RANKING     TEAM      RECORD   COMMENTS

#1.NEW ENGLAND 13-3   This weekend the Patriots are ready to defend their title.They take on the Titans. This match up is like the  Evil Empire against the Island of Misfit Toys. In basketball terms, 16th seed versus number one seed. Washington General versus Harlem Globetrotters. It seems like just a practice to tune up the Death Star for the championship series.

                     

This is the Patriots playbook against the Titans. I feel a great disturbance in the force.

#2.NEW ORLEANS 12-5  Even though ole softy Fig Newton was able to get the Panthers back in this game late in the contest, I was still impressed the way the Saints handled the Panthers. Now they go on the road against the Vikings. Vikings have home field but Saints play in a dome. Not much of an edge except noise levels. This game between the Saints and Vikings my bet is whoever wins will get to the Superbowl representing the NFC. Vikings defense has their work cut out for them. I think the big match up is Vikings offense versus Saints defense. Whoever wins that turf war is the key to the game. This could be Brees’ last shot at winning another Superbowl. Unless he gets Brady’s recipe. Love to see Saints and Patriots in the Superbowl. Brees prevails over Brady. Can you imagine all the Tom Brady voodoo dolls that weekend?

However Pittsburgh might buy them all out next weekend.

#3.PITTSBURGH 13-3    Before they can even think about Tom Brady. Steel town welcomes that  high powered offense from Jacksonville. If you stop the Jaguar running game, it is always good. The passing game no worries because Bortles can’t even throw a crossing pattern or simple screen pass. The Jaguars unveiled their new offensive strategy against the Bills last week Called RUN FOREST RUN FOREST.

It involves Bortles Gump running for his life to get the first down. I like the Jaguar defense. But Bills were moving the ball and came across some bad calls that derailed a few drives. I think they can stop the Steelers at home. I do not see Bortles matching up with Big Ben on scores. The Steelers are going to be making a statement early on and dispatching the Jaguars like a bad habit. Dougie Marrone will wish he did not quit sniffing glue.

#4.MINNESOTA 13-3  Viking fans are ready for their team to take down the Saints at home this weekend.

   

They will have their work cut out for them with the Saints offense. They say a great defense can always beat a great offense. In this contest both will be on hand. I will say again, the winner out of this game could be the NFC representative in the Superbowl. Vikings activated Bradford for this game. Just in case Case Keenum’s deal selling his soul to devil expires this weekend.

#5.ATLANTA 11-6  Falcons played very well against the Rams last weekend. Now they have to travel to Philadelphia this weekend. Play the number one seed in the NFC. This is not the same Eagle team that was running down the road trying to loosen their load that had seven women on their minds. The Eagles have lost their starting quarterback in Wentz. The Eagles are not the same team. The Falcons are one of the hottest teams out there. I think they will be like Clubber Lang, go into Philly and spoil the Eagles ceremony.

                 

#6.JACKSONVILLE 11-6 Jacksonville defense rose up against Buffalo offense. A team that has one of the Bears X receivers they cut during the season as one of their main weapons. Receivers go to die in Chicago. Plus Taylor can’t throw the ball downfield. The Jaguars even got many breaks in calls that derailed Bills’ drives. The Jaguars defense will not be able to stop the Steelers offense. Then you have the Jaguar offense, a quarterback that can not make great throws, last weekend in Florida. What’s Bortles going to do in the cold in Steel Town? Bortles will run for his life Charlie Brown. He will be like the back up quarterback in the movie Unnecessary Roughness and run around back there using the ref as a shield. Telling him to blow the whistle.

 

#7.PHILADELPHIA 13-3 The Song Desperado should be playing in Philadelphia this weekend.

Desperado oh you aint gettin’ no younger,

your pain and hunger they’re drivin’ you home.

Your prison is walking this world all alone.

Don’t  your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine

Desperado, as the Eagles will have to wait until next season for their next Superbowl appearance.

#8.TENNESSEE 9-7 I heard Tennessee head coach is on the hot seat. The lucky comeback win last weekend is not enough. They probably need to beat the Patriots to save Mularkey’s job. Now that’s a tall order. This weekend they will be like the Ewoks going up against the evil empire. They will have to resort to using rocks and sticks to defeat Tom Brady and company.

Love to see the Ewokian Titans prevail and take down the Evil Empire. Love to see them bang on the Patriots helmets like the Ewoks using the Stormtroopers’ helmets for drums. However Mariota is no Han Solo. Plus sticks and stones many break my bones, but names will not hurt them bastards.

 

 

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The Bears quickly pounce on former Offensive coordinator for the Kansas City Chiefs, Matt Nagy and make him their new head coach. It was not a very promising wish list the Bears had in place in their head coaching search. It was not like the search for Spock turning over every rock on every planet in the galaxy. In my pipe dream, if the Raiders were able to lure Jon Gruden out of the booth, maybe the Bears could have done the same thing with X Steeler coach Bill Cowher. That would be a lot of cheddar for that and the Bears are not all about that. So they bypassed the sports models.They bypassed luxury models. They did not buy a snazzy import. They purchased a Cavalier Ford Escort type in Matt Nagy. Let’s hope he’s not like what they say about Ford products. Found on the road dead.

As soon as the Titans finished their comeback against the Chiefs on Saturday night, the Bears brass circled in like Vultures to snag Nagy. Maybe they might have been the only team to grab the former Arena Football quarterback. He comes from Delaware college where he played quarterback for the Mighty Blue hens. He was not a Joe Flacco or even Rich Gannon, former hens themselves who did very well in the NFL.  Is Flacco still doing well? But both have gotten to a Superbowl in their careers. Flacco winning one. He was not even a Kurt Warner who started playing Arena Football then made it big time in the NFL. Back up catchers in baseball and back up quarterbacks who fought to make it on rosters almost their whole entire careers do turn out as great managers or great coaches, history tells you that.

The Bears could have plucked a has been. Guys they interviewed had head coaching experience. They interviewed Pat Shurmur, the Offensive Coordinator from the Vikings. Plus they interviewed Josh McDaniels, offensive coordinator from the Patriots. Would these two coaches on their second stint in coaching a NFL team turn out to be like the master mind Bill Belichek? Maybe, nobody is an evil genius like the leader of the Evil Empire. Pete Carol and Marv Levy are two other coaches who in their second stints, did wonderful. First Pat Shurmar, he did not fair tou well with the Browns. Who has though? Do you give him the keys to the new car just because he turned around the Vikings offense? Is that long enough this season and some of last season? Then you have Josh McDaniels. Only thing this guy has done right in his first stint with the Broncos was he got a whiff of the Jay Cutler aroma. He smelled a hack. But after that he got rid of Cutler, he drafted Tebow as a quarterback. Some say he should have been a tight end. He even made a trade to get Brady Quinn. He was up high for sniffing out how much of a goat Cutler was. But now his stock is plummeting with his other choices he has made. Plus New England assistants have not done well in head coaching positions. My evidence: Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel. They are storm troopers. Belichek erases their minds before they leave New England. Case closed.

I will give the Bears some credit.They did pick from a coaching tree that is very well rooted. Maybe like a redwood. The Walrus, Andy Reid’s disciples have been like the Apostles minus Judas. John Harbaugh has won a Superbowl with the Ravens. Ron Rivera has done great things in Carolina including getting to a Superbowl. Just having a soft cookie as your quarterback, I think has been his problem. Then Todd Bowles has done solid in Jet land. Including winning games when experts thought they were going to be the worst team in the league after dumping many veterans before the season even started. Then Sean McDermott exercised some demons in Buffalo by ending the worst playoff drought in the four major sports groups.

