Right now the NFL has seven vacant head coaching jobs open since the regular season ended two weeks ago. I still do not see the Bears as the eighth team on this list. That’s right, they made the playoffs and are keeping their band of jokers together.

I will rank each NFL team’s opening that is vacant, from worst to first. I judge by the city, the team history, and what they have in place roster-wise. Plus, what their salary cap structure has and where they are drafting at.

#7.DETROIT LIONS (5-11) The Lions’ head coaching job, to me, is the worst job out there. First thing, the city of Detroit looks like something out of an apocalyptic world. Michigan is a beautiful state, model-like, but you always notice the wart on the nose of this beauty.

BAD HISTORY: Superstars left the game early, just because they had enough with the Lions’ ways.

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Barry Sanders and Megatron, aka Calvin Johnson, got fed up with the organization

Lions have Matthew Stafford at quarterback, a guy who is 33 years of age and has not won a playoff game in 12 seasons. Stafford is not in the top tier quarterbacks of the league. Stafford is definitely in the second tier in the fraternity of quarterbacks throughout the league. Can a new coach work with Matthew Stafford and create a cast around him to be a post-season team? Stafford has 2 years left on his contract and could be a trading chip.

PIECES IN PLACE: Tight End T.J Hockenson, CB Jeff Okudah

Matt Patricia, former head coach of the Lions, made a mess with this franchise. Lions defense, which Patricia I think should know something about, served up the most points in the entire league. The Lions do not have much salary cap space available as well. Lions do have pick 7 in the draft, which could get them a new quarterback if they decide to trade off pieces.

#6.HOUSTON TEXANS (4-12) Texas is an entire new country. At least that is what they say on their brochure. The old Astrodome is where they filmed one of the Bad News Bears movies.

Hot weather, if you like sweating, could be a draw. Do you like cowboy hats?

Country girls are an entire different species in a good way. Texans though, you feel like you would always be the second fiddle to the Cowboys, so cowboy hats could lose their luster.

PIECES IN PLACE: Deshaun Watson

Deshaun Watson is one of the best quarterbacks in the league and he is young. Watson showed he still had a great year even with the team trading away his top receiver DeAndre Hopkins, to Arizona before the season started. Can Watson repeat next year without his top target this past season, Will Fuller? The salary cap is on the brink right now in Houston, so the Watson cover is not the full story of what you will get if you take this job.

Texans have already hired a new GM, Nick Caserio, of whom Watson is not a fan. Watson wants the team to bring in Chiefs’ offensive Coordinator Eric Bieniemy, who will be heavily sought out by many teams to be the their next head coach. Watson has griped about how the team is not doing enough for social justice. Watson might be demanding a trade, so the cover of this story will be gone.

Then the defense of the Texans, was horrible last season. A grandmother in a wheelchair could rush for a 100 yards on this defense. JJ Watt ranted and raved about the way this unit played and called most of them unprofessional. JJ Watt, a Houston icon, is coming off a just below average type of year performance-wise. Watt has one left in his deal. Will you be forced to keep Watt since he is fan favorite?

A KICK IN THE HEAD: Dolphins’ own Houston’s first and second picks with that trade, sending Left Tackle Laremy Tunsil to Houston.

#5.ATLANTA FALCONS (4-12) Hotlanta, although I heard they don’t call it that anymore. Another Southern hospitality town, which if you have not been to one these towns it’s quite of an experience. Plus, great Southern food and Walking Dead tours.

PIECES IN PLACE:Calvin Ridley

What would be a great plan in Atlanta? Calvin Ridley, with Julio Jones and Matt Ryan, you know this team can sling the football all over the field. Ridley is a young and still rising superstar receiver. Julio Jones’ injury bug has been biting, stinging, as he fights through it. Jones still has missed some games and is getting older. Is Matt Ryan, at 36 years, the answer at quarterback? If Phillip Rivers retires, trading Matt Ryan to the Colts would be an upgrade there. If you bring everyone back, the defense is horrible. The salary cap is oozing over.

Falcons have the 4th pick in the draft that could get you a new quarterback. If you traded away some of your yesterday’s staples, you could create a slew of more picks and do a quick rebuild to be back in the playoffs. Plus, the NFC South has many older quarterbacks. Drew Brees and Tom Brady. Teddy Bridgewater hitting his prime. If this team can find a young future quarterback from the 4th pick ,they could be ahead of the entire division in the long run. The owner of the Falcons, Arthur Blank, to me is hands off and gives you many opportunities to steer this Atlanta ship.

