LETS ROLL OUT WEEK SEVEN OF THE NFL POWER RANKINGS WITH A GUTTER BALL OF COURSE

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 6-0 (SAME) Finally the Patriots will play a team with their biggest star on the field. Yes Sam Darnold is over his kissing disease and he showed his presence versus the Cowboys last week. I don’t see the Jets upsetting the Evil Empire, Sam Darnold is no Luke Skywalker. Another easy opponent for the Patriots. The league should just give them a bye on the regular season and go straight to the playoffs. They already have that permanent bye because they play in the AFC EAST.

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 5-1 (SAME) Without Drew Brees, Teddy Bridgewater remains undefeated, filling in for the future hall of famer. The biggest reason the Saints keep rolling is that defense. Marshon Lattimore might be the best in the league in shutting down your top playmaker on offense.

Saints Offense since Brees’ injury twice in games have scored only in the teens and still won both games.

#3.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 5-1(UP 1 SPOT)

Even Captain Obvious can tell you the play of Russell Wilson is the biggest reason why the Seahawks are out to a 5-1 start. I’m impressed they are winning games on the road. Winning on the road used to haunt this team. Because of the 12th man, the fans in Seattle with the spiked coffee made it hard for opponents to play. Back to Russell Wilson, he has our vote for the early season MVP awards with his play. Especially his demeanor, at all times calm, cool, and collective. Able to play like that, you feel the Seahawks are not out of any game if they dig themselves a hole early on.

#4.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 5-0 (UP 1 SPOT) I think you can now say the 49ers
are a very good team. They have not lost a game. They were battle tested last week going to LA and playing the Rams and winning. Rams have been riding the struggle bus but are still a tough opponent in their own stomping grounds. Another team with a defense that is rising up in the league. A well balanced offensive attack with a running game that is closing in on the tops in the league.With Jimmy Garoppolo just standing behind center, he is 13-2 as a starting quarterback.

5.GREEN BAY PACKERS 5-1 (UP 2 SPOTS) Does Green Bay have a lucky rabbit foot in their pocket? We know Aaron Rogers’ State Farm agent probably put his horseshoe up his rear. Perhaps his agent as well with that group of guys, it should concern the league. Could be Detroit has a black cat following them to each city. Penalties, some will say the Phantom penalty, helped the Packers put away the Lions on Monday night. Perhaps the referees are a part of the cheese whiz of the month club.

I would say the referees agree with cousin Eddie on that.

#6.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 5-2 (DOWN 3 SPOTS) SUPERHERO DOWN!!!

Kansas City lost the Son of a Mitch bowl on Sunday. Then their Marvel superhero quarterback gets derailed with a knee injury on Thursday night. Status of his return is unknown. Everybody has an opinion. I think the Chiefs can still win games. The defense has to step up like they did to Denver. They looked possessed and had the devil eyes. Matt Moore can ride the ship like Teddy Bridgewater in New Orleans. Not Matt Moore’s first rodeo as a back up. He is 15-15 all-time as a starter so he has been there and done that. Coach Andy Reid has been through this before a few times. He has had success and still got the team to the playoffs. KC fans will be praying for Mahomes to get better ASAP.

#7.CAROLINA PANTHERS 4-2 (Up 1 SPOT) Coach Ron Rivera has been a very busy man this season.

Dear Lord, he would start by saying. Then go into begging mode on his knees with nuns. Please deliver my team a quarterback. The Lord answered his prayers with Kyle Allen. Last week, Panthers won in London and now are 4-0 with the young QB.

#8.BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 (Up 1 SPOT) Even on a bye week we felt with some lackluster performances by other teams, we should move up the Bills one spot. They face Miami this week and they better not have a letdown. Fantasy experts say play anybody you have in a Bills uniform. Almost my whole team is in a Buffalo Bills uniform, so I’m very excited I might finally win a game in fantasy. Buffalo could be 5-1, their best start in a really really long freaking time. Pardon my French dressing that I just spilled on the rug.

#9.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 4-2 The Vikings had a big game last week versus the Eagles. Kirk Cousins looked sharp when most, including myself, thought he was the weakest link.

If it was that simple in life. Vikings are very talented up and down their roster. If Kirk Cousins can win big games, this team will go far.

#10.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 (SAME) Colts I moved up one spot, even though they were on a bye. I like the way Jacoby Brissett has played so far. His numbers are not eye popping off the charts, Mahomes like. But he rates as one of the top QB’S in the league. Colts defense is awesome. The running game is one of the best in the league. Who the hell is Andrew Luck?

#11.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-3 (DOWN 5 SPOTS) The Eagles were running down the road and had seven women on their minds. That many women on the mind will make a person say stupid things. Like Zach Brown giving Minnesota bulletin board stuff by talking smack about Kirk Cousins’ play. Leave the criticism to the experts and some smart arse who has a computer and a blog. Vikings won the game and Zach Brown with his foot in his mouth so deep was shown the door and cut by the team. Eagles are down. But the Cowboys are next and the division lead is in their grips.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 4-2 (SAME) Beating the Bengals is not going to get you moved up in the power rankings. Perhaps if we meet at a bar and the Ravens give me a bag of money, then I will move the Ravens running game up one notch. Perhaps a car will help sweeten the pot and I could get them in the top ten.

#13.HOUSTON TEXANS 4-2 (UP 1 SPOT) It was Deshaun Watson and the Texans that won the Son of Mitch bowl. Do the Bears get to take home Deshaun Watson? With the win over the Chiefs, it gives this team a signature victory. Seems the Texans are starting to roll like they did last year at this time. Big game this week versus the Colts, your biggest threat for the division. Wild cards with so many teams to be ahead of are hard to get, so the division title is your route 66 to the playoffs.

#14.DETROIT LIONS 2-2-1 Lions got a raw deal versus the Packers on Monday night. They should have won and now they find themselves a step back in the division. A step back is huge in a very tough division. I want to see how the Lions respond in their next game. We will see if the big fat slob with the beard can motivate his team to win their next game and basically save his team’s season.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 (SAME) I feel the Oakland Raiders and Chucky Gruden’ success has Hollywood style plotting.

Could another Chucky movie be in the works? I thought Jason killed Chucky for good and his bride in, “Friday the 13th, Part 13, The hunt for Red October.”

#16.CHICAGO BEARS 3-3 (UP 1 SPOT) So many disappointments in week six that teams on byes are getting moved up. Bears have Mitch Trubisky back behind center for week seven. Did they make the adjustments to figure how to run the ball? Bears still have one of the scariest defenses in the league. Week Seven is a big game they need versus the Saints. A win and they are back in the thick of things. But a loss might break this team’s back. We know the Saints even without Drew Brees are the best team in the NFC. Everything has to go right for the Bears to win.

#17.CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-5 (UP 2 SPOTS) With many teams in the crapper, I have the Browns moving up two pegs. I liked the way the Browns responded from the defeat on Monday night versus the 49ers. They played a good Seattle team tough, even though they lost the game. Now they have a bye week and plot to take down the Evil Empire.

Baker Mayfield, as we speak, is watching game film on the Patriots. Watching how to take down the Empire.

#18.ARIZONA CARDINALS 2-3-1 (UP 8 spots) Cardinals won the shoot out in the battle of the birds last week. I know Atlanta’s defense is one of the worst units in the league. Kyler Murray and the Cardinals match scores with Matt Ryan all day. At the end the Cardinals prevail and now have won two games in a row. If the Cardinals were not in a tough division, they would be in the thick of things. These wins have to be boosting up the confidence in the rookie QB and head coach.

#19. LA RAMS 3-3 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Rams are still in a free fall. Now they lost three in a roll. They acquired Jalen Ramsey this week in a trade, in which they over paid the Jaguars for this cry baby. Then they traded Marcus Peters to the Ravens. I scratch my head on trading Peters. I would think having both Peters and Ramsey would improve your defensive backfield. More than only having one of them.

#20.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Giants without many of their play makers played the Patriots tough most of the game last week. This week Giants get back Saquon Barkley which will help the overall team and the rookie quarterback. I can see the Giants breaking back in the win column.

#21.DENVER BRONCOS 2-5 (UP 4 SPOTS) I finally jumped on the BRONCOS BAND WAGON AS THEY WON TWO IN A ROW. Thursday night, the Broncos with Patrick Mahomes leaving the game, went back to their old ways. I have them jumping 4 spots which is definitely not justified. However throwing Dallas under the bus is justified. I’ll just leave it at that.

#22.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-3 (DOWN 6 SPOTS) LOSE TO THE NEW YORK JETS WITH ALL THAT TALENT YOU HAVE. THEY SHOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE LEAGUE!!!!

#23.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Cross this off the bucket list if you’re a Buccaneer fan. To fly to another continent and get humiliated by your division rival. At least you can say you got some travel points on your frequent flyer program. Every sour grape needs a bright spot.

#24. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-4 (DOWN 1 SPOT) I only moved the Jaguars down one spot because they played a close game last week versus New Orleans. That is not all. They traded Jalen Ramsey who demanded a trade and got some good draft picks for the cry baby from the Rams. Plus Nick Foles could be back in the mix. Even though it’s not quarterback play this season to blame for the way this team is playing.

