy cause. Cowboys are lucky that Philadelphia is worse than them. The easy NFC East has the Cowboys to take their time and treat these first 4 games like its preseason. Beat up on your horrible division opponents and win the East, then one and done in the playoffs sounds like the Dallas recipe for success. America’s team because of the cheerleaders.
MADE IN AMERICA!!!!!
#19.DETROIT LIONS (1-2) Maybe having Kenny Golladay back in the fold was the key to this Lions team. A very impressive win versus the Cardinals last Sunday. Does that make up for the clunkers this laid in the first two weeks? I still do not like head coach Matt Patricia. That Lions defense still has problems holding on to leads. Until they solve that problem, the Lions will have less roar and more purrrr.
#20.MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-2) THE BEARD
The Beard, Ryan Fitzpatrick, beat the Pornstache, Gardner Minshew, last week in epic Florida battle between two bad teams. I hope the Dolphins keep playing Fitzpatrick the rest of the season. Every week, Fitzpatrick is moving up in the record books. Love some of the stuff he was the first ever to do in the NFL. Fitzmagic is the first ever player to throw a TD pass for 8 different teams. With the Buccaneers, the Beard threw for 400 yards in three straight games which is something no other quarterback has done. Fitzpatrick is a Harvard grad and probably could be doing something like coming up with a cure for the Covid virus. Instead Ryan has the most starts of any Ivy league quarterback that has played in the NFL.
#21.CAROLINA PANTHERS (1-2) Panthers defense is young and may be growing. Last week’s win against a Charger team with a rookie quarterback does not convince me that the Panthers as a team are on the rise. Teddy Bridgewater could use Christian McCaffrey back in the line up. I do like how Bridgewater has played so far for his new team.
#22.LA CHARGERS (1-2) I thought the medical personal for the Chargers sticking to Tyrod Taylor’s rib cage on accident would be the best thing for the team. Growing pains with Justin Herbert was the problem last week versus Carolina. Herbert looked better when Taylor went out of the game in week two. If Taylor comes back I am not convinced the Chargers will move up in the standings.
#23.HOUSTON TEXANS (0-3)
The people in Houston are gathering with their torches and pitch forks and headed to the buffoonish Bill O’Brien’s house. The off-season trade of DeAndre Hopkins has killed this whole team. Adding the brutal schedule to start things off does not help. If Houston continues to go down in flames ,people will want Bill O’Brien’s head on a pike.
#24.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-2) I have faith head coach Doug Marone will have his Jaguars in the 30’s of these power rankings at some point this season. Only thing exciting about watching the Jaguars is the Mustache. Gardner Minshew has made some big offensive plays behind center. Minshew’s play has kept the Jaguars in each game and the team upset the Colts in week one. I can see an upset once in awhile but how long can Minshew have this team on his shoulders is the biggest question?
#25.CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-2-1) In Cincinnati, it’s all about eating Skyline Chili and watching rookie Joe Burrow behind center.
Bengals defense is terrible. Joe Burrows is the real deal already with 5 TD tosses in 3 games. Bengals may want to lose all their games and see Joe still do well and get another high draft pick for the team.
#26.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (0-2-1) The Eagles offensive line is in shambles from injuries. Carson Wentz has already thrown six picks in only three games. Eagles managed a tie with the Bengals who have a rookie quarterback and a bad tackling defense. Eagles are in the worst division in football so they can not be counted out just yet.
#27.MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-3) What the hell Happened in Minnesota?
So that is how you make a screaming Viking. Poor Kirk Cousins. Make sure you bruise the cucumber.
I do like the emergence of Justin Jefferson last Sunday. He had a big day on the field.
#28.DENVER BRONCOS (1-3) I know what Denver is going through with the quarterback position. The telecast has that never-ending list of players behind center since Peyton Manning took the Broncos to the Superbowl. Injuries and more injuries are the common theme that have most fans in a Rocky Mountain permanent high.
Mark Rypien’s nephew Brett looked good versus the Jets on Thursday night. Every quarterback looks great versus the Jets. What ever happened to Jim Kelly’s nephew?
#29.WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (1-2) The Deadskins need a freaking name for Chrissakes!!! Give this team some identity. Come up with an animal or warrior… do something. This is the brain trust we have in Washington stumped on what to call themselves. No wonder they are 1-2 and having growing pains at quarterback.
#30.ATLANTA FALCONS (0-3)
The Falcons are living Groundhog’s Day every Sunday. The same day over and over just with a different opposing team. Two weeks in a row the Falcons have given up big leads in the 4th quarter. The Falcons cannot seal the deal late as they let Nick Foles, who came off the Bears bench, beat them last Sunday. Then the week before Dallas they seemed to be down by 100 points and they came back and won. This has the Falcons Superbowl nightmare re-hatching itself over and over.
#31.NEW YORK JETS (0-4) Could Snake Plissken Escape New jersey of bad football?
You know your career is over when you are the back up quarterback for the Jets, and your name is Joe Flacco.
What about Sam Darnold, a young quarterback with talent, running for his life out there like Charlie Brown. No play makers. No protection. Then you hired a failure as a head coach, Adam Gase, which you saw twice a year with the Dolphins. What were you seeing? Now rumor is the Jets want to circle the wagons and hire Rex Ryan. Ryan probably had the most success with the Jets over the last 25 years.
#32.NEW YORK GIANTS (0-3) Maybe the Giants hired the wrong Judge to head coach their team.
Everyone knows Judge Judy has a better scheme on the offensive attack than Joe Judge.
The Wild shamrock 