Week five power rankings has some of the same teams holding their spots. Week five has plenty of teams on the move, up and down in the rankings. We have not held back on any of our strange opinions about each team and the entire NFL. We have girls and movies and players who have brought their game in the 2020 season. Have a beer and strap it down for another version of our power rankings.
#1.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-0) SAME The Evil Empire invaded Kansas City without their Vader.
Cam Newton was out due to being infected with the virus. The Chiefs did not play their best game. Could have been because the game was moved and Kansas City were out of their routine. The Chiefs ended up dispatching the Evil Empire invasion being run by the storm troopers. The team remains perfect. All great teams stumble and still find ways to win the game.
#2.GREEN BAY PACKERS (4-0) SAME Packers head to their bye week, perfect. The offense of Green Bay is playing out of their minds, beating the Falcons with ease without their two top wide receivers, Devante Adams and Allen Lazard. Some said the Falcons could win that Monday night game due to Rodgers’ missing weapons. Aaron Rodgers could have the beer guy out there lined up and make him into a top notch receiver in the league.
The Packers had local citizens trying out for the Packers’ sudden vacancy at their Wide out position.
#3.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (4-0) SAME
Chris Carson running back for the Seahawks is on a mission to get PAID beyond this season. Carson, in his last year of his current contract, is off to a good start. Carson has 237 yards on the ground and averaging 4.5 yards, a carry. Carson has two rushing touchdowns. Running backs are easy to find every year in the draft. Right now it’s good Carson is playing well, like many players do when they are search of Spock and that bigger future deal. Seahawks hope Carson does not become a problem as many players do in this type of situation. Don’t ruin the run of the team, keep on running and someone will award him. Seahawks defense held their opponent to a season low of 23 points versus the Dolphins last Sunday. Could be a good sign for the defense or they are the Dolphins.
#4.BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-1) SAME Last week the Baltimore Ravens did not put up 40 points versus the team with no name. However Ravens rebounded from the loss versus their arch-rival, the Chiefs.
Lamar Jackson and the Ravens were able to get Mahomes, their Newman, out of their heads and had it on cruise control versus a bad Washington team.
#5.PITTSBURGH STEELERS (3-0) UP ONE SPOT
Big Ben Roethlisberger is still standing tall after week 4. Even after his sudden bye week, since the Titans have an outbreak inside their locker room. Big Ben was a little miffed about the situation. Perhaps Ben and the Steelers had no time to contact a travel agent to make some bye week plans. Maybe not playing the Titans will be a good thing as the Steeelers could continue their feast on inferior teams like the walking wounded Philadelphia Eagles, in the battle of Pennsylvania. Winning quarterback gets a date with the Amish girl, from the series Banshee.
#6.BUFFALO BILLS (4-0) UP ONE SPOT
Corner back Josh Norman brought some energy to the Buffalo defense forcing a fumble versus the Vegas Raiders last Sunday. The Bills defense only gave up 23 points which has been better then what they been giving up in the previous weeks. The Bills defense did a great job on the Raiders offense in the second half, shutting them down most of the half to help Buffalo stay perfect. Josh Allen had a scare in the first half, falling awkwardly and landing on his shoulder. Allen came back in the game, provided his regular elite performance and have the Buffalo Bills 4-0 for the first time in 12 years. Bills will be the first team ever to beat the Vegas Raiders at their new billion dollar home, Allegiant Stadium.
We have to show some Bills mafia even though Buffalo has not allowed any fans in their own building. In Vegas there were some sightings of Bills fans invading the Raiders home cooking. Bills will now have to wait a few extra days to take on the Titans who are trying to get the Covid virus out of their locker room on Tuesday, instead of Sunday in Nashville.
#7.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-1) UP 5 SPOTS Colts are showing me they have everything working for them. I love the strong defense. One of the best in the league. The front seven shut down the Bears running game last Sunday. The push they get on the opposing teams line while swallowing up the running back is something most teams do not get. The trenches are strong on offense as well. The offensive line gives the Colts’ backs nice lanes to run through. Plus the O-Line has played together quite awhile and have become very cohesive. They may be one of the best units in the league. Phillip Rivers is standing, not laying on the turf. Plus Rivers is making less errors behind center like he did for the Chargers.