#25.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2-4 (UP 2 SPOTS) Who is Devlin Rodgers? Can someone tell Devlin to teach Chargers quarterback Phillip Rivers how to throw a football. Steelers down to their third quarterback. Big Ben collapsed early this season. Mason Rudolf is still in route to hospital because the ambulance broke down like the cart at the stadium. Either Steelers know how to find talented quarterbacks, or the Chargers are a very bad football team. A team that was in the AFC championship. It will be interesting how many wins the Steelers do tally up at the end of this season. Without all the drama. Without Big Ben who lights the match to some of the past drama.

#26.LA CHARGERS 2-4 (DOWN SIX SPOTS) Can LA trade one of their football teams to get another soccer team?

Chargers right now play in a soccer stadium. This could work. Send the Chargers to Jacksonville. They can combine both teams there and call themselves the Jacksonville Charging Jagbags. Phillip Rivers has turned into Ryan Leaf.

They might as well make a QB change because Rivers is confused about what jerseys his team wears.

#27.NEW YORK JETS 1-4 Sam Darnold’s back as he had to take a step back from the whores that sidelined him for several weeks.

Darnold has to stop hanging out with his childhood friend, Ted. Bad influence. Jets finally had something to cheer about when they took it to the Cowboys which is always nice to see America’s team fall during the America’s game of the week. The upset of the Cowboys reminded me of Josh McCown the year he gave Jets fans excitement when he carried the team on his back and they beat a few good teams in the process. Not saying the Cowboys are a good team. But they do feed on bad teams. Last week they were the bad team.

#28.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-4 (DOWN 4 SPOTS) The Titans offense was so bad last week their new kicker Cody Parky did not get one attempt at his famous double doink. They were shut out in Denver as their offense never got off the bus. The week before that they were held to 7 points. Now finally after six more games of this Marcus Mariota experiment gone wrong, they are making the change at quarterback. Ryan Tannehill will get the start in week seven. Is it too late? Colts and Texans are playing well. The Jag Bags suck. The Titans need to get on a roll. They have a pretty good defense.They have some playmakers. They should not be this bad. In Nashville country, it is all about the ups and downs of life.Tannehill will start off great, win a few, and  get everyone excited about Titan football. Then he will be injured and it will be back to the drawing board with Mariota. Just need a banjo to sing that with some moonshine.

#29.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-5 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Would the Atlanta Falcons be down a better road if they did not lose that Superbowl to the Patriots a few years back? Better playcalling in the second half versus the Patriots, would havewon that game. Since then, the wounded wing of the Falcon is going in a complete tailspin. Last week they could not even win a track meet versus Arizona. We know the defense is a hot topic. But the offense carried this team to a much better record than 1-5. But now the team is getting buried alive AND LOOK AWFUL. By the time Halloween comes around, some lucky fan will have he real McCoy in their front yard.

A dirty bird grave yard with actual Falcon players scaring kids while trick or treating like they already scared most of their fan base away.

#30.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1-5 (UP 1 SPOT) Is it a good thing to win the Tank the Season bowl versus the power house Dolphin team? With the victory by the Redskins I moved them up on the totem pole of the Wild Shamrock power rankings. Skins fans may be dancing in the streets reading this. How many of them actually care about their football team? Whippee skippy you have an old man “Spank the Bottom of his kids keasters with a switch” Peterson. Vanilla Ice at quarterback. Though Landon Collins was awarded NFC defensive player of the week. But again you played the Dolphins, is that a big deal? One bright spot is the wide receiver Scary Terry McLaurin with his blazing speed is catching lots of balls without a good arm throwing it to him. In Washington DC, still stuck with Trump to rub salt in the wounds even more. How about those Washington Nationals? Plus hockey is back. Pack it in The Redskins will return in 2020.

#31.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-6 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) In the movie Unnecessary Roughness, the back up quarterback gets in for the first time. He is getting chased in the pocket screaming for the referee to blow the whistle.

That has to be how Andy Dalton is feeling, taking snaps each Sunday. Andy Dalton needs to put up sandbags behind his crappy lineman, put the rifle away, and settle for a machine gun for protection. The Bengals are one big disgruntled family right now. They should blow it up with a garage sale of all the pieces they do have. Andy Dalton would look good in a Bears uniform.

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-5 (SAME) The Dolphins lost the Tank the Season bowl to the Washington Deadskins. They made a savvy move this week maybe to ensure they have the number one draft pick by benching Josh Rosen for some Fitzmagic. Poor Josh Rosen, you were thrown to the wolves in Arizona with a shaky offensive line last season in your rookie year. Then you are traded to the hapless Dolphins with their question marks all over the Dolphin roster. Perhaps Ryan Fitzpatrick is sleeping with the owner’s wife. Instead cement booties in the ocean can bring the Police into the situation.

Serve Fitzpatrick up to the Buffalo defense. A human sacrifice on the legal side. Perhaps Josh Rosen is still holding on to some kind of future with the team after all, we just don’t know all the details.

OVERALL RECORD THIS SEASON STRAIGHT PICK-EM AFTER WEEK FIVE

46-32

LAST WEEK RECORD:8-7

OVERALL THURSDAY NIGHT RECORD:1-4

OVERALL MONDAY NIGHT RECORD:3-2

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

GIANTS AT PATRIOTS

To me this game seems unfair. Can you spot the Giants some points in this one to start? Many of the Giants playmakers are sidelined with injuries and will not be playing. Daniel Jones has his work cut out for him on this one. No rookie quarterback has gone into Foxboro and beaten a Bill Belichick defense. Seems like another easy match up for the Patriots. Patriots win big in this one. Only good thing to come out of this is we improve our dismal Thursday night record.

OUR PICK:PATRIOTS

THE SUNDAY SLATE

PANTHERS AT BUCCANEERS IN LONDON

The biggest question I have is which Tampa Bay team will show up? They have a simple pattern as they win one, lose one. When they win they look pretty good. When they lose it’s not like the Bucs of 2018. Week six I’m throwing my Sherlock and Watson logic out the window. Since the Buccaneers lost last week and may win today. I think Panthers are one of the hottest teams in the league and they will be able to steam roll the Buccaneers in the morning fog. I can see Jameis Winston pawing the cab driver in one of those black London cabs. Got to make your mark overseas as well.

OUR PICK:PANTHERS

BENGALS AT RAVENS

The Red rifleman Andy Dalton actually needs a rifle behind center to protect himself. The Bengals have to lead the league in men down. Lamar Jackson and the Ravens may put up another 50 burger on their opponent like they did versus the Dolphins. Ravens have done well versus the teams under 500 this season. Chalk up the outlines on the field for a few more kitty cats sunk into the Raven turf. Ravens win this one big.

OUR PICK:RAVENS

SEAHAWKS AT BROWNS

I have thought the Browns would rebound after being destroyed by the 49ers on Monday Night. I thought the Seahawks’ weakness is traveling down the road back again. Russell Wilson is the X-factor. He is having an MVP season and as a team the Seahawks are playing the part. I just don’t see the Browns doing a quick 360 and coming out blazing. To me the Browns look like a broken team mentally.

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

SAINTS AT JAGUARS

Known for their defense once upon a time ago. That was in the past as the one thing the Jaguars had working for them is not there. Is the little prissy bitch Jalen Ramsey going to play? Even if he does he will not be able to stop the Saints offense. Teddy Bridgewater looks very comfortable in that offense. The Saints defense have been playing out of their minds since Drew Brees got hurt. To me the Saints are the best team in the NFC.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

TEXANS AT CHIEFS

This match up will have other cities watching two quarterbacks they possibly could have had. In Chicago especially, the Bears went with Mitch Trubisky who they traded up to get. They could have held on to their draft picks and taken either Patrick Mahomes or Deshaun Watson. But the Bears gave away the cow for some beans. This game, Chicago radio has called this the Son of Mitch bowl between these teams and two future young stars in the NFL. This game will be a shootout. I think Chiefs get the win after a rare loss they suffered last week versus the Colts. Texans will put up a fight. I think Chiefs have way more talent overall than the Texans. Plus Chiefs are at home. It’s very hard as a visitor to win at Arrowhead.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

REDSKINS AT DOLPHINS

THE TANK BOWL. Which team wants the number one draft pick? Fans may want their team to lose this contest instead of winning. This will be a terrible game to watch. How many fans will actually go watch this game? How do NFL franchises in such disarray still have the nerve to charge full price for tickets? My two keys to this game are Spanky Peterson finds some wiggle room and has a big day running the rock. I think teams rally especially after the Redskins fired Chucky’s brother. I can see Bill Callahan, the interim coach, switch up a few things and Redskins finally respond and get a W.

OUR PICK:REDSKINS

EAGLES AT VIKINGS

I think this game is one of the best on the Sunday slate. Eagles are flying high as they turned their season around. The Vikings got back in the win column against an injured Giant team. This is an even match up all around. The one edge I see is the Eagles at quarterback. Kirk Cousins does not do well in big games. Eagles turn the most hated man in Minnesota, yes the Vikings quarterback, into a witchy woman. Whatever that means. Go Jack Handy on it if you like.