The Andy Reid path has the Bears going down the right path. Matt Nagy did help guide his Arena Football team the Columbus Destroyers to the Arena Bowl, but lost to the San Jose Sabercats. Tells me he did not have all the tools to be an NFL QB but he used what he had at the Arena level to be successful. He’s been with Andy Reid ten years. Five of them as a quarterback’s coach.  What position has given the Bears the most trouble? Yes you are correct it is the quarterback.They drafted Mitch Trubisky last year who has flashed some signs of excellence. However Bears fans have seen a lot of crap behind center over the years. Nagy can provide Mitch with some guidance and correct his flaws and perhaps turn him into what Sean McVay did for Goff this season. Andy Reid is the master of the west coast offense. Stuff that Trubisky did in College.  Nagy  has been the offensive coordinator the last few seasons for Reid. In the ten seasons with Reid he has to know that system like the back of his hands. . This will help the Bears to come up with a successful plan for Mitch Trubisky to get better, rather than regress like he did with Fox.  Andy Reid has been the play caller. However Nagy has called the last 5 regular season games where the Chiefs have gone 4-1. One game was won by rookie quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Hopefully the Bears can get the 4-1 guy. Plus the first half of the playoff game last Saturday guy from Nagy. Lets leave that second half Nagy in Kansas City where the Chiefs did not score anything. Even though they had a 21-3 lead at the half and went on to lose.

This is not a very exciting move. I think the Bears had to go down a road to get a guy that can save Trubisky. While Saving the franchise so they do not turn into the Browns. Having a brown out at quarterback position sends your franchise to the dark ages. However I feel like we are going down Trestman boulevard here. Are they going to put all their eggs in the offensive basket?  Then abandon the defense which was very good last year. I think they need to shell out some big bucks and resign their guy from last year, Vic Fangio. If they let him get away, which they probably will, I see him taking the Packers opening. That’s how the eggs break in the Bears baskets. I hope they have a plan to get someone that can keep the defense doing well. I know when they hired John Fox, I think they never had a good plan in place overall . It was old coach young GM butting heads. Old school football against the new wave era of football. I believe Fox and others had no clue that the young GM Pace would draft a quarterback in the first round. I think inheriting Cutler in the Fox and Pace tandem did not help things go smoothly. Maybe now all the pawns in the game are younger. They can all go to the local cybertron cafe for their fancy coffees and collect all the data in the world and form a solid football plan. Maybe they can also impeach the owners of the Bears as well, as they are still around from the Ice Age.

Saturday January 6, 2018

AFC

MATCH UP                 WINNER

TITANS AT CHIEFS     CHIEFS

NFC

MATCH UP                  WINNER

FALCONS AT RAMS     FALCONS

Sunday January 7,2018

AFC

MATCH UP                     WINNER

BILLS AT JAGUARS        BILLS

NFC

PANTHERS AT SAINTS   SAINTS

 

 

RANK   TEAM         RECORD        COMMENTS

1. NEW ENGLAND  13-3        I do not like having the Patriots number one in my playoff power rankings for the NFL. However they are looking just as great as last year. They fizzled a little in the beginning of the season. However, the mastermind Bill Belichek was able to tinker. Able to fix the defense. Then the Patriot death star was like a well oiled machine as they sizzled the rest of the way with only one hiccup against Cutler’s Dolphins. They have caught some major breaks along the way. Brady’s offense is ready to roll like a sports car flying down the highway. Ponch and John are unable to draw their guns as Patriots are mentally scoring touch downs as we speak at the speed of light.

                    PATRIOTS HAVE BEEN PRACTICING ALL WEEK IN THE SNOW

 

#2.NEW ORLEANS 11-5          New Orleans has only gone 11-5. It took them until the final game to win their division. They do not have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. However they play this weekend at home. I think they can play on the road with any NFC team. They are able to win on the road this year. Not like years before where they were not Road Warriors. I think this team is the best in the NFC. They have the quarterback in Brees. They have so many weapons on offense to beat you. That two headed running back monster could put a big hurt into the opposing defense. Mark Ingram and Alvin Kamara are the first teammates in NFL history to record 1500 scrimmage yards in the same season. Kamara 1554. Ingram 1500. Plus New Orleans defense is no longer a turn style for the opposing offenses.

#3.PITTSBURGH 13-3           The Steelers are the only team in the AFC that has a chance to beat the Patriots.  Coach Tomlin has his team running precise routes all week.

My biggest question: If Tomlin gets the Patriot Death Star plans, will he be able to pull it off?

The man had problems getting his guys to figure out what they wanted to do for the national anthem. They bumble that and then allowed the Bears to beat them. Then against the Patriots he did not call a time out on that controversy play with Jesse James that should have been a touchdown play . He allowed his team to rush and make a stupid play to cost them the game and home field advantage throughout. Hopefully they send him to coaching school on the bye week.

#4.MINNESOTA 13-3         A very impressive record. However they played a lot of bad teams in their own division. You can only play who is on the schedule. I love their defense. Their offense is full of guys that bring their lunch bucket to work. The Offensive Coordinator, Pat Shurmur, will probably get a head coaching job next year just because of what he did for this offense. Theilen is like a Wes Welker that can kill you with slants up the middle with speed. Diggs is known for big games. Rudolph is quietly one of the better tight ends in the league. Where the double hockey sticks did quarterback Keenum come from?  The Vikings are that team you want to bet on, but something in back of your mind says bet against. Then they bite you. This team is like a bunch of ninjas. They will sneak up on you and slit your throat.

They have a bye the first week. Next weekend whoever they play will be a game that will come down to final seconds. Recently a guy from Minnesota told me, “If a Viking fan tells you he bet on the Vikings, he is lying to you.” In other words the Vikings will probably do the opposite on any bet you make that involves them.

#5. LA RAMS 11-5   One guy on the Rams coaching staff will bring the heat to Matt Ryan this weekend. Wade Phillips has been here and done that. The Rams defense can create some turnovers and turn them into points. They will need to play great defense against the Falcons who are not as elite as they were last year, however they can still bring you trouble. Rams offense has been awesome. Goff might be one of the rising stars in the league. Todd Gurley could light you up as well. The Falcons have their hands full this first game. The Rams have the least amount of playoff experience out of all the teams that are in it.  That can possibly doom them, especially if Matt Ryan plays out of his head like. I see the Rams shooting down the dirty birds.

#6.ATLANTA 10-6    I think Atlanta is better than half the teams in these playoffs. They have gotten to the Superbowl last season. They should have won the Superbowl last year. However they find themselves squared off against a very tough opponent in wild card weekend. If they can win this first game, they do have a shot at getting back to the Super Bowl. Eagles are not like they were with Wentz as their starter. They have played the Saints and Panthers twice this season so they know them.

The Falcons still have an offense that can score points. If their defense can stop Goff a few times or rattle a guy that has never played in the playoffs, they can get by the Rams and beyond.

#7.CAROLINA 11-5  It’s the same story for the Panthers. They have a great defense which will help in any big game. They can run the ball. But I’m going to say the Fig Newton is the one that will crash this boat into the iceberg. Obviously if he has his super powers he can guide the Panthers over many teams in this league. They have NO big names at receiver. Olsen is one of the better tight ends in the league. Cam is a running threat. It is very easy to rattle Superman’s cage. If you get a few licks on Newton, he will crumble up in the fetal position and call it a year.

If you have no crying in baseball, definitely no crying on the gridiron.

#8.KANSAS CITY 10-6  This team has been on a roller coaster all season. Started out of the gates red hot. Then lost a ton of games in the middle of the season. Then beat the right teams at the right time. The Chiefs are like a box of chocolates, you do not know what you will get. I think Alex Smith can get the team past the first round. I love rookie Hunt and his electric style of play. I know Wally the Walrus will have the Chiefs looking good this weekend.

I do not see the Chiefs getting out of the second round. They have talent, but I still think they are missing a few key pieces to be able to go up against teams like Pittsburgh and New England. They made the playoffs playing in a crappy division, and you can say a crappy conference.

#9.PHILADELPHIA 13-3  At one point this season I thought the Eagles had a great shot to make it to the Superbowl. They had everything clicking. The season ending injury to Wentz has made this slide down the stripper pole and not in a good way. Suddenly their defense has been playing poorly. Then back up quarterback Nick Foles looked pretty good. He has some seasoning as he has played in this league for a few years as a starter. However then his play got poor and that’s how he became a back up in this league. Yes they have 13 wins. Yes they have some time to fix a few things. I see them one and done next weekend. However if a bus crash happens and they get to the championship, they will feel the punch that knocked Rocky out by Clubber Lang.

