THE POWER OF THE BEER SNAKE

In week two of the young 2025 spring football season, we already have a new number one perch high and above the season power rankings. Is it time to take the Stallions to the glue factory as they were snake bitten in DC? Some musical chairs in the top 5 spots of the power rankings going into week two. I think the teams that live under the stairs will be there for most of the season. Okay, let’s unveil week two power rankings in the UFL starting with the bad all the way to the top of the food chain. It could be the Battlehawks or Bob freaking Stoops. Enjoy!!!

#8. HOUSTON ROUGHNECKS (0-1)

USFL CONFERENCE: SAME SPOT FROM LAST WEEK

Last week pointed out one of the major problems head coach Curtis Johnson and this Roughnecks team have – the quarterback and their offense. In the first Friday game in the UFL history, Houston was blown out of the waters at home by St. Louis. The Roughnecks were down 31-0 by the time they were moseying on in the end zone. Houston you have a problem at the QB position. The new guy, Anthony Brown, did not give this non-existent fan base any hope by completing 5-11 passing for a whopping 21 yards. It was the back up QB, Nolan Henderson, who connected with Houston’s only threat, Justin Hall, for the only score of the day. Nolan Henderson did okay and may not be the answer for the Roughnecks as they had this scoring drive in garbage time.

The Battlehawks defense did knock Nolan around, but he showed he may be the better option than Brown. Justin Hall seems the only threat on the Roughnecks these days. Hall scored the only touchdown for Houston. Hall has been in Houston when this team was called the Gamblers in the USFL reboot.

Maybe this Houston franchise should go back to their original name, the Gamblers. In 2022 & ’23, the Gamblers on the jersey went 8-12 in 2 seasons in the USFL. Since adopting the Roughnecks, this Houston squad is now 1-10.

#7. MEMPHIS SHOWBOATS (0-1)

USFL CONFERENCE: Same spot from last week

The Memphis Showboats are sort of in the same boat as the Roughnecks. They too have a solid play maker, named Jonathan Adams, who tallied up 93 receiving yards with one touchdown. The Showboats have two quarterbacks right now dueling it out to be the man behind center for the season. Both quarterbacks have spring football experience. Troy Williams, who is a former Pittsburgh Mauler, played for Memphis last year. He completed 8-11 passes for 104 passing yards but threw an interception. Then EJ Perry who completed 10-17 passes with an interception. Perry has experience playing for the Michigan Panthers. Adams has to take on extra credit to give these guys a bigger window so they can get him the ball. The Showboats scored 12 points & that doubled the total of what Houston scored. The Showboats’ new interim head coach Jim Wilson was thrown into action when Ken Whisenhunt had to leave the team for personal reasons only a week away from the first game. The Showboats were okay under Wilson as they opened up at home and lost to a solid team in the Michigan Panthers. The Showboats fan base have their own personal club like the Bills Mafia as they name themselves the Yacht club.

I love it, but where was the Yacht club in the home opener for Memphis? Was the entire fan base out on the water on a three hour tour and then became shipwrecked on some island. That leads up to the million dollar question: Ginger or Mary Ann?

#6. SAN ANTONIO BRAHMAS (0-1)

XFL CONFERENCE: Dropped 2 spots from last week

I was not impressed with Wade Phillips’ team in week 1. The Brahmas defense gave up the most points in the first week to the Renegades. The Brahmas defense was a big part of what brought this team to the championship game last year. It seems like their defense lost some of its juice they had in their attack style. On offense, same ole story about having a quarterback that is developed. Kellen Mond made his first spring start and he completed 17-31 passes for 159 passing yards. He did not throw any interceptions but was sacked twice and completed the majority of his passes which were short not down field. It was the Brahmas rushing attack that is still solid as John Lovett and Anthony McFarland combined for 105 yards on the ground. It took the Brahmas until the 4th quarter to find the end zone. The best thing for the Brahmas was their kicker made his first field goal since high school ball.

Donald De La Haye aka Deestroying it, got the Brahmas on the board with a 39 yard field goal. De La Haye was on the Brahmas last year but did not attempt a field goal as he was injured in week 2 and done for the season. De La Hoye leads the league in followers on YouTube . In college the NCAA came down on him about his videos at Central Florida University where he quit playing college football to keep doing his thing on social media. De La Haye’s second field goal attempt did not look very promising as it was a longer attempt but sailed far away from the goal post.

#5. DC DEFENDERS (1-0)

XFL CONFERENCE: Moved up one spot from last week.