OUR PICK:EAGLES

FALCONS AT CARDINALS

This game has a lot of bird crap to get through to figure out a winner. Arizona won their first game last week over the hapless Bumbles. Atlanta has been in struggle mode since the first snap of the season. Especially last week, Falcons got demolished by Texans who put up 52 points on that horrific defense. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I like the Falcons in this one. Falcons have burned me all season. I know Kyler Murray will put up points for the Cardinals. Matt Ryan, my gut feeling is he will make his presence known finally in this 2019 season. Falcons will avenge that nightmare game from a week ago. Falcons playmakers come up big in a shoot out style of game the NFL so enjoys.

OUR PICK:FALCONS

49ERS AT RAMS

You can easily say the 49ers in this game. Rams have been very bad the last few weeks. However Rams lost to Seahawks in the last seconds by a missed field goal by their usually sure-handed kicker. Sean McVay, coach of the Rams, had never lost three straight. By playing on Thursday, Rams had a very long time to prepare themselves and hope they fixed their defense. 49ers are playing in a short week. 49ers killed the Browns on Monday night. Browns look like they regressed back to their old Browns. Meanwhile the Rams will be the 49ers first true test of the season as an opponent. Rams come up with this game, especially in a division where everyone seems to be doing well. This is the game the Rams need and one that could save their season.

OUR PICK: RAMS

TITANS AT BRONCOS

Watch out, the Titans have another X-Bears kicker. The Titans on offense have struggled with Marcus Mariota almost all year. Denver finally notched their first win as they confused the hell out of Phillip Rivers last Sunday. I think the Broncos will stack the box and put a stop on the Titans running back, Derrick Henry. Titans have lost the last five games they played in Denver. Broncos come up with a well deserved and well fought victory at home instead of letting the visitors walk out at the very end hitting a field goal. The Titans’ Cody Parky will probably double doink one off the cross bar in a Titans loss.

OUR PICK:BRONCOS

COWBOYS AT JETS

Another bottom feeder team for the Cowboys to get back on track after losing two straight. Will this be the America’s game of the week just because the Cowboys are playing? After the Cowboys win this one with ease, will them going to Superbowl be talked about again and again?

OUR PICK:COWBOYS

STEELERS AT CHARGERS

Do the Steelers have a working cart to scrape their quarterback off the carpet?

Phillip Rivers better show me in this game that he can throw more touchdown passes than picks in the end zone. Chargers have problems. But we all have problems. Rivers needs to stop acting like Ryan Leaf and lead his team over the Steelers on Sunday night. If Chargers don’t seize this game, the season is over for them. Chiefs will get further away for you. Raiders and Broncos are looking better. Chargers will be in the basement wondering what happened. The Chargers still should be able to handle a very bad Steeler team.

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

THE MONDAY NIGHT GAME

LIONS AT PACKERS

Lions are looking like a pretty good football team. I would have said I was crazy writing that after their week one versus the Cardinals. Lions need this one in Green Bay to be considered a team that has a valid threat to take the Central. The Packers defense is still being raved about. I think their defensive unit is nothing to be excited about and go streaking. Which they probably are doing right now in cheeseland. Flab bouncing up and down while only wearing steel toe construction boots and a hunters vest. Green Bay offense, besides Aaron Rogers, has a very good running game to make this well balanced attack which. Detroit will have their work cut out for them. Packers at home. I just don’t see the Lions winning a big game in prime time.

OUR PICK:PACKERS

THE POWER RANKINGS ARE BACK AND WE ARE READY TO PUMP YOU UP FOR WEEK SIX

#1.EVIL EMPIRE AKA (NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) 6-0 First they play the Steelers without any of their big playmakers and a Big Ben that is starting to crumble. Then they easily take care of the Jets and Dolphins who are two teams at the bottom of the barrel. Then finally have their only battle of the year with the Bills. A cheap helmet-to-helmet hit to the Bills quarterback knocking him out of the game to cement that. Last week a horrible Redskins team. Then this upcoming week the Giants who are missing three of their playmakers on offense. Then a bad Jets team for the second time. Then the Browns, a team that is back to playing horribly after a great second half last season. Does Bill Belichick write his own script that feature teams with gigantic holes in their roster they play most of the time? They should be 8-0 at the halfway point of this season. Where’s your Skywalker now?

#2.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 4-1 The signing of Teddy Bridgewater might be the savvy move that has saved the Saints season. With Drew Brees out, Bridgewater is getting better each game. The Saints are beating good teams during this stretch without Drew behind center. The Saints defense has come up huge this year. The play of receiver Michael Thomas who is making a very big case that he may be the best in the league.

#3.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 4-1 Even though the Chiefs lost their first game last week they will get over it and survive to fight another day. I still have faith in them as one of the power houses in the NFL. Should you worry because they did get lucky in a win over the Lions in the last minute a week before the loss? Patrick Mahomes has been looking ordinary.

Patrick Mahomes needs to stop talking to the Chicago Bears coaching staff of the future, present and the past. This is what Bears do to quarterbacks, turn them from super into stone or mutant form.

#4.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 4-1 Russell Wilson has the highest quarterback rating in the league. He has 12 touchdown passes and no interceptions after 5 weeks. This guy does things very quietly. Seahawks continue to win games. I do not want to give Pete Carol any of the credit. Russell Wilson is the football version of Derek Jeter. He leads this team by example, going out there to play every game. To be effective every game. Once Brees retires. Once Rodgers is murdered by his agent to keep him away from the state farm agent in that weird love triangle they’ve got going. Once Tom Brady ‘s circuits shut down, Russell Wilson should be considered the best quarterback in the league.

#5.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 4-0 When Jimmy Garoppolo is standing, the 49ers do very well. However it’s not Jimmy that is winning these games for the 49ers. Great defense. Great running game. My only question is who had they played so far? Cleveland on Monday Night which is probably the best squad they’ve dealt with so far. Is Cleveland even a good measuring stick with their struggles? It will be interesting when the 49ers play the Seahawks and the Rams to see where they stand from there.

#6.PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3-2 The beginning of the season, the Eagles got gut punched by their opponents. Once they were backed in the corner bleeding, they have fought back and now are rolling along very nicely. The defense has been making plays. Not sure why the Bears traded away Jordan Howard as they can’t even pick up short yards on third downs these days. Howard has been used a lot by the Eagles. Like every good quarterback such as Carson Wentz, a running game is your best friend because it opens up that passing game.

#7.GREEN BAY PACKERS 4-1 Green Bay defense is better than what they had last year. I will not over-hype that unit like most people think it’s the 85 Bears.

Green Bay’s success has been Aaron Jones and the running game. Making this offense well balanced for a change. The Packers really looked great versus Dallas. Before that, the Eagles man handled the cheese heads. As the season goes on, we will find out if the Packers are a contender or a pretender.

#8.CAROLINA PANTHERS 3-2 Maybe I’m jumping on the Carolina bandwagon too soon. Without the cookie, this team is firing on all cylinders.

Christian McCaffrey looks like an early MVP candidate. I disliked this kid when he chose to work on his draft status instead of playing in the college bowl game. I get the pro’s of skipping out, but never leave your team fighting the battle alone is how I was raised. Carolina defense is playing lights out. Rookie Kyle Allen at quarterback indeed has been the savior. Keeping the old cookie, the fig newton is at the bottom of the cookie jar where he belongs.

#9. BUFFALO BILLS 4-1 I believe the Buffalo Bills should be 5-0 right now heading to their bye week. They gave up a special teams touchdown to the Patriots in that only loss they have. Plus the Patriots laid a cheap hit on the Bills quarterback knocking Josh Allen out of the game. The defense made Tom Brady look human in that game. Missed field goal and missed opportunities in the red zone. I ranted and raved about the one loss because it was against the Evil Empire. When you have those bastards against the rope, you have to knock them down. Defense is awesome, one of the best units in the league. I need to see more on the offense. If they can score more points, this team will have a special season.

#10.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 3-2 Everything on this team is in working order except for Kirk Cousins. Can he perform in big games? When the Vikings play inferior teams, Kirk Cousins has no problems performing at a high level. They will need him to win them some big games at some point in this season. The Vikings right now are teetering in the top ten or falling down the big slide in the game of chutes and ladders.

#11.INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 3-2 Maybe the Colts have the recipe to make superman human and how to beat the Chiefs. Maybe the Colts’ front seven wore kryptonite around their necks chasing down Mahomes on Sunday night. With Andrew Luck retiring. Jacoby Brissett has played very well and is carving his own niche to be a starter in the NFL. The Colts roster is solid with plenty of depth. Defense and the running game with Jacoby Brissett not making mistakes, Frank Reich has his team off to a great start.

#12.BALTIMORE RAVENS 3-2 The jury still is out when it comes to figuring out what the Ravens are all about. Lamar Jackson looks like a superhero one week, and then struggles the next week. They got destroyed by the Browns. However they need overtime to beat the Steelers who had their third string quarterback in the game. The Ravens defense is up and down as well. So you can say the Ravens are your typical team in the NFL.

#13.DETROIT LIONS 2-1-1 Lions could really wreck havoc on the power rankings if they can beat the Packers this week. It will turn over the whole central division. Lions are lurking right now hovering around the teams in the central. Bears and Vikings have quarterback issues. Is the Packers defense that good? The Lions should be 3-1 as they let the Cardinals back in that game in week one .If they beat the Packers they will be 3-1-1 and in the thick of things the rest of the way.

