Welcome to the jungle of the UFL Power Rankings as we have a new beast at the top of the mountain for week 5. The Defenders fall like all the teams I have perched on top of the power rankings this season so far. The Brahmas found a way out of the dungeon of my UFL Power Rankings.

The Brahmas were on life support and now look like world beaters. The UFL is looking very unpredictable this season as I continue to rearrange the furniture in the power rankings. I even rearrange the rusty outdoor furniture as we have a new boat sunk at the bottom of the UFL waters. Let’s see where your team is ranked this week as we unleash week 5’s UFL Power Rankings. Enjoy!!!

#8. MEMPHIS SHOWBOATS (0-4)

USFL CONFERENCE: The Showboats sink to the bottom of the UFL waters. They dropped one spot from last week.

The Showboats Interim Head Coach, Jim Turner, will have regrets taking this crap job in Memphis if he quit the following: booze, tobacco, drugs and anything else to help you forget you have two crappy quarterbacks. On Friday night Memphis only scores 9 points. They are now the only team in the UFL without a win. The Showboats were awful last year, but they seem better than this team this season. Many of the same guys have filled out this roster the last two seasons.

They have talent at the wide receiver position with Jonathan Adams and Kwamie Lassiter II. These are two receivers that any team in the league would like to have. The Showboats have been using the same two quarterbacks every game hoping & praying one will have a solid game. EJ Perry completed 8-16 passes for 74 yards with 1 touchdown pass. Give Perry credit, he led the team in rushing yards with 30. Deneric Prince scored the only Showboats touchdown of the week which was a 3 yard run. Then Troy Williams went 4-8 for 13 yards and was sacked twice. The Showboats’ dueling banjos combined to complete 12 passes out of 24 attempts for 87 yards. That’s a 50% completion rate and under 100 passing yards. PATHETIC!! Who’s the 3rd spring QB? There has to be a better option on the waiver wire than trot these two Shemps out there game after game. The BattleHawks just signed spring veteran QB Brandon Silvers. What’s AJ McCarron doing? The Love boat theme has turned the tide with this ship wreck. The local fan base the Yacht club of Memphis has even changed the channel on this team. Screw Elvis they going to Nashville to listen to country and see if the Titans can show them what a solid QB looks like as they will be selecting number 1 in the NFL draft.

#7.HOUSTON ROUGHNECKS (1-3)

USFL CONFERENCE: Dropped one spot from last week.

The Roughnecks have just the one victory so far this season. That is not saying much because they beat the Showboats who have not put on any kind of show on the field in a good way. This Houston team has been battling. They have a solid defense that keeps them in games like last weekend versus the Stallions. On offense they have a slew of talented receivers but no one that can get them the ball on a regular basis. They benched Anthony Brown, the Roughnecks opening day starter. They gave the start to Nolan Henderson who has provided this Roughnecks team with a tiny spark here and there.

Henderson would fall victim to the blue tent with an injury. On comes the 3rd string QB who’s a veteran of spring football, Jalan McClendon.

McClendon, the former Vegas Viper, is back in the XFL league. He played for the LA Wild Cats in the XFL reboot in 2020. Last year he held the clipboard for the Defenders. He comes in and passes for 236 passing yards, which it would take Brown and Henderson weeks combined to get to that total. McClandon had a rushing touchdown as he threw a interception in a late rallying drive. He got the ball to those play makers which was the biggest take in this week in Roughneck football. If you are the coaching staff of Houston, how do you not see who is the better quarterback this entire time? Maybe the Roughnecks found their savior. I doubt it, but they will be better with McClendon.

#6.SAN ANTONIO BRAHMAS (1-3)

XFL CONFERENCE: The Brahmas shed their Llama-like play the last three weeks and move up two spots from last week to get out of UFL purgatory.