#4.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (4-11-1) Philadelphia… you could run the stairs to see the Rocky statue.

Power down a few cheese steaks to replace the missing calories you burned doing the stairs to Rocky statue.

PIECES IN PLACE: The quarterback situation minus the third stringer from the Arena Football league. RB Miles Sanders

The quarterback situation is pretty good in Philadelphia with Carson Wentz and Jalen Hurts. My only problem both Hurts and Wentz act like Kindergarten babies, wash yourself in gravy, about making faces pouting and who knows tearing up being taken out? One of these talents you could trade and clear up space for other needs. The other great thing you would take this job it’s a team that plays in the worst division in football. The NFC East.

The Eagles are still living with that Superbowl team years ago and now have aged and run up against the salary cap. The Eagles had to be one of the teams with the most injuries this season, due to being an aging team. Eagles had injuries to their Offensive line all year/ The team had many of the playmakers sidelined in 2020. The Eagles would need to do a makeover, but have some nice pieces to work with.

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Eagle fans are absolutely crazy. Sure they are passionate. Ask Santa Clause what he thinks. You take a head coaching job in Philadelphia, you need a thick skin.

#3.NEW YORK JETS (2-14) The Big Apple could be exciting being the city that never sleeps.

Meet interesting ladies that have that awesome New York accent. Downfall is you play your games in New Jersey. New York has plenty of things you can do for fun. New York… you either make it and love the town, or the Big Apple bites you on the ass and you walk away with sour grapes.

PIECES IN PLACE: LT Mekhi Becton, WR Denzel Mims,

Taking the Jets job is interesting and discouraging at the same time. Sam Darnold is still a young quarterback. Can he be salvageable? Can he get you a draft pick? The Jets won two games in December, both against playoff teams. Bad thing is you lose out in the Trevor Lawrence sweepstakes. The good thing is you might have some other pieces in place on your roster that have helped win those games. The Jets still have the number two pick so they could get a quarterback. The Jets have lots of salary cap available so it would be taking a job working with a blank canvas. You could build something nice and quick if all the moves pan out. Plus, you can take your time and build a young team.

My problem is the Jets have not done well since Rex Ryan was the head coach.

Rex Ryan did a decent job, but he was nothing special when he left and coached other places.

#2.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-15) Jacksonville brings you hot weather and hot beaches.

Definitely nice umbrella drinks with the Ocean air.

PIECES IN PLACE: LB Joe Schobert, LB Myles Jack, DE Josh Allen, WR DJ Chalk, RB James Robinson

Jaguars’ first thing is they have the number one draft pick. Which means the future will be Trevor Lawrence. Lawrence might be the best thing behind center for this Jaguar team, since Mark Brunell. Jaguars have a lot of cash to spend. They have some pieces in place.

The owner of Jaguars, besides his mustache, could bother you. Shad Khan likes those annual London trips. A trip to London, every decade, would be enough to not play there every year. Jacksonville is a small market. Can they get big names or keep them if they get drafted? Some players like to thrive in the big city with more attention. Small market teams, you probably would not get those vulture reporters like you do in the big markets.

#1.LA CHARGERS (7-9) LA does not have the appeal to me, like the Chargers’ other home would in San Diego. LA is all about Hollywood if you like the lights, camera, and action this is the place to coach.

LA has a lot of fake people.

Like the movie Mannequin, am I riding around with too much plastic or do I have enough plastic to cover the plastic I’m riding around with in my wallet.

PIECES IN PLACE:QB Justin Herbert, Keenan Allen, DE Joey Bosa

Chargers had the best record out of all these teams with coach vacancies. Chargers rookie Justin Herbert is now the future quarterback. Herbert could the Chargers quarterback for decades to come as he looked like the real deal. The Chargers have a number one receiver for Justin Herbert. Plus, the Chargers have a stud at the defensive line, Joey Bosa. If they can just keep him healthy. Chargers have a new stadium. Chargers have money to spend, of which they can bring back some of their own and make moves. The Chargers should still be able to get a good player in the first round as well, with their record and not making the playoffs.

The downside to the Chargers is Patrick Mahomes in the same division as your team. Plus, Chargers do not have a good fan base. The Chargers are second fiddle to the Rams in LA. The Chargers I’m not a big fan of their ownership either. Too many shady things. The Chargers left San Diego; they could not get a stadium deal there so they bolted to LA. Seems like the ownership has had this team close but no cigar, too many times over the last two decades. They chose Phillip Rivers over keeping Drew Brees. Too many dark clouds in my opinion.