#14.HOUSTON TEXANS 3-2 Texans destroyed the Falcons last week. Before that game it seemed like the Texans played their best game in the season opener versus the Saints when they lost at the last minute. They will need to play like that, and last week, to beat the Chiefs. It is Watson versus Mahomes sounds like a monster movie.

This could be a future match up like a Manning versus Brady rivalry. It’s also a match up Bears fans can watch and see what they could have had instead of drafting Mitch Trubisky.

#15.OAKLAND RAIDERS 3-2 It’s hard to imagine Chucky having a spot of tea with the Queen of England. Chucky gets the last laugh beating the Bears in London. It was supposed to have been Khalil Mack’s revenge game versus his old team. Derrick Carr and the Raiders running game looked sharp in that win. Chucky out-coached Matt Nagy in that game. Now the Raiders look like an interesting team that have quietly built up a 3-2 record. With wins versus the Colts, Bears, and Broncos. No Jets, Redskins, and Dolphins like the Cowboy’s trophy wins. They have a bye week this week. Will they be ready in week seven to build on this record?

#16.DALLAS COWBOYS 3-2 Everyone is in shock that the Cowboys lost two game in a row. It should be no shock to anybody. They opened out of the gate with the bottom feeders of the NFL. Then they play two really good teams the last few weeks and the results are in, Cowboys have come down to earth. I will say something nice about the Cowboys.

They do have the best set of cheerleaders in the entire league.

#17.CHICAGO BEARS 3-2 The words Dennis Green play in my head and that describes what is going on with the Monsters of the Midway.

Back then Dennis Green was unbelievable in the Bears. Perhaps the only one. This season many want to crown the Bears the champs before one snap was taken. Losing to Chucky and the Raiders in London may scar this team the rest of the season. Solid defense .But they may have a bust at quarterback in Mitch Trubisky, that may flush the Bears’ superbowl dreams down the toilet and out to Lake Michigan.

#18.LA RAMS 3-2 The Tom Petty song comes to my mind that best describes their season.

The defense looks horrible. See the Buccaneers game. Jared Goff is at the bottom of the league in quarterback play. Rams might be suffering from what most teams do when they lose a Superbowl. They are not heard from the following season.

#19 CLEVELAND BROWNS 2-3 Stupid penalties in week one doomed the Browns. Then they look like world beaters as they demolished the Ravens. Then on Monday Night they lay a complete dud versus the 49ers. Lots of personalities and big Egos on this team waiting to explode. You even got that idiot Richard Sherman talking smack to your number one quarterback. Is Baker Mayfield a bust? Why would you hire a head coach with no experience? The bomb is ticking in Cleveland, ready to explode Dawg parts all over the field. Mike Vick will love to see that. I don’t think Baker Mayfield’s dust buster will be able to clean up that mess.

#20.LA CHARGERS 2-3 Many will point out about the Chargers that injuries and more injuries have this team on the down slope in the game of chutes and ladders. I would throw in the kicking game. I would even throw in Phillip Rivers. YOU SUCK!!! His performance last week with stupid throws after stupid throws is just baffling. How long have you been in this league? If I lived in San Diego I would wonder who needs to watch the same ole thing every Sunday with the Chargers when we’ve got nice weather all the time.

#21.NEW YORK GIANTS 2-3 The Giants playmakers are dropping like flies.

Even though many are in the mash unit, they’re not playing like the monster mash.

They hung with the Patriots most of the game on Thursday night. I like how their young quarterback Daniel Jones is playing right now. I can see the Giants racking up a few more wins before the season ends. Hope he can get some of his toys back to help him.

#22.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 2-3 The Buccaneers are having that Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of season. Like a box of chocolates, you do not know what you will get. Jameis Winston has been riding Lyft instead of Uber, as he has been a good citizen this season and not pawing the drivers. If I was a Buccaneer fan you have to admit they are playing way better than last year when they were getting blown out every week. The Buccaneer players and fans will come out of the closet at some point this season and truly identify themselves for what they are.

#23.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2-3 Jalen Ramsey still wants to be traded. If I were Jacksonville, I would make him clean the stadium every week like Baker Mayfield does in those commercials when he has friends over.

The Jaguars defense is horrible. The Jags head coach Doug Marone is a complete MORON. Only thing I like from these Jag Bags is their young quarterback, Gardner Minshew, who is playing well and worth watching if the Jags game is the only game in town on the TV. Love that Gardner is in a fantasy league with his friends from high school. Neither them or him has picked up Gardner Minshew at quarterback. Even the Ravens kicker admitted he has himself as a starter on his fantasy team.

#24.TENNESSEE TITANS 2-3

The Titans are Big Dummies. First they continue down the road with Marcus Mariota as their quarterback. Its been long enough so it’s time to pull the plug on that first round pick. They have a replacement on the bench in Ryan Tannehill. Then they keep garbage picking for Chicago Bears kickers. They replaced one that missed like four kicks last weekend with the Double Doinker in Cody Parky.

#25. DENVER BRONCOS 1-4 Vic Fangio finally gets his first win ever as a head coach in the NFL. Broncos should probably have at least one or two more wins in this season losing at the end to field goals. You’re starting to see the Broncos defense play better. Phillip Rivers is prone to bad games, but they made him look like a rookie quarterback last weekend. I can see the Broncos getting better as the season goes on. Making it tough for opponents each week.

#26.ARIZONA CARDINALS 1-3-1 Arizona is all about developing Kyler Murray at quarterback. As first time head coach, Kliff Kinsgbury and their rookie quarterback got to experience their first win under their belts by beating the Bumbles. A win is a win. It will build up both the young coach and young quarterback confidence as the season continues. It will be an up and down season, but this thing could be a very bright future indeed.

#27.PITTSBURGH STEELERS 1-4 This team needs to hit the self destruct button and get a new golf cart to transport the injured.

Mason Rudolph was knocked out of the game. The cart ran out of gas. Or was not properly maintained and they had to walk Mason off the field as he looked like he did know where he was. Looked like me at 4 in the morning in the wee hours of Sunday. Rumors had the Washington Redskins interested in the Steelers’ head coach Mike Tomlin for their vacant head coach position. Boom… make it happen. Tomlin for a working cart. It will be like the minor league baseball player years ago getting traded for a crate of lobsters.

#28.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-4 The Falcons should be renamed the walking dead.

Both sides of the ball is zombie like. Even head coach Dan Quinn has been infected. Matt Ryan needs to be like Rick Grimes and charter a helicopter to get the hell out of there. Before he gets infected with the Miami flu that takes all your football skills.

#29.CINCINNATI BENGALS 0-4 The Bengals started to sink last season. They got off to a pretty decent start. They had a nice second half in 2017. The Bengals definitely had a hole in the ship.

Seems like old head coach Marvin Lewis got out with the women and children as the hole got bigger and this thing is going down. Zac Taylor, the new head coach, has inherited a nightmare. Is this going to hurt Sean McVay’s coaching tree? Definitely the Zac Taylor branch and leaves are not growing. Sooner or later an arborist will be by to cut the branch for good.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 0-4 I wonder what the Jets super fan is doing these days.

Fireman Ed would probably rather do housework than watch the disaster of the Jets. Unless you like Godzilla movies where he just is demolishing Japanese villages. On weekends he walks down the aisle of a good craft show, hand and hand drinking a flavored coffee. At least someone is scoring points, not like the Jets offense these days.

#31.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 0-5 The First Gruden to get fired, if you had Jay Gruden right after week five you are the winner of the sweepstakes. Videos had surfaced of Jay Gruden out partying before he got axed. He was drinking, smoking, and talking to young girls. Sounds like a Saturday night at the local Irish pub. Perhaps he knew his days were numbered in DC. You have no quarterback, so you don’t have to stay home and do playbook schemes. Putting Colt McCoy in instead of the young quarterback you drafted, is George Costanza wanting to get fired from the Yankees.

• 

• 

#32.MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-4 Cleveland Browns are the last team to go 0-16 in a regular season. Do you think that team should get together in some player’s man cave, who lives with his mother?

I imagine these will be players that are done in the NFL. However Cleveland held them a parade for that perfect season. Miami Dolphins, if they do win a game, they open up the 40 0z bottles of King Cobra and celebrate their perfection of not winning. Like the Dolphins celebrate teams losing to stop their perfect seasons.

Two NFL franchises that have been desperate for a face of their franchise. A face in the most important position on the field, as in quarterback. Both the Chicago Bears and the Cleveland Brown have been searching for a guy behind center for decades. Both teams have a list bigger than Santa, of guys that have started for either team . A list that resembled the walking dead. Last time the Cleveland Browns had a good quarterback, was back in the 80’s that went into the 1990’s. Bernie Kosar finished his Cleveland career in 1993 and moved on to other teams. The last time the Bears had a significant passer was back in the 1980’s with Jim McMahon. The quarterback that helped win the Bears their only Superbowl. Many thought the Dawg pound and the Monsters of the Midway had solved their problem behind center. Drafting two young arms in the first round. In 2017, the Bears took Mitch Trubisky at number two overall. In 2018, Cleveland took Baker Mayfield, number one overall. Problem solved. Is the problem solved?