#10.JACKSONVILLE 10-6  It’s great The Jags made the playoffs for the first in a very long time. As they were the doormat of the league for years. They were a team rumored to be moving out of their city of Jacksonville to Death Valley or London, England. Seemed like no one wanted them. However they find themselves with a great defense and Doug Marone has done a nice job. But they play in a bad division. Except they can not beat the Titans. Bortles is their quarterback and he has had some decent games. But overall he has been their problem. They were held to ten points last weekend by a division opponent. They had many chances to score another touchdown. Then San Francisco put 44 points on your defense, not too long ago. A depleted Arizona team beat you with their back up quarterback and used to be your starting quarterback. Too many up’s and down’s on this team and lots of it has happened in the last six weeks.

#11. BUFFALO 9-7   The Bills are thanking Andy Dalton making a nice pass on 4th and 12 to get his bumbles in the end zone for the go ahead touchdown and eventually the game winner. Love that lots of Buffalo fans had paid money to Dalton’s foundation as well. If Bengals did not beat the Ravens, then Buffalo’s drought of not making the playoffs would have continued. Bengals I believe were playing for their coach as well. Which is a win win in Buffalo. Bills have been playing pretty well of late. They have won some games. Only losses coming from the Evil Empire in the last so many weeks. They played tough against New England both times. Buffalo I think could win in Jacksonville. They need Shady running the ball for which he is a game time decision. One thing Buffalo is very good at, is getting turnovers. That will need to be a big key especially against a type like Bortles who makes mistakes. If Taylor can get an early lead on the Jags, they have a chance of going in and upsetting them. Hopefully no wide right field goals. Hopefully no Music City miracles and the Bills can exercise some of the demons from the past.

#12.TENNESSEE 9-7  The Titans finally won a game last week to get into the playoffs. This team was on a long losing streak and manged to pull out a victory over the division rival. They play in a crappy division, minus Luck and Watson. They were 5-1 in their division. They were 4-8 against everyone else. They do say if you can beat the teams in your division you can usually find a way to win the division. But they got in as a wild card. This team looked good in the beginning of the season. But Mariota got hurt. Then he came back and has not really been the same. He has thrown more interceptions than touchdowns. I like their defense. But even though they won last week it seems to be they backed into the playoffs. I think the Chiefs is my lock down winner of the Wild Card weekend over the Titans.

I had found myself at a brewery in Music City talking to a couple who had Minnesota Wild stuff on. Obviously they were from Minnesota. I asked them if the Wild was in town to play the Predators from Nashville. This then lead to “I’m from Chicago.” Then another question he did not want to hear my answer to… “Are you a Black Hawks fan?” Wanted to be like Curly from the Three Stooges and say, “Well, certainly.”

I said yes. This led to finding out what I knew already, the Hawks have eliminated the Wild multiple times from the playoffs. You’d think the conversation might end. However, something that beer does is keep a sports conversation going. Something about sitting bellied up to the bar and discussing sports. We started going through Minnesota versus Chicago in sports history for $500.00 please.

As the Beers continued flowing, I revealed how I hated the Twins for years. Ozzie Guillen called the Twins, “little piranhas.” All those years finishing right behind them in the standings.  How the White sox were tormented in the “twinkie dome”as  the great Hawk Harrelson called the Metro Dome. He liked Ozzie. I even told him all the crazy stuff that went down in the dome. How late leads were blown. How the epic endings happen in that building, leaving the White Sox to slink out of town. I guess now if you’re keeping score at home, it’s 1-1 as both cities hated one of the other city’s teams because of what they had accomplished.

As the beers continued, I felt like a state representative to my city and state. Two guys helping strained relations between two states. Can you imagine what Trump does to other countries’ Presidents? Kicking back enjoying a few belts from an old bottle of scotch, then he opens his mouth and all the toxic spews out. In most cases, a few beers talking about the local sports teams can go a long way. To see and to feel what their side is all about. In most cases, it can mend a lot of fences. It depends though because certain people do not play well with others, like my guess Mr. Chump.

Have you ever wondered what other cities say about the town you’re from? What they think about your sports teams? Are you embarrassed about the way your teams play? In Cleveland, if you are still a Browns fan, you might get asked why. Are you crazy? Some might say, “Does Cleveland even still have a team?” Are you happy the way your sports teams conduct business? Every city across the map would probably agree that the way their teams are run are terrible, and we fans can do a better job. You can not change the history of your town. However, if a fan stops buying tickets, you can change management to a certain degree. These are your typical pipe dreams fans have about their own teams. Bottom line is lots of times you may judge a city by their history regarding what they did to your team. That leads you to hate their traditions. Which leads you to labeling a whole city or state of people because of how their pro team beat your team. Or their college team beats yours.

Usually a hard working player is the player you hate when you face that team. However if he changes uniforms and joins your team, they become your favorite player. This is like AJ Pierzynski when he played for the Twins, I hated his guts. Then he played and won a championship for the White Sox and he is legend on the South Side of Chicago. He never disliked Jimmy Butler, but now the twin cities is happy that he’s on the Timberwolves. Plus the Bulls x coach, Thibs has turned this team around.  But both of us had players from the other city that you respected and wanted on your team. He loved Walter Payton and Neal Anderson, former Bears running backs. I respected Kirby Puckett, Mary Tyler Moore and of course Lou Grant.

We even dove deeper into both cities of Chicago and Minneapolis. How some areas in Minnesota still loved the North Stars who left town decades ago. These fans root now for the Dallas Stars like they never left. I told them I met a few people that were die hard Cardinal fans. Yes, the football team. The same football team that played on the South Side of Chicago at the old Comisky park. The Cardinals have left town it seems like a life time ago. I did explain the bar where these Cardinal fans were from, just closed. It could be the end of that Chicago following of the Cardinals for good.

Then of course my baseball team is the White sox. Many people assume the White Sox are in the bad neighborhood, while the Cubs are in yuppieville. Many think it’s like Al Capone in Chicago. However we still are high up there and considered the murder capital of the states. People are not being mowed down by a tommy gun by gangsters. Instead gang violence has been running wild. But the projects have been torn down by the White Sox stadium. I let him know the neighborhood is getting better. Some things about where you are from, you have to clear up. Like up North of Minnesota. I asked,
“Is it like the FX show Fargo?” Where Canadian sounding people in small towns are wasting each other and turning the towns North of Minnesota and into the Dakotas, blood baths. He explained yes they are the only areas of Minnesota that can not pronounce their R’S. But the deep freeze does not get their knickers into a twist.

I believe when we both finished our sixth beer of the afternoon, we had a better grip on each other’s city. We both would never bet actual money on our football teams. He said if you actually hear someone from Minnesota betting on the Vikings and winning money, it is just a flat out lie. Learned the Bears big rivalry with Packers is just a myth and not a real rivalry. Wisconsin people think Vikings and Packers are the rivals. He confirmed that as well, which Minnesota thinks the same thing. People from Chicago think Green Bay is a our big rival. However it takes two to tango. The Bears are the ugly person that is left without a dance at the end of the night.

As the sun was going down, our conversation was concluded.  The Minnesotans were heading off to Yazoo. While we were headed down the Music City yellow brick road in hopes of another brewery in the area that we had never tried. I was able to keep Patrick Kane on the Hawks, as he tried to pry him away from us. I was trying to pry a few young Twins away from his baseball team to join the young good guys on the south side. The talks have come to an end. But who knows what road we will meet down again when two guys that like beer, can hammer out a few trades of players that play in our home towns.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I FIRED ALL MY NFL EXPERTS. WEEK 17 I WILL JUST WING IT.

MATCH UP                                   WINNER                                    COMMENTS

BEARS AT VIKINGS                    VIKINGS            VIKING FUNERAL FOR COACH FOX

BROWNS AT STEELERS             STEELERS        JOHNNY FOOTBALL COME BACK IN 18

COWBOYS AT EAGLES              COWBOYS         TAKE IT EASY AN EAGLE HIT

PACKERS AT LIONS                   LIONS                 WAYNE FONTES IS BACK IN 18

TEXANS AT COLTS                    COLTS                  PAPER BAG BOBBLE HEAD DAY

JETS AT PATRIOTS                    PATRIOTS              EVIL PREVAILS OVER THE REBELS

REDSKINS AT GIANTS             REDSKINS                         PATHETIC!!!!!