THE NEW GUY

The San Antonio Brahmas, if you remember, made it all the way to the first UFL title game last year and came out with a loss to the Stallions. This season the Brahmas started off 0-3 and didn’t look good in any of the phases of their game. Wade Phillips did not see eye to eye with the play calling of his offensive coordinator, AJ Smith. Smith then decided to resign. Then Wade Phillips suddenly had to take a leave of absence for personal reasons. Quietly moving up the ranks in all this nonsense is Payton Pardee, who has football coaching blood in his family. He was promoted from receivers’ coach to calling plays on offense. Then he was promoted again as Interim Head Coach of the Brahmas. His first challenge of the season was the undefeated DC Defenders at their place. Did I mention Payton became the youngest head coach in football history at 28 years old? Which results in the Brahmas getting their first win and knocking off the last unbeaten team in the UFL.

Payton Pardee played college football at Houston from 2015-18. He then went into coaching as he took the wide receiver’s job at Texas A&M Commerce. In 2023 he landed his first pro job with the Houston Roughnecks as a receivers’ coach. The Pardee family has Texas and spring football in their blood line. Payton’s grandfather Jack played in the NFL for 16 seasons. Then he went into coaching after his playing days came to an end. In the 1980’s he was head coach of Houston Gamblers of the USFL. He had Jim Kelly as his starting QB back then. He also coached the Houston Cougars. In the NFL he also coached for the Bears, Redskins, and the old Tennessee Titans before they moved to Nashville. The Houston Oilers. Jack Pardee was a pretty good head coach. His grandson Payton is off to a solid start with an upset win and probably just turned the Brahmas season around. Stay tuned.

#5.ST.LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS (2-2)

XFL CONFERENCE: The BattleHawks season may have fallen and may not be able to get back up. St.Louis tumbles down three spots from last week.

The BattleHawks took a major blow early in the game versus the Renegades last weekend when their QB went down on a non-contact injury. Manny Wilkins was carted off the field in the very first offensive series for St.Louis. He will be out for the season with a torn Achilles tendon. Wilkins wasn’t the best QB in the UFL, but he is better than most of the hot garbage this league has behind center. Wilkins in 4 games this season had tallied up 498 passing yards with one touchdown pass. He did have three interceptions. He was a duel threat QB who tallied up 135 rushing yards with two rushing touchdowns for the BattleHawks.

Now the QB for St.Louis belongs to the former Frogman of TCU, Max Duggan. If you remember, Duggan led the TCU Horney toads to the National Championship in 2022 to then get their brains beat in by Georgia. Duggan did not do well coming off the bench for Wilkins. He had two interceptions. He completed 8 passes out 17 attempts for 78 yards. The BattleHawks have a solid defense. They have a solid rushing attack. They have talented receivers. They have the number 1 fan base in the UFL. It’s up to Duggan now as he has the keys to the St.Louis car. Can he save the season? Will the BattleHawks season turn into a complete wreck? Is AJ McCarron’s number on speed dial? That is the million dollar question.

#4. BIRMINGHAM STALLIONS (3-1)

USFL CONFERENCE: I have the Stallions in the stable still at the number 4 spot. They were in the same stable last week as well.

The Stallions did win their 3rd straight game after opening up the season with a loss to the Defenders. It was a struggle for Birmingham to get by the Houston Roughnecks. The Stallions defense has been top notch all season long which has saved this team all season long. Last week the Roughnecks inserted their 3rd string QB, Jalen McClendon, who is a veteran of spring football. He carved up the Stallions D. Matt Corral had a better game behind center as he had two touchdown passes to only 1 interception. You would like to see Corral complete more passes as he finished the night 14-25 for 195 yards.

Davion Davis hauled in a big receiving touchdown for the Stallions as he had 2 catches for 62 yards and the score for the night. Corral would leave the game with an injury which could be a bad thing or good. The former Philadelphia Stars QB of the USFL, Case Cookus, saw some action as he completed 1-2 passes for 36 yards. Cookus is a gunslinger type QB who could be streaky in good, bad, and ugly ways behind center. In the end it was Jo Jo Tillery who save the day for the Stallions getting the key interception to put this W in the win column. How long will this Stallions defense keep bailing these guys out?