Last year Baker Mayfield took over for a very ineffective Tyrod Taylor. Baker Mayfield looked awesome. He came in like a relief pitcher and brought the Browns back in that game as the team fell behind by a couple of scores. He showed command in the huddle. The team had high confidence in him. He helped the Cleveland Browns snap a few ugly streaks they had lingering. Like winning a game which he did in that comeback win filling in for Taylor. Winning a game on the road. He almost guided the team to an even 8-8 record but fell short on that in his first season. The Browns’ second half of the season was a winning record. Browns played spoiler and Baker Mayfield looked like the real deal.

Mitch Trubisky struggled in his first season in 2017. He filled in for a very ineffective Mike Glennon. Mitch had the worst receiving core in the league that year. He showed a few glimpses, but the Coach Fox ERA had nothing created as an offensive scheme. Coach Fox was fired and then an offensive guru, Matt Nagy, was hired. In 2018 it took about five games until Mitch Trubisky took a step in the right direction. Bears had a great defense. They had many weapons on the offense side of the ball. Mitch Trubisky showed promise and the Bears made the playoffs with a 12-4 record. The Bears ended up losing that playoff game from the double doink of a kick that was heard around the world.

In 2019 many degenerate gamblers bet on the Bears and the Browns to make it to the Superbowl. Many fans from these teams were planning the parade routes. For Cleveland that parade route would not be celebrating the perfect losing season. Finally both teams had the most important position on the football field covered. Especially two teams that slayed the Jay Cutler and Johnny Football demons that have haunted these long storied franchises not that long ago. Browns made some big savvy moves in the off-season to improve their squad. While the Bears only worries were who would be their kicker.

So far in 2019 both these quarterbacks from both teams have been riding the struggle bus. Week five the Oakland Raiders beat up on the Bears. Mitch Trubisky has been sidelined with a bad shoulder. Before the injury happened, Mitch Trubisky has not been good. Throwing interceptions in the red zone. Can’t throw an accurate pass downfield 20 yards away. The Cleveland Browns were destroyed on Monday Night by the San Francisco 49ers. In a game Baker Mayfield looked like Johnny Manzeil or worse. Both quarterbacks regressing and showing no signs of improvement.

Is it too early to write either of these guys off? Did either team pick the right guy? Was the right guy under their noses the whole time, however they were like two ships in the night and passed each other by. The Browns a few seasons ago could have taken Carson Wentz. He was taken number two in 2016 by the Philadelphia Eagles. Carson has a record of 26-19 with 80 touch down passes and 30 Interceptions. Baker Mayfield has an 8-10 record with 31 touchdown passes and 21 interceptions thrown already.

The Bears look worse than Cleveland in this quarterback boat. Bears could have had Patrick Mahomes who is at a 17-5 record as a starter. His stats are off the charts. Mahomes has 61 touchdowns with only 13 interceptions. Mitch Trubisky’s numbers resemble Baker Mayfield as he’s thrown 31 touchdowns with 22 interceptions. Mitch however is 18-12 as a starter. Let’s not forget the Bears could have had a chance at Deshaun Watson who is 17-10 as a starter. He has thrown 56 touchdowns and only 18 interceptions. He has the highest completion percentage out all the gunslingers mentioned.

Both Mitch Trubisky and Baker Mayfield could turn things around. If they continue to struggle how long should either team go with them? When is it time to pull the plug? I think for both teams you want their guys to come through. Biggest reason is because of the guys that they passed up in the draft, tells you the tale of the tape on their eye for a good quarterback.

The Browns need this to work with so many personalities on the team with high egos. Baker Mayfield especially. Throw in the biggest dog in the pound, Odell Beckham Junior. Losses keep piling up for the Browns, and the Veterinarian will have to put a bunch of doggies down. Perhaps Mike Vick can provide his wisdom at putting down a dog. The Bears defense is one of the best in the league. It’s definitely Superbowl caliber. How long will this window be open for? It’s a shame because you only might need to average 20 points a game and perhaps win a game or two when their defense has a bad day. When your offense is at the bottom of the barrel with the Dolphins in the Jets you need to pray. If these quarterbacks do not pan out, people higher up will make sure heads will roll. Coaches as well since both teams have newer guys leading their teams. The theory of just drafting quarterbacks every round until you get it right might be the way to do it with these two franchises. It’s amazing the Packers can go from Farve to Rogers.The Colts can go to Manning to Luck. While the Bears and Browns find their guy behind center under a rock and pray it works. Perhaps if the Bears or Browns had Patrick Mahomes, they’d turn him into stone. It could just be that whatever these two franchises touch, turns to granite like Bedrock.

OVERALL RECORD THIS SEASON IN STRAIGHT PICK-EM AFTER WEEK 4

38-25

LAST WEEK RECORD:9-6

OVERALL THURSDAY NIGHT RECORD 1-3

OVERALL MONDAY NIGHT RECORD 3-1

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

RAMS AT SEAHAWKS

Rams were destroyed by Tampa Bay Buccaneers last week. It’s a short week. They are playing at Seattle where it’s tough to win. Every Thursday game seems easy to pick on paper. I’m going with the George Costanza way of thinking on this match up.

That’s why we are going Rams as they rebound and get back to their winning ways and steal one in Seattle.

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

PATRIOTS AT REDSKINS

What breaks will the Patriots get this week? Will they be able to knock out the Skins quarterback with a jarring helmet-to-helmet hit like last week versus Buffalo? Does Bill Belichick need his son to check out the Redskins warm ups like the little spy did last week versus Buffalo?

Like father likes son. Patriots beat up on one of the worst teams in the NFL. They don’t even need all the Patriots spy gate stuff.

OUR PICK:PATRIOTS

BILLS AT TITANS

Titans woke up from death in a rare win versus the Falcons. Buffalo defense was superb in containing Tom Brady and Patriots offense. Josh Allen, who was knocked out, is playing this week which is the X-factor and the key to Buffalo rebounding with a win on the road in Nashville.

OUR PICK:BILLS

BUCCANEERS AT SAINTS

I can not explain how the Buccaneers put up 55 points on the Rams defense last week. I just can’t see them being able to repeat that kind of performance in New Orleans versus the Saints. Teddy Bridgewater has been playing well just being a game manager and doing just enough to get victories while Brees remains out. Saints defense has been huge and this continues in week five.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

FALCONS AT TEXANS

The dirty birds have screwed us every week. We pick them to win, they lose.We pick them to lose, then they win. Falcons offensive line is in shambles. Their defense is heading towards their turn-style 4-3 like in 2018. Where teams can score more on Atlanta then in the little Whorehouse in Texas.

Speaking of the Texans they finally are able to get both sides playing well in this contest as they play a complete game and grab their third win of the season.

OUR PICK:TEXANS

BENGALS VERSUS CARDINALS

Which team gets their first victory of the season? Can Kyler Murray prevail with a shaky offensive line? Do the Bumbles have enough playmakers suited up for their biggest chance to finally get a win?

We know it will be a big snooze of a game. However WKRP in Cincinnati and Loni Anderson are predicting Bengals.

Cincinnati is my kind of town where you throw turkeys out of helicopters on Thanksgiving day. Chili on top of spaghetti noodles. Bengals finally come up with a victory.

OUR PICK: BENGALS

BEARS AT RAIDERS IN LONDON

Enjoy a cup of tea and perhaps some crumpets because the Raiders are going to have a bloody Sunday. Is it a crime to have Khalil Mack on the field for this ultimate revenge game versus his former team? The Chucky doll will become a rag doll in this contest. I will compare this revenge to the Punisher seeking revenge for those who killed his family.

OUR PICK:BEARS

RAVENS AT STEELERS

Ravens finally coming back down to earth from what they have accomplished early on. The Steelers finally get on the board last week against a pathetic Bengal team. Without Big Ben, Steelers offense is just a shell of their former selves. Ravens rebound from the Brown out last week and kick the shower curtain to the side of the road for their third win of the year.

OUR PICK:RAVENS

JETS AT EAGLES

Jets need a Desperado to win this contest. The Witchy Woman has sidelined the Jets starting quarterback. The Eagles will be running down the road on this one as they Take it Easy with a big blowout over the Jets at home.

OUR PICK:EAGLES

VIKINGS AT GIANTS

The Vikings were absolutely manhandled by the Bears last week. Stefon Diggs for the Vikes is angry not getting the ball enough. Meanwhile Giants have turned it around with Jones at quarterback winning two straight. Without Barkley. Giants defense in which even Kirk Cousins can get the ball to Diggs. The Vikes find a way to dig themselves out of the hole the Bears put them in last week.

OUR PICK:VIKINGS

JAGUARS AT PANTHERS

The fig Newton is still on the shelf being stale in the pantry as always. I like the Panthers with anybody else as the starting quarterback. Panthers at home. The Jaguars are just a group of thugs with a moron as a head coach. Panthers defense prevails in this contest.