CARDINALS AT SEAHAWKS    SEAHAWKS           SEAHAWKS STILL MISS PLAYOFFS

CHIEFS AT BRONCOS                CHIEFS             FAN PLAYING QB THIS WEEK FOR DEN

SAINTS AT BUCCANEERS          SAINTS                  WHO DAT COACHING BUCS IN 18 ?

RAIDERS AT CHARGERS            RAIDERS                MY CRAZY UPSET OF THE WEEK

49ERS VS RAMS                            NINERS                   JIMMY IS UNDEFEATED

BILLS AT DOLPHINS                  BILLS                       ONE LAST PICK SIX FROM CUTLER

PANTHERS AT FALCONS            FALCONS                NEWTON SOFT IN BIG GAMES

BUMBLES AT RAVENS                 RAVENS                  MARVIN WALKS THE GREEN MILE

JAGUARS AT TITANS                  JAGUARS                  FAT LADY SINGING IN MUSIC CITY

THE CHRISTMAS VERSION OF THE  HOLIDAY RANKINGS IN THE NFL.

RANKING TEAM  RECORD UP/SAME /DOWN COMMENTS

#1.NEW ENGLAND 11-3 Up one spot    Does Belichek use mind control over coaches in the last minutes of crucial games? To me other coaches get stupid. First Seattle in Superbowl chose to pass with plenty of time to run it up the middle with Lynch. Then Last Sunday, no timeout called. Big Ben throws it over the middle. Both these plays picked off. Plus what the hell is a catch in this league? My God Man, Jesse James caught the ball and was over the end zone line for hours before the ball came out.  Patriots get away with these stupid rules every time. The Raiders made Brady fumble in that blizzard playoff game years ago. They called that crap a forward pass. One day I would like to see the Patriots lose on some stupid rule in a big game.

#2. PITTSBURGH 11-3 Down 1 Spot      Mike Tomlin is a moron coach. First you could not figure what to do against the Bears in the National Anthem. This threw off the team on that Sunday a long long time ago. Last Sunday a crucial play gets reversed, you do not call a time out and come up with a plan. No you allow your quarterback to throw it in traffic to get picked off by a team you had beat a few times in this game. Call the time out and do a safe play. If you can not score tie the game and send it to OT. Patriots and Steelers I believe will see each other again in the AFC championship.

#3.PHILADELPHIA 12-2 Same    The Eagles have the best record. However this team is not the best in the NFC right now or the AFC. The defense is giving up too many points all of a sudden. Two weeks in a row where the Giants had to win it with a shoot out. Last Sunday was against the pathetic Giants. What happen to May the Schwartz be with you?

Maye the Hutt got a hold of Schwartz

Just swallowed him whole.

Philadelphia fans are starting to feel the pain of their season come crashing down

#4.MINNESOTA 11-3 Same   The Vikings rebounded nicely from the loss to the Panthers. They handled the bumbles with ease.

The Vikings made the Bumbles bounce. That game against the Bengals probably will bounce head bumble Lewis out of town. Vikings also clinched the NFC North.

#5.LA RAMS 10-4 Same  Rams went in to Seattle and gave the Seahawks an old fashioned butt whipping. A place the Rams have not had much success at. This was a game the Rams needed. They were up one game on the Seahawks coming into Sunday’s game. Plus they lost to them earlier this season. If Rams lost Sunday they would have also lost the tiebreaker with the Seattle. With Rams winning they are two games ahead of their arch rival and perhaps have knocked the wind out of their sails. Seattle might not even get to the playoffs this year.

#6.ATLANTA 9-5 Same   Atlanta pulled off it’s second straight victory. Now they invade New Orleans which they beat not too long ago. The Saints are one game ahead of the dirty birds. With a Falcon win they control the tie breaker with the Saints and just have to worry about the Panthers. A BLAST FROM THE PAST: COACH JERRY GLANVILLE

I used to love the game Pigskin for Sega Genesis. It was Jerry Glanville’s Pigskin they called it.

He was a fun coach. However he was the head coach when they traded away Brett Favre which is a kick in the teeth. That was like the Trail Blazers passing on Michael Jordan, not good.

#7. NEW ORLEANS 10-4  Same  The Saints rebounded nicely and came up with a win against the Jets. Now it’s the showdown of the year this Sunday. Saints versus Falcons in a rematch from a few weeks ago on a Thursday. Winning this tough division gets you at least one home game in the playoffs in which Saints thrive at home. Alvin Kammara will be the X factor if the Saints are going to beat the Falcons this go around. Kamara was hurt very early in the first game they played. I still think the Saints should have won that first meeting.  I think it will be a very Merry Christmas in voodoo town this weekend.

Santa’s sexy helpers will be delivering their presence..

#8. CAROLINA 10-4 Same    Who’s your Superman now? The Fig Newton or Rodgers from Green Bay? The Packers needed to win against the Panthers to keep their playoff hopes alive as Rodgers was welcomed back. While the Panthers are trying to keep up with the Saints. Carolina’s defense welcome Rodgers back with open arms, as they picked him off multiple times to seal the deal and send the Cheeseheads home for the Holidays.  The Panthers are in the thick of things. They do have a shot at division title. This week the Buccaneers and next week against the Falcons. Will the Superman Newton be the villain at the end of all of this? Will he turn soft?

#9.JACKSONVILLE 10-4  Up 1 Spot     Do you Remember the days of Mark Brunell throwing to Jimmy Smith and Keenan McCardell? Those were the glory days of Jaguar football. They finally are back in the playoffs. A very crappy division helps without Watson, Luck, and a Mariota taking steps backwards. However they beat the snot out of Houston to clinch a playoff spot. I don’t know if that is something to write home to mom about. But they did beat up what at the time we thought was a pretty good Seattle team. Even the fans were involved. The Jags have a great defense. Love the weapons on offense. Bortles is doing better. This can be a start of things for the Jaguars. You may win that first round game and get beat the second round. Then do some tinkering in the off season and who knows. Bringing back Tom Coughlin was a great move as President of Operations.

#10.DALLAS 8-6 Up 2 Spots   Don’t look now but the Cowboys are on the rise. They have won three in a row. Is it too late?  Zeke is back. He was in Mexico for weeks training during his suspension. Like Rocky going to Russia to train before he fought the Russian Drago.

In Rocky he has a picture of Drago he keeps to focus on what needs to be done. Did Elliot have a picture of Pete Carol of the Seahawks as the head monster in Seattle? Now this Sunday Pete Carol will experience the wrath of Elliot and the boys on what they are going to do to his team. A team in disarray.

#11. LA CHARGERS 7-7 Down 2 spots    Everybody was excited in San Diego to see the Chargers fall to the Chiefs. They are deserters. Old San Diego fans even knew the Chargers were a fraud. They suck you in and then disappoint you. They looked like a great team. But then they played a team for all the marbles. A chance to have a home game in the playoffs was on the line. Wally the Walrus sunk the Chargers battle ship.

#12.SEATTLE 8-6 Down 1 spot  Just like the USC days Pete. Play the quarterback that obviously has a concussion. Some day Pete Carol will awaken on Dexter’s table.

#13.BALTIMORE 8-6 Up 2 spots Clearly the easiest schedule left in the league. Baltimore is eating it up like a Flacco in a Pac Man game. This is a team that will get in the week AFC wild card race due to it. Then voted off the island during the Wild Card weekend.

#14.DETROIT 8-6 Down one spot.     The Lions had an easy win over the Bad News Bears. They are still in the thick of things but still find themselves on the bubble. Too many better teams in front of them. I find them ready to throw in the towel soon like a good Decepticon and retreat to fight another day next season.

#15.BUFFALO 8-6 Up 1 spot  They handled the Dolphins at home. Now have to face their Kryptonite, the New England Patriots.  They have a chance to get to the playoffs but the Patriots are the team that obviously gets in their way. The Gronk cheapshotted them last time these two have met. They could have prevented the Gronk doing that by drafting one of their own homegrown talents. In that draft they had two shots in taking him. Both players picked were nothing to write home about. Now Gronk makes it a point with the Evil Brady to destroy the Bills twice a year. Way to go brain trust of Buffalo!!!!