#3. ARLINGTON RENEGADES (3-1)

XFL CONFERENCE: Renegades moved up two spots from last week.

Yes, Bob Stoops’ team is 3-1 right now as they looked impressive in two weeks of the season so far. Good teams find ways to win games ugly. Last week, the Renegades may have gotten a gift from St.Louis who lost their starting QB in the first series of the game. The Arlington defense took advantage of the BattleHawks back up QB, Max Duggan, who they picked off twice.

Ajene Harris had a monster day on defense for the Renegades which started with a gift fumble by BattleHawks QB Manny Wilkens, who fumbled the ball on a non-contact play. Harris picked it and took it to the house to get the Renegades the early lead. Harris had one of the two interceptions for the Renegade defense. He also had 8 tackles and two passes defended. The Renegades offense looked better than the last two weeks putting up low numbers. Luis Perez, one of the best QB’s in the league, kept the BattleHawks in the game with his pick six to the St.Louis defense. Eventually Arlington put it all together, put up 30 points on St.Louis, and got the win. In the first week of the season, the Renegades put up over 30 points which was the most by any team. The Renegades had three games in those bookends of 30 point performances, where they were held in the teens. Something to keep an eye out for in their Jekyll and Hyde Renegades offense.

#2. DC DEFENDERS (3-1)

XFL Conference: The Defenders beer snake did not have the bite last week as they slither down one spot from last week.

No way the Defenders were going to run the table with a perfect season. I did not see them losing to the Brahmas last weekend, who’s coaching staff has been in turmoil the last few weeks. You can say the Defenders have been through the same thing and won three straight games to start the season with coaches leaving and promoting within. The Defenders offense was not the problem even though they only put 18 points on the board. The DC offense out-gained the Brahmas in total yards 409-219. The Brahmas scored 24 points. Jordan Ta’amu had a great game behind center completing 19-31-299 passing yards. He had one touchdown pass & no interceptions. He also led the Defenders in rushing yards with 74 and used his legs to score two rushing touchdowns.

Jordan Ta’amu leads the UFL in passing yards after 4 games this season with 905. He also leads the league with 6 touchdown passes. The Defenders have problems converting the extra points after the touchdowns. The Defenders also settle for more field goals in the red zone than getting the six points with the touchdowns. The Defenders can move the ball up and down the field without any problems. The Defenders have played solid defense the entire season. If you take away the Brahmas’ punt return touchdown allowed by Defenders special teams last Sunday, is it a different outcome? You like the Defenders to win at home with the beer snake as the 12th man slithering.

#1.MICHIGAN PANTHERS (3-1)

USFL CONFERENCE: The Panthers have moved up to the deluxe apartments in the sky. They are my new number 1 team in the power rankings moving up 2 spots.

If the Panthers QB, Bryce Perkins, can play like he did last week, Michigan is going places. Perkins completed 15-22 passes for an even 200 yards and threw two touchdown passes. The Panthers scored the most points last week. The Panthers defense is one of the best in the league and playing without their big daddy. Breeland Speaks, who was the UFL Defensive Player of the Year in 2024, has missed the last few games with an injury.

Speaks’ return is unknown at this time. If the Panthers could get him back this season, they could make a run at the title. Speaks had 9.5 sacks last year in regular season as he is a monster chasing QB’s down. I like Mike Nolan using a ground attack to beat his opponents and wear them out. Obviously Perkins is a duel threat QB. You want him to run only when needed as he’s starting to hit on all of his passes. The Panther running back Nate McCrary should be mentioned more. He had 60 yards on the ground with one touchdown. The Panthers have a two headed monster at the running back position brewing. Toa Taura had 10 carries for 53 rushing yards with a touchdown. Michigan is hitting their stride as Birmingham should be put on notice.