OUR PICK:PANTHERS

BRONCOS AT CHARGERS

In match ups I thought the Broncos should have won at home, but they did not. I don’t expect this team with a clunker quarterback who does not care, cough cough Joe Flacco, to go into the Chargers soccer field and win this game. Chargers have been up and down this season.They are too talented to let the Broncos walk in and steal one from them.

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

PACKERS AT COWBOYS

Last week I told you Green Bay defense is truly overrated. I think the Cowboys team is just overrated as well. This will be a close game.

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers will miss it by that much as the Cowboys at home will win this one.

OUR PICK:COWBOYS

COLTS AT CHIEFS

Not sure the Colts were looking ahead to this week’s match-up versus the Chiefs to lose to the Raiders last week. If Colts were coming to Kansas City 3-1, I feel the Colts would make this a close game. Chiefs are just too good. Patrick Mahomes at home is just too much for the Colts to handle. Even if the Colts had Andrew Luck at quarterback, I’d expect the same outcome. A Chiefs win.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

BROWNS AT 49ERS

Who are we going to get in this contest? Are the 49ers for real? Have the Browns finally turned the corner and are that team people were all hyped up about before the season? The sexy pick to make the playoffs and go deep into them. Jimmy Garoppolo is still standing but has not done anything special in my book. 49ers have not played anybody special so far as well. Browns have played a tougher schedule out of the gate. I think 49ers lay an egg on the field as Browns finally play two solid games in a roll.

OUR PICK:BROWNS

OUR STATS AFTER WEEK THREE IN STRAIGHT PICK EM IN NFL

OUR OVERALL RECORD 29-19

LAST WEEK WE WENT 10-6

THURSDAY NIGHT RECORD 0-3

MONDAY NIGHT RECORD 2-1

WEEK FOUR

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

EAGLES AT PACKERS

It’s a short week. I’m sick of hearing about the over-hyped new Packer defense. The Eagles seem to always respond when they get backed into a corner. When their face is bloody after going 1-2. They get up and take more lumps until they finally come up with the one punch that lands.

OUR PICK: EAGLES

CHARGERS AT DOLPHINS

Do you think for funsies the 1972 undefeated Dolphins teams are celebrating every loss by the Dolphins to go perfect the other way with a champagne toast? Miller High Life of course, the Champagne of beers. Chargers get back on track or they will be kicked out of LA in search of a new city to play in. Would the new city make a sound?

OUR PICK: CHARGERS

RAIDERS AT COLTS

Raiders I can say look better than last season. They are playing a very tough schedule without the benefit of playing the Broncos every other week. I like the Colts in this one. They are at home. They have won two straight. Good defense. Good running game. Plus the big factor, Jacoby Brissett is not making mistakes with the football.

OUR PICK: COLTS

PANTHERS AT TEXANS

Panther fans are probably dancing in the streets naked, seeing their young quarterback throw four TD passes last week in his debut. Without Cam the Fig Newton, they won their first game. Texans are quietly at 2-1 which could be 3-0, but the Saints marched back in less than a minute with the Texans prevent defense, let me allow you to score style of defense. I think Riverboat Ron won the lotto here with Kyle Allen. This kid and the Panther defense go into Houston and get the upset. In Carolina it will be Newton who?

OUR PICK: PANTHERS

CHIEFS AT LIONS

Lions since letting the Cardinals tie them in week one, have been playing some great football. Lions are undefeated, no losses. Chiefs are a different animal. I just can’t see the Lions defense stopping Patrick Mahomes. I just can’t see Matthew Stafford keeping up by matching scores with the Chiefs.

OUR PICK:CHIEFS

PATRIOTS AT BILLS

Could finally the Evil Empire Patriots have a threat by one of the Rebel alliances in the same galaxy? Love the Bills defense. Love Josh Allen’s grit and determination. However they call the Evil Empire the Evil Empire for a reason. They have Tom Brady. Brady feeds off division opponents like a Shark sucking down guppies in a morning swim. I have no logic. I don’t expect anybody to follow me on this pick of crazy. My hunch Bills is prevail in a big upset in the galaxy. Finally the good guys win one.

OUR PICK:BILLS

TITANS AT FALCONS

Week one, Titans were heading to the Superbowl. While the Falcons were being tested for a bird flu. Titans need a switch at quarterback. Falcons are at home and their pattern is lose then win, they lost last week so it’s a given they’ll be a win against the Titans in week four.

OUR PICK:FALCONS

REDSKINS AT GIANTS

Giants have come to life with the quarterback switch that brings a young Daniel Jones behind center. Redskins look just awful. Many say the Skins need to make a quarterback switch. This game will be all offense, even one year wonder Vanilla Ice Case Keenum, can get points off the Giants defense. Both towns care about playoff baseball right now more than watching this mess unfold. I like the Giants uprising with their new general behind center to make the last play of the game to win this one.

OUR PICK: GIANTS

SEAHAWKS AT CARDINALS

Russell Wilson versus Kyler Murray might be the start of an epic rivalry in their division. These two teams have had a great rivalry over the years. Cards have taken a step back. I think the Seahawks will rebound after losing a close one to the Saints last week. Kyler Murray will get that first victory at some point but this weekend the Seahawks fly out of the desert with their third win.

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

BUCCANEERS AT RAMS

Right now the Rams look like a well polished sports car cruising down the highway at a high speed.

The Buccaneers need some road assistance, but they haven’t quite signed the triple AAA package to their defense.

OUR PICK:RAMS

BROWNS AT RAVENS

Before the season started, many were banging the drums saying the Browns would be a playoff team. The team made some nice off-season moves. Some thought Superbowl. Meanwhile the Ravens thought their quarterback could throw the football as well as he can run. The Ravens defense they thought took a step backwards. In week four both teams are heading in different directions. Looks like the Ravens could be that sexy pick. My X factor Ravens head coach has a ton of experience and won a Superbowl. Ravens are at home. Browns coach is learning on the job. Plus too many big egos in that Browns locker room. Ravens win a close one.

OUR PICK: RAVENS

VIKINGS AT BEARS

This match up is old school. Both teams are about the defense. Both have pretty good defenses. Bears swept the Vikings last season. Usually when these two teams play, they’re well fought close games. It comes down to which quarterback makes the mistakes for the outcome. Vikings run the ball a lot more than letting Kirk Cousins sling the rock. While the Bears like to have Mitch Trubisky dink and dunk on safe shirt passes that then go down field. This should be a close game low scoring. Which means it will be an offensive shoot out. I like Bears at home, some how pulling this thing out in the last two minutes of the game.

OUR PICK:BEARS

JAGUARS AT BRONCOS

Jaguars finally won last week versus a Titan team trying to find themselves. Broncos have been shaky at times so far. Another team that is trying to find themselves. I think Broncos with the home field advantage and Vic Fangio finally comes up with a great game plan on defense that stops the Jags rookie quarterback. Flacco has his best game as a Bronco. Nothing like throwing for 300 yards. Just enough to get his team over the hump. Coach Doug Marone for the Jaguars will be confused about the thin air in the mile high and use that as a excuse that clouded his coaching abilities on the side line.

OUR PICK: BRONCOS

COWBOYS AT SAINTS

Everyone is excited about the Cowboys. They really look awesome versus the Giants, Redskins and the Dolphins, a slew of power houses. Saints with out Brees, instead with Teddy Bridgewater, looked like they did not miss a beat. I think in a close game with all the noise, the Saints prevail. Cowboys have enjoyed the lead in each game comfortably. The Saints defense will come up with some big plays in this contest that will be the difference.

OUR PICK:SAINTS

THE MONDAY NIGHT GAME

BENGALS AT STEELERS

Both teams looking for their first win of the year. When is the last time these two teams have met with both teams not having won a game? I would usually pick the quarterback in this contest with the most experience which would be Andy Dalton the red rifleman. Too many questions about his play makers. They are all banged up. Mason Rudolph has looked pretty good. Plus Steelers play better at home.

OUR PICK:STEELERS

LETS ROLL OUT WEEK THREE WITH PLENTY OF CRAZY IN THE NFL AND ON OUR OWN PART INDEED.

#1.NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 2-0 (SAME) Last week the Evil Empire wiped out another planet. As the death star struck a blast and wiped out all the Dolphin people on the planet Miami.

Since when do the Patriots have morals? They must have a set of standards to cut Antonio Brown as more women rise out of the woodwork to accuse the receiver of raping them. Perhaps New England has no way of covering this scandal up and had to cut ties before answering questions every day about RAPE GATE!!

#2.KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 2-0 (SAME) Patrick Mahomes is a one man army.

You can say like a young John Rambo just taking it to the enemy each week. The Chiefs have not been running the ball very well. They have some injuries with some of the play-makers. Great quarterbacks make whoever the play-maker is out on the field, much better. Mahomes is doing that. One key factor is the Chiefs defense is way better then it was to start the season last year. So far those defensive moves in the off-season seem to be working.

#3.BALTIMORE RAVENS 2-0 (UP 1 SPOT) Ravens have the number one offense in the league. They have the number two defense in the league as well. How is this possible? Playing the Dolphins inflates those numbers. Then the Cardinals, they came back down to earth but still won. I need to see the Ravens play a better team before I can judge this team fully. Week three Ravens versus the Chiefs will help me see whether these birds are a contender or a pretender.