#16.KANSAS CITY 8-6 Up 2 spots  This is the another new beginning for the Chiefs. It’s another rise of Wally the Walrus. He won last week and now faces the Chargers to have the division to themselves in this week’s contest. This will lead his team to the playoffs. Everyone will then forget the roller coaster season. Then when the Chiefs are eliminated they will say Alex Smith is not the right quarterback to lead us through the playoffs.

#17.TENNESSEE 8-6 Down 3 spots   The Titans are sliding down the power rankings very slowly.

It’s not SEXY either.

#18. SAN FRANCISCO 4-10 Up 5 spots   Jimmy has turned this team around. The man looks like he has been behind center for years than less then ten games as a starter in the league. Now he will play a quality defense. I think San Fran will be like the Redskins and franchise this guy this off season. Because they do not have him locked up yet and he looks like the real McCoy.

#19.GREEN BAY 7-7  Down 2 spots   It was Welcome Back Kotter for the packers. They were in hopes of Vinny or even Gabe. However only Arnold showed up.

 

Rodgers threw three interceptions in the game. Now the white flag has officially went up high in cheese land as the stink is all over Wisconsin.

#20.NEW YORK JETS 5-9   Same   Jets are still playing teams tough even without McCown. You have to give the coaching staff some kudos. It was looking like a tear down.

However if they can draft the right people soon. They might turn in what they have into the devestator!!!

#21.OAKLAND 6-8 Down 2 spots Its time for the owner of Raiders to get a new hair do.

I think Vegas is the only city to provide a dome for that head that is worked around the ole fashioned bowl.

#22.ARIZONA 6-8  Down 1 spot    Larry Fitzgerald has not made up his mind if he is coming back for another season. This team baffles me. The defense has been brilliant over the years. The offense has been breathtaking – they dazzled us and then you scratch your head like what the hell happened. They have some talent on this roster. I love the coaching staff. Palmer is ready for social security. Stanton has not been impressive like how he once was a pretty good option to hold the fort down when your number guy got hurt. Love to see Larry come back. But I think they need to rebuild the entire offense. They need backs and linemen. Mostly they need new blood behind the center. If they do not make the right moves in the off season, if I’m Larry I would be riding off into the sunset. Unless another team wants you and are very close to winning it all. Why go through another let down season in Arizona?

#23.WASHINGTON 6-8 Up 1 spot    The Redskins showing they are not a team that will be below .500.. They will show you they are a team that will be at the .500 mark at the end of the season. Maybe the fans will believe they have come together and have a team to recon with next year. A team on the rise. Don’t be fooled. Cobra Commander in GIJOE has lots of great ideas. He even gets his Cobra Army and plans to take over the whole NFL, so close you can hear the hiss in his voice. However then the plan backfires and it’s the same old song and dance. That’s why Serpentor took over Cobra for all Cobra Commander idiot calls to end failed missions.

The Redskins need a new snake at the head of the table.

#24.MIAMI 6-8 Down 2 spots    Jay Cutler was back throwing his regular interceptions. Maybe that game he had against New England was the ghost of Jay Cutler Christmas past. Maybe first year in Denver since it is Christmas. The guy originated in Santa Clause, Indiana. Where they probably think he is the lost soul of that town. Like what Whoville did to the Grinch and the kindness was so bad he went to the mountains. Cutler went for his smokes. No worries Jay, butt itching season is coming soon on your boat with your model wife counting your money you have stolen from all those poor football towns. Like the Grinch did to Whoville.

#25. DENVER 5-9 Up 4 spots    The Broncos have been on a roll with bottom feeders of the NFL as they are one themselves. The rotating quarterback has been the theme of the year. Denver had the real Santa behind center once upon a time with Manning. Before that Elway had the real Santa suit. They even did well with Hanukkah Harry Tebow behind center.

The mall Santa quarterbacks are not the answer in Denver this year.

#26.TAMPA BAY 4-10 Up one spot   Tampa Bay gave the Falcons a run for their money on Monday Night. It’s looking more like the Buccaneers will be the only team from their division not to make the playoffs. They will be at home watching the Falcons, Panthers, along with the Saints playing games after the new Years. Like in Lethal Weapon, Roger Murtaugh said to the hooker “All dressed up and no one to blow.” Just like the Buccaneers these days.

#27.CHICAGO 4-10 Down 2 spots     Bears play the Cleveland Browns in week 16. Will the Bears be looking at themselves in the mirror as they see the Browns? Will The Bears turn into the Browns?  They are not that far away from it. Both quarterbacks have resulted in many turn overs their first season. Both have shown some flashes of good stuff as well. But can both quarterbacks get better like Goff did in year two. Wentz has shown success right off the first snap behind center. Both teams have some pieces in place. However both teams have failed to draft good players consistently. Bears have drafted Kevin White a few years ago and the man is very fragile like the Christmas story leg lamp that was in the window. Meanwhile Gordon can not stay on the field do to drugs he likes in his Cheerios. Will the people upstairs get things right in the front office? That’s where they need to do some major house cleaning.

#28. NEW YORK GIANTS 2-12 Up 3 spots   Even though they lost last week to the Eagles I moved the Giants up because they played a great game. They played better than the teams behind them in the power rankings. The Giants are in line for a great draft pick for next year. Do they go for it? However one more loss in the next two games and they will make history. No Giant team has ever lost 13 games in a season. They play the Cardinals and the Deadskins. Those are two teams they could beat. Both are not playing for anything. If they win do they get a home version of the game like in the game shows?

#29.INDIANAPOLIS 3-11  Up 1 spot  Since it is Christmas time I will sing the song, All I Want for Christmas is YOU!!! Reuniting Jim Harbaugh with Andrew Luck like the ole Stanford days is what I want in my stocking as a Colt fan. Maybe a new owner, now that is a pipe dream. However Colt fans should be on the nice list according to Santa. However they might be skipped over since they are a city of misfits. Plus Rudolf is on a bender this year and is in rehab. Will Santa be able to find the Misfits and help them with new toys?

Well at least the Indianapolis still has the Superbowl car race. A bunch of hicks making left hand turns.

#30.CINCINNATI 5-9 Down 4 spots     The Bengals got bad when they let Marvin Jones walk. Even Sanu leaving they never replaced those receivers. If you take AJ Green out of the game it’s simple to beat the Bengals. Check all the Bengals players, they have toe tags tied to their toes. They are flat and already counting the days down to their off season vacation plans. The head coach will be the first to go. It is time to get some new blood leading that team. It better not be a blood or a crypt from the county jail. Enough of the bad citizens, trade them all to Seattle the Bumbles of the NFC.

#31. HOUSTON 4-10 Down 3 spots     Does a clown name Jadeveon Clowny have the right to trash talk after his team was killed by the Jaguars 45-7? Seriously he called Bortles  trash after the game. Look in the mirror… to me you have a guy named Savage playing and taking most of the snaps this year. Even Yates is not affected. Plus you and your defense suck. People like Clowny should not trash talk when you’re up to your arm pits in shit. So the Jaguar fans are sending garbage cans to Clowny at his workplace.

PRICELESS!!!!!

#32.CLEVELAND 0-14 Same   Can the Browns get their first win against the Bears this Sunday? Bears looked flat last week. Maybe the should call this contest between the Bears and Browns MISTAKES BY THE LAKE BOWL.. Each player gets a participation ribbon for playing. So they can bring it home to Christmas and put it on the fridge. This game should be a Festivus celebration. Both teams should gather around the pole in the middle of the field and air their grievances. Have John Fox wrestle Hue Jackson at mid field to determine the winner out this crappy football game. All’s the DAWG pound wants for Xmas is a win. In 2016 on Christmas Eve, Santa delivered for the Brownies. The Browns got their only victory that year on Christmas Eve against the San Diego Chargers. No wonder the city of San Diego did not want to buy the Chargers a new stadium.