Can a beer snake swallow a Stallion? It was the Defenders defense that swallowed Stallions QB Alex McGough 8 times in eight sacks on the former USFL MVP. It was an impressive victory for the Stallions and the new head coach Shannon Harris who just got the job a week before the season started when Reggie Barlow bolted to Tennessee State for the head coaching job there.

It was Anthony Hines III who put on a clinic on defense for the Defenders. He had 6 tackles with 2 sacks and fumble recovery. The Defenders have a QB that has plenty of experience in the spring football league as Jordan Ta’amu had another solid game behind center. He completed 17-37 passes for 211 passing yards & one TD pass, along with 1 interception. The Defenders only put up 18 points which was enough to give the champs their first loss of the season. The Defenders crowd looks like something out of the Big Bang Theory or some Dungeons and Dragons club that meets there to drink plenty of beer to feed the snake. I only moved the Defenders up one spot because I need to see more. Was this victory just a lucky win by them or will they be contenders? Last year this team were pretenders.

#4.BIRMINGHAM STALLIONS (0-1)

USFL CONFERENCE: Dropped 3 spots from last week.

The Stallions have fallen off their perch on the spring football mountain as they tumble in DC in week 1. The Stallions are the only winnless team I have in the top 4 of the power rankings because they are Birmingham and let’s not forget they have won three straight titles. The Stallions did suffer a loss last year. This Stallions team is still stacked with talent. Having Alex McGough back behind center everyone thought Birmingham would be unstoppable. The Defenders exploited something on the Stallions offensive line and sacked the former MVP 8 times. The Stallions defense only gave up 18 points which is a good thing to take from this loss. Tae Crowder had a big game for the Stallions on the defensive side of the ball.

He had 11 tackles and defended one pass. Do you think Tae is related to the Crowders in Kentucky?

I know Skip Holtz will have the Stallions back on track by week two. I think the Defenders will show their true colors next week as the team we thought they were.

#3. MICHIGAN PANTHERS (1-0)

USFL CONFERENCE: Dropped one spot from last week

Even though the Panthers did win last week, to me they dropped one spot because of their dueling banjos at the QB position that do not impress me. The Panthers defense is tops in the league. They can run the ball with the best of them in the league. They have a top playmaker at the wide receiver position in Marcus Simms.

The final piece to this Panthers team puzzle is the quarterback position which does not fit. The Panthers banjos have no strings and I’m not sure if you combined Bryce Perkins and Danny Etling into one Quarterback that you would have a top passer in the UFL. The Panthers should just stick with Perkins because he can run with the ball and can escape the pocket. One of these guys just needs to be the game manager and not screw up on game day. That defense will keep them in every game. Imagine if the Panthers had a top passer, they would be a championship team.

#2. ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS (1-0)

XFL CONFERENCE: Moved up one spot from last week.

I guess if you are a Battlehawks fan you can say AJ who? Referring to AJ McCarron one of the top QB’s in the UFL last year as St. Louis moved on in a different direction. Maybe the Panthers should give McCarron a call. Just saying.

The Battlehawks wanted a mobile quarterback and that is where Manny Wilkens comes in. He razzled and dazzled the Roughnecks defense with his legs and arm. Wilkens threw for 189 passing yards with no interceptions. He also ran for two touchdowns on 43 rushing yards. The Battlehawks rushing attack is something to keep an eye out for. They set a new UFL record with 273 rushing yards of which 74 of them came from a Jarveon Howard who had 115 for the night. Then St. Louis star running back had 98 rushing yards. The Battlehawks defense only gave up 6 points.

#1.ARLINGTON RENEGADES (1-0)

XFL CONFERENCE: Moved up 4 spots from last week

The Renegades made the biggest jump in the power rankings moving up 4 spots and taking the number one spot.

Did you buy the King of the Spring fling’s new book? Luis Perez learned the QB position from watching YouTube videos. He has bowled more than one perfect game. He has helped the Renegades win an XFL title & now he is a published author. Perez was not the star of the Renegades in week one as he quietly completed 20-25 passes for 164 passing yards. The Renegades put the most points on the board in week 1. They did their damage with the running game and the Renegades defense was awesome.

Kalen Ballage galloped for a 77 yard run for a score. He led the Renegades rushing attack with 9 carries for 110 yards. The Renegades’ other running back De’Veon Smith who has been playing for Arlington for years, had 3 carries for 3 yards and 3 touchdowns. I think the Renegades had all 3 phases of their game playing at top level. They can run the ball. They have a solid defense. Most importantly they have one of the best quarterbacks in the league. The weakness in the UFL is the play at the quarterback position.