#4.SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 2-0 (UP 7 SPOTS) Most of my top ten teams in last week’s power rankings fell like a house of cards. I like how Seattle flew to Pittsburgh and knocked off the Steelers. Taking out Big Ben helps. Pete Carol has that defense playing well. Then Russell Wilson reminds me of Derek Jeter of the Yankees. Hate the Yankees, but Jeter and Wilson can carry their team especially in big games. It’s all the little things Wilson does. Things that are not in stat sheets.

Russell Wilson is not your typical fantasy football quarterback unless wins count. One week he can toss for over three hundred yards. Next week he can just toss for 150. Seattle won on the road and if they do that regularly, this team with the changed landscape in the NFC, with key injuries, they might come out as one of the top two teams when it comes to the playoffs.

#5.GREEN BAY PACKERS 2-0 (UP 7 SPOTS) Packers are another team that made a sudden jump. I might have to say the Packers defense is definitely legit. Against the Bears I thought it was just bad quarterbacking. Then they shut down a high power offense in the Vikings last week. Vikings offense rolled in week one like a well oiled machine. Of course they have Aaron Rodgers on offense. When is the football agent in those Aaron Rodgers State Farm commercials going to throw the insurance agent off the top of the building?

RELEASE THE MAYHEM ALREADY !!!!

#6.DALLAS COWBOYS 2-0 (UP 2 SPOTS) So far so good if you like the Cowboys. They have looked really good the first two weeks. They have played nothing but cream puffs.

• 

• 

That’s the way to sell your team performance revenge of the nerds style. Enjoy a cream pie and find a naked cheer leader on the plate. Have a few pies and fans will not doubt you as you played the Giants and Redskins, now on deck are the Dolphins. Jerry Jones spinning things in Dallas. When they finally play somebody, that’s when I want to see if these Cowboys are… HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS!!!

#7. LA RAMS 2-0 (UP 2 SPOTS) When you shoot a zombie in the head it goes down. When you mangle the Saints quarterback, Drew Brees, the whole operation falls apart. For sure I thought the Rams would be beaten like an Adrian Peterson kid last Sunday. Rams early on are showing they are still an elite team. I thought they would have a hiccup this season. I loved how the Rams played most of the season last year. Then at the end they looked sketchy. I thought they should have been beaten by the Saints in the championship game. As most thought, the Rams mugged their way into the big game. Can you forgive me for doubting your team?

#8.MINNESOTA VIKINGS 1-1 (DOWN 3 SPOTS)

In the loss to Green Bay, I see another weapon emerging to the table. Don Beebe’s son Chad. Minnesota already has Adam Thielein and Stefon Diggs. With Beebe emerging this is a very nice receiving core Vikings have established. Vikings dug themselves a hole early last week and could not quite fully comeback but made a game out of it going down 21-0. Vikings have a ton of talent on both sides of the football. It will all depend on how Kirk Cousins does. One week he looks to be one of the best in the league. The next week he’s average. He might be just awful this weekend.

#9.LA CHARGERS 1-1 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) Chargers again having kicking problems. Kicking woes that cost them last week versus the Lions. Both the Lions and Chargers like to beat themselves so you’d figure this game would end in a tie. With all the talent on both teams, the Chargers took a step back last week from not converting on special teams. It’s a shame because I’ve noticed many X Charger kickers in the AAF that were not too bad. Yes, they had problems because that’s why they went to the AAF in first place. Chargers need to hire a soccer dude to solve their problem in the kicking game that has lingered more than one season.

#10.NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 1-1 (DOWN 7 SPOTS) With Drew Brees out with an injury, does this derail the Saints team in 2019? Could Teddy Bridgewater ride the ship and buy enough time for the Saints to hold down the fort while they wait for Brees to heal? It will not be pretty. It will probably be very ugly. The Saints will tread water and still have a chance when Drew returns.

#11. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 1-1 (Down 5 spots) The Eagles were running down the road and had seven women on their minds before they made their comeback versus the Redskins. Then the Falcons stung them last week on Sunday night. Lots of injuries the Eagles suffered as well. Will this Nick Foles off-season move haunt this team even though he was injured in week one with the Jaguars? Carson Wentz needs to have a big game. He needs to take this team on its back and show the Philadelphia and Eagle nation he is the guy. He can’t be the Eagle man showing his low rates.

#12.CHICAGO BEARS 1-1 (UP 1 SPOT) DA BEARS only moved up one spot. I am scratching my head with such a drastic move. However they need to iron out things versus the Redskins to get on the right track. If they falter or have obvious problems then it will be a long season. It’s not the kicker. We know it’s not the defense. Mitch Trubisky’s arm is what we are questioning along with Matt Nagy’s War and Peace playbook that is not cutting the mustard.

#13. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 1-1 (up two spots) Colts get on the winning side of things and even their record up at 1-1 versus the Titans. We do not know what the Titans are. Is it the team that beat up on Cleveland? Or did the Browns give the Titans that game gift wrapped. We do know the Colts even without Andrew Luck. This team is still good. They are not going away.

#14.HOUSTON TEXANS 1-1 SAME I think I was more impressed with the Texans loss to the Saints than their first victory versus the Jags last week. Sometimes you have to have win UGLY to get on the board.

#15.SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS 2-0 (UP 2 SPOTS) The 49ers are undefeated. Jimmy Garroppolo is still standing. He is not out for the remainder of the season.

49ER NATION IS WATCHING JIMMY…. Hoping Jimmy can play the whole season. If he can they might be in the thick of things when it comes down to the playoffs.

#16.CLEVELAND BROWNS 1-1 (SAME) Browns finally win… A game that if they lost would be more problems than Lebron going to south beach. If you would of lost to the Jets, the league would have kicked the Browns out. It would been justified even to Browns fans. Odell Beckham Jr. the dog he is made a nice grab on MONDAY NIGHT!!!

#17.BUFFALO BILLS 2-0 (UP 1 SPOT) CONGRATULATIONS THE BUFFALO BILLS ARE KING OF NEW YORK WITH A SWEEP OF THOSE JERSEY SHORE TEAMS!!! Love that defense !!!

#18.TENNESSEE TITANS 1-2 (DOWN 7 SPOTS) Titans are back down to earth with a loss to the Colts. Week one, the big win versus the Cleveland Browns looks more like a fluke than anything. Now the countdown to Jay Fielder the back up quarterback to take over is officially started. Then you get beaten by the Jags on Thursday with a rookie quarterback.

#19.ATLANTA FALCONS 1-1 (UP 6 SPOTS) In week one the dirty Birds were left for dead on the highway of life. The Vikings crushed them. In week two they take down the Eagles in a song of desperado. They then see Drew Brees is out for weeks with an injury. The tale of two weeks. Atlanta fans and Falcons players are no longer walking the ledge in their zombie state.

#20.TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 1-1 (SAME) Since the Buccaneers won their first game in the second Thursday game of the season, I did not have the heart to move them out of their 20th spot. The next power rankings though I will move them probably in the back where they most likely will fall.

#21.OAKLAND RAIDERS 1-1 (DOWN 2 SPOT) Raiders are another team that came back down to earth with their first win in the opening week. Kansas City will do that to many teams in the league. However Chucky and Raiders nation, they did not look terrible in their first loss as you pointed that out in several games last season.

#22.JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 1-1 (SAME) Jaguars finally get a win and it was done with a rookie quarterback. Are the Titans just a bad football team? Or was it just a short week that gave the Jaguars their first victory of the year. We know it was not the head coach.

#23.ARIZONA CARDINALS 0-1-1 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) We know the Kyle Murray ERA came back down to earth. However the Ravens did not win over the Cardinals in a big score. Who knows what we will see each week with Kyle Murray. Next week might be the first win ever for the young rookie. Cardinals as a team are not bad. Kyle Murray will be interesting player to watch week to week. Wins will appear at some point for the red birds.

#24.DETROIT LIONS 1-0-1 (UP 7 SPOTS) Lions OH MY… Big upset in week two over the Chargers. This does not shock me. Lions are notorious for winning big games with upsets early in the season at home. Remember the Patriots last year. They had a victory in week one which they let the Cardinals sneak back into the game and settled for the tie.The Lions are still UNDEFEATED in the NFC CENTRAL. Only the Lions and Packers can say that.

#25.CAROLINA PANTHERS 0-2 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) Cam Newton is at the bottom of the cookie jar crumbled up hurt and ready to be discarded in the trash. If you’re a Panther fan. If you’re head coach Ron Rivera, you are praying.

Panthers need Kyle Allen to save this franchise. To save Ron Rivera’s job. If Kyle Allen comes in and does well what would this do to Cam Newton? Can you trade him? Hope no teams I like would take him. Give his stench to the Packers most might agree with that. The Panthers defense is really good. If this kid just stays away from the Newton bone headed mistakes this can work. We do not know how this will play out. It could be the miracle in Charlotte. Or the dark clouds will continue to follow the Panthers.

#26.CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-2) (DOWN 2 SPOTS) Fool me once, but you will not fool me again. Bengals looked well in week one. They played in Seattle and lost by one point. Then at home they turn into a pumpkin at high noon and implode with a dud versus the 49ers. The bumbles have no running attack. The defense can not get off the field. The Red rifleman Andy Dalton also has injuries to some of his play makers. It’s quite the same recipe for Skyline Chili, put it in the blender. Hard to say they have something working at this time.