THURSDAY GAME

MATCH UP                        WINNER

BRONCOS AT COLTS          BRONCOS

SATURDAY’S GAMES

MATCH UP’S                         WINNER

BEARS AT LIONS                  LIONS

CHARGERS AT CHIEFS        CHARGERS

SUNDAY’S SLATE

MATCH UP                                       WINNER

CARDINALS AT REDSKINS          CARDINALS

RAVENS AT BROWNS                    RAVENS

BENGALS AT VIKINGS                   VIKINGS

PACKERS AT PANTHERS                 PACKERS

TEXANS AT JAGUARS                       JAGUARS

DOLPHINS AT BILLS                          BILLS

JETS AT SAINTS                                    SAINTS

EAGLES AT GIANTS                             EAGLES

RAMS AT SEAHAWKS                         SEAHAWKS

PATRIOTS AT STEELERS                     PATRIOTS

TITANS AT 49ERS                                 49ERS

COWBOYS AT RAIDERS                       COWBOYS

FALCONS AT BUCCANEERS                FALCONS

MY THREE LOCK DOWNS

VIKINGS OVER BENGALS

COWBOYS OVER RAIDERS

EAGLES OVER GIANTS

MY UPSET SPECIAL

PACKERS OVER PANTHERS

MY SURVIVOR TEAM THAT WILL WIN AND GET THE MOST POINTS

NEW ORLEANS

Week 15, we did not hold back anything. Promise you we have all great things to say about Jay Cutler. Will the Evil Empire strike back? Pete Carol’s team goes Hanson brothers on the Jaggy fans.  All good stuff. Pull up a chair, set your bottle of WHISKEY down and pour yourself a few shots while we go through the NFL, the WILD SHAMROCK WAY!!! You might want to have two bottles just in case. It’s that good….

RANKING TEAM  RECORD UP/STAYED PUT/DOWN  COMMENTS

#1.PITTSBURGH  11-2   Up 2 Spots.    I’m going to say the Big Ben is the number one clock in the world. Way to go Great Britain!!! Right now the Steelers have home field in their hands. They continue to win close games. The last two weeks the Bengals and the Ravens and you can say three weeks, the Packers, all have been dog fights. All records now are thrown out the window. This week they play the Patriots.

The Steelers do not have a very good track record. This is the team that is constantly in your way. Tom Brady has not thrown an interception against the Steelers in like a billion pass attempts. Brady has carved up this team like a Thanksgiving turkey every time these two teams face off. Sounds like it will be a great match up. but the Steelers will lay an egg this Sunday. Especially after the Patriots got beat by the butt scratcher in Jay Cutler on Monday night. That Steel Curtain defense was doing well this year. Now it’s like a shower curtain in and out nobody wants to see any of the naked people behind the curtain.

#2.NEW ENGLAND 10-3 Down 1 spot     Jay Cutler was like Luke Skywalker making that lucky shot firing at the small target to blow up the Death Star. Knowing Smoking Jay, he probably did not know does not care. Now Bill Belichek probably built another death star in less than a week and now will aim it right at Pittsburgh.

Yes, the Evil Empire will strike back hard this weekend. With Gronk back this week,  all the storm troopers will be attending. Pittsburgh will hand over the home field advantage while Big Ben falls in a light saber fight at the end.

#3. PHILADELPHIA 11-2 Down 1 spot   The Eagles are not Taking It Easy as they lost Wentz for the year which is a big blow to their team. The defense has also been allowing lots of points as well, not a good thing. Nick Foles is the back up and he did help lead the Eagles over the Rams last Sunday and that afternoon shoot out. Foles who was a starter in the league for a few years can be a good go to guy. He has had some success as a starter. However things got very bad and he almost retired because of his poor play. I can see Foles leading the team the rest of the way in regular season. But how far will he get them in the playoffs? Especially with the NFC stacked with many great teams. You never know though. Phil Simms went down late in the season like Wentz and the New York Giants had to rely on Jeff Hostetler. Well he got them to the Superbowl and then paid Scott Norwood to miss the kick and the Bills kicker did that.

#4.MINNESOTA 10-3 Same   I say this team is for real last week and they lose to the Panthers last Sunday. I will let that game slide as every team in the NFL hits a bump in the road. But come on a fig Newton beat you. He’s been only beating teams with losing records. If  they slipped in my power rankings they would find a way to get back in the top four. Besides Lou Grant is giving the pep talk this week before they play the Bumbles to get back on track.

 

#5. LA RAMS 9-4 SAME    The Rams have been on a very tough stretch where they have played the Vikings, Saints and then the Eagles last week. They have gone 1-2 against those tougher opponents. This week is huge for the Rams. It’s Rams and Seahawks. They lost the very first meeting against their hated rival. They are one game ahead of the Seahawks right now. If they lose they will probably lose the division as well. They might still be able to get a wild card if they take the loss. However if the Rams win, they can derail the Seahawks playoff hopes and have a home playoff game with the division title. This NFC race is going to be very interesting. We know Russell Wilson comes up big in these type of games. I’m interested to see how Goff does. This could be the beginning of a legend in Goff with a win this weekend against a team with the history the Seahawks have had over the last several seasons.

#6.ATLANTA 8-5 Up 1 Spot    Atlanta rebounded nicely after their loss to the vikings with a big win over their division rival Saints. The Falcons still have a great shot of making the playoffs and defending their NFC title. On a short week they were able to beat the Saints even though Ryan was not on target. He will have to clean that up and playing the Buccaneers is a good place to start. This is a game they can not overlook with a meeting with the Saints the week after in a rematch and it could be for the division title and a home playoff game. It’s all division games the rest of the way for the Falcons. If you can beat the teams in your division then you always have a chance to make it to the playoffs.

#7.NEW ORLEANS 9-4 Down 1 spot   Alvin Kamara is expected to play against the Jets this Sunday at home. Saints should be able to quickly rebound against the Jets minus McCown. They better not overlook them with their rematch against the Falcons next week. It would be good to get Kamara some work on Sunday. Hopefully in their minds they can use him part time this Sunday to get his mental state back and then he can focus on redemption against the Falcons who sent him into concussion protocol last week. The way Kamara breaks tackles, it reminds me of the Iron Head Heyward who used to break tackles right up the middle.

Kamara will be the X-factor for the Saints in the playoffs.

#8. CAROLINA 9-4 Up 1 Spot    The Panthers rebounded nicely beating a great team in the Vikings last week. Only three games left and they face a Green Bay team with Rodgers back in the fold. Two desperate quarterbacks going at it. Rodgers trying to pull a miracle out and coming back from an injury. Newton will continue to battle the demons in his head. How he is the best on the planet and no one sees it that way. How girls should only be in the kitchen. How dare that reporter ask me about that pass I threw on that route. Where’s Waldo? Why is an orange called an orange and a banana is not called a yellow.?

#9.LA CHARGERS 7-6 Up 1 Spot I wonder what’s going on in San Diego sports-wise. Some Gull hockey. The Padres just got a guy back they used to have from the Yankees. In LA perhaps a soccer game is going on where the Chargers play temporarily. Chargers and Chiefs in KC for first place in the AFC west is going down. Can The Chiefs win two in a roll after losing a ton in a row? Now the Chargers are on a roll. It’s a streaky division but it’s very interesting at the same time. Chargers defense is something special. Keenan Allen is still healthy at this time of the year. Rivers is playing well. Can this team win this division? Can they make noise in the playoffs if they make it? Stay tuned to the same bat channel at the same bat time and we will know if the Chargers are an actually top ten team or a pretender.

#10.JACKSONVILLE  9-4  Up one spot    The Jaguars with a big victory over the crazy farm Seahawks. That’s no fluke team they beat. This victory is a big signature win as well. It looks good for the Jaguars as they can see the light at the end of the tunnel which will be their first playoff berth in a very long time. Tennessee has been struggling which should get this thing wrapped up quicker. Looks like Dougie Marone might be a good coach after all . Almost had the Bills to playoffs. However he quit the bills like they were a bad habit. It took him a few years to get another opportunity to be the head guy. He took over as when they got rid of what’s his name. So many coaches in and out of Jacksonville. He has turned things around quickly.

#11. SEATTLE 8-5 Down 3 Spots   Jacksonville fans wanted to drown your sorrows after your loss against their team. Quenton Jefferson who was ejected is not a beer guy as he was doused in hopefully it was light beer. You pour out an import or a craft beer on Seahawk that’s alcohol abuse. Dont waste the good stuff on thugs. However Quenton wanted to go up in the stands as he started to scale the wall. It was like Slap Shot when the Hansons went into the crowd.