#8.TENNESSEE TITANS (3-0) UP ONE SPOT The Titans had an unexpected bye week with the Covid virus invading their locker room last week. The team will play in week five at home versus Buffalo, however the game will be Tuesday night. Will the Titans be rusty with a long delay between games? Will the Virus have a mental lingering distraction on some of the players? The victims on the Titans from the Virus – Will they need time to get their feet wet to get their game back to where it was? All these questions will be answered on the next episode of……
#9. CHICAGO BEARS (4-1) The Nick Foles ERA did not look good versus the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday. The Bears quickly rebounded and won a big game on Thursday Night football against Tom Brady and the Buccaneers. Bears first ever win against Tom Brady. Need a dragon slayed? Call Nick Foles who seems to have the Krytomite on Tom Brady as we remember he beat the Evil Empire Patriots in the Superbowl when he played for the Eagles. Bears defense has been doing their job very quietly; holding teams under 20 points has been their niche. Bears defense in 2018 was a different animal pressuring the quarterback and forcing tons of turnovers. Beating the Buccaneers gives the Bears a signature win not like the ones against the Lions, Giants and terrible Falcon defense.
#10.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-2) DOWN 5 SPOTS The Buccaneers won in a shoot out last Sunday versus the Chargers. Rookie quarterback was like the Mad Bomber, Daryle Lamonica, throwing bombs high in the sky and hitting receivers for big scores. Tom Brady was amazing throwing 5 TD strikes of his own. Then in a short week versus the Bears, Tom Brady seemed like he did not have the zip on his throws. Nick Foles once again gets the better of the man named Brady. What happened to defense of the Buccaneers that have played so well before these last two games? Looked like Tampa Tom was feeling his age. Looked like he did not know what down it was on a key drive at the end.
Plus Brady was yelling at his teammates maybe trying to find out what year it was .
#11.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (2-2) DOWN 3 SPOTS If the Patriots did not sign Cam Newton, this team would be further back in the power rankings. Last week the Evil Empire played without Cam Newton who tested positive for the Coronavirus.
The evil genius head coach, Billy Belichick, could not even come up with a plan to hide the team’s weakness, Brian Hoyer, as the replacement for Newton behind center. Now the Patriots will have to pray that Cam Newton has a speedy recovery and does not lean back to his soft days in Carolina.
#12.CLEVELAND BROWNS (3-1) UP 4 SPOTS Don’t look now, the Browns stock is climbing. Cleveland celebrities are coming out of the woodwork to see the Browns scoring 49 points versus a bad Cowboy defense.
Bernie Kosar’s porn star daughter has to love Brown. The big key to this resurgence of the Browns is the new Head Coach, Kevin Stefanski. No more bone headed mistakes like last year with that baffoon, Freddie Kitchens, running the show.
How will the Browns survive without Nick Chubb? Chubb, the Browns starting tailback, is out six weeks. Can Kareem Hunt handle the full load? We will see next Sunday.
#13.LA RAMS (3-1) SAME The Rams won last week versus a bad Giants team. Even though it was a victory it was not an impressive one only able to score 17 points in that contest. The win by the Rams keeps them on the heels of the Seahawks. Rams play another clunker this Sunday versus the no-namers in Washington. You can only play the teams on your schedule. Feasting on these bottom feeders will help this team stay above the 49ers and the Cardinals in the NFC West. I like to see the Rams offense stay on the road when the offense was scoring. It seems at points over the years during the season, Rams offense disappears in parts of the season for whatever reason it is. More consistency.
#14.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (2-2) UP ONE SPOT The Saints were down to the Detroit Lions early last Sunday 14-0. I saw that score flash at the bottom of the screen.
Something must have sparked in Drew Brees’ head because it was not over.
The Saints came storming back and eventually blew Detroit out of the waters to snap a two game losing streak and even their record up at 2-2. It was a game New Orleans needed desperately to get themselves back on track. A loss to Detroit could end an old timer’s career like Drew Brees. Then that leaves the door open for Crab Legs Winston as your quarterback.