#27.PITTSBURGH STEELERS (0-2) (DOWN 1 SPOT) Steelers got rid of their trouble makers in Bell and Brown. Now the collapse of Big Ben crumbling down on the Steelers carpet and out for the season. If I was the Steelers, don’t stop. Put head coach Mike Tomlin on the chopping block, another one that needs to be shown the door. If Mason Rudolph shows you something this season at quarterback, in for Big Ben. It’s time to get rid of Big Ben Roethlisberger in the off-season. Go back to the drawing board. Find a head coach that can create a great defense that Steel-town has been missing for a very long time. If Rudolph is the man, he has some nice play makers around him to get this rebuild done very quickly.

#28.DENVER BRONCOS 0-2 (DOWN 1 SPOT) Broncos held their own versus the Bears last week in a game of yellow flags. Bears offense is struggling, nothing to write home about because you stopped them most of the game. Bears still got the last laugh with the game winning kick at game regulation. Broncos offense with Joe Flacco is sputtering like Al Bundy’s old dodge on life support.

Broncos need a quarterback to get hot like her.

THAT’S THE KEY TO THE SUPERBOWL HOT!!!!

#29.WASHINGTON REDSKINS 0-2 (SAME) I kept the Redskins in the same spot because they were the same team they were in week one, that they were in week two. They can not play the full 4 quarters of a game. They play a decent half. They take the next half off for whatever reason. The defense is struggling. Case Keenum is driving the car on flat wheels when it comes to the offensive side of things. When are they going to switch their quarterback? Maybe wait after you play the Bears. That did not work well for Josh Rosen when he played for the Cardinals and got his feet wet versus the monsters of the midway.

#30.NEW YORK JETS 0-2 (DOWN 2 SPOTS) You can probably argue on your bar stool about which New York City team is worse. Each person would have a valid point. Jets defense can actually tackle somebody. However the Jets are thin at quarterback as Sam Darnold is out with mono, some would say the kissing disease.

• 

• 

• 

Perhaps Sam Darnold is a boob man and did not see her eyes. Did not notice her lips. The lips that would cripple your football season. Where’s back up Josh McCown? He retired and then the Eagles convinced him to come back. Now the Jets are flying broken down Mig 16’s, not their usual F-15 fighter Jets. It will be years before they become Stealth like.

#31.NEW YORK GIANTS 0-2 (DOWN 1 SPOT) This team has no defense to stop the other team. The offense is sputtering so they are benching their legendary quarterback, Eli Manning. Manning is happy about the decision. He will not waive his no trade clause. He stays with the team as a back up. Like all big companies, he trains his own replacement. Meanwhile Daniel Jones gets his first NFL start this weekend. If you’re a Giants fan, the only good thing you can say he has some interesting weapons around him. Playmakers which can help his development faster.

#32. MIAMI DOLPHINS 0-2 (SAME) What would you be excited for in Miami after two weeks of humiliation on the field? First pick in the draft next season. Plus you get first pick in the waivers and maybe find some gems from other teams throwing out scraps of players they don’t want.

To be a a bum in Miami is like the big show in the homeless world. But the bums in Miami found their defensive savor Taco Charlton bringing his talents to South Beach after being dumped in recycling by the Dallas Cowboys.

LAST WEEK WE WENT 9-7

FOR THE SEASON WE ARE AT 19-13

THURSDAY NIGHT OUR RECORD IS PERFECT AT 0-3

ON MONDAY NIGHT OUR RECORD IS 2-1

WEEK THREE

THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

TITANS AT JAGUARS

OUR PICK TITANS WRONG

THE SUNDAY SLATE

LIONS AT EAGLES

OUR PICK: EAGLES

JETS AT PATRIOTS

OUR PICK:PATRIOTS

RAIDERS AT VIKINGS

OUR PICK:VIKINGS

RAVENS AT CHIEFS

OUR PICK: CHIEFS

FALCONS AT COLTS

OUR PICK:FALCONS

BRONCOS AT PACKERS

OUR PICK:PACKERS

DOLPHINS AT COWBOYS

OUR PICK:COWBOYS

BENGALS AT BILLS

OUR PICK:BILLS

GIANTS AT BUCCANEERS

OUR PICK:BUCCANEERS

PANTHERS AT CARDINALS

OUR PICK:PANTHERS

STEELERS AT 49ERS

OUR PICK 49ERS

SAINTS AT SEAHAWKS

OUR PICK:SEAHAWKS

TEXANS AT CHARGERS

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

RAMS AT BROWNS

OUR PICK:RAMS

BEARS AT REDSKINS

OUR PICK:BEARS

LAST WEEK STATS

OVERALL 10-6 RECORD 16 GAMES

THURSDAY NIGHT O-2

MONDAY NIGHT 1-1

FOR THE YEAR 10-7

THURSDAY NIGHT

BUCCANEERS AT PANTHERS

OUR PICK: PANTHERS

Yes, our Momma always told not to have a cookie before dinner because it would spoil your appetite. Momma was right, the Fig Newton did spoil my dinner and keeps us perfect on Thursday night 0-2 for the year.

9-15-19 THE SUNDAY SLATE

COWBOYS AT REDSKINS

OUR PICK: COWBOYS

Redskins only like to play one half of football. Will the old man suit even up for the Redskins. Adrian Peterson might be still all pimped up with rage with nothing to spank.

• 

• 

Cowboys will gladly thank the Redskins and take another victory.

COLTS AT TITANS

OUR PICK:COLTS

Colts have the hex on the Titans over last few years. Even though that was all with Andrew Luck. Sometimes it’s just the uniform you can’t beat.

SEAHAWKS AT STEELERS

OUR PICK: STEELERS

These are two teams that do not do well on the road. Home cooking is how these teams win most of their games. Today in Steeltown, a yummy Hawk platter from the sea with some pierogis on the side as Steelers win their first game of the year.

BILLS AT GIANTS

OUR PICK:BILLS

Bills become king of New York when they sweep the other two teams in their state. Wait. Don’t the Giants and Jets play in Jersey? Bills are the King of New York. Bills have a defense and the Giants don’t, sums it up.

VIKING AT PACKERS

OUR PICK VIKINGS

Vikings look like a whole different animal last week. Not buying what the cheese heads are selling on defense. These two teams usually battle all the way to the end when they play. Vikings escape at the end as they cut the head off the big cheese himself, Aaron Rodgers.

CHARGERS AT LIONS

OUR PICK:CHARGERS

Chargers were very good on the road last season. Lions are due for a rebound since they let the Cardinals back in that game last week. I think the Chargers are far too talented to get beat by the Lions.

CARDINALS AT RAVENS

OUR PICK:RAVENS

I do not see the Ravens putting up another 50 burger in week two. I do see the Ravens being able to slow down second half Kyle Murray. This would be the game where Murray will look more like a rookie than what he did versus the Lions.

RAIDERS AT CHIEFS

OUR PICK: CHIEFS

Raiders played well in week one. Chiefs did not look rusty. I can see this one going back and forth with both teams able to score. The flood gates will open for the Chiefs late in this one to bring Chucky back to reality in Raider nation.

SAINTS AT RAMS

OUR PICK:SAINTS

The Saints get their revenge against that Rams who mugged New Orleans to get to the Superbowl last season. Drew Brees will play the Punisher in this ultimate revenge game.

BEARS AT BRONCOS

OUR PICK: DA BEARS

Thought about how the Denver coach, Vic Fangio, knows all about the Bears. Since he created the defense in Chicago as a coach there for a few years. Knows what Matt Nagy’s playbook is all about. However Joe Flacco is the Broncos quarterback. Bears win their first game on the road.

EAGLES AT FALCONS

OUR PICK:EAGLES

Falcons looked very bad in week one. I can see the Falcons playing much better. I think Philadelphia will win this game in Atlanta in a dog fight. The Eagle will soar higher than the Falcon.

49ers AT BENGALS

OUR PICK BENGALS

I like the Bengals in this one. 49ers won last week because their defense had two pick sixes. I think Jimmy Garoppolo is still trying to knock off the rust. I think Andy Dalton is just better right now. I think the Bengal defense will be able to make Jimmy uncomfortable. Hope Jimmy at least goes and tries some Skyline Chili after the loss.

PATRIOTS AT DOLPHINS

OUR PICK PATRIOTS

Is this even fair? Does the NFL have a slaughter rule? Will the Dolphins have any fans after this blood bath? Are the Dolphins an endangered species? This week they are.

JAGUARS AT TEXANS

OUR PICK:TEXANS

The same ole song and dance with the Jaguars. They need another quarterback. Nick Foles most likely is done for the year. Now they have a rookie quarterback making his first start in Houston… Texans win their first game of the season in this one.

BROWNS AT JETS

OUR PICK:BROWNS

Browns need to stop shooting themselves in the foot in week one. Jets they should be able to handle on both sides of the ball. Cleveland is far the more talented team in this match up. If the Browns lose this one, you may have to ask yourself if you hired the right guy if you are Cleveland management.