This all started because the Jaguars were trying to kneel down to close out the game. Seahawks had no chance to snake the ball. Pete Carol’s thugs were all frustrated and are a  bunch of sore losers. They were jumping off sides and probably had thrown down a few cheap shots in the process. Marty Bennent’s brother is the head douche bag. It runs in the family. Pete Carol is just the buddy buddy warden being paid off as the inmates run wild. Hope this game is the one that costs Seattle the playoffs.

#12.DALLAS 7-6  Up one spot  Remember when the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders played each other, it was going to be a great game. Cowboys are back on track while the Raiders have been swallowed up by a sink hole. One more game the Cowboys play without Elliot.  Looks like Elliot trying to make some of the money he lost being suspended. Making a bet with former all pro Eric Dickerson that when he comes back he will gallop for over 200 yards. Pete Rose wants a part of the action.  Looks like that will be against the Seahawks.  I do like that idea. Cowboys still need to win out and get some help from other teams to get in the playoffs.

#13. DETROIT 7-6  Up 3 spots  THIS IS THE OLD PONTIAC SILVER DOME

That picture represents the beginning of the lions season.

THIS IS THE FAILED ATTEMPT TO TAKE DOWN THE STADIUM THE FIRST TIME WITH EXPLOSIONS

That picture represents the Lions teeter tottering with a 500 record. Is this going to work one week, but may not work the following week.

FINALLY THE SILVER DOME IN RUBBLE

THIS PICTURE REPRESENTS THE LIONS’ FAILURE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS

Detroit does lead the league with old stadiums still up or in rubble. Just can’t let go of those Wayne Fontes days.

#14.TENNESSEE 8-5 Down 2 spots  Those Tuxedos are starting to feel their feet underneath them slipping. They fell to the Cardinals last Sunday and now have the reborn 49ers with Jimmy behind center getting the job done. If they do not play in the Titans division most likely it will not be a win. After the niners they have the Rams and then a rematch against the Jags. At that time, they could be on life support. Mariota is regressing. They just don’t look like a playoff team. They have lost their tube snake boogie in the Music city and I do not see them getting it back. Poor Johnny Cash, all’s he wanted for Christmas was a country girl with outrageous knockers  and the Titans in the playoffs. They still have the Music City bowl.

#15.BALTIMORE 7-6 Same  Baltimore hung with the Steelers last Sunday night. It was not a defensive game, instead it was a shoot out. Flacco and company all of a sudden have been able to put points up on the board. Ravens play three lemons at the end of their schedule. With that in mind they have a great chance to get in the playoffs when all is said and done of 2017 regular season. I’m not impressed with the Ravens. I think one of these clunker teams will upend them. This week in Cleveland could be a let down with Gordon’s first home in years. If the Browns win, Gordon is buying beers for all at the local pub. This is new browns against old which you know the dawg pound keeps track of this stuff. If Ravens win Ray Lewis will show us how to cover up a murder at the local night club. Some towns have Ghost tours. Baltimore has the Ray Lewis cover your tracks tour. It’s all on the up and up.

#16. BUFFALO 7-6 Up 1 Spot    They were able to beat the Colts in overtime in a blizzard with their 3rd string quarter back. This week who will be their starting quarterback? It’s like who’s on first? I never thought I would say these words… please let it be Taylor. He’s their best chance to win. Now the hot Dolphins are coming to Buffalo in hopes they will cool down. Will Cutler be able to light his cigarette in the Buffalo snow? Bills have two with the Dolphins in their next three games. They have the Evil empire as well. Very important they sweep the dolphins if they want to have a chance to make the playoffs this season. Dolphins have won two in a row. However weather could derail Cutler’s buzz. Hope Frosty the snowman has his Bills stocking hat on this weekend, it could be another wild one.

#17. GREEN BAY 7-6 Up 5 spots       We thought the cheese heads had been grated. They find themselves in a tough situation. However their Super Hero Aaron Rodgers is back this week just in time to play the Carolina Panthers. The Packers could make it to the playoffs even though they have a difficult road to go. However it is not that far fetched. They established tie breakers already with Seattle and Dallas this season if the race comes down to same record. If they beat the Panthers they would have a tiebreaker with river boat Ron’s team as well. They obviously need to win out as well for their best chances. This week on the menu it’s the Cheese Whiz versus the Fig Newton. Put them together and that’s pretty gross. But someone in Wisconsin has been having that Combo for years. They call them the figwhizzes. Remember cheese goes on everything.

#18. KANSAS CITY 7-6 Up one spot    Wally the Walrus finally got his team back on track last Sunday with a win in Oakland.

None of the Chief players threw any of their own flags or the ref’s. Faced with a three way tie in the standings last week with the Raiders and the Chargers. They took care of business against the Raiders last week to end a horrible losing streak. Now they have a chance to knock down the Chargers a peg this Saturday night to take full control of the AFC West. It would not surprise me if the Chiefs go on a late surge here at the end of the season. Andy Reid has been down before and always seems to get back up and show the league the respect he always gets. The Mahomes era is still on hold. However stay tuned for more on him after these messages.

#19.OAKLAND 6-7 Down one Spot  Oakland was in a three way tie last week for the division. They lost to the Chiefs, now they are in second. With Denver on the rise all of a sudden, the Raiders might plummet down to the bottom of the standings. It’s like the tales of two cities the last two years. Last year made the playoffs breaking a drought but the injury to Carr before the playoffs you were one and done. Then thinking you will come back the following year make it to the playoffs and go further. That’s the way the NFL is these days. One year you’re good, the next year you suck. This year Raider Receivers lead the league in drop passes. The defense has not been like last year. JUST CAN’T WIN BABY!!! At least Vegas has a good hockey team to take their minds off what disaster is heading their way.

#20. NEW YORK JETS 5-8 Down six spots  The McCown run is over. Broken hand and he is done for the year. Now the Jets can go back to trying to get a higher draft pick and get the full rebuild into action. The Jets will now slink down the Chutes and Ladders slide of shame and hope to find a future quarterback. Should they make a trade for Teddy Bridgewater in the off season? Who knows what they will do. While they were winning they probably found out about players they were not quite sure about. Players that have a future with the team. It might not have to be a full rebuild. But the McCown run was very exciting this year. Teams like the Texan,s the Bills, and many more should sign him next year to be the back up. Besides it is McCown’s goal is to play for all the NFL teams. His daughters collect his jerseys.

#21.ARIZONA 6-7 UP 2 SPOTS Well we know the Cardinals can beat the 49ers of course without Jimmy behind center. Now we know they like to beat AFC South teams as they have been beating the Jags and the Titans. They have a win one week, and lose the next week. Spanky Peterson is out the rest of the season. Will this affect the Alfalfa signing the Cardinals are eyeing as their next quarterback? Will this be the end of Peterson’s career? He will have lots of time to go belt shopping.

#22. MIAMI 6-7 UP 5 Spots  Someone is looking for another lotto ticket for next year. Cutler and the Dolphins knock of the Patriots on Monday Night. I’m speechless. Cutler now has won two in a row. This is why people will give him money to play quarterback. He has flashes once in a great while where he has big games and he can’t beat anybody. Now next year someone is going to give him another ten million to play quarter back for them. Every Coach thinks they can get the best out of Jay Cutler. It’s like Joe Maddon thinking he get the Cubs to the World Series and win it. He did that. He beat the goat. If you can change Cutler and have him win you a Superbowl, do you have to slay a dragon and sell your soul to the devil. Cutler might be just going out on a high note. Let’s just hope spot the dragon from the Munsters just swallows Jay Cutler whole and brings him under the stairs for good.

It’s fair to say Jay Cutler will go down as the Jeff George of his era. They had the arm. They had all the mechanics. But they just did not give a shit….

#23.SAN FRANCISCO 3-10 Up 3 spots   Jimmy is now 2-0 as the starter for the 49ers. I know it’s only been two games and both against clunkers so do not set up the parade route yet. Jimmy has a chance to make three in a row against a Titan team that has not been too impressive of late. If they would of put Jimmy in way earlier they might be in the playoff hunt. Kidding on that. Coach Shanahan’s ultimate revenge would be to get the 49ers to the Superbowl against the Patriots. It would play out Jimmy versus Brady. Jimmy wins!!! Shanahan gets his revenge from the super bowl, he was Atlanta’s Offensive Coordinator and they let those bastard Patriots back in the game and steal the game. Sorry Falcons get nothing out of this pipe dream.

#24. WASHINGTON 5-8 Down 4 spots  I feel Kirk Cousins is being held hostage by the Redskins. It’s like he was kidnapped when he was younger and set up with different parents. They will not give him a long term deal. However they franchise tag him year after year. They need to send in a hostage negotiator and talk them down in Redskin Headquarters. The Redskins continue to make stupid personal moves year after year. This team is in shambles. Sign Cousins long term and then trade him. Get a high draft pick and rebuild if you will not let the man have his FREEDOM!!!!!

#25. CHICAGO 4-9 Up 3 spots   Mitch Trubisky had his best day last Sunday in his rookie year. He led his team to a season high of 33 points as the Bears demolished the Bengals. I see some flashes of Mitch being a pretty good quarter back. Love to see him throw more in these last few games as they should open up the play book and let it rip. Inman from the Chargers has been a nice addition. Wright has done some good things. But the Bears need to get Mitch some receivers. You can only do so much with your hands tied behind your back. Your leg shackled to a pole. Love to see them get rid of Coach Fox at the end of this season. Find someone who knows how to develop a quarterback. Bears still have not rebounded since they got rid of the Honey Bears in the 1980’s. It might be asking too much to actually see them develop a quarter back.

 

#26. CINCINNATI  5-8 Down 5 spots      The Steelers might of did more to the Bengals then just win the game last minute. They let the air out of the Bumbles sails. Because that was a lack luster performance against the Bears last Sunday, a team that has been lackluster lately as well. The doomsday clock is ticking closer for Marvin Lewis and others. It will be soon when they walk the Green Mile.

#27. TAMPA BAY 4-9 Down 3 spots

The Buccaneers find themselves last in their division. Plus everyone else in their division may make it to the playoffs. That’s like getting kicked off the show survivor first. Love to hear the English lady say to Winston. “You are the weakest link, goodbye.”

Right before Christmas she can say that to all the misfit toys on the Buccaneer roster handing out pink slips in their stockings. It will be a very Merry Festivus day around the Buccaneer headquarters. Winston and Jackson can air their grievances around the pole.

#28. HOUSTON 4-9 Down 3 spots   Bill O’Brien’s lucky horseshoe up his rear has not panned out this year. He has made the Playoffs with Hoyer and the 70 million dollar man Osweiler who they probably thought they fleeced the Broncos to snag him away from Elway and his big teeth. He had the defense playing lights out. This year he gets a franchise quarter back. Well it looks like Watson played the part however the Texans hit a sink hole when he got injured. But before the injury, the Texans defense was not playing like rock stars. The Texans have a great core of wide receivers. Was it smart to go into the season thinking Savage was the starter? O’Brien got to see Savage last year. However they still rolled the dice on him and now this is the position you are in. They can find great wide receivers. They can find great defensive players. However they are rolling the dice on their quarterback positions and keep losing. They have found 1 guy out of how many quarterbacks that have started for the Texans since O’Brien has been there. That is Watson and that is a given. Anybody could give him a play book, hand him the keys, and he’d find a way to get the ball in the end zone.  I think O’Brien will flee the Houston area and find another warm and cozy spot to set up his new camp.

#29. DENVER 4-9 Up two spots       Broncos have broken it seems like an eternity of a losing streak. That was the team’s worst losing streak since 1970. The defense showed up in this contest shutting down McCown and the Jets high powered offense. McCown left the game with a broken hand. I think Denver did not do this to McCown. With the Jets scoring all these points this year, in a year that should have been very bad. I think the bookies lost lots of money on McCown. The Jersey boys named Rocko and Socko Robot broke his hand before the game as their way to say the house is done paying out because of the Jets. Broncos now this Thursday play in the my little pony bowl with the Colts, yeah how fun!!!

#30. INDIANAPOLIS  3-10 Down 1 spot     Last week the Colts shuffled off to Buffalo and played in an epic Snow Bowl game. The Colts lack the mental toughness as is Jack Doyle, the snow angel. He scored the only Colts touchdown.Then attempted a snow angel for his celebration. Did just one single snow angel motion then got up and headed for the side line. That’s bad coaching. They should have left head coach Chuck Pagano in Buffalo.

Colts fans, triple dog dare you to win the division…

#31.NEW YORK 2-11 Down 1 spot   Eli back under center. Same results. Davis Webb come on down this might be your lucky week. Should the Giants re-bench Eli and see what Davis Webb can do At this point, what does it matter? Eli might still have hurt feelings. The Giants do not even have a name yet for a GM replacement. Simply hire the Green Goblin as your new GM.

He can quickly blow it all up. In the Spider man movie with Toby Maguire, the Green Goblin calls up Spidey’s aunt house to ask, “Can Spiderman come out to play?” Put Davie Webb in and see if he can play. Could be a useful back up or bridge quarterback next year but you need to find out. You draft a quarterback with the second pick. Then the Green Goblin can blow up the rest of the team and rebuild. Brandon Crazy Marshall would be top of my list. Blow him up so bad he’s out of the league. Way to go Green Goblin. Then Green Goblin can send  Eli to Jacksonville. In the meantime Eli will let his daddy know what he is feeling. Maybe if not football he can get a better insurance commercial than his brother Peyton.

#32.CLEVELAND 0-13 SAME     This Sunday will be Welcome Back Kotter day at the Dawg Pound. Josh Gordon will play in front of the home crowd for the first time in three seasons. Josh and Johnny Football were too busy doing their own reality show that not quite got picked up. Then every time the league wanted to test Josh, the stuff he did turned him into a older white dude. The words that came out of his mouth were always “I picked a bad day to quit.”

If Josh Gordon could have stayed on the field for all these years, what he might have been. In two games, 7 catches, 154 yards and a touchdown. Plus the Browns almost upset the Packers last week. When the Browns play a close game, they are like an ant carrying the food up the hill. Right before he can get the food to the top of the hill, someone steps on the ant while wiping out an insect’s home at the same time. That’s what the Browns do in overtime or have any type of lead in the last two minutes. It’s like someone shines a magnifying glass that melts off their wings. Then it drives Josh Gordon to go home and toke it up.

 

 

RECORDS FOR THE SEASON (AFTER 4 WEEKS)

STRAIGHT UP PICKING RECORDS

THURSDAY RECORD 5-2

SUNDAY/MONDAY RECORD 34-20

TOTAL FOR LAST FOUR WEEKS 39-22

MY SURVIVOR PICK OF THE WEEK 3-1

MY UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK 0-4

MY THREE LOCK DOWNS FOR THE WEEK 11-1

THE SUNDAY SLATE

MATCH UP                                          WINNER

BEARS AT BENGALS                            BENGALS

LIONS AT BUCCANEERS                      BUCCANEERS

PACKERS AT BROWNS                          PACKERS

COLTS AT BILLS                                      BILLS

VIKINGS AT PANTHERS                         VIKINGS

RAIDERS AT CHIEFS                                CHIEFS

49ERS AT TEXANS                                     49ERS

COWBOYS AT GIANTS                              COWBOYS

JETS AT BRONCOS                                      JETS

TITANS AT CARDINALS                            CARDINALS

REDSKINS AT CHARGERS                         CHARGERS

EAGLES AT JAGUARS                                  EAGLES

SEAHAWKS AT JAGUARS                          SEAHAWKS

RAVENS AT STEELERS                               STEELERS

PATRIOTS AT DOLPHINS                           PATRIOTS

MY THREE LOCK DOWNS

SEAHAWKS OVER JAGUARS

CHARGERS OVER REDSKINS

PATRIOTS OVER DOLPHINS

MY UPSET SPECIAL

CARDINALS OVER TITANS

BEST SURVIVOR PICK TO USE THIS WEEK

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS GIVES YOU BEST CHANCE FOR THE MOST POINTS