Jameis Winston in New Orleans may be stealing crawfish in his new town.
#15.CAROLINA PANTHERS (2-2) UP SIX SPOTS Suddenly the Panthers are 2-2 under rookie head coach Matt Rhule. Watching Teddy Bridgewater in action last season for the New Orleans Saints you knew he regained his old form. As Bridgewater went perfect at 5-0 filling in for Drew Brees.
Bridgewater is completing 73% of his passes in 4 games. Panthers are winning without their star running back Christian McCaffrey. The young defense is getting better every week. The defense slowed down two great offenses in Arizona and LA Chargers. Still a long ways to go, but Panthers could be making some early noise and ruffling a few feathers throughout the league.
#16.ARIZONA CARDINALS (2-2) DOWN 5 SPOTS When you lose to the Lions, it may take the 12 step program to get you back on track. The Cardinals obviously did not complete the program. After starting off 2-0, this team has dropped two games in a row. Arizona looked like a team on the rise. Now players in Arizona are saying it’s a must win game versus a very crappy New York Jets team. If you lose to the Jets, you should get kicked out of the league and heads should roll.
17.VEGAS RAIDERS (2-2) DOWN 3 SPOTS Last year it was the tale of two halves for the Raiders. The Raiders are very streaky opening up 2-0, but now they have dropped two games in a row. Now they meet their arch rival the Chiefs. Raiders defense has done the same thing as last season regressed after playing solid the first two weeks. Injuries have showed off the offense. If Raiders want to get to the playoffs they need to find a way to beat the Chiefs at least once during regular season. Just because you have a new shiny house in Vegas, this team still has the same trend they had last year in Oakland.
#18.DALLAS COWBOYS (1-3) Best offense in the league. Worst defense in the league. Cowboys play in the worst division in the league. They should win the NFC East with a losing record.
#19.MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-3) UP ONE SPOT Dolphins are 1-3 and have played tough in every game losing to Seattle last week. Everyone screaming for when they should play their rookie from Alabama, Tug Tagovailoa. That may not be Miami’s biggest problem though as the owner wants to put 57,000 fannies in the seats during a pandemic. Don’t have to rush Tug. Remember Patrick Mahomes played in one game for the Chiefs in his first season. The Beard, Ryan Fitzpatrick, is a good guy to learn from. How he saves money not buying razors.
#20.LA CHARGERS (1-3) UP 2 SPOTS
If the Chargers even think about putting in Tyrod Taylor, over the rookie Justin Herbert, they will be the new Freddie Kitchens of the league. Chargers should have won versus the Buccaneers last Sunday. They built a nice lead, but the defense suddenly could not stop Tom Brady. Justin Herbert was throwing dart air missiles hitting his guys on stride for big chunks of yards. Herbert threw three TD passes against a pretty good Buccaneer defense. That gives him 5 TD passes for the year.
#21.MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-3) UP SIX SPOTS Vikings finally get their first win against a Houston team that has gone sour. Justin Jefferson followed up his huge 175 yard game with another 100 yard receiving day which gives him two in a row. The Vikings offense is coming around. They’re just that bad a defense to get better and maybe this team could string a few victories together. This Sunday versus Seattle is not going to be easy. Seattle defense has been suspect so Kirk Cousins will have to win in shoot outs.
#22.DETROIT LIONS (1-3) DOWN 3 SPOTS Lions got a win versus the Cardinals. Then they piled up 14 points early versus a Saints team that looked dead in the water. Saints found a pulse. The Lions defense gave up the lead and a ton of points and the Lions look like the team that we thought they were. Very bad !!!!
#23.CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-2-1) Joe Burrows gets his first ever victory behind center as the Bengals beat the Jaguars last Sunday. The Bengals piled up 500 yards of offense in the victory. Running back, Joe Mixon, had a monster of a day scoring three touchdowns. Two rushing & one receiving for the veteran running back. Mixon rushed for 151 yards and 30 yards in the air. Burrows threw for 300 yards in his first win.
#24.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (1-2-1) UP TWO SPOTS Take it Easy Eagles fans. Your team is in first place in the NFC East which is the worst division in football. The Eagles were able to get by the 49ers junior varsity team and the tie with the Bengals has this team that has been written off every year multiple times, on top of their division. Can the Eagles get by a very good Steeler team? With the Cowboys playing the Giants this week, the Eagles might not hold on to their perch for long.
#25.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-2) DOWN 8 SPOTS
The never ending list of 49er players on the injured list. It’s a shame because the 49ers schedule being what it is, if this team was healthy they may be undefeated. Last week the 49ers junior varsity team could not beat an Eagle team that has a rash of injuries itself.
Can Jimmy Garroppolo return versus the Dolphins to save the 49ers season?
#26.DENVER BRONCOS (1-3) UP 2 SPOTS A win over the Jets should not move you up the ladder two rungs. We will have to wait until week six to see how the Broncos do after that Jets win because New England has an outbreak of covid-19 throughout the locker room. It’s a shame after Melvin Gordan had his best day in a Bronco uniform running the ball.
Will Brett Rypien remain the starter with the unexpected bye week? The good to this is the Broncos may get some of their injured players back in action in week six.
#27.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-3) DOWN 3 SPOTS Jaguars have another winnable game as the season schedule has been favorable for Dougie Marone and his Florida team. Houston coming off firing their coach. Does that give the Jacksonville brass any ideas of their own? Gardner Minshew has been the pulse of the kitty cats. The Jaguars will be without defensive end Josh Allen. Deshaun Watson for the Texans could be licking his chops since this Jaguar team has a hard time with Allen in the line up stopping anybody. Will anybody even watch Texans versus the Jaguars? A higher spot in the Wild Shamrock Power Rankings is always on the line.
#28.HOUSTON TEXANS (0-4) DOWN 5 SPOTS
The Houston Texans were the first team to fire their head coach in 2020. Bill O’Brien gets axed after starting 0-4 this regular season. Besides being the head coach of the Texans, he was the GM. People have questioned his motives trading away Houston star wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins for a running back that has not done much in a Texan uniform so far. Another Bill Belichick disciple will take over as the interim coach. Romeo Crennell was the defensive coordinator in Houston for the last six seasons. Crennell never misses a meal but failed as a head coach after he left New England. Crennell went 28-55 as head coach for the Browns and Chiefs.
#29.WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (1-3) SAME The Washington team has a new name. A new name at quarterback. Head coach Ron Rivera is going with his guy from Carolina Kyle Allen.
The no namers have benched Dwayne Haskins in favor of Allen who filled in for Cam Newton after he got injured early in 2019. Kyle Allen had his up’s and down’s behind center last year with some good and bad games and maybe one ugly one. Haskins joins Mitch Trubisky on the quarterback’s misfit island.
#30.ATLANTA FALCONS (0-4) SAME At least the Falcons did not blow a lead to the Packers on Monday Night Football. The Falcons never had a lead. Aaron Rodgers had replacement receivers for the injured starters who were out this game. Rodgers still threw 4 TD passes. Julio Jones was back in the line up for the Falcons, but left the game after re-aggravating the same hamstring he was bothered by before. The Falcons may have their own watch for the firing of their head coach if these trends continue.
#31.NEW YORK JETS (0-4) SAME
When finally the New York Jets lower the boom on their head coach, Adam Gase!!!!
#32.NEW YORK GIANTS (0-4) SAME The Giants 2019 and 2020 season were both bad, but summing things up it’s the tale of two cities. Last year the offense was good. This year horrible as Daniel Jones has a sophomore jinx going on in his second year in the league. In 2019 the defense was not good. This year they actually are keeping the Giants in games. Losing 17-9 versus the Rams last week. This week the Giants will need a miracle to stop the Cowboys high powered offense. Can the Giants offense get on track with a very horrible Cowboy defense? It does not look good if you’re a Giant fan. Even Little Giants head coach, Rick Moranis, was sucker punched walking in town minding his own business.
I take it Rick Moranis was not the key master when he was roughed up.
The Wild